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Changing Your Game Through Shifting Your Focus [Day 7 - 30 Days to Changing Your Game]

This is Day 7 of 30 Days to Changing Your Game.  Yesterday we did some inside work with Kimberlee Morrison . Today, we are truly lucky indeed because the Go-Giver himself, Bob Burg, teaches how shifting our focus might be the biggest game-changer of all.

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Changing Your Game Through Shifting Your Focus

By Bob Burg (@BobBurg)

Shifting your focus from getting to giving – in this case meaning “constantly and consistently adding value to people’s lives” – is not only a nice way to live life, but a financially profitable way, as well.

You might already be doing that. If that is the case…no need to change your game. More often than not, however, it seems that with that giving comes an agenda. In other words, “yes, I’m going to give, because if I give enough, and to the right people, eventually I’ll get.”

The true spirit of giving (yes, even in business) is to give “without attachment” to receiving. This should not be confused with “giving without expecting to receive.” Why wouldn’t you expect to receive? Receiving is a natural part of life. What it does mean is that you give; you provide value on an ongoing basis, without – here are the key words – “emotional attachment or demand” to receiving, from that person or from anyone else.

No, you give because you truly enjoy giving. You give because it’s who you are. And, because it’s who you are, it’s what you do. And, when you do that, great and magnificent results will begin to occur. Why? Because when you are known for and positioned as a giver (a “Go-Giver” if I may) people feel good about you. People know you, they like you, and they trust you. And now you begin to naturally attract the people who will do business with you personally, and via referral.

The key in changing your game is indeed through the shifting of your focus…from an “I-Orientation” to an “Other-Orientation.” You actually take your eyes off of yourself and focus totally on bringing value to the other person; and that is often well-before you do business with them personally.

Let me ask you this; whether in-person or via social media, how can you bring value to someone’s life, aside from directly through your products or services? Think of five ways right now. In fact, I’d love you to list them in the comments section below. Watch how many show up. While not all will be relatable to you or those to whom you desire to add value, many of them certainly will be. Utilize them as you see fit.

The true relationship-builders, The Go-Givers, those who have mastered the art of the shift, understand that successful business relationships – like any other relationships – are not 50/50 but simply 100 percent; yes, you actually put yourself into the mindset of caring more about the success of the other than about your own success.

Ecademy founder and author of “Networking for Life”, Thomas Powers refers to this concept as “the willing suspension of self-interest.” So, much in the same way when going to the movies we “willingly suspend our disbelief” in order to enjoy the show and feel the feelings, here we willingly put our self-interest aside. Note, he didn’t advise “forgoing” your self-interest; but rather suspending it. And, for the reason summarized above (more formally, “all things being equal, people will do business with, and refer business to, those people they know, like and trust”), it will actually bring you huge dividends.

And, by the way, If suspending your self-interest doesn’t feel natural, do it anyway. First, you’ll love the results; secondly, you’ll actually “act your way into being it.”

Yes, change your game by shifting your focus. And may 2010 be your best year yet!

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bob9a Changing Your Game Through Shifting Your Focus [Day 7 30 Days to Changing Your Game]

Bob Burg (http://www.burg.com/) is co-author (with John David Mann) of the national bestseller, “The Go-Giver” and their soon-to-be released “Go-Givers Sell More.” He is also author of “Endless Referrals.” You can subscribe to Bob’s blog by visiting www.burg.com/blog/. And, you can acknowledge the “Go-Givers” in your life by giving them “The Go-Giver Award.” Visit http://www.thegogiveraward.com/

To download the Introduction and Chapter 1 of their newest book, “Go-Givers Sell More” visit http://www.GoGiversSellMore.com/chapter.php

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This entry was posted on Sunday, January 17th, 2010 at 9:30 am and is filed under 30 Days to Changing Your Game. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  • kkwellness
    Just a quick comment. I very much believe the way of giving without the expectation of return.
    The list on how I can give reminds me to use a mind map. I pretty sure Bob is familiar with the subject (blog post?). There are a few things off the top of my head. However, I want to do the list.
  • Bob

    Thanks for a great blog. I haven't read the other comments yet as I wanted to come up with my own. I could only think of 3 that I think I do fairly well but I am hoping more will come to me when I read the comments.

    1. Be a good listener-I enjoy listening to people and listen carefully. People are so busy today and I think sometimes forget how important it is to listen. Everyone wants someone to pay attention to what is going on in their life.

