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Change Your Game by Starting a New One [Day 29 - 30 Days to Changing Your Game]

This is Day 29 of 30 Days to Changing Your Game. Yesterday Calvin Lee showed us that being a “big deal” is really about “the little things”. Chris Garrett’s post today is PERFECT as we begin wrapping up 30 Days. Now that we’ve worked so hard on changing our game, it’s time to start a new one. Go get’em tigers!!

Change Your Game by Starting a New One

by Chris Garrett (@chrisgarrett)

Most of us are playing someone else’s game, and that means you will be forever playing catchup.

When you play someone else’s game you have to play by their rules, and those rules can change at any time. The house always wins.

  • Your parents gave you one game (“work hard, be obedient, respect your elders – even when that is wrong”)
  • School gave you another game (“sit down, shut up, do as you are told, stop being creative, repeat after me”)
  • Friends tell you to play their game (“if you are different we will pick on you until you conform”)
  • Bosses and colleagues have their entirely different games (“we don’t care about your ideas, morals, or values, do as you are told or else”)

No matter how well you do at playing these games, you will never be satisfied, fulfilled or reach your full potential that way.chrisgarrett3 300x185 Change Your Game by Starting a New One [Day 29   30 Days to Changing Your Game]

The only way to win is to make your own game, play by your own rules, and forget about the nay-sayers and amateur umpires who say that is “cheating”.

My career started at age 15. Rather than do the “right” thing and continue my education, I dropped out of school. School for me was a daily nightmare, so even if financially I could have considered continuing, I didn’t have the motivation anyway. My game was not conventional, I have had to put up with a lot of stick over my lack of qualifications, but I survived and learned a lot more than university could have taught me.

Then back in 2005 I decided to quit my cushy, easy job in a tough financial climate. I had taken all I could take in the advertising/marketing agency world and decided to strike out on my own. Most people thought this was the “wrong” move, especially as most agencies were either not profitable, were laying off staff, or were closing down. Why give up a “good” job working for blue chip clients to go solo, working for startups and small companies?

Fact is, I was working in an environment I didn’t like, working on projects where I wasn’t learning anything, mostly doing work I didn’t want to do. It hasn’t exactly been a perfectly smooth ride but I would never eagerly go back to that life again.

In both of these moves I have taken what other people would have you believe is “accepting mediocrity”, but I knew the move was “escaping mediocrity”! Bigger is not always better, and you do not have to agree with how others score their lives.

Choose what will make you fulfilled, even if society sees you as “playing small”. Your game doesn’t need to be Olympic scale. One of my friends, Sue, writes about lighthouses .  My friend Yoav decided his game was going to be the create the world’s best PDF to Excel software tool . They are fulfilled and successful at what they CHOOSE to do.

Decide now what your game is and go for it!

  1. Ignore the critics who just want to keep the status quo
  2. Doing things that scare you is a GOOD thing, it shows you are testing your comfort zones
  3. Never be afraid of looking foolish, it stops you doing things that could be a lot of fun
  4. If you are not growing, evolving, changing and experiencing then you are dying.
  5. Take regular actions towards your goals and keep going!

244689610 f6c1e51517 m 150x150 Change Your Game by Starting a New One [Day 29   30 Days to Changing Your Game]

Chris Garrettis a professional blogger, Internet Marketing Consultant, new media industry commentator, writer, coach, speaker, trainer and web geek. He was also a founding member of Performancing. You might know him from his past writing for such sites as ASPToday, ASPAlliance, Threadwatch, or more recently, ProBlogger, The Blog Herald, FreelanceSwitch, Cogniview, and CopyBlogger.

Chris also writes for several company blogs on a freelance basis.

You can hire Chris to help grow your company by connecting with  your customers through the internet, just use the contact form to discuss.

In 1994 Chris first became addicted to the Internet. Since then he has helped thousands of individuals, non-profits, small businesses and blue chips make the most of the web. In 2005 Chris founded a company to help businesses achieve more with Online Media called OMIQ.

Chris consults, trains and speaks about internet marketing, blogging and new media at events such as the Successful Outstanding Bloggers conference in Chicago, Affiliate Expo, WordCamp, the Netherlands Social Media Congres and the Institute of Fundraising.

Popularity: 43% [?]

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  • dorothydalton
    I really enjoyed this post. Playing your own game, following your heart or hunches and flying in the face of the expectations ( let alone other pressures ) of others isn't easy. Good motivating story.
  • I have been very lucky that I have supportive friends and family! But I have yet to work for any big corporation and feel like I could color outside the lines!
    That is why I love writing - and have been so excited to get back into it - I can 'say' anything I want... it is MY story. What is better than that! :)
  • chrisgarrett
    The only big corporations I have worked for were in a client/consultant capacity, but from what I saw as an outsider didn't make me think being allowed to draw outside the lines was a common thing :)

    I love writing too, you control the universe you create which is awesome, but also I don't have to brush my hair and wear smart clothes to turn up to work at my word processor ;)
  • lorilatimer
    This is awesome, Chris. Like so many others, the line "Choose what will make you fulfilled" really stands out for me. The thing is, what made me fulfilled a few years ago no longer does, for many reasons. I still have my full time job because of some serious debt I got stuck with in my divorce last year, but I'm also pursuing my own business doing something new that will make me fulfilled. As much as I wish I could just quit my job and work full time on my business, I know that I have to be patient and do it slowly (patience is definitely not one of my better virtues!).

