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Sabotage? Who Me? [Day 3-30 Days to Changing Your Game]

This is Day 3 of 30 Days to Changing Your Game. Yesterday Sherman Hu rocked the house with his killer post on ROCKing your goals. Today the fabulous Carla Young is going to help you tap into that mean little voice in your head and kick it in the butt! Watch out!!

Sabotage? Who Me?

by Carla Young

Ever catch yourself in the single most dangerous lie game-changers face? It goes something like this: I am ready (and willing) to step into my success (or own my true potential…yadda, yadda, yadda).

<INSERT YOUR VERSION OF THE LIE HERE>

Whenever I am ready to take a huge step forward in my business, or in my personal life, that little inner voice starts Devil And Angel cartoon Sabotage? Who Me? [Day 3 30 Days to Changing Your Game]with the quiet whispers:

“Who do you think you are to be doing this?”

“What are you doing, you have absolutely no idea how to do that?”

“Boy are you going to look like an idiot when you fail!”

Who invited this JERK into your headspace anyway?

Um…that would be you!

And you better believe that as soon as I start down that path, that voice gets louder and the whisper becomes a scream! I want to sleep in, clean my office, get sick, run over by a bus…anything to not face what I fear the most: success.

Huh?

It shocked me to the core when I learned that people fear raving success as much as they fear dismal failure. Put another way: we’re the most comfortable right in the middle – not too happy, not too sad, but just right.

Mediocrity.

We get too close to the bottom, we pull up our socks and get back to that happy middle ground. But get too close to the top and we call in sick, check out, sabotage. The worst part is the closer to the top, the greater the resistance.

Whatever you do, DON’T LOOK DOWN!

Everyone has what I call their Holy Shit moment. Even if you’ve played it pretty safe, there’s that one time when for some reason or another you did something way out of your comfort zone.

For me, it was the first double black diamond run I attempted on telemark skis (as a so-so blue run skier).

Friends suggested it saying it would have a hidden pocket of powder because getting to it required a long traverse. The assurances that “It will be no problem” quickly faded to an “Oh, this is steeper than I remember.”

HOLY SHIT! How did I get here and how am I going to get out of it?

Note: The thing about Holy Shit moments is there is only one way out: straight down! That’s what makes it a true Holy Shit moment.

Conquering your Inner Critic

#1: Breathe (and for god sakes don’t look down)!

#2: Focus – Channel your inner Zen master and seek the one thing that will move you forward.

#3: Think back to your Holy Shit moment and know that you have the power to do ANYTHING (even if it scares the shit out of you)!

#4: ACT – Even if you feel like kicking and screaming, take one step forward. (Not a cheat step where you spend a day feigning work “organizing your office” or other busy work, but an actual step forward!)

The Game Changer Rule: if you aren’t feeling the urge to flee, you are sandbagging. Try harder.

Game Changer Challenge

Think about your Holy Shit moment (if you have a bunch you daredevil, pick one). Write down what you can take from the moment – important lessons, realizations about yourself, core values…anything that you think will give you strength for what lies ahead.

Bonus points for picking one task off your game changer list that scares the shit out of you and doing it THIS week.

carla 150x150 Sabotage? Who Me? [Day 3 30 Days to Changing Your Game]

Carla Young is the Founder & CEO of MOMeo Community.com (http://momeocommunity.com/) and Publisher of MOMeo Magazine (http://momeomagazine/). A Game Changer herself, she’s dedicated to supporting mom entrepreneurs (or mom entrepreneurs-to-be) build work-at-home lifestyle businesses and succeed on THEIR terms at work, at home and in finding a little playtime for mommy!

If you aren’t already signed up and don’t want to miss out on  30 Days to Changing Your Game, please sign up here. (This is a “double opt-in” list so you MUST confirm your subscription.)

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 13th, 2010 at 9:45 am and is filed under 30 Days to Changing Your Game. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  • ShellyKramer
    I LOVE Holy Shit moments! And remember them all - quite fondly. What a terrific read, Carla. Thank you!
  • OK, here it is: My holy shit moment came yesterday, when I realized that all the income I had coming in (prior to being let go from my job last week) went toward buying groceries for our family. If I fail, we starve. Period. We don't qualify for assistance (such as food stamps) because I still have a 401K I can liquidate, and I don't qualify for unepmployment either, so I have to find the will to do this. It's a crushing responsibility, but one I can't take lightly. I welcome all of your help in this... (even if I'm lagging behind the program a bit). :)
  • Thank you Carla! I'm sorry to be a day behind - a sabotage in and of itself perhaps? My last Holy Shit moment was almost 3 years ago -- I'm actually stunned how far back I had to go to truly reflect what you're cheering us towards. I've been out of my realm and beyond comfort many times ... but I do think there's a difference. The last time I truly felt proud of myself for taking a leap and living to tell was three years ago. I'm going to dream up a new leap now - and stay awake for one that may present itself to me when I least expect it. I've subscribed to MOMeo too - thank you for sharing your Self this way ...
  • You are so welcome, Sally! Thank you for including me in your journey!

    It doesn't matter when your HOLY SHIT moment happened -- just remember back to the power and strength you found in that moment and bring those feelings forward to push yourself today.

    You have that within you -- I want you to see it and acknowledge it!

    A favorite quotes (and I really wish I could remember the author):

    "Our perception changes according to our emotions and thus we see magic and beauty in them when really the magic and beauty is within ourselves."
  • It is so nice to hear that other people have an inner critic that they need to conquer!
  • Absolutely -- we all do!
  • triciadycka
    Hey Carla
    Thanks for this post. I am pushing out my boundaries again. The holy shit factor is there siding up against me. I am working on an outline for a group program and looking to figure out how to get others involved. Well I start to do something and all of a sudden I get up to change the laundry or my little monster in my head is saying you need to do this, or who do you think you are (blah blah blah) so I stand up start to walk away. oppps What the hell am I doing I ask?
    I then go sit back down and continue working. Then I engage again and my monster subside until another moment.
  • woo-HOO Tricia for resisting the little monster. Knowing the warning signs is the key to starting to change that behavior!
  • SpiritusShelagh
    I am brilliant at Cheat Stuff, including tidying my desk, social posting etc etc.

    Some time ago, I found that the best way to deal with it was to get it done last thing at night.

    Then I stopped doing it....... so I can spend ages in the morning to clear all that stuff before getting down to what matters.

    So right here and now I commit to clearing my In-box, doing urgent social posting and tidying my desk before I close down for the night, and to only doing MITs and Big Rock stuff for the first hour in the morning.

    I know that this will make a huge difference -and I know from the rumbling of my tummy as I write, and the feeling of resistance in my chest, that it is not going be the easisest thing I have ever done....!
  • Awesome! I applaud you for making the commitment to change your habits! Feel the resistance, but do it anyway and if you fall off the wagon, don't beat yourself up -- just pick up where you left off! (Blaming yourself is another excuse not to move forward)!
  • sue_anne
    This post made me very uncomfortable and "thinky", and I was trying to figure out why. I have holy sh*t moments on an almost daily basis and know that I'm not pushing myself on some sort of major moment. I have a genetic disorder that causes my joints to dislocate and 24/7 chronic pain - often times severe. There are days where just getting through the day is an achievement. It's hard trying to sort through when I'm playing it safe to make sure I get through the week and/or when I'm playing it safe because I'm scared and want to stay in that happy middle.

    A good example for me is doing "social" things. In the next week, there is a tweetup (fun) and then two social networking type events. I have plans to attend all three, but I don't like large social settings. I will talk myself out of going to at least one of these. I will mostly blame it on energy / pain / time management, but often times it will boil down to me shying away from a social setting.
  • Thank you for sharing your journey and bravo for doing things that make you uncomfortable.

    You need to recognize where you get your energy from and if you are an introvert (speaking as a fellow introvert), it is not likely from social situations. Step into your HOLY SHIT moments, but give yourself permission to recharge because the purpose isn't to torture yourself, it's to grow.

    I would challenge you to find a way to make social situations work for you (rather than forcing yourself to go, hate every minute of it and come home drained). Perhaps you need to get comfortable sitting talking to new people and following up with them in a business context.
  • Sue Anne, I do this too. I've only recently started to learn about the true characteristics of an Introvert - I used to think it meant I was just shy ... but it goes so much deeper than that. I can't imagine what it would be like living with chronic pain 24/7, you're an inspiration!
  • Going right for the jugular eh Carla;-) (thought I'd keep that vampire theme going)..but you are so right on target with this. We all get sucked into the "sabotage quicksand" and the only way to get out of it is to put your big girl (boy) panties on and jump into the fray!

    Jumping headlong into your brilliance without a parachute is definitely a Holy Shit experience, but the more you do it, the more you kinda get addicted to it!