    2. Helping with a boring or difficult task or chore-This may sound silly but it's always more fun to do a task or chore with someone else. My sister & I don't see each other as often as we like but whenever together, we are always in sync with what needs to be done. She came to my house not too long ago and we cleaned out closets and had a blast, and vice versa if she needs help w/ something.

    3. Making someone laugh-I have a pretty good sense of humor and live in a crazy household (at least that's what my co-worker tells me). There is always something funny that happens at my house or some one-liner I throw out there. I like it when I see a smile on someone's face, especially if they are having a rough moment.

    You are right, Bob. Giving for the sake of giving is awesome. It helps someone else and just lifts the spirits. Thanks.
  • Thank you, Lori. I think all three of your suggestions were terrific!
  • Again I feel blessed to be part of the 30Days tribe!

    Bob, this was such a brilliant post and since so many have already commented on things that stood out for me, I will simply leave my 5 giving things for today:
    -teach my young sons a new song (learning and singing give them the most joy)
    -compliment 3 strangers when doing my errands
    -call a friend in need and listen actively
    -send my hubby a text to let him know I appreciate how hard he is working for our family
    -send a handwritten note reconnecting w/ a friend who I've not been in touch with for over a year

    Thank you again for helping us to refocus our gaze outward so that our hearts might grow!
  • I truly appreciate your kind words about the post, and very impressed with your "5." I know you'll be touching some lives in a very meaningful way.
  • Mike Korner
    1) Take time to comment on blogs :)
    2) Say thanks when someone provides a post, article, ebook, etc. that helps you or makes you think.
    3) Reach out when someone needs something.
    4) Ask questions of others. This allows them to know how valuable their knowledge can be.
    5) Truly care about others. When you care, it shows and they feel it.

    Thanks for this post Bob! Thanks for bringing all of this together Sarah!
  • Thank YOU, Mike. All great points. Number 4 is something that can really help someone feel how intrinsically valuable the are.
  • ellegb
    Loved the post Bob, and a great idea to kick start it off Sarah.

    A couple of suggestions

    1. We were just leaving a carpark as I moved slowly away I wound down my window and said to the guy who had just pulled in - here, this ticket still has a couple of hours worth of money on it. The look on his face when he said wow, thanks... my daughter just looked at me as if I was mad - but a few days later when I was trawling a different carpark trying to find a space - two ladies said - if you follow us, you can have our space, we're just leaving.... my daughter said - that was because you gave that guy your ticket wasn't it

    2. Smile - If everyone smiled more, the world would be a much happier place to live - and the best bit, they're free, easily given and guaranteed to brighten most people's day

    3. I still hand write letters to people. In the days of instant everything - getting a hand written letter is one of the nicest ways to say - I care

    4. I helped a friend who was desperate for money over Christmas and New Year - one of those rare, unfortunate - when nothing goes right for someone kind of moments .... I don't have a lot to spare with 2 kids and bills to pay, but his need was greater than mine....

    5. Clean - a friend / family members / sick neighbor's house as a surprise.... if you have been given access and you have a couple of hours spare - get scrubbing....

    All the best - can't wait for the remaining days ....
  • Those are great, Elle. Thank you for sharing.
  • My five for today:
    Help others brainstorm ideas for their blog posts
    Listen to a friend with a troubled teen
    Help a someone new to twitter learn the ropes
    Retweet a post that's important to someone else
    Support the organizaitons that are helping in Haiti
  • Aweome "5" Susan!
  • ckensler
    I've been reading all of your comments and really want to add my own -- this is such a good reminder to all of us. Thinking about how we show up to other people is something I've been doing lately - and that includes adding value to their lives without expecting anything from them. By showing up and being honestly present with them we are truly adding value. Thanks for the reminders and the great comments from everyone!
  • And thank you for THAT great comment. :-)
  • My belief is that we all have things that can add value to others, and if you think you don't you need to look at some of the key traits to your personality. For example, I am a great listener, I have always been that way so I use that to give value to others. People come to me with problems/ challenges because they know I'll listen first and foremost, than, if they wish I can give them my thoughts to help. So, my 5 things to add value to others would be: 1) be an open ear (listen) 2) find people that are going through something you've been through and help/ advise them 3) be kind/ complement; it's amazing how good it makes me feel when I can make someone else smile 4) help others connect, if you kow people that could benefit from knowing one another introduce them 5) as Nate stated, always be appreciative/ thankful of other peoples lives, time, words, etc...show them.