    The other big thing you wrote that hit me was "never be afraid of looking foolish." I'm not afraid of that now, but it makes me sad/sick to think of how many things I haven't done because I didn't want to look foolish or stupid, and where I might be today if I'd done some of those things.

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I know a lot of us will find inspiration in it.
  • chrisgarrett
    Part of making your own game is you decide the timeframe. Things tend to happen at the right pace in the right order, and pushing can just cause unnecessary pressure with no difference in end result :) I think finding what used to make you fulfilled no longer does is a sign we have grown, which is a good thing. That said, I had a whole Twitter conversation about my love of Legos ... maybe I still have some growing to do ;)
  • lorilatimer
    Thanks, Chris. You're absolutely right- things happen at the right place in the right order. Our job is just to keep taking action and moving forward.

    And hey, don't ever stop loving Legos! I sat on the floor w/my 2 year old grandson a few weeks ago and taught him how to play with them. I don't plan to ever stop doing things like that :)
  • kristieschwanebeck
    Wow..lots to read through. So let's see. I am coming to a huge financial crunch right now and so I am looking at anything and everything to work things out. As a result I find that I am considering anything and everything and I have a dear friend who is encouraging me to be involved in a business venture of his. The thing is, it's not something I see myself fitting in and when I try and play his game by his rules I find myself getting very frustrated and very uptight and then I get fierce with him. I think that for me, that stress is a good indicator that I am trying to play by someone else's game with someone else's rules. To me that is not being authentically me and if I can't be authentically me, I am not sure that it will be very successful for me. That I think is a key "clue" for me....
  • chrisgarrett
    There is "good stress" and "bad stress". We tend to know the difference when we give ourselves a bit of space for a quiet moment. I can't count the number of potentially lucrative business opportunities I have turned down because they were not a good fit. I can also understand people taking whatever is on offer because the alternative is far more scary. Perhaps you could find a way to make it work (change the rules?) or talk through how you feel. Good luck with it!
  • JoyFull_deb
    WOOT!!! Loved your post, Chris!!
    I have never "fit in within the parameters of corporate, government employment. I'm an "idea" person...a "connector"...a big dreamer, and someone who is always asking, "Why not?" Yet, all my life (I'm 58 y.o.) I've tried to fit in...play the game...say "Yes" when appropriate and agree...agree...agree...even when I hated doing just that. I left two organizations holding onto new "best practices", state-wide initiatives, professional groups, new partnerships, etc. My superiors were intimidated and were not getting the recognition they desired. And so, I left...too much politics :=)

    Ten years ago March 1st, I returned to my home town to care for my mother who was very ill. I lovingly assumed that role and realized it was a gift/journey of love for 5+ years until her death. I am still a caregiver and it's fine for me right now. For the past 2 years I've been letting my creative juices flow again...and it feels great!! My task is to begin sorting through the ideas I have and finding THE one or two, that really "trip my trigger!" It is NOT about the $$$$ for me now, at this stage in my life...it's living with passion, purpose and making a difference...even if it's "playing small ball" at first and then hitting it out of the park to play BIGGER and have a larger impact.
    I truly appreciate your post...it Hit a Home Run for me :=)
    And, I'm really wanting to know what continent you are choosing???
    All the best in your future endeavors.
  • chrisgarrett
    passion, purpose and making a difference - yup that is playing bigger than most people dare :)

    The plan is to move family to Calgary, Alberta. I was born there but raised in England. Still lots of things to sort out, and there are lots of folks in positions of authority who have to give their nod, but if I have my way we will be there before the end of the year.
  • JoyFull_deb
    love, love, love that comment Vanessa....the universe does INDEED place the mirrors/people in our lives to make things happen....IF you are looking!!
  • Awesome post Chris. Thanks to this series and my new friend Olive, I just recently posted haiku on a public site. Scary indeed but liberating as well. I don't know yet where I will go with my new game but I am excited about the possibilities. I had forgotten that I liked to write, usually poetry and silly rhymes. What else will I remember about myself? Woo hoo!
  • chrisgarrett
    Careful, when you get carried away it is like a domino effect, you never know where you will end up ;) (and that is a good thing!)
  • Thanks Chris for this great post. I definitely think that too many people are afraid of looking foolish. My whole business model is about looking foolish and I'm having a lot of fun. It's hard to put yourself out there but it's better than wondering what if.... What if I did something that really used my talents in a way that no one else is?

    Also love your comment @Theresa that you really need to play your "own" big game - not someone else's idea of your big game.
  • chrisgarrett
    Yeah, it's often worse to regret something you didn't try than something you did. Looking silly is momentary, regrets about things you wanted to do but didn't last a lifetime :)
  • Kristin
    This post really resonates with me. About a year ago I quit my safe job in academia, sold all furniture and moved to another continent where I did not know anybody; besides my husband who moved with me. He started his PhD and I started a year of doubts and a lot of adventure.
    The first two months were great. I was busy discovering a new culture, improving my language skills and somehow settle in. Then the doubts came, found a warm place and stayed until late summer. My grandparents kept asking me over and over again if I finally found a job. My mom wanted to know why we had to move sooo far away for a PhD, why I had to quit my job to follow my husband, why he did not follow me and so on. Then I started comparing myself to others. All of my friends had a safe job somewhere or where back to school - they had a purpose and I did not. At least I felt this way.
    It all changed once I stopped playing others' games and focussed on what I wanted to do. So one year later I have settled in, found new friends and two jobs I am passionate about. Just needed more time to figure out the rules of the game :-)
  • I compared myself to my classmates or high school friends all the time, it used to bug me that they seemed better off thani did, but I soon realized that the more time I spend wondering why I'm not like someone else, the less time I have to be myself. I will work out in the long run, and appreciate it more when I get there, because of what I put into it.
  • Kristin
    Hi Mark, you are so right! We only have so much time and if we spend it playing other people's game than we have less time for our own game. Great that you stopped comparing yourself with others.
    I find that I always lose and seem to be worse than all the others. Not surprising because they are many and I am just me. It's great when Mary has a successful business, Lisa soon gets her own tv show, Amy is a wonderful wife and mother, Eric is a respected businessman and George has the perfect balance with five weeks of vacation each year. But it doesn't help if I pity myself that I haven't accomplished all of those things. I have my own game, my own strengths and skills that they might not have.
    So, Mark, I wholeheartedly agree that you "will work out in the long run", but then it's your game. Go on and play :-)
  • I intend to. Thanks :)