    Thanks for a wonderful post!
  • Thank you, Danielle. Put your big girl panties on is one of my favorite sayings!
  • Your imagery is captivating Danielle - I could be the Queen of Sabotage Quicksand and I LOVE the visual of jumping headlong into my brilliance without a parachute. Mind you, it has diverted me to wondering what my brilliance would actually look like and feel like ... but I did want to complement you all the same.
  • Not sure if this counts, but a few weeks ago I needed to rent a van to pick up an eliptical machine from a gym going out of business that day - a gift for Hubby's birthday. The smallest truck I could find on short notice was a 26-footer. Driving that was the scariest thing I'd done in a long long time. I wasn't as scared for my own life as I was for the little cars I had to drive past. I can't believe they let little girls like me take those things out!

    So now that I've driven this monster, does that mean I can do ANYTHING? Well, I guess it does! :)
  • Of course it does! woo-HOO!

    I can just picture a tiny girl like you driving a huge truck! You go girl!
  • At the very least, you can flatten anything! You're very brave Nika - you must love your husband very much ...
  • Hi Sally!

    Thanks for your kind words:-)

    I think that's the whole point of leaping into your brilliance without a parachute...the not knowing exactly what it's going to look like...finding out as you go...I'm STILL finding out just how brilliant I am;-) and believe we all will continue to until the end of our success journey (the eternal dirt nap!)

    Get your vision, passion and purpose aligned and a clearer picture of your unique brilliance will start to emerge;-)

    Warmly,
    Danielle
  • marvelousmartha
    One Holy Shit moment came for me when I was finally able to run 1.5 miles in 14.5 minutes. I did it *once* in college, and could do it for a few weeks a year after my second daughter was born. I remember how powerful I felt, and I am excited to analyze that and put my success there to use in the future. Thanks for reminding me about that. I will have to think about something scarier, but for right now, that is what comes to my brain. For now though, I can't stop thinking about the song for today. "I get knocked down, but I get up again. You nay ever gonna keep me down." I'm excited to be getting back up. Cuz you can't never keep ME down!
  • Just remembering how powerful you felt is the key and take that power and apply it to changing your game!
  • Nazima Ali
    Carla,

    Thanks for your post. It's always hardest to keep taking those steps and not get mired down by fear and procrastination, which I think comes from my fears. I'm going to keep your 4 steps in mind and continue moving forward.
  • Focus on daily action...step-step-step!
  • Every Holy Shit moment I have ever had has turned out awesome! That's what I can take away. I need way more holy shit moments!
  • Right there with you! Let's set the intention to seek out more HOLY SHIT moments!
  • bament78
    I have a ton of inner critics, always trying to convince me to play it safe. This year I took the plunge and started my own business, never been so scared in my life. But I have no regrets and I know I've grown personally and professionally since opening!
  • Congratulations on taking the plunge! If you aren't feeling scared, you aren't growing!

    Remember: your inner critics are trying to protect you from tigers and other harmful things because their job is to keep you safe (even when playing it safe causes harm)!
  • Wow, this resonates so much with me, so in line with the post I wrote today on integrity, first in a series of three, about facing the inner critic, identifying your true self and finding the self-confidence to think and act in alignment with that true self. Thank you, Carla. Also really took to heart Sherman's post yesterday. It's funny, I had just said to a friend last night before reading it that I didn't have the urge to write down my goals for 2010, or even define them. But after reading Sherman's suggestions, I said, what the heck, I'll take a stab and see what comes out. Well, I am shooting high, I put quantifiable goals down for gaining readers for my blog, for financial targets, and for the big exciting project my life partner and I have a dream together for. Very cool, thanks for the push!
  • Thank you, Linda! Now take those written goals and post them and laser focus your weekly and daily tasks on achieving them one step at a time!
  • Post them? Are you serious? Here?
  • Oops...no! On your wall, paste them on your desk...wherever you can see them when you are working! Even if it's just a visual reminder!
  • jennvaccaro
    #4 is powerful! I cheat all the time...yep - I hide...cleaning the home office, organizing files, etc...what a wake up call! I lie to myself...NO MORE!!!!!!!!! Great stuff!
  • The key is recognizing it when it happens and you are halfway to breaking that nasty habit!

    I challenge everyone to NOT CLEAN their office!
  • sarahrobinson
    Look at you all taking up the challenge of connecting with EACH OTHER!!! So awesome to watch. And I tell you really like my friend Carla. :-)
  • Your tribe is awesome! I challenged them and they took it up and started reporting back successes by the afternoon!
  • Carla and Sara, this is great stuff. In fact, you've motivated me to write my own article about it. In a nutshell, in 2009 I took some HUGE steps toward stepping into my power and greatness. And you know what happened? This past fall I kept getting sick..and sick...and sick. (And I almost never get sick). I got a kidney infection and 3 cases of the flu. Then over the holidays my sweet little Maddie dog, who is 13, was diagnosed with cancer. Talk about another reeling step back (or what could have been). But I'm still moving forward, still taking one step at a time, and I'm not backing down. Now, I will admit I didn't do any of my 2010 planning I normally do because of all this, but that's okay. I'm doing it this weekend. I'm still committed to my vision and I'm taking time to keep remembering to breathe.
  • christinelivingston
    Wow, Michele, that's tough. On reading this, however, I felt big resistance (as being thrown up by your physical symptoms) = big power and greatness!! Here's to a terrific 2010 for you.

    Warm wishes
  • sarahrobinson
    Oh Michele - I am so sorry to hear about your puppy. Being a dog person I feel your pain. I am also intimately familiar with getting sick - and staying sick. I love this "But I'm still moving forward, still taking one step at a time, and I'm not backing down." You go girl. :-)
  • Thank you for your comments, Michele (and sorry to hear about your pup)!

    The interesting thing about sickness is it's a way to gauge how you are feeling in other parts of your body, mind and spirit. I discovered this when I was in university and without fail, I would get sick the minute my final exams were finished.

    Why after and not before? Because before, I couldn't afford the time and energy to be sick so my sheer force of will and focus kept me from getting sick. But as soon as I breathed that sigh of relief, I got sick!
  • You must have seen me back peddling from charging what my work is really worth. LOL I would add that having great support makes a huge difference. Thanks to my 6 Hearts team...you know who you are.

    Yeah, and the first house was a very, very big deal. I, too, did it all by myself. Even reshingled parts and painted the whole outside last summer. Now that was "a what have I gotten myself into experience" and what a great feeling to have done it...my own personal, successfully completed Outward Bound program..
  • sarahrobinson
    Susan - my coach makes me practices saying it out loud over and over again until I get my price out of my mouth without laughing or mumbling. :-)
  • Charging what you are worth is a tough one for lots of people! You just have to rip that band aid off and be done with it!

    Celebrate your Outbound Bound success -- that's awesome!
  • Love this, thank you Carla! I think the thing about my inner critic is it's a freakin' chameleon....it appears some days dressed as a cheerleader only for me to realize a little too late that its a DISGUISE and it been undermining me ALL DAY!!
    The concept of being happy in the middle totally resonates....and I struggle with this one. When life is busy(when isn't it??) I don't stop to really think about where I am...I just do stuff. So, how do I stay hyper aware of staying out of the "middle"??
    Thank you again for some great insight!

  • #1: FOCUS

    Doing stuff is fantastic, BUT...you want to really make sure you are doing the right stuff. Start your week by strategizing what's important and what will move you forward the fastest!

    #2: Feel uncomfortable

    The trick to moving out of the middle is you need to spend time feeling uncomfortable. Really stretch. That's the only way you are going to start feeling comfortable at a new threshold.

    Think of it this way: when you first try something new, it feels awkward and weird, but after a while, you build muscle memory (to use Teresa's term) and it just feels right. Put another way: you need to practice!
  • Carla,

    As a Self Sabotage Survivor I knew that I could never live up to my own potential if I never allow myself to do so in the first place. The little man on my left shoulder whispering toxic defeating words never allowed me to maximize the opportunities that life had presented me. Fortunately for me, I was able to stop listening and started growing! This is the most critical of all personal development stages. Your advice is right on the mark. Thanks for sharing your great thoughts and ideas.

    Peter
  • sarahrobinson
    Peter!!! SO glad to see you here!! And thank you for sharing your wisdom. :-)
  • Hello Sarah! GREAT to be here! This series is awesome and quite inspiring. Thanks for all you do!!
  • Self Sabotage Survivor! Love it! Kinda like me being a Recovering Perfectionist!

    Thank you for your comments and insights into the other side of self-sabotage!
  • Thank you all for your comments...you're all going in my Nice Notes folder!