    Thanks, great conversation and another great article by Bob.
  • Thank you, Matt. And, you bring up a great point in that we all have our unique strengths that we can utilize as a way of adding value to others. In fact, @MikeLitman calls it, your "asset of value." Thanks, Matt!
  • Hi Bob,

    You know that I love your book, The Go-Giver, and for the other readers of this blog, I 'd suggest giving copies of your book to the people they care about. I've lost count of how many books I've given away.

    I heard a great story about a Boulder coffee shop that has a drive-thru frequented by by givers. On random days, someone at the front of the line pays for a coffee for the person in the car behind them. That person buys for the person behind them, and all of a sudden, 18 people enjoy a special treat from a stranger.

    Thanking someone for doing something that they always do consistently well costs absolutely nothing and makes the receiver feel great. Just remembering to appreciate people sincerely is a gesture that makes us as the giver feel great.

    Giving to someone in need - for instance the Haitians who are struggling to survive after the earthquake is something we all can do. Even a small donation can save someone's life.

    Finally, thank you, Bob, for your continuous generosity and for sharing your story with us. Big hugs, my friend.
  • Thank YOU, Gail, both for your kind words and your excellent suggestions!
  • The movement here is going to be back to basics,

    back to what matters, back to our true values in

    families, in relationships, in business and commerce,

    in politics, and in the world., is what Neale Walsch shared.

    Bob, you have given the strongest challenge yet, for the beginning of 2010! Wow!
    And how does one out polish Nate's thoughtful message?
    I will say, yes, and Amen!
  • That was a powerful message from YOU, Lorene. Thank you.
  • Thanks Bob for your post. And thanks Nate for your 5 ideas, they're essentially what I was thinking. "Nice" is a word that isn't used often anymore, or some people I know see it as bland word' but like you the word and subsequent actions carry a lot of meaning. My being nice at the mechanic's or in a retail store (my point is common, easy encounters) have too often caused the recipient to be surprised and then they too are pleasant and chatty. We all feel good.
  • Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Cherry. Yes, being nice (in this case, the word "nice" and "kind" having the same meaning, since your niceness is genuine) :-) is simply one of the easiest ways to add value to others and cause them to feel good about you right back. And, good things happen so much faster and easier that way, don't they?
  • sarahyewtree
    Another completely affirming post which has allowed me to reflect on the myriad of decisions I'm having to make at the moment...thank you
  • Thank YOU, Sarah.
  • Thank you, Bob, for your beautiful post (and to Sarah for putting together this amazing challenge). And to all of you here who shared such thoughtful comments and experiences. You are all so amazing. Imagine what we could accomplish together if we put all our gifts and energy together all at once! Wow!

    For me, sending words of thanks or encouragement to anyone who brightens my day, enlightens me or just needs an extra boost of support, comes naturally. It gives me great joy. I'm a hugger. I smile at people, acknowledge them and say thank you. I've been accused at "giving to a fault," but you know what? I don't see it that way at all. This is the greatest gift I have been given and I'm so very grateful that I use it. One thing I need to improve on is the follow through...sometimes I give too much and not enough. Make sense?

    Today's 5:
    1) Thanked my husband for taking our son for a day of Daddy and Son time, along with cooking the most delicious Paella tonight. He is my soul mate.
    2) Hugged my 10 yr old daughter and spent time hanging out with her late this afternoon listening to her go on an on about her 24 hours w/ one of her best friends. She is such a beautiful, intelligent and fascinating person.
    3) Worked on pro bono design work for one of my favorite local charities, The Women's Center. I've been designing their materials and offering marketing/PR advice for the past 10 years. The staff and board supporting this organization are truly amazing and I have learned so much from them.
    4) Made a coffee date tomorrow for a friend/client who is an incredibly talented baker and unsure of what to do next. I want to give her some free coaching and encourage her to believe in herself. Her eclairs are divine. She's got the chops to do well in the marketplace.
    5) Called a friend who had some scary health news this week to see what I can do to help. She is such a shining light in my life.
  • You're welcome, Lori. And, thank YOU for being a magnificent human being, which shines right through your words, my friend.
  • I am so humbled by your words, Bob. Thank you.
  • Diane Easley
    Bob,

    I try to give compliments as much as I can - I figure everyone can use a boost and I can always find something nice to say. I often forget what I say but people remind me from time to time about how I really did change their attitude and life by a sincere word on their behalf. Powerful stuff.
  • That so rocks, Diane. And, many of those you compliment and cause to feel good about themselves will do the same for someone else, and so on and so on. You never know where a kindness will end. And, who says it even has to? :-)
  • Diane Easley
    I love thinking that kindness just keeps going and do my part to make that so :-) There was an old ad that went something like: You will use this product, love it and then you will tell 5 friends and they will tell 5 friends and so on and so on...... Kindness is the same thing
  • Thanks Mr. Go-Giver!