    but you have to do the same along with me. You will work out in the end as well. I promise.
  • Wow Mark! Great line and a "light bulb moment" for me... "the more time I spend wondering why I'm not like someone else, the less time I have to be myself!" Thanks for that! It's GOLD!
  • I wish I was strong enough to completely design my own game. I've become pretty good at playing your game by my rules, but that can only get you so far....especially when my rules push yours pretty far, without really doing damage.
  • Hey Mark! Been a long time since I've connected with you but I've been here - reading your comments and still seeing me in a lot of them. Your words today jumped out at me... "I've become pretty good at playing your game by my rules" (Been there, done that!) AND "especially when my rules push yours pretty far, without really doing damage."

    I just wondered (for myself too) if you've REALLY stopped to think of the damage playing that way might be doing to you? Looking back on my life, my trying to avoid causing damage (to others, mainly) actually caused real damage to me. What do you think?
  • I'm sure along the way i've done some things i shouldn't have, and pissed off the wrong guy once or twice, but shit happens. I've always changed the rules to suit myself, I got in trouble for it at school when i didn't want to be a robot. But, I'd rather be a rulebreaker than a robot. In the long run, nothing has really hurt me. Thing happen in the short run, but if I'm the one who went too far, I'll gladly admit so. THAT is the thing that saves me, I can be wrong, and I know it.

    Good to see you again. :)
  • Good to connect with you again! Glad to hear your "okay" with what's happened. I guess when I wrote wondering if playing other people's games according to your rules damaged you... I meant damaged you because you weren't really playing YOUR game.
  • I may have hurt myself, sure...no doubt about it. But I was probably supposed to. As far as I'm concerned, I have no regrets in how anything has turned out. Would I like a few things to have come easier? You betcha. But they came along anyway, and here I am.
  • shannonshort
    Oh, yeah! When I was in my mid-twenties, about 2 1/2 years into my corporate "career", I went to my father and explained how unhappy I was in my job. He replied, "Shan, work isn't there to make you happy. It's there to make you a living." I LOVE my daddy but this advice didn't set with me so well. Nonetheless, I didn't quit my job. In fact, I worked for that same company for almost 20 years trying with limited success to fit the proverbial square peg into a relentless round hole.

    Interesting timing for this post, Chris, as I just shared my story on hotmommasproject.org, and its about going through life according to the "normal" timeline that was set in front of me, all the while fighting against the pull of my true self to jump off and start really living. If any of you are sitting in this space right now, you might enjoy the story. Would love for you to check it out and share with others too! You can read it here: http://bit.ly/anWd6w.

    All that to be said, we've got to stop hiding and let our real selves come out into the light. It takes way more energy when we fight against ourselves than when we simply decide to embrace who we were created to be and how we were created to show up in the world.
  • Chris,

    Love this post. I made a similar move when I quit my job early last year. I had a nice cushy HR job and the company was basically trying to get me to quit (because I made too much money.) My old boss kept calling me- when are you going to look for a job. It truly infuriated him that I started my own company and was succeeding. Even after I was making 3 times what I did with them, he called me a fool.

    My family gave me flack about it. If I had a bad day, my mom would use it as an excuse to hound me for not being out in the corporate world as someone’s HR monkey.

    I have a real problem with corporate policies, especially now. I'm one of those people that say what I think- but I'm not one that will sit and complain about a job for years and not do anything about it.

    1. Ignore the critics who just want to keep the status quo
    Very wise statement. I just don’t see why some people can see that innovation is why we don’t live in caves.
  • chrisgarrett
    Seems your success is making your ex-boss feel diminished, heh :)

    There is a hive/herd mentality in some folks, where being different is being wrong. I can understand the comfort in everything being predictable, but that gets boring after a while unless it is predictably awesome ;)

    My mum gives me grief all the time about my business because she worries that I work too many hours and cause myself stress, but I know she is just looking out for me. My ex-ex-ex-colleagues still "have it on good authority" that I am going back to a job I left in 1997 - apparently "everyone comes back eventually" ... yeah, whatever helps you sleep pal ;)

    Would make you weep if it wasn't so funny, right? ;)
  • michaelleiter
    Chris
    Thanks for the call to action.
    It certainly does make sense that after coming up with a creative idea, that hesitating simply doesn't make sense.
    Dealing with the critics for me requires that clear elevator speech, straight to the point about where the new direction is going. Keeping quiet doesn't do it, because everything involves getting people on board as partners or clients. It's never a solo thing.
    Not everyone is going to be persuaded by my elevator speech, but it sure helps if I get it.
  • chrisgarrett
    Oh yeah, the first person we often have to get with the program is ourself ;)
  • Right on Chris - RIGHT ON!