    (I'll check back later this evening and over the next 30 days if anyone has any other comments or questions)

    ~ Carla
  • mirkogosch
    Wow, it´s only the second day of our collective journey and I feel, you all are taking me on a huge emotional rollercoaster. All your comments and personal insides are making me smile as well as they do wet my eyes with empathy; phew.

    Thank you all for showing up, I need this sharing of our tribe more than I can probably express (keep in mind, I´m not writing in my first language and at times I do have to seek my inner cabinet for the right words :-) - and the formation of this tribe comes exactly at the right time for me. Great!

    This post is fantastic, Carla, and I resonate with it to a great extent. I had my Holy Shit moments in the past -sure- and it is so good and empowering to remember myself of how I overcame those seemingly unmovable road blocks with a great leap of faith and a WTF-I do it anyways-attitude . I love the "burn-the-ships" metaphor but it is surely not the interlectual understanding of this concept that moves me forward, it is the doing-part. Rock that party of my life, it´s my party anyway and it is the only party I´ll most likely ever be throwing too.

    I have so much going on in my life, there is so much demand of me being powerful and determined that those orchestras of shouts from that stupid little deminishing voice (shut-up you schmuck, shut up right now!) in my head must no longer dictate my actionss or non-actions.

    You all have helped me immensely with all your great stories in your comments. Thanks Sarah for bringing onto the stage Carla with her fabulous post and boy, am I looking forward to whatever you will come up with next.

    Tomorrow (well as I´m in Germany I´d better say today!!) I´ll face the "monster" and let it know that I will not rest until I have reached what I have determined to be my outcome. Step by step.

    Love, Mirko
    P.S. Additionally to Sarah´s list of awesome people who will guest post here, I have set up a twitter list of our tribe members. I´d be great to see you join and follow: http://twitter.com/MirkoGosch/escapingmediocrity
  • sarahrobinson
    Considering English isn't your first language Mirko, I think you express yourself beautifully. There's another list of participants - maybe ya'll can merge?! @The_Promo_Guy/game-changing. I'll try to include stuff like this in Notes to The Tribe that I try to get posted first thing every morning.

    Glad you are here!
  • Thank you, Mirko for you kind words!

    The best way to quiet the inner critic is to move forward and show him that it can be done!

    (That and as you know from my other comments, ROCK OUT!)
  • I love this post. I did a raw food training & one of the facilitators there was Elaine. She was a HUGE part in helping me step out into my bigger game. This training was almost 3 years ago, yet when I start down that thought road, her voice STILL comes into my head to snap me out of it.

    This week huh? Ah hell, why not?! (Shit, there aren't any nails left for me to bite off at this point, so here goes something!)
  • woo-HOO!

    Funny how we hear the voices of our coaches and mentors in those tough times. I often hear my cross-country skiing instructor reminding me to do-this or do-that when I fall off my pace!

    WHY THE HELL NOT?
  • StephanieCorum
    I think I had an "Oh Shit" moment yesterday when I realized the work I had to do to move forward. And now I can't do cheat steps? Darn! I used to have a lot of negative self talk in my head. I have conquered much of it, but it still lingers -especially the "Who do you think you are to be doing this?" question.
  • The best way to deal with OH SHIT moments is to start with the end in mind and work backwards.

    #1: Get clear on the BIG picture and set your strategic priorities

    #2: Focus on 2 to 3 key tasks a day that move you forward (the trick is you MUST accomplish them - no excuses)

    #3: Ditch everything else (or at least save it for the in-between times or the times of the day when you feel low energy)

    #4: Celebrate your progress and use that to step up to the next steps

    #5: Repeat!
  • StephanieCorum
    Thank you Carla. I think those steps are worth printing out and posting next to my computer. That way I can be reminded of them when I'm reading my emails!
  • You are welcome!
  • Writergrrl
    Do you think it's a coincidence that your song-of-the-day came out at the same time I had my Holy Shit moment?

    Mine came in 1997 as I sold all my stuff and moved to London - without a work visa, not much money and definitely no plan. Honestly, I think my Inner Critic was shocked into silence...until I was standing in the queue waiting to get through passport control. ;-)

    Since then I have let Fearella make more decisions that I'd like to admit - I realize that I fear success WAY more than I ever feared failure. I am so TIRED of bobbing inmy own sea of mediocrity - it's time to get uncomfortable (thx EPW) again.
  • Fearella! Love it!

    We definitely like to stay within that middle ground of not too hot, not too cold of comfort. But changing your game requires getting uncomfortable (as the lovely Elizabeth Potts Weinstein says)!
  • :) I totally have a fear of success thing going on ... which is about fear of giving up control, of doing it wrong, of not being able to live up to my B.S., etc. ... and yes, my secret is to always revisit the "did I do something uncomfortable today?" question! :)
  • Thank you for sharing that question, Elizabeth! I'm adding that to my daily metrics!

    And as for fear of success, giving up control, doing it wrong and not living up...

    YES
    YES
    YES
    and YES!
  • meganmatthieson
    The last time I had a HOLY SHIT moment....(Am I going to look like a fool? Am I going to fall flat on my face??) I think I just pulled up my bootstraps and said to myself .....YOU are the only one holding you back! (that would me ME.) SO THANKS for the reminder to watch out for that little monster voice!! Love all the learning and encouragement.
  • You are welcome! Thank you for stepping up to take the challenge!
  • One HOLY SHIT! moment I remember well, was the day I brought my first daughter home from the hospital. My wife had some complications and stayed in the hospital an extra day and we had plenty of help from the hospital staff, but was told that she needed bed rest, at home, for a week or so once she was discharged. I will never forget that first 3AM feeding, where I was struggling with the bottle, the diaper change, and the realization that, HOLY SHIT, I am responsible for this little, but very loud, life. I learned a lot about myself and my core values from that experience, and I'm still learning. I don't have it mastered, yet, but 17.5 years later, I can almost say, HOLY SHIT! I did it...with much, much help from my wife.
  • SpiritusShelagh
    I so remember that!

    When my first baby was born, I came home after a C-section and my husband went straight off on a business trip. I had no one- my mother was 100 miles away, I had only just moved in so knew no one - and of course I told my husband and my mother I would be fine (THAT's pattern that's hard to break even 40 years later!)

    I was terrified to go to sleep in case I did not hear her cry. I was so scared about dropping her in the bath, or nto having enough milk .... and never asked for help......

    And the most terrifying thing (even worse that the realisation as I started in labour that there was no way out of this -I was going to have to give birth!) was that this little being was totally dependent on me for everything.

    Thanks for bringing back that Holy shit moment - I was having a hard time remebering one...! (which is interesting in itself...)
  • My husband and I had a similar HOLY SHIT moment when we left the hospital with our daughter. After they checked us out, confirmed our identification and that we had a car seat, we just strolled on out of there thinking "Seriously, you're letting us LEAVE? With this little baby that we have no idea what to do with?"

    And then with the first time nursing, changing diapers, and the worst tragedy of all, giving that little baby the first bath at home.

    SCARY! Small AND slippery! YIKES!

    It was a disaster. Baby got cold, started crying. We fumbled, but then we figured it out and now she's almost five (and thank goodness, capable of bathing herself)!
  • michaelleiter
    Those hidden pockets of powder are out there, but you do need to be keenly sensitive to your surroundings to make use of them.
    Thanks for the post. Thoughts are such a powerful things, we'd best have them working for us.

    Michael
  • sarahrobinson
    I so agree with you Michael - we have to hone our senses so that we are aware of those pockets. When I walk, I do not zone out by listening to music. I take in my surroundings and practice noticing. It helps SO much.
  • I just went with asking my friends, but honing senses is good too! ;)
  • You are welcome!
  • THANK YOU, Carla! You called me on it, too. I have a grand STAIRCASE of Cheat Steps that I can descend while singing "Hello Dolly." Sabotage is a daily routine. I've let it take over my life to the point where I'm not exactly sure what it is I should be doing. I devalued my work (self worth). I throw boulders onto my path because life is supposed to be hard (I've watched my own family do this for years). I let fear, circumstance and advice from every well-intentioned friend/relative dictate my life to the point that I didn't/don't know who I was (am). Woke up during a Reiki I training session in June 2008 and have been digging myself out of the deep tunnel I put myself in ever since. That was a Eureka moment with holy s**t thrown in; truly life changing. But still between then and now I became less interested in designing, became very irresponsible with clients and relied heavily on my son's illnesses and special needs to distract me from, well, Me.

    Now, every day I come here to read, reflect and write is a HOLY SHIT moment. Every time I post a tweet or comment on Facebook is a holy shit moment (except for time spent sending gifts to my FarmVille neighbors). Signing up for Kim DeYoung's Get it Done Challenge is a step forward. I'm still scared about what will transpire and am still unsure about what's next but that's OK. As long as I don't go up that cheat staircase again I will be just fine.