    One of the biggest take-aways I got from your post and your & John David Mann's fabulous book is how receiving is a natural part of the Go-Giver process and it is a gift to others. I'm blown away by Teresa Romaine's question and how she opened herself up to receive. An abundance coach throwing perception management to the wind in a spirit of receiving what she needs to help more people and knowing that others have similar questions. Such courage!

    It's so easy for coaches/teachers to get in the "I suggest this" mode or attached to appearing to be the expert. If you've been going through this challenge up to this point with a theme of trying to guide others, consider moving from your comfort zone teacher mode to be a STUDENT these 30 days. Share more about what you're learning or going to do differently to change your game. Ask the bloggers questions when they come to you! What an amazing opportunity to broaden our perspectives and come out a different person on the other side.

    My 5 Go-Giving Acts today:
    1. Hold, love and care for my sick daughter (who's napping right now), giving her both the physical care she needs and the memory of a momma who lovingly took care of her when she was sick. Oh, and tell my other kids & husband that I truly am happy that they could still enjoy our family ski trip.
    2. Call my sister who is going through some health challenges and not hang up until I have her laughing hysterically about something :-)
    3. Email/DM 5 people with a great resource that made me think of them.
    4. Email/DM 5 people and tell them why I think they're GREAT (check your inbox Mr. Burg!)
    5. Contribute to this blog's Haiti relief - did you see that if hit $7,000 tonight, an anonymous donor will contribute another $1K?! Please spread the word, Go-Givers!

    Thanks, Bob and Sarah. Your wisdom and friendship deeply enrich my life!
  • Thank you, Dr. Martie! Your acknowledgment means a lot! I, too, hope your daughter feels better soon!
  • Dr Mollie, you did it again. Amazing teaching. Thank you. I agree with you regarding Teresa and the advice you gave to us all. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. Did not realize she was sick. Continued prayers and best wishes to your sister. And, I look forward to checking my email. :-)
  • lorilatimer
    Bob, your post and the comments from everyone are fantastic. I have always been a giver and have never been good at receiving from others. What this has done has put me in a place of being physically and emotionally drained, thereby leaving me little to give to anyone else. I realized that I had to start giving to myself or I would not be any good to anyone else.

    One of the biggest things I've done in the past few months is to learn to give more to others by actually being present with them and giving them my full attention. I've also learned to ask for help when I need it, which is in an odd way a form of giving, because people feel good when they are able to help others out.

    Basically I'm learning how to give in healthier ways for me and for the people I'm giving to. That includes saying "no" when it's necessary, which is something that is very unnatural for me! But when you say "yes" when you really should say "no," you aren't giving anything of substance.

    I think that Sarah and the people who are writing these posts for us are giving all of us something that will truly change our lives, and that is one of the most precious gifts we could hope for. And I think that we are all giving in return by sharing our thoughts and experiences in our comments. I know what it's meant to me, and I'm sure to everyone else as well.
  • Thank you, Lori. Your comment contained some terrific teaching. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.

    With regards to giving to yourself; yes, absolutely vital. And, being able to "receive from others" as well. That's not just semantics; they are two different things, and we need to be able to do both.

    One book that made a huge difference in my life was one I read about 25 years ago when I knew I had to change things within myself in order to be able to receive (until then, I found it difficult to do so). The book was "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, written in 1960. He teaches why we limit ourselves in certain ways, and he teaches us how to overcome that, turn it around, and make the servo-mechanism that is our brain actually work for us instead of against us. You can check it out at amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-New-Mo...