    Thanks Sarah for your great work with Changing Your Game.
  • chrisgarrett
    Glad you like it :)
  • michelesfakianos
    Great information here. My first career started when I was 13 and fortunately I'm still not weeding plants in a Nursery! This part "If you are not growing, evolving, changing and experiencing then you are dying." is the bottom line for me. Thank you for your words of your past wisdom!
  • chrisgarrett
    My wife loves plants and nurserys, with my allergy it would be my idea of hell ;) Glad you liked the article :)
  • Hi Chris,

    I agree with what you're saying here. Most of us are playing someone else's game, which may or may not be even his/her game. It may be the game s/he thinks s/he should be playing.

    Have I had some wonderful teachers playing the games of other's yes. Many of them ended up leaving the status quo game to start their own game. People often promote the status quo game at first, while doubting it themselves. For others, the status quo game is the game they want to play. That's fine too.

    It all depends how each of us feels. If we don't feel comfortable going in the direction we've been pointed in, then that's a good sign it's time to create our own game and change course. You know because your insides don't feel right.

    Life is all a big game anyway, why not make it your own game while you're alive and moving along the monopoly board?

    Will check you out on Twitter! Thank you.

    Giulietta, Inspirational Rebel
  • chrisgarrett
    There does seem to be something intuitive about this, but I think also there is some cold logic there too - it would be insane for us to keep doing the same things and expect a different result ;)
  • I remember when I decided to quit my job in Maryland and move back to California, my grandfather didn't get it. Two years later when I switched jobs again, he really didn't get it. He had worked his entire life for one company, and while he had been very successful (starting as a lower-level blue collar and working his way up into white collar management), company loyalty was very important to him.

    One thing that I've been thinking about a lot the past couple of months, but really thinking about the past 30 days or so, is how to be awesome within the corporate environment.
  • chrisgarrett
    Unfortunately those job for life jobs don't exist any more, and company loyalty used to work both ways, but is hard to find from the employer side let alone from the employee side. That said, there are still rockin' jobs out there that are perfect for being awesome in, they just take some finding :) It takes a boss who gets it and an employee who rises to the challenge I think :)
  • Yes, it's finding that company that allows you to be a @scottmonty or a @comcastcares. (Not that I want their speaking / travel schedule ...)
  • jen.
    Just WOW. Exactly what I need, and what I want to believe, too. Plus all the comments here are awesome! I want to stay on here and respond, but have a lunch commitment...back soon to get my head around all this!
  • chrisgarrett
    Cool - I never want to get in the way of lunch ;)
  • meganmatthieson
    Thank you Chris! It was just the right message at the right time. I just posted on my blog - along the same lines. ( www.idanceiwrite.com) It's incredibly encouraging to hear the message that others are out there - being brave enough to let go of everyone else's rules and follow their own path. I look forward to reading more of YOU.
  • chrisgarrett
    Thanks Megan :) I will go check out your post right after I finish going through the comments here :)
  • Hey Chris! Thanks for a great post and what I needed to hear and be reminded of today - and the last few days. Heck, now that I think about it, I needed to hear this most of my life! :-)

    Here's the one sentence that made my heart sing the most: "Choose what will make you fulfilled, even if society sees you as “playing small”. " A couple of days ago in this 30 day game (Day 27), I commented how I was wanting to contract and pull away... that this "changing my game stuff" was too much and too hard and too overwhelming. What I began to remember yesterday and this sentence NAILED HOME for me is this: It's NOT the "changing my game" stuff that is too much or too hard or too overwhelming. What IS too much, too hard, too overwhelming is trying to play someone else's game. It's so easy for me to get caught up in the trap of comparing myself and my game to others' - and to always fall short. It's so easy to think that I should be playing "bigger" - especially when people I admire are playing so much bigger than me AND when people who admire me think I can play "bigger" than I am. It's so easy for me to think I should be playing a different game - one that someone else is playing. But what is really "playing BIG" for me (and, I dare say, for all of us) is playing our own game. It goes back to a Dolly Parton quote I think I shared 20+ days ago... "Discover who you really are and be that on purpose". Sounds like a big and important, "game changing game" for me.

    Thanks for affirming me in the game I'm playing right now in my life! In that game, I am pleased to say that I am practicing all of the steps you mentioned at the end of your post. :-) WAHOO!!!!
  • I love that quote " "Discover who you really are and be that on purpose". Sounds like a big and important, "game changing game" for me." - Dolly Parton really is a very wise woman :)
  • Kristin
    Could not say it any better. You really hit the nail, Teresa.
  • Thanks Kristin!
  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
    Oh, Teresa. You hit it for me, girl!

    "It's so easy for me to get caught up in the trap of comparing myself and my game to others' - and to always fall short. It's so easy to think that I should be playing "bigger" - especially when people I admire are playing so much bigger than me AND when people who admire me think I can play "bigger" than I am. It's so easy for me to think I should be playing a different game - one that someone else is playing. But what is really "playing BIG" for me (and, I dare say, for all of us) is playing our own game."