    (Today my 2 kids were home sick. After helping them get comfortable and ordering "Night at the Museum 2" on Pay per View, I sat down to read this and follow through with a comment. That is progress, my friends.)
  • sarahrobinson
    Sorry to hear your kids are home sick Lori (that's just the way it is when they are little, isn't it?). Good for you for finding a way to take care of them and follow through on your commitment here. Proud of you. :-)
  • Thank you for sharing your journey with us in the 30 Day Challenge! Bravo!

    (Okay...now for the tough love part)!

    #1: No more cheat steps!

    Make this promise to yourself and start taking actual steps. Leave your office messy, quit the Farmville farming, and cut out all the other tasky tasks that just don't move you forward.

    #2: Use a TIMER!

    It sounds like your day is like mine - very little time for work between all the other duties! Use a timer to set limits on activities like social networking. I use a timer to help me increase speed for things like filing email, writing articles or blog posts or whatever tasks I need to accomplish.

    #3: Give yourself a break!

    Now this is different from making excuses. Giving yourself a break means looking at what you have accomplished, what you are doing, where you have been successful and build on that. Beating yourself up over making excuses is just another sneaky way to make excuses.

    Just do, celebrate and repeat!
  • Carla I'll hand you the whip and chains ... ;P No more Farming. I've been sporadic with the TIMER (and it does help) so I'll be more consistent. As for #3 ... I'm hugging you. You're absolutely right. Thank you.
  • Hugging you back, Lori! I'm proud of you for taking steps and moving forward!
  • I love the timer idea...i especially need it for FB and social networking....I can get lost or maybe it's a cheat step from working on what needs to be done to move my goals forward. Thanks for the suggestion.
  • Scott, we should partner up ... I am the same way!
  • Kristin
    Love the timer idea. I really need that. Lori, Scott, together we should be able to overcome those time-sucking networks. Cutting the daily time spent there down to 30 min is already a big step for me. I'll take it!
  • You are welcome! You absolutely have to place boundaries around activities and really challenge yourself to get them done faster.

    I have scaled back my networking meeting times from 1 hour to 30 minutes to now I'm trying 15 minutes of power meetings as an experiment. I may need to bump it back up, but with the boundaries of other calls and appointments, I stay focused and require that of the people I'm meeting with.

    The funny thing is that at first, I thought people would be offended, but I find that they appreciate that I'm respecting their time!
  • I knw there would be a post about this subject, but I didn't think it would be this early. I will candidly admit, and Sarah will back me up on this, I am HORRIBLE at the lie. I seem to tell them to myself constantly. I spend as much time overcoming the thoughts and feelings brought up by them that it's practicly a sport. Getting to the Act stage usually takes moe than one trip through the previous steps as I make changes here and there.

    Of course by the time I get off my ass and ACT, Ive gotten behind on something else, and then I start over again!
  • Thank you for sharing your <INSERT LIE HERE> with us!

    It sounds like overcoming and dealing with the lie is an excuse to take cheat steps forward because it feels like progress. It's time to ditch the drama and start doing.

    Your challenge is to take one step, one day at a time and keep on building on those steps. No looking back, no overanalyzing. Nothing but forward momentum!

    You up for it?
  • I am always trying to do too much, which doesn't help. Slowing down is definitely what I need to work on. If I don't, you're right, the cheat step takes over, or everything stops completely.

    I accept your challenge.
  • sarahrobinson
    You can do this Mark - really you can. And keep hanging around that girl Teresa Romain. I hear she's getting her game on too. :-)
  • I know I can, I just have to realize it - you and I have had several conversations about this in the past - Its time I just deal with it and do it.
  • You GO Mark! Your post was like a big mirror of me and what I do! Carla challenged me earlier today on the "no cheater steps" and taking one action to keep me moving forward... and I just did it. Focused one hour of uninterrupted REAL action! And I feel great! So - just wanted to encourage you! You can do it!!! Will look forward to celebrating with you (as well as ROCKING with you through these 30 days!)!
  • sarahrobinson
    Laughing that you and Mark managed to set out beacons for each other in the whole big group. You two will do great things hanging out together. :-)
  • What's so funny about Teresa and myself, Sarah? Is she another Calvin? :P
  • Lets do it...looking foward to rocking along with you and everyone else. I'll have to challenge myself specifically tomorrow, because I have a day off from the dayjob, and I can really get down to something.

    Thanks for your encouragement.
  • You go Mark! I'll be waiting to celebrate with you tomorrow when you really get down to SOMETHING! Remember that KEY word... "something". If we are "beacons" or mirrors of each other as Sarah noticed, then I know that I'd be thinking of the HUGE actions I could take having the day off... instead of the SOMETHING step forward...

    Note to self: Remember that tomorrow I, too, need to take another SOMETHING step forward... :-)
  • Teresa - did you get to do your something? I was able to take today's post into heart and now have my list of people that Nat eloquently talked about and it took some digging deep to really think about what I think of certain people and what those people think of me as well...and I hate dwelling over what people think of me.
  • Hey Mark! I did my something yesterday and some more something today! YAY! Am going to spend 5 minutes today starting my list too.... today's post hit me too... What about you??? Have you done your something for today? I'm waiting to celebrate with you!
  • woo-HOO! You guys are awesome!

    Way to rock the doin'!

    Every day keep on stepping! I'm pumped up!
  • Awesome!
  • Great ideas as always Carla!

    I have had a number of Holy Cow moments over the past 1.5 years - having a baby, building two businesses, selling my home, getting married (not in that order) - but my Holy Shit moment is RIGHT frickin' now.

    I am absolutely committed to building a successful business that is P-R-O-F-I-T-A-B-L-E and allows me time with my kid. And I have been stalling, procrastinating, *gathering info*, talking to people, blah, blah, blah - all in the name of avoiding just getting it done. And I've been avoiding getting it done b/c of the very reasons you talked about at the beginning - "Who on earth will want what I have?" "What is unique about me?" "What if it doesn't work?"

    All things standing in the way of my success. Not any more. I am SO done. I am tired of listening to myself. I want to tell myself to just shut up and get a new story - this one is SOO last year.

    So, that's what I'm pledging now. I'm looking at my big Holy Shit moment head on (not downward) and am just going to take the leap. What I need to remind myself is that I have NO information to suggest I won't be successful - because I haven't even tried yet.

    Wish me luck! ;)
  • Good Luck Stephanie!! You certainly sound ready!
  • Hey Stephanie,

    I relate to what you say so much. I think my Holy Shit moment has lasted 7 1/2 years since my first child was born. Since then, I've had every excuse in the book as to why my business has not grown beyond where it is. I'm about to launch a new blog as part of my website and I'm totally freaked out because it puts me out there for anyone to see. But, it also fulfills my desire to take risks so I can get where I want to go. I tend to get really excited about an idea and then let it fizzle because I start to think it's a dumb idea, nobody will like it, people will wonder who the hell I think I am, etc. So, I decided I'm going to do the blog for me, enlist several good friends to read it and comment and let the rest go. I'm hoping people will like it and decide to follow what I write but I'm not attached to that. It feels so much better to me now.

    I love what you say about getting a new story. We all get to decide what that story is every day and it sounds like you are deciding to create a new one. I can hear it in your post. I wish you lots of luck, though, you won't need it. One teeny step toward what you want followed by another teeny step. And, voila, you are on your way!
  • Thank you for your words of encouragement for the tribe!

    And here are a few words for you...

    #1: Your tribe will want to hear what you have to say!

    In fact, your tribe NEEDS to hear what you have to say. Just like people needed to hear that we all share the challenges of an inner critic. Think about what your experiences can do to shed light on someone else's journey. Powerful stuff.

    #2: FOCUS!

    You suffer from idea overload (or entrepreneurial diarrhea as I call it). I often joke that I'm going to start an idea koolaid stand and sell my ideas for 10 cents each (and I'd still make a million dollars because that's just how many I have buzzing around in my head).

    Focus on the ONE that gets you the most jazzed up and let the rest percolate in your mind. Ideas tend to age well so when you come back to them, they will likely be more ready or you may just happen to come across the right opportunity to jump on them. But in the meantime, you've focused on moving one project forward instead of spinning your wheels in the cycle of idea-excitement-fizzle game.

    Take tiny steps on top of tiny steps and soon enough you will be there as long as you keep moving. It's not step, rest, step, rest because that's when questioning and self-doubt comes into play!
  • You certainly hit the nail right on the head with the idea overload comment. I have so many ideas I can't keep up and because I can't possibly follow through on all of them, they drift away and I end up telling myself that I have no follow through. Impossible standards to live up to always! Thanks for shifting my perception!
  • I give you permission to start an idea kool aid stand and make a million dollars with me! It's freeing once you realize that not every idea is something that YOU have to do.