    All I can say is, "What she said!" <grin>
  • I LOVE that Ava! You made me laugh! "What she said!" Thanks!
  • In the immortal words of Red in Shawshank Redemption, "Get busy living or get busy dying." I commend you, Chris, for your jump. It has amazed me seeing so many friends that were forced to change their game because of lay offs. They left their jobs with a nice severance package and pursued their dreams. One opened a bakery after years in real estate development. I made me wonder, though, why they waited for their hand to be forced in order to play their cards. That was a huge thought shift for me and made me think about what would I do if I really had every option open to me. It also made me realize how wonderful it is to have the cushy day job right now so I can prepare myself for that jump - pay off credit cards, pay off my car (DONE!) and sock away enough money to be able to make ends meet when I make the jump. I'm planning on giving myself two years to get all of my finances squared away and my business grown so that when I leave the day job I'm thriving!
  • chrisgarrett
    Sometimes we need the hot frying pan to force us into jumping into the fire :)

    My next big jump is to move my family to another continent. Lots of logistical, medical, legal questions, things internally and externally to sort out, but knowing WHY has been as important as HOW :)
  • Wow! First off, I am reading something else of yours that Lynn Terry just showed me. (And until then I hadn't even heard of Chris Garrett.) Secondly - I just this second tweeted something about what PLAYING BIG means anyway, as there is something beautiful about the small, meaningful steps that no one else can understand.

    I feel so validated by this post. I happen to be weary of "experts" telling me things that don't resonate with me at all. I went to college to be a missionary, for heaven's sakes. If I could move everything right now to a little village in Costa Rica, I'd be happy as a clam. (Oh my God, that is thinking so SMALL!)

    However, I am here in the marketplace because I believe I have something of value and a message that will help people. My game will be about winning in an arena where I like to play. The prize may not be 7 figures, because I don't care any more about 7 figures than I care about say, being a guest on jeopardy. I love simplicity and peace and the love and laughter that fills my beautiful home.

    THIS is a perfect moment. Now...back to your guest blogging tips.

    Thanks,

    Gina
  • chrisgarrett
    Happy clam in a little village in Costa Rica sounds perfect to me :)

    Funny thing, I think anyone who had a goal of 7, 8, or a gajillion figures would still need the simplicity, peace and the love and laughter part.
  • Yes, I was actually being cynical about how that would seem "small" to many. And you are right Chris - the peace, simplicity, love and laughter are priceless, huh? Thanks.
  • Whew! So glad to hear you were joking/being cynical? You had me going all morning! <grin>
  • Hey Gina... were you SERIOUS when you wrote this?

    "If I could move everything right now to a little village in Costa Rica, I'd be happy as a clam. (Oh my God, that is thinking so SMALL!)" And I mean the last part... do you REALLY think that is thinking SMALL?)

    Sounds to me like resonates with a deep, deep dream and desire within you... so I just wanted to see if you were kidding or not.)
  • Simple request here. I'd like you to switch all your posts around and present them in a Day 1 - Day 30 format somewhere on the site. So those of us just finding it will be able to easily ready one a day in the right order.
  • Chris,
    What a fabulous post. I especially liked "Never be afraid of looking foolish, it stops you doing things that could be a lot of fun" and "If you are not growing, evolving, changing and experiencing then you are dying".

    I have in the past been afraid of looking foolish and stopped myself from doing things I felt compelled to do because of it. This is an area that I continually practice being better at. Take the chance, have a good time and it only looks foolish if I was too scared of other peoples opinions to try!

    I love the process of evolving, growing and changing. I find it inspiring, motivating and most of the time a lot of fun. I really look forward to a time when more of the world is accepting of this process and embraces it.

    Thanks!
  • chrisgarrett
    I am sure things will only improve - One of the things I like about the internet is it allows people to find the positive and supporting people out there rather than be stuck with just those who are geographically convenient :)
  • You said it!

    I have met the most amazing, helpful and supportive people, that I now feel blessed to call my friends through Twitter!
  • "You're doing what?" is a comment that I get from time-to-time. The best comment I got a number of years ago from someone very well-intentioned, "You're crazy if you think you can hang out all week and have people pay you for what you think."

    I live quite well - thank you. Here's to all my crazy friends.
  • chrisgarrett
    Ha, most of the people I know do not even attempt to understand what I do all day, but that doesn't stop some of them not approving ;)

    "You're doing what?" is funny, especially when it is "What are you doing NOW??" ;)
  • StephanieCorum
    Good motivation for a Monday Chris! I especially liked your points:
    3. Never be afraid of looking foolish, it stops you doing things that could be a lot of fun - I often hold back from things for that exact reason.
    4. If you are not growing, evolving, changing and experiencing then you are dying. - That is a powerful statement!

    I did what people told me not to do 13 years ago and started my own freelance businesses and I'm still here. It's not always easy but worth all the struggles. Unfortunately after my husband lost his job last year, I had to pick up a part time job where I work for someone else. That's a really hard thing to go back to! But...I'm planning on it only being temporary, and then I'm getting back on track. Just another bump in the road I guess.
  • chrisgarrett
    Sorry to hear about your husbands job and it is good to know you are still plowing on :)
  • Thanks Chris. i was told not to go into business for myself when I was a single parent and breadwinner but it worked and I had more time to spend with my kids. Your story was helpful to remind me to let go of my concern and/or desire for my older son (27) to go back to school and finish his college degree. He works at a grocery store job that he is bored with but it gives him great flexibility related to gigs with his band. The band is trying to 'make' it so they earn $ from it. On so many levels I understand and he's doing what I promoted as a parent but I don't seem to let go of the college education thing, which I just assumed was going to happen. Feel like it's a fallback position and I worry about
  • chrisgarrett
    It's tricky with our kids because one part of our brain remembers what it was like growing up, and another part is screaming to control. All we can do I guess is make sure they are fully aware of all the angles that we might see more clearly but let them make their own decisions. Not having a higher education was and still is regarded the "wrong" thing for me. Could easily have not turned out so well, and I do regret it sometimes. But it did turn out well and I might not have met my wife and had a child now if things had gone differently :) We don't know what will happen, can only go with the cards we are dealt :)
  • kristieschwanebeck
    I wonder Chris, though, if you had a back up plan, would there have been less motivation to push through and succeed at what you are doing? It sounds like you threw yourself into a sink or swim position and if you had a life boat would the results have been the same?
  • chrisgarrett
    Interesting thought, I guess it goes back to the "burning your ships" idea (http://www.aweber.com/b/eS81)
  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
    I love this post, Chris! "Choose what will make you fulfilled" is such great advice.

    My challenge is that there seem to be too many of them, which makes it difficult for me to niche. I love working with teams and organizations and leaders and helping them be more aligned, focused, motivated, and successful.

    And I have a huge passion for speaking to and working with women. It is incredibly rewarding for me.

    This has caused me to have two websites, two businesses, two sets of marketing materials, and a layer of complication that folks say I don't need.

    Yet I am incredibly passionate and excited about both of these things.

    So for now, I seem to be going against the great advice to "find your niche," and "the more niched the better," which scares me. Because the people telling me this are really smart, and really successful. So I wonder if I ought to listen to them--and narrow my focus.

    I guess I'll just continue on, trusting my inner voice, and seeing what happens : )
  • You go Feisty Woman!!!! Listen to your inner voice and your passions... and to your fulfillment. If you're happy and loving your life and able to take care of all your needs and then some, who cares what other people say about how you're doing it! The question is... is it working for you? :-)

    If it's not, well that's one thing. But if it is (and it sounds like it is)... then go for it. Besides, it sounds to me like you have your niche... you just happen to have TWO of them! How's that for prosperity! :-)
  • chrisgarrett
    why not combine the two - leadership for women?
  • kristieschwanebeck
    I was thinking the exact same thing
  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
    That is one of the things I do : )

    And perhaps that's the issue ...."one of the things I do..."
  • Ouch! This one poked a very sore spot for me. I just spent most of a weekend mired in a mess that resulted as I tried to change my game. It's freakin' scary and I feel more lost and confused than anything right now.

    I told my bf that I wanted to quit my job, give notice and go from there. Without a real "plan" on what I was going to do. He, being the logical planning type that he is, voiced his concerns over how I would pay my bills, where I would live, what I would do, etc. And I spiraled down into the self-doubt (is he right? am I planning to fail by failing to plan? or is my hunch right that I need to take this giant step to force myself to make the changes I want?). I am muddling through it all today and this was a very good reminder that ultimately it is up to me - that it is MY game and if I don't start playing it my way now, when will I ever???

    Very timely and provoking, Chris - Thank you!
  • Hey Jess! Many years ago, I did that leap without a plan. I THOUGHT I had a plan but what I had was an illusion or a fairy tale picture of what would happen with the business I was going to be starting. It didn't go as planned AT ALL. In fact, in many ways, we failed miserably and it was one of the "stupidest" decisions I have ever made - and one of the worst financial ones as well. One year after quitting my job to build our business, our savings were gone and we had a mountain of debt and we were hemorrhaging financially. And, yes, it was as horrible as it sounds. But even that ultimately turned out for "good" because it was that experience that ultimately led me to start Access Abundance and do the work I do now. And I'm happy for that. But, knowing what I know now, I DEFINITELY would have done things differently... so, for what it's worth, I thought I'd share with you those things with the hope it might support you with where you're at today.

    1. You say your gut tells you that you need to take this leap. I thought my gut said the same thing... but now I realize it was not my gut or spirit guiding me... it was my impatience, my impulsiveness and my wanting to NOT work at my corporate job any more. Get still within yourself and be honest... you'll know if it's your spirit whispering for you to go for it and to trust yourself and life and your process... or if it's your impatience or wanting to get OUT of what you're doing now or if you have a "fairy tale" picture of what it's going to be like.

    2. If (as best you can tell), it's your "gut" telling you to leap... then there's nothing that says you can't take the leap AND wear a parachute! Having some type of plan - especially around the finances - can make a huge difference in terms of you being able to relax and give yourself time to grow into what you want to do next. We didn't have a plan... other than to make a lot of money in our business...and when that didn't happen, we were screwed. If I had got a "do ever" on that, I would have done some obvious things (now) like set a conservative budget for ourselves and our business that would have stretched our savings out over a much longer period of time - giving us more time to grow our business. And I would have set some boundaries up in advance... e.g. if we're not making XX amount by this time or if our savings drop below XX amount, then I/we will go back and get a part-time job to take care of us financially as we continue to grow the business. It's kind of like the post from Day 27: "Dreams are well and good. You need to know where you’re heading. You want to hear the call of what’s possible. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore reality. Feel the ground under your feet before you begin your journey. Look around you so you know where you are now and you’re clear what resources you have and what you lack. When you know where you’re starting and where you’re heading, the path begins to form. "

    3. I didn't have a support group or coach or anyone to hold me accountable - really. So it was really easy (having left my job) to sleep in or take a 3 hour lunch or take the evening off (after all, I deserved it!) or decorate our house or visit with neighbors instead of taking action to build my business. It took me 6-9 months before I really adjusted from being motivated by external factors (like what my job requires, what my boss asked me to do, what OTHER people are counting on me to do) and become self-motivated (what I need to do and what takes care of me - even when it's not fun.) So - looking back - having a coach, support community and some "transitional" external accountability really would have supported me greatly.