    Seriously, find a way to give them (or as the entrepreneur in me would say...sell them) to others.

    Idea overload is a blessing and a curse and never fault yourself for having it!
  • SpiritusShelagh
    Wow - there's an idea!!!

    I'm another "idea generating machine" - and I'd never thought of SELLING them...!

    Thanks Carla...!
  • Woo-HOO to taking the LEAP!

    Research is definitely another sneaky form of fake work! You can research to death or just do and then measure and adjust!

    Write it down and post it in your office! NO MORE BULLSHIT!

    Now what I want you to do is to focus EVERY SINGLE DAY on taking at least one step (if not 2 or 3) that moves you forward in a big way!

    What that step means will change from day-to-day. One day it may be making a scary phone call to land an important joint venture partner or just making a big decision like you did today. Both are equally important as long as you continue to move forward and build on those steps.
  • Mixx
    GOOD LUCK STEPHANIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO-HOO well done you!!!
  • Right here with ya, Stephanie! I know that stall as well ... but you are ready and you have all of us to cheer you on! :D
  • I wish you luck Stephanie! You can do it! I hear you on having a lot of "holy shit" moments - my biggest one was when we found out we were having our 3rd <OOPS> child when our 2nd was only 6 mts old! and we were in the process of bldg our house. So I understand!

    What biz are you doing? I'd love to hear more. I'm in the "same boat" and I am with you! I am done settling for the "middle of the road"! As Sarah said, "burn the ships" and set the stakes high!
  • Shelley
    My (I'll say) "can't swallow" moment was when I interviewed for a market research and developmentposition for a resort developer. But by the end of the interview, I was saying to myself, "You know what? I am PERFECT for this job!" I did take the position, but the angle of approach to the new market was off, and the company was missing key services/products attractive to the target market! Things went downhill very quickly, but my confidence and CLARITY looking back have received such a boost!
  • Thank you for sharing that story, Shelley! It's amazing what we can see when we look back at the scary moments as well as the moments when things just plain didn't turn out as we had hoped!
  • Carla -- excellent post. As many are saying, there are quite a few things on my list that bring up the fear monster.

    And a biggie is around launching new programs via social marketing (vs. my private list of peeps). There is so much more more opportunity to fail not only in my corner of the world but across the virtual one too.

    Carla and Sarah -- do you keep "warm fuzzy" folders of happy feedback from smiling customers or what? Would love more thoughts on how you move beyond your fears and press the submit button anyway given your growing visibility.

    The "Holy Shit" moment reminds me of hearing an interview in which Madonna’s sister shared a story that as children they were riding dirt bikes on a hill and some boys challenged them to ride on a thin scary railing. The sister refused, but Madonna went for it…this crazy ass courage was what the sister said was the key to Madonna’s success.
  • Thank you for your comments, Heather!

    #1: FUZZY FOLDER -- Absolutely!

    HOLY SHIT moments aren't the only thing I draw on for personal strength. Fuzzy notes, friends, music, movement and often chaos (that I create on purpose myself to spur myself on)!

    #2: THE BIG 'F' WORD -- F-A-I-L

    Just as your HOLY SHIT moments can be a source of strength so can your failures (and we've all had them)! One funny one that comes to mind is the first time I humiliated myself in high school over a boy. Years later, I can't even think of the boy's name, but just that feeling of wanting to crawl into a hole and DIE (a horrible, HORRIBLE) death.

    Did I? Hell no...

    And there were many other boys I probably humiliated myself over and many other failures (big ones). The point is that I didn't die (horrible or otherwise) and in fact, I took those lessons (about boys and business) and carried on (with the lessons of what not to do and the knowledge that the world will not end if the big F happens).

    Madonna is successful because she's willing to push to that point of absolute failure before she compromises. Take your failures (along with your HOLY SHIT moments) and draw strength from that. Because if you look at it, you will see the success in your failure -- your personal strength.

    So close your eyes and do something truly scary!
  • Great analogy Carla (re: boys). Made me laugh -- and made me think of the movie "He's Just Not that Into You" -- where one of the characters bemoans the fact that these days you are not only waiting for the phone to "ring" but for text, email and facebook messages. Same in business...so many more opportunities and ways to F A I L online then there used to be (or succeed.........................!!!)

    Thanks for fun & uplifting day y'all. Face the fear and do it anyway and R.O.C.K. on.
  • w00t!
  • The BIG "F" word - I've been terrified of it (note the past tense) and my husband finally asked me "Who really cares if you fail? I don't. The rest of your friends and family don't. So who else is out there that you're giving a shit about? If it's just yourself then your failing right now by doing nothing." Ouch - no truer words had been spoken.

    Love reading what you all are writing ~ thank you.
    Great post Carla :-)
  • Wise words from your husband! Who really cares? Not the people who really matter.
  • sarahrobinson
    I wish I had some magical answer Heather. The truth of the matter is, I write it up, tell my friends I think I might throw up, and hit Submit. For me, the key is having friends I can say that to and who will love me no matter how bad my post might be. I do keep a warm and fuzzy folder - which makes me smile. But the courage comes from knowing there are people who will catch me. :-)
  • I do too sarah (have a warm fuzzy folder) . but yes -- good peeps having your back is a must!
  • Mike Korner
    Thanks for the kick in the butt Carla. I'm kind of laughing since I am supposed to be working now but decided to do this one more thing before getting back to it :) I was going to do it earlier but got distracted -- so, reading your message is ultra-timely. I really like your step #3 (“Think back to your Holy Shit moment …”) since that was definitely a moment that required involved mega-courage so it’s a great place to visit for reinforcement once in a while. No time to look down though because I'm heading off to take the Game Changer Challenge. Thank you for the inspiration!

    Have a great one!

    p.s. For the record, I could be talked into a fire-walk but there's no chance I'm eating a frog :)
  • No frog eating required! That's what's so great about HOLY SHIT moments is that they are so individual.

    Live in your moment of mega-courage and keep changing your game!
  • Mike Korner
    p.s. Awesome devil vs. angel cartoon!
  • sarahyewtree
    I liked the direct quality of this - it made me engage with it with immediacy...I realise my greatest weapon against the inner critic is that I keep a vision in my head of what my happy conclusions would be...its only the darkest days when the critic is loud enough to drown them out...my other weapon and this is the really brilliant one - it's the people that I surround myself with...I am lucky enough and perhaps in a way wise enough to be part of a brilliant working community...on its good days it helps make magic happen...
  • Community is critical! Thank you for bringing that up!

    Our friends, family, peers, support systems are our looking glass into our world. When that inner critic starts up, turn to those people to help you see what you've truly accomplished!
  • sarahrobinson
    One of many Holy Shit moments in my life: The day I closed on my first house. I had wanted a house. Kept thinking - when I get married I'll get a house. And then one day I said, WTF am I waiting for, I can buy my own frakin house. So I did. And the day I closed, I rushed from the attorney's office to my sweet old bungalow. And when I opened the door and really took in that it was all mine, I thought "Holy shit. I did it."
  • Thanks for bringing back another one. I too remember the first house I bought.
  • Me too and I did it alone! Love that!
  • We are all stronger than we think we are when we really look at how we've handled the tough stuff!
  • Amen to that, Carla....We are REALLY strong :-)
  • Oh those darn "cheat steps" always getting in my way...and allowing me to think I am absolutely making progress when infact the wheels are spinning and I am accepting mediocrity. WTF?

    Your double black diamond story brought back my barefoot water skiing story...I only had one way to go...jump out and plant your feet. It was a rush when they planted and I conquered the fear and had success.

    As I sit here thinking about that day...the baby steps to that point of jumping off built confidence and as my confidence grew...the orchestra got louder trying to stop me or slow me down. I can clearly see the next 3 steps to accomplishing one of my goals this month.

    Holy Sh*t....I'm starting to R.O.C.K.
  • woo-HOO!

    That's awesome! Love it!

    Aren't HOLY SHIT moments great? (After the fact, that is)!
  • christinelivingston
    Well, I thought my only challenges (after yesterday's post) were productivity and follow-through. I'd completely missed the stuff about sabotage.

    My sabotaging is less of the voice in my head that says "you can't". It's more of a general refusal or denial to own that I'm any good at something that, on a good day, I'd say I was outstanding about. Nevertheless, I'm going to sit with this Holy Shit exercise and see if it helps. (I have a fairly recent example of walking ten miles through the snow recently - snow had put our roads out of use - to get to a supermarket. I'd been SURE I'd turn back, but not only completed it successfully, but enjoyed it!!)
  • 10 miles in the snow! Christine, you just plain ROCK!

    Self-doubt is nothing new to anyone because even our greatest leaders say when they look back at their journey, they had doubts. In fact, the bigger the journey, the bigger the doubt!

    Another exercise you may find helpful is to get your mojo on!
    (It sounds silly, but trust me!)