    4. When I was in the midst of our financial quagmire, the idea for starting Access Abundance came from my gut. And - in many ways - starting a different business (after failing at the first) while you're still hemorrhaging financially may have seemed - to many people - like an even "stupider" decision than when I quit my job! But this time it was my gut... and it didn't lead me wrong. That being said, it also didn't lead me to where I thought I was going or even where I wanted to go! LOL!

    Instead it led me to even more "game changing" and personal growth and discovering who I am (and who I am not) and more mistakes (and even more financial hemorrhaging). While there are many things I would do differently on my path if I knew back then what I know today, I would still take that same leap of faith into Access Abundance again today. Because that one came from my spirit's call...and going back to a job at that time would have been financially prudent but would have been playing someone else's game, playing it safe or "playing not to lose instead of playing to win."

    So - that's the long and short of my experience with taking the leap you're considering Jess. Don't know if anything I've shared supports you... I sure meant it to! Let me know if you have ????
  • Wow, thanks Teresa - that definitely spoke to me and gave me a good "grounding". :) Thank you for sharing your story!!!! I love it! And I'm VERY glad to have the chance to learn from your "mistake" rather than making the same one myself! ;) Thank you for the opportunity to stand on your shoulders...

    The whole impatience thing is definitely me to a *t*! Always have been - and it's amazing that I've stayed at this job as long as I have! ;) I definitely need to spend some more time getting quiet and connecting with myself before taking any leaps - I would like to leap in the right direction for once, and at the right time. :)

    I think I need to work on connecting better with my bf as well, so that we are more ready to leap together when the time is right. I've been realizing that I haven't done very well at communicating with him and his response to me wanting to quit my job was more of a reflection on how poorly we've been connecting than on a difference of opinion... I guess I know what my next step it - CONNECTION! :)

    Thanks again so much for sharing your story and thoughts - it is so encouraging to hear from someone who has been there/done that and has some wisdom to share on it. :) *hugs*
  • You're welcome Jess... and I felt that hug all the way from Windsor! I'm happy my story and my experiences might support you. I also chuckled when I read your reply... showed me how much I STILL have to learn about this Social Media world. I was thinking "bf" meant "best friend" (like Sarah's BFF) - didn't dawn on me until I ready your last reply that it stood for "boyfriend". Oh well! I'm learning!

    Just want you know I return your hug... My husband grew up right across the river from you... downriver of Detroit in Allen Park, Michigan. We're going back for a visit next month. Small world, huh?
  • LOL - I am still learning many of those abbreviations and shortcuts myself! It's like learning a whole new language! ;)

    No kidding on the small world! That's cool. :)
  • chrisgarrett
    Confusion is often a symptom that your gut and your head are at odds :) It's worth asking yourself what you are moving away from and what you are moving toward - what will the result (or journey) look like?

    Planning is a good thing, but some of us hide behind our plans (until recently I often got mired in analysis paralysis).

    A bit of both is good, a good enough plan and a lot of passion and action :)

    If you take one step (giant or small) after another you soon get there, but it is worth knowing where "there" is :)
  • I'm certainly getting a bit of a picture of "where" there is - it's just all coming in bits and pieces and sometimes I'm not quite sure how it all fits together. One thing I am realizing is that I need to actively put that picture together myself - like putting a jigsaw puzzle together, I could sit and stare at the pieces all day and wonder what the final picture looks like, or I could start looking for patterns, colors, shapes, etc that fit together to start making sense... ;)
  • kristieschwanebeck
    I'm wondering if you could re-frame the whole planning dilemma and view the planning process and the first step in your "just do it?" Hope that makes sense
  • I like it! :) Makes a lot of sense, and breaks the whole process down into a more manageable process! :) Thank you! :D
  • Great idea Kristie! Thumbs up for me on that one!
  • Oh I love a good leap without a look! That said, I'm a single mom. If I fall on my ass my daughter gets bruised too. I agree with Stephanie that your instincts are a great guide. But, just keep in mind that just because you've decided to leave the job, it doesn't mean you have to do it right this very minute. You're neither right nor wrong. You just are. I've been exactly where you are for several months. I get it. Either way, you'll be great because you'll be you. Now, I decided to lose ten pounds. Can I just leap and get that done right now? If only it worked that way...
  • You are right, Vanessa - I don't have to do it this very minute! :) I tend to think in terms of "all or nothing". And I've been wanting to leave this job for a while, and talking about doing it - my first thought was I just need to DO it! And maybe so, but it doesn't hurt to spend a bit of time putting some planning into place first. I have a meeting with a guy this afternoon about a business opportunity I'm looking in to, so that may just solidify some planning for my next step! :)
  • StephanieCorum
    Follow your instincts Jess. They will not lead you astray.
  • You're right - I've been reading Finding Your Own North Star and learning to connect with my essential self and start to hone in on that instinct. So often I've ignored it because it wasn't what someone else wanted for me, or what I thought I *should* do. This time I know I need to follow my instinct, one step at a time (maybe not the HUGE giant leap I had imagined, but definitely in that direction!).
  • Thank you Chris. A common theme in my discussion with clients is "Being you" and sharing the "Authentic you" It can be scary but very freeing as well. Go ahead, be a dork, a geek, or cool. Its all good if you are being you and not just acting out the part. I am looking forward to playing my own game. You, the other contributors and Sarah have all been instrumental in freeing me from the chains of rules. Thank you.
  • chrisgarrett
    Some rules are there to control, some to stop us from harming ourselves, some are there just because that is how things have always been done - we have to work out when and which we obey :)
  • Yeah, that's about the size of it. I do feel I should say, in defense of parents and teachers and friends and bosses everywhere, that not all of them are transmitting the messages you lay out above, but many are - and in any case that does seem to be what many people come away with, whether that was the intention or not.