    #1: Pick the grooviest music you have available (or go to Blip.fm or Grooveshark and find something to suit your mood)!

    #2: ROCK OUT (and I mean, rock out, baby! Don't hold anything back)

    #3: Return to changing your game!

    Why it works? Physical movement triggers emotional movement. I find shifting gears and getting moving helps free up my creativity and get unstuck!
  • christinelivingston
    Thanks, Carla, for your affirmation!

    The advice about rocking isn't silly at all for me - I love music!! Your comment made me realise that I can be in my head and take myself TOO seriously sometimes. Having fun and getting my groove on feels phenomenally liberating. I'm off to get my iPod on now. I downloaded some cool stuff from iTunes recently - time to turn up the volume!!
  • We ALL take ourselves too seriously! SERIOUSLY! But isn't life about embracing the fun!

    ROCK OUT!
  • wow, this was great reinforcement for me today! Carla you could have been speaking to me directly! Ah the "cheat step". Now I have something to call it. That is an incredible and valid point.
    Personally can connect w/the skiing story too, oh been there done that!
    Thanks for this post, it certainly hit home!!!
  • I also have to add that I often tell myself, well I took that scary step but I'm still not as good as xxx, or I could have done it better, so screw it I'm not bothering bcz I'm not good enough. I hate it when those voices scream at me!
  • I'm learning that lots of people take cheat steps thinking they are moving forward when really they are spinning their wheels!

    Oh those voices... ;)

    #1: Stop comparing yourself! Because that's just a demotivational exercise that gives you an excuse to stall your forward momentum!

    #2: Ditch the perfectionism! As I recovering perfectionist myself, I can tell you that go with "Good is good enough" because not doing something or waiting for perfection gets you ZERO results! Doing something, even if it isn't perfect to start with, will get you results (even if it kicks you into gear to roll out the more perfect version faster)! Often you will find there is no need to redo and you can continue moving onward and upward!
  • BUSTED!!!! You nailed me Carla with that ONE parenthetical sentence you added... "Not a cheat step where you spend a day feigning work “organizing your office” or other busy work, but an actual step forward!). I've been taking a LOT of game-changing actions the past few days and starting to get momentum... and today my inner (what I call "small self chatter") has been running full time. "I've made a lot of progress... so I can take the day off today and get my office cleaned up and organized so that THEN I'll be ready to get REALLY move forward again tomorrow. Besides, I'm tired. Besides, I focus better in the morning and it's too late now." BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!

    While there's some truth to that... that's my sabotaging pattern! Just when I start to get some momentum going for myself... I'll ease off and distract myself with the surface stuff that is easier and more comfortable. Now, I DO have to do some of those things today... but it's time to break my "all or nothing" AND still take a REAL step (or two or three) that is a game-changer and really moving me toward my goals. Your post was PERFECTLY timed for me! Thanks to you! (Thanks to you too, Sarah!)
  • Teresa,
    It certainly feels good to know that you even you struggle in this area. As you know, I have in the past been a bury my head in the sand kind of girl, this includes lying to myself about what I'm really accomplishing. Carla really nailed it with the "cheater" step. I've consistently taken those and convinced myself that I'm "working" on my business.

    Time to change the game and make some real progress!
  • Woo-HOO! That is awesome, Teresa!

    So now that you know that you have this nasty little fake work habit, you need to really FOCUS each week and every single day on what you want to accomplish. Don't go crazy and give yourself a task list 8 miles long, but really ask yourself the question:

    What can I do TODAY (from start to finish) that will move me forward?

    I would be happy to see everyone wallowing in a filthy office if it meant they were so busy getting it done!

    (Important caveat: a tidy office does help with productivity, but never EVER make that a task -- it's a habit). What I mean is you need to create systems (the same ones your mother taught you) -- put everything away when you are done.

    The other thing about momentum is that speed and forward movement builds more speed and forward movement so easing up is exactly the wrong thing to do at that point. Pour on more speed and activity and really earn a REAL honest to goodness break!

    No excuses now -- you go girl!
  • Sabotage? NOT me! At least not today! WAHOO! Happy Dance in Wisconsin! I DID it!!! Just spent one solid hour of uninterrupted, focused "game-changing" action!!!! My office hasn't changed but I SURE have!!! This is huge.. and has created a powerful "muscle memory" for me... No looking down now! I'm still ROCKING ahead... thanks for the nudge/challenge/encouragement (all in one) today! NOW I'm going to go enjoy my dinner with a BIG grin on my face (even bigger than the one in my pic!)!
  • Rocking with you, Teresa! That's awesome!

    Great analogy about building muscle-memory because this becomes another tool to use and look back on when you need the push. Create a journal entry, a collage or whatever helps you remember how awesome you feel today!
  • sarahrobinson
    Boo-Ya! Look at ya'll go. Super super stuff everyone. And thank you Carla for offering such great additional insights. :-)
  • I'll second that! Ya'll are go-getters!
  • I am giddy with game-changing excitement! Not only am I putting onto paper the many goals that until now have merely been colliding with one another inside my head, but I’m envisioning the Holy Shit exhilaration of my one and only whitewater rafting experience down Class IV rapids in Colorado and equating that to how I want to feel as I live my life: Excited! In motion and moving forward! Knowledgeable! Capable! Screaming “WOO HOO, WHAT A RIDE!”

    I want to go with the flow and stop fearfully trying to paddle back up the rapid of my life. I want to feel the turbulence of the rapids as much as I want to feel the joy of success.

    The most interesting similarity between my Holy Shit moment and this game-changing challenge? Excellent and timely guidance. Coincidence? I think NOT!

    Thank you Sarah, Sherman and Carla!!!
  • Woo-HOO...what a ride indeed!

    Thank you for sharing your HOLY SHIT moment, Lola!

    What a great metaphor: stop trying to paddle back up the rapid of your life!

    Put them to paper and start doing! Our daily activities are what determine our success!

    WOO-HOO!
  • That little critic in my head is actually a fully-fledged top-tier orchestra. They have the own fat lady (who never stops singing) and everything. I am my own biggest roadblock. Still struggling to get out of my own damn way.
  • Ha, love the orchestra comparison! My head gets like a full out rock concert that has your ears ringing!
  • Use daily stepping stones to get out of your own way and remember that nothing quiets the inner critic like success so seek out opportunities for success (big or little)!
  • juliepuentes
    I love this post and this subject has been on my radar for a few months now. I can recommend a great book on this subject called "The War of Art."
    What I find so tricky about this sabotage/resistance to excelling and extreme success is how difficult it can be to recognize you are going down that road. It seems to creep up on you in the form of rationalization or getting sick, etc and before you know it, success is not an option. Any thoughts from the group on this?
  • You are absolutely right! Our sabotage can sneak up on us in many ways! The trick is recognizing the ways that we fall into that trap and having a plan in place to deal with it when it does happen!

    Thank you for the book recommendation!
  • kristieschwanebeck
    The inevitable "imposter " syndrome. Wow, that ones a tough one for me. I have been born and bred a small town city girl and the "imposter" syndrome hits me on a regualr basis. For me it sounds like this: "Who do you think you are coming up against all these people with so much more vast experience/knowledge etc et....", and "Who do you think you are holding meetings with CEO's....if then only knew you like I do, they wouldn't give you the time of day."

    What I have done previously is to chunk things that I am terrified to do into 15 minute chunks. The power of 15!. But I really like what you are saying: go back to prior Holy S**t moments, pick them apart and live in the feelings of empowering and success you felt once you accomplished that task before you set out on your next task. I like that "channelling" of those strength times before you hit up against you don't think you can accomplish.

    Thanks for this timely post, for as I am in this 30 day game changing, I am already finding that I am feeling very overwhlemed with what I have in store for me this year. It was just what I needed to hear to give me that extra push through.

    Thank Carla and thank you Sarah again, for bringing to the table someone inspiring!
  • joecheray
    I come from a small town too and I can relate to what you said. It does seem that small town folks kind of get the stereotype that we are simple minded folks that don't know much but town gossip. So for small town gals like us to get out there and rub elbows with the big town corporate suit and ties it does feel intimidating at best. I left my small town at the age of 15 but still feel those small town roots tugging at my shirt sleeves.
  • Here's a quote that I never get tired of and maybe you'll feel the same way.

    “We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? ...when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Let go girl and you'll be liberating me.
  • woo-HOO!

    Love it! Rocking the liberation with you, Cherry!
  • Wendy
    totally relate re: Imposter Syndrome.

    I was at an industry luncheon and a top female exec from my company was accepting an award and she said she felt like an imposter when she first got this important VP job. That's what I realized I wasn't alone in my complex/fears - here was an extremely capable and intelligent leader at our company who had the same questioning thoughts!

    We just need to remind ourselves we are worthy, we have worked hard to get where we are and we deserve even more.
  • You are never along in thinking that. The only thing you can do is feel the fear and do it anyway!
  • Hey Kristie!

    I think our inner critics must be cousins! :-) I could SO relate to what you wrote about being in a small town and that "who do you think you are.. if they only knew you like I do." I so GET that! Until last month (when I took my first game-changing action in this direction), I let this chatter rule! I have lived in a small town/rural community for 12 years now.. and NOT ONCE (until last month) have I done any networking about my business, no promoting of myself, nothing! Talk about limiting me! But I'm changing that game now!! You can too!
  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
    Kristie, I often talk to my audiences about the "chunk it down" approach. I use when I was training for the 60 mile 3 day breast cancer walk as an example. I love your idea of 15 minute chunks, and the "power of 15." May I share that?
  • kristieschwanebeck
    Hi Ava,

    Feel free to use that concept I wrote more of it in my blog: http://asimplegirlwithbigdreams.blogspot.com/20.... Feel free to check it out for a more complete context. Hope that helps. Sorry I have been deliquent in my reply I was unavailable til now. Thanks for your input and encouragement!
  • Thank you for your honesty with your response...WOW!

    #1: You are not an IMPOSTER!

    Step into the room like you own it because baby, you do! Period.

    #2: Use both HOLY SHIT moments and chunks to get things done!

    Success brings more success and the feelings of being successful. Nothing gets inner critics to shut the *F* up like success.

    #3: Tackle overwhelm one day at a time!

    I know how hard it is to step into something big, especially when it means changing your game. Start with a big picture strategy session and get crystal clear on what you want to achieve and then put that away and focus on the daily tasks that get you there. It's important to continue to check back, but if that big something freaks you out, focus on the daily steps because those are what matter.
  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
    Great post, Carla!

    And Connie, my inner critic often brings a committee as well. Will have to check and see if they're wearing ninja outfits.

    I thought I'd share a tool I teach for silencing the inner critic, and changing your inner mindscape. It's one I learned from one of my early metaphysical teachers, Kennedy Shultz.

    When my inner critic starts, I say to myself, "Stop. That's a damn lie. It has nothing to do with me. Because the truth is........." and I insert something positive, generally the opposite of the lies the inner critic is whispering (or screaming.)

    I affirm what is true at the core of my being--that place where my heart and my passion are, where my strengths and my talents are, where I am strong and powerful and creative and feisty!

    It shifts my energy, and moves me forward. Perhaps it might work for others.

    Thanks again, Sarah, for this wonderful community, and this brilliant idea of 30 Days to Changing Your Game.
  • You have a committee? Me too - glad to know I'm not the only one. I'm getting very ready to fire their sorry asses. Just don't need them anymore or the crap they say. Wanna fire yours too?
    Jen
  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
    I've not found firing them to be a permanent solution yet. So I just use the "Stop. That's a damn lie....." approach above : ) It works!
  • DO IT!
  • Ava, that is a super Inner Critic Shusher statement! Thank you for sharing. Noted it in my journal so I'll hush the inner critics that live in my head. And I love strong, powerful, creative and feisty people. ;)
  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
    That's great, Lori--"Inner Critic Shusher statement."
  • Ooooh....i love that Ava !!! Thanks for sharing :=)
  • Me too, great advice thank you!
  • Thank you, Ava for sharing that tool!

    STOP! That's a damn lie! Love it!
  • Speaking of points, how come I only have 1 and it's day 3?
    In terms of Holy Shit moments the first one that came to mind for me was also in the physical realm. I was consistently "being careful not to get hurt" as a kid so when I made last year's birthday goal to do a headstand and a forearm stand I was scared. Sometimes still am a little if haven't done one for a while, but then I kick my way up into those positions and feel damn good each time. And I'm stronger, literally, for doing it.
    Thanks for your openness Carla.
  • Thank you for sharing!

    Isn't it amazing how those little victories make us so much stronger?
  • LaConsuelo
    My little inner voice has friends - "The Committee" - and they all wear ninja outfits! I had a HOLY SHIT moment just last summer when, at 49, I took my first ever surfing lesson. Man, I was TERRIFIED. The Committee definitely wanted me to give up and go home, but my instructor wouldn't hear of it and I refused to come back with a report about how I QUIT instead of how I maybe just sucked. On the very last (attempted) ride in, I went with mySELF and switched which foot was in front because it just FELT right. Lo and behold, I stood up and rode that wave in! More important than the victory (plus a good story), was the feeling of having my focus, my awareness completely altered in that moment. It was a feeling of hyper-aliveness when I realized I AM DOING IT! So, today, I'll disregard the disarray in my office (never realized tidying was a cheat!) and do THAT THING The Committee doesn't wanna. Thanks, Carla!
  • christinelivingston
    LOL!!

    The Committee - fantastic!!

    And I found your story remarkably inspiring. Thanks for sharing and good luck with doing THAT THING!!
  • LaConsuelo
    Inspiration with a chuckle is what I aim for - thank you. Have done a few of "those things" Wednesday and today - feels good to put my "big girl pants" on! See you around this campfire ~
  • Awesome story LaConsuelo! What really spoke to me was when you said you went with what felt right for you.... that trusting and embracing yourself instead of trying to do what others are doing or trying to make you something you're not. And then, of course, it happened! THAT's the energy I want to bring to my life AND my business more and more!
  • LaConsuelo
    Thanks, Teresa! I'd been heeding the instructor's assessment that I was right-footed just because I'm right-handed when I know that's not how it always works for me. Blammo! Take the guidance and integrate it with what you know is true for you. Happy to be in this tribe with you!
  • The Committee...I LOVE IT!

    What a great story of living through your HOLY SHIT moment!
  • DANG IT!!! Now I have to log off because sitting here thinking of a clever response was my freaking way of taking your blasted CHEAT STEP! I'm going now, with anxiety out the ying yang, so I can go sell myself as the Queen of Peak Performance. Breathing...focusing...
  • Cheat Steps are sneaky, aren't they? It's amazing how many so-called important tasks we can ditch when we choose to really focus on moving forward toward our success!

    Go get 'em!
  • I ate a frog this morning. I'm actually living a holy sh!t moment right farkin' now. There is no such thing as coincidence. This blogpost hit me square in the melon. I need to put up or shut up...or forever live w/the fact that I had my chance and pissed it away.

    I've got work to do. See y'all tomorrow. Best, M.
  • You ate a REAL FROG? HOLY SHIT!

    Put up or shut up...well put!

    Remember that it's what we do DAILY that leads to changing our game. Tiny moments of brilliance isn't going to cut it!
  • kymlee
    I'm not sure what scares the shit out of me most anymore. In some ways success is scarier than failure because at least with failure I'm on familiar ground. I feel like so much of what I've planned for the year will lead me to unfamiliar territory. Regardless, I guess I should get a move on. Every day is the first day of the rest of my life, right? Committing is hard, but I've been taking baby steps (as recommended by Mrs. Robinson herself ;)) and making commitments. Holy shit, that's scary!
  • joecheray
    This sounds like me. I do WANT to succeed really. I get scared and think that I don't have what it takes to run with the big dogs in the business world when I know that I do. My grandmother used to tell me that I was a smart little girl and I could do anything I put my mind to, but then I get this niggling voice that tells me I am not good enough because my"mom"didn't want me and still doesn't. There are issues that I have from growing up and my early adult life that seem to paralyze me from really being who I want to be.
  • Mixx
    As Tony Robbins says, "stop shoulding on yourself".

    Trust yourself - Enjoy the ride - your ride, no one else's...

    Jump!!( it's not as far as you think!)

    p.s. and we're all here to catch you :-) xx
  • kymlee
    Thanks Michelle. It's nice to be so encouraged by strangers. I tend to isolate myself so I live largely in my head and while I fancy myself an overachiever it takes far more courage to take a chance on failure in the quest for success. I'm committed to accomplishing my goals this year. I don't want to be mediocre, I want to live to my full potential, which means that I have to take chances, and as you said, I need to jump.

    That's why I'm here, because I'm ready to take the leap. I'm glad I found a community to catch me. :D
  • You need community! I'm thrilled that you found it here! It makes the jump a LOT easier!
  • Michelle, I totally love the Tony Robbins quote.....thanks for sharing and YES, "We" will be here to catch you !! R.O.C.K. on~~>>>
  • It sounds like success scares the SHIT out of you!

    Absolutely take baby steps, but not so babyish that you are sandbagging (and giving yourself the self-sabotaging excuse of taking it slow).

    The key to changing your game is to take DAILY STEPS (baby and big ones) that move you forward AND build on your successes to propel yourself further forward!