    Personally, I was lucky enough to have at least the first three categories filled with extraordinary people who value individuality and creativity, and I have been encouraged and supported all the way along - even at times when I didn't necessarily consider myself the safest bet. And in the job department, well... let's just say that being a jazz musician lands you some unusual 'jobs', with some perhaps atypical bosses.

    However, I recognize that many people really need help seeing their way out of the fog of self-doubt and the deeply ingrained habits of shutting down those inner voices that tell you that something needs to change. Whatever the risks of taking the road less travelled, they pale in comparison to the certainty of lifelong regret if you a) find yourself unhappy now, and b) continue to do everything that has led you to this place. If you don't change the game, it will stay the same. What's the greater risk?
  • chrisgarrett
    My parents were awesome, they tried their best to always tell us we could do anything we aimed for. They even tolerated a fair bit of "back talk". I know I am not a perfect parent. Sometimes we try to do our best and still get things wrong :)

    This is why even if you had perfect parents, bosses and teachers, it is worth asking if the game you are playing is the right one :)
  • Just got out of a meeting. Great boss. Someone who doesn't fear change. The outcome: I get to chart my own course, set my own parameters. FWIW, at this point in my life, I get the opportunity of escaping mediocrity within the workings of "real job."

    That being said, I will continue to push myself to explore my full potential in other areas.

    Through these previous 28 days, I've had the luxury of examining my priorities, exploring (and facing) my weaknesses and learning from those who have succeeded in roles I hope to achieve.

    I've come to the point where I have to implement what I have learned. It's not enough to know, but to act. Better get to it! Best, M.
  • What an awesome outcome from meeting!!! Congratulations!
  • Aw shucks Molly.... you mean "it's not enough to know", we really have to ACT??? LOL!

    Sounds like you work at a pretty cool place!
  • We are the same person. I am convinced of this even more now. I was just given a great chance at work reinvention and I'm taking it! It has change my whole attitude and now I feel so much better about life. The great thing for me is that i have a chance to grow myself personally while contributing soundly to my organization aand looking to see how I can use those skills in the future in a business of my very own.
  • Congrats Vanessa! That's awesome!
  • Pretty woogie boogie, huh? ;o) I think Emerson was 100% on target when he said, "Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." Part of that conspiracy is bringing mirrors into our lives who help us to move forward.
  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
    sounds like an awesome outcome...congratulations!
  • chrisgarrett
    Indeed, I agree - Congratulations @ mckra1g - only you know what is right for you, and only you can get the best out of any situation you find yourself in :)
  • Hi Chris, excellent post. I was always told to by my parents to work at certain jobs, and that if I was a small business owner I would be a failure. I was strongly discouraged, as were all my siblings. At this time, all my brothers and sisters are entrepreneurs. It's just our fit. It is sad, however, that our creativity was squashed for years. I am just beginning to do the things I want to do, and it is very scary, but as you say, that is a good thing. If we are not afraid, we are not pushing ourselves to grow. Thanks for a great post and the encouragement.
  • chrisgarrett
    Scary can be unconfortable but also a sign we are doing something important :)

    Even well-meaning negativity can have a deep impact can't it? It's a shame, but something we have to look out for in our own interactions as well as recognising it in others. When I tell my daughter that I was no good at math, is that reassurance or giving her a negative role model?
  • kristieschwanebeck
    Or is it giving her a connection and an understanding that she doesn't have to be perfect at everything that she does and that each of us have different gifts and talents and its ok to not be perfect and everything? Tough call.....
  • Good for you Krissy! My parents are much the same way. They are well intended. they want to see us succeed and when we take risks it freaks them out! As much as they want success for us, doesn't it seem that they want safety so much more for us?
  • I can really relate to this post Chris - you've expressed this potential quagmire very well. 'The Optics' is a formidable opponent of mine. With each passing year and each strive forward - I feel I've finally released myself from the clutch and power of 'The Optics'. And yet, when I self-assess at times I feel stuck ... I can generally source a root in 'how this probably looks to others'. Staying aware of this phenomenon can turn it from a Stop Sign to a Hurdle though. Hope you liked this comment! (Kidding -- well, I do hope you appreciated the comment ... but I'm not stuck on it. Sigh. See - I border on lost cause.)
  • chrisgarrett
    I do like your comment and I think we all have a bit of that from time to time. A related issue I find myself doing is pre-emptively apologising in case people don't like stuff ;)
  • OUCH Chris! I think you got me on that one... I think I pre-emptively apologized (in a subtle way, of course) for an earlier comment I made here! Oh well.. thanks for that awareness! :-)
  • Oh - I wouldn't know ANYTHING about that. Seriously though - I've been reflecting on this since first reading it earlier this morning. Extricating myself from the expectations of others and leading with my passion vs. following my skilled capacities has my conscious attention at present. Thank you again.
  • sarahrobinson
    Notes to the Tribe for Monday:

    1. Today’s theme song is Wanna Be Starting Something by Michael Jackson: http://tinysong.com/78gH

    2. If you missed my email about How My Game Is Changing (because of 30 Days), you can read it here: http://bit.ly/agrQ9P

    3. If you like a post please RT it to share it with your Twitter community. Thank you!!

    Love,
    Sarah

    P.S. Have you RSVP’d for your seat at the GameChangers Roundtable? Let me tell you, in addition to the official guest, the luminaries and VIPs who have reserved a seat in the “audience” are pretty HOT. Grab yours here: http://www.gamechangersroundtable.com
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