    And remember, if it's not scary, we're not growing! Good work!
  • Kristin
    I'm scared so I'm growing? Like that. Makes the challenge less scary.
  • Oh I like that one, "if its not scary we're not growing". I needed that today. I'm going to a chamber meeting tonite that I've never been to before, and need to promote my business there. Good advice, thank you.
  • Excellent article Carla. I have to examine this one really closely. As with many othe rpeople, I tend to cloak my self sabotage into some fancy reasoning and justification of why I'm doing what I'm doing. Bottom line: self-sabotage, or should I say "success sabotage."

    Last weekend I did a firewalk. Talk about overcoming fears and getting through a Holy Shit moment. Just focus, bring in the power, intend, and go. It was a great experience to show me I can do anything. Thank you for your post to bring it around again. Reminders are necessary, I've discovered.

    Lisa
  • Thank you for sharing your firewalk experience! woo-HOO...

    It's imperative that we constantly bring ourselves back into focus and out of self-sabotage because it's a daily challenge! Try using visual reminders in your office and around your house (heck...even put one in your purse for motivation-on-the-go) to bring back your Holy Shit moment.
  • michelesfakianos
    Ok - so this really hit home with me. (holy shit!) This applies not only to my professional life, but to my personal life and exercise. I've been saying I want to lose weight but I have every excuse in the book of why to not go to the gym everyday. It's always something that seems to stand in my way. Professionally, this also applies, because I feel that I get too busy to do the tasks that it takes to make my business a success and then look back later and wonder why I don't have the business I should!
  • Thank you for your honesty in sharing how you are self-sabotaging!

    woo-HOO!

    That is the FIRST STEP (and you've already done it)!

    Now what I want you to do is this:

    #1: Get rid of the excuses! That's just a way to shift your accountability.

    If you can't make it to the gym, set yourself up at home. You don't need a lot of equipment or structure...just go! If there's something that I find challenging to get started on, I plan the night before and get myself all set up. Clothes out, water bottle filled and time set! I even tweet my intentions so my followers kick my ass if I don't do it.

    #2: Ditch the busy work and focus on strategic priorities!

    Leave your desk a mess (within reason because you don't want it affecting your productivity), take half a day to answer email (mysteriously questions often answer themselves if you give people enough time) and cut out any other administrivia!

    NOW you have time to work ON your business, instead of IN it! Focusing on strategic priorities may require that you spend a bit of time identifying what your strategic priorities are. Spend a bit of time at that, but don't turn that into another excuse to spin your wheels. Simply identify 3 core objectives and use that to vett all tasks.
  • SpiritusShelagh
    "Administrivia" What a wonderful word!

    I do a lot of that.......
  • michelesfakianos
    I was just going to say "I'll do my best to stop making excuses" but that doesn't even sound like a plan or a definite! So, instead, I will respond as I Will do this!
  • woo-HOO!
  • lorilatimer
    Well that's a Holy Shit challenge if I ever heard one! But... just what I need to get me to pick one of those things that scares the shit out of me and DO IT. Luckily I have a lot to choose from :)
  • Go get 'em, girl (and pick the scariest Holy Shit you've got)!

    After that, everything will be easy because you can look back and say "I did that even though it scared the crap out of me! I rock!"
  • I *love* this article, and it really resonates with me. It reminds me of a song in the musical "[Title of Show]" called "Die Vampire Die," about the various energy-suckers that get in the way of our achieving success. The Vampire of Despair -- the voice of sabotage in our heads -- is the most dangerous one.

    The advice to seek out and embrace Holy Shit moments is also well-timed -- thanks!
  • Scott, thanks. Envisioning a vampire energy-sucker could be enough to never sabotage myself again.
  • Thanks, Scott! Not familiar with Die Vampire Die, but energy suckers are dangerous!

    Pay attention to that inner voice because the closer you get, the louder it gets! I find myself suddenly turning into a neat-freak which is totally uncharacteristic for me (and then I know I'm running scared from something and need to stop and deal with it)!
  • Cheat Step. I like that. I think that's something I need to work on. I sometimes spend my time on things that give me the illusion of progress rather than actual progress.

    A well timed post Carla! I'm worked through a self-sabotage moment last night and it was great to read your views on them!
  • The illusion effect can be powerful. Been there done that...in fact to you think this reply falls into that category? Hmm..
  • Catching ourselves taking Cheat Steps is something we need to do daily because we are literally overwhelmed with distractions - twitter, facebook, answering email, checking voicemail, tidying up your office.

    It all has to be done, right?

    WRONG!

    You need to place time limits on busy-work and focus (and focus HARD) on priority work. Set daily goals of priority tasks that MUST be accomplished (I aim for 2 to 3, but if it's a big one, only schedule in one)! The trick is you have to do it.

    Start to observe when and how you start self-sabotaging and bring yourself back to the list.

    Good work, Alex!
  • This step scares me more than any other! In part because I really DO need to do some organization to find the things I need to move me forward! The key is not getting caught up in the "cleaning" and, once I've found what I need, stopping to do something with that.
  • BUSTED again Carla! Are you sure you're not in my mind!!!

    Emails, voicemails, Quickbooks, Facebook, this BLOG for that matter... they all HAVE to be done! Scheduling my BEST time for my most important actions.. the make a REAL difference actions.. and then not letting anything INTERRUPT that time... and let the rest get done as they can be... that's a discipline I've not been consistent at. Hmmm... actually, thinking back, I have been consistent at it for periods of time... and then I stop. Gee, Sabotage? Me? :-)
  • Teresa - like you I've been trying to be better about the emails, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. and on and on and on! I use Outlook so I created a special little folder for what I've labeled as "third" meaning that those are #3 on my list each day. I've been adding rules, etc. to things that come in on a daily basis to get routed directly to that folder. Then I set aside time to check that little folder. I've found that I am much more productive on actual "work" during the day as I'm not getting sidetracked on the "not so important" things. (and I can think clearer by not panicking when I open outlook and see 142 messages in my regular inbox!) That space is becoming more and more precious and I only want emails from clients and prospective clients to end up in that box (and, of course, the current exception of Sarah's daily email during these 30 days). :-)
  • Not in your mind...just experienced at dealing with it myself!

    It truly is a daily battle to stay focused, but FOCUS we must!
  • Mixx
    I learnt a great strategy on this from Brian Johnson, and his fab Philosophers Notes (bit.ly/4G2ShK) . In order to make sure he doesn't spend all day lost in dealing with email, checking espn and doing 'busywork', he simply chooses to do his 'creative work' first each day - he doesn't allow himself to do anything else until he's done the important stuff.

    I tried this for a week, thinking it wouldn't work, or it would be impossible not to check email first thing every morning... how could anyone not check their mail??

    Now I'm a convert - I actually get a kick out of not allowing myself to check email or get distracted until I've spent at least two hours in the studio, or written a post for my blog, or made those calls I was dreading. It's not just eating the frog, it's inviting all his cousins round to breakfast and elevenses!! Creatively speaking, I've got far more productive since I adopted this daily habit.

    Mind you, my inbox says I now have 352 unread messages..... HOLY SHIT!!
  • Kristin
    Starting the day with 'real' work is a great strategy. Just today I caught myself getting lost in answering e-mails, checking all social networks, and yes, cleaning and organising the office. At the end of the day I had this gnawing feeling that I did not accomplish anything important from my list. Carla's post came just in time...

    Michelle, I will copy your strategy of not looking at my e-mails before I have done at least one of the creative or important things of my list. Thank you for sharing.
  • Starting your day with creative work is a fantastic strategy! I try to get in as much as I can before the distractions kick in. I've even started getting up earlier in the morning so I can secretly be at my desk working.
  • Here's a good post on what Carla's talking about.
    http://bit.ly/6dsr0T
  • sarahrobinson
    Notes to the Tribe:

    You all are so impressive. :-)

    Here are a few things that are happening that will enrich your experience here:

    1) If you have signed up to be on the email list (you get little extras from me), you MUST complete the double opt-in process to get them. Look for an email from me in your inbox or in your spam folder and click on the link inside it.
    2) I have set up a Face book Group for us: http://www.facebook.com/#/group.php?gid=2460148...
    3) I built a list on twitter of all the guest bloggers to make it easy for you to follow them: http://twitter.com/#/list/SarahRobinson/thirtyd...
    4) And our day just couldn’t get crankin’ without a theme song, right?! Today’s is Tub Thumpin: http://tinysong.com/7BUT
  • StephanieCorum
    I love Tub Thumpin!
  • LOL! Great song choice! Made me get up & dance.
  • EGADS! I didn't even see that there's a song! Listening to it right now!

    woo-HOO
  • LaConsuelo
    Every tribe's gotta have a war whoop!
  • I like that - a war whoop!
  • The music alone would keep me coming back. Smiling and moving with it!
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