    Again, thank you for writing.
  • lorilatimer
    Thanks for the book suggestion, Bob! I will definitely read that, along with your book :)
  • Thank you, Lori. I hope you enjoy mine (and John David Mann's) as well as Dr. Maltz'.
  • Diane Easley
    Lovely! I have been thinking how I give with a clear heart lately and love the idea of 5 things to add value to someone's life today. My five
    1. Meet with a friend who is unsure of the next steps and mirror back the radiance I see.
    2. Go out of my way to a local coffee shop and thank them for making such great coffee -- you should have seen the face on the barista when I said that - it was like I gave him the best present ever!
    3. Connecting people that have been on my mind lately.
    4. Call those people who made an impression in my life in the past year inviting them to a tea party in their honor - so much fun to say - "no, you don't need to bring anything, just come." Such a gift to hear them say "really?" with a surprised and pleased tone in their voice.
    5. Telling my husband how much I appreciate it and how cool he is for doing chores around the house today. He was tired when I said it and ready to "take a break" but instead felt inspired and did even more. I am lucky to have a husband who loves to work around the house. Thanks for this post to remind me to give him my thanks and support.
    I am loving this challenge! Thanks
  • Great, Diane. And, yes, the compliment to the barista, and practically anyone in a service position, makes a huge difference. To people who work hard all day serving the public, those kinds of compliments are a gold mine. Surprisingly, they receive far too few of them. I'm sure you added a *ton* of value to his day. Way to go!

    And, by the way, when complimenting one who maybe isn't doing the best they possibly could...watch how *their* attitude changes for the better. And, to answer the question, "Is it right to compliment someone even before they deserve it?" My answer is, "yes." Although, of course, these things always depend upon the situation, sometimes, you can change a person's entire attitude - and their life - with a well-place compliment even when they haven't quite earned it.
  • Hi Bob,

    Thank you so much for the information. It was really helpful for me to read this today because I am often told that I think of others too much and not enough about myself. It's not the I am uncomfortable thinking about myself...or maybe I am a little...and I am not trying to pat myself on the back here, but I really enjoy making others feel good and doing what I can to add value to someone else's life. It is refreshing to read that I might actually be on to something here.

    My five ways to bring value to someone else:

    1. Smile at others -- amazing what this can do. Try it some time at the DMV. Ha.
    2. Give credit to others -- Whether personally or professionally, people like to know that you appreciate and care about what they are doing.
    3. Listen -- Really listen. Focus on what the other person is saying. Don't think about what you're going to say next. Put his or her thoughts ahead of your own for the duration of the conversation.
    4. Be nice or leave -- I love this saying. It is a motto followed in New Orleans and in Louisiana in general. Treat people kindly, show respect, look for the good in others.
    5. Random acts of kindness -- I know, this might seem cliche, but it works. Open doors for people, pick up dropped objects, share your dessert. Whatever the case, do something that makes someone else feel good, valued, or happy for the sake of the act itself, not what you might gain from it.

    These are some of the ways I attempt to bring value to others. Some days are better than others, but I find that when I am doing more of it, I feel better about myself, which I guess could be conceived as self-serving, but it really is more about bringing value to others.

    Thank you for the your blog post today.

    Kevin.
  • LaConsuelo
    Hey Kevin -

    Thanks so much for your feedback my on list - I agree that giving credit/acknowledging others can really make someone's day - I know it does that for me!
  • Kevin, thank you! Great thoughts and another terrific "5."

    Regarding your statement: "I am often told that I think of others too much and not enough about myself."

    Well, I'm not sure that one can think of others too much, but I agree that there are those who don't think enough of themselves. In other words, there is no natural dichtomy in doing both. Give...and be willing to receive. Law #5 of The Go-Giver is, "The Law of Receptivity" which says, "The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving." In other words, you breathe out (giving) and you breathe in (receiving). And both are as natural as can be.

    Thanks again!
  • Thank you!
  • JoyFull_deb
    Wow...love this post Bob!! And, waaaaay down in south Louisiana, we would say that you are a "Geaux (GO) Giver" extraordinaire!!
    I adore this topic as much as I adore you and John David Mann's book "The Go-Giver!" For me it's a life changer. I, too, was living life like Teresa mentioned, giving WITH expectations, and really keeping score. What a bummer of a way to live. Life was all about ME. The life changing moment (light bulb) happened when I accepted the responsibility of taking charge of my mothers' health and care. Woe! It was all about giving and making my mom as comfortable as possible. I had to "be fully present" every minute/hour/day. The rewards for that came later as she was approaching death. Our conversations were priceless. She taught me how to give. She showed me grace & humility, even in death. I know how to "listen" and put my agenda's aside. My mom was the epitome of a Go-Giver all of her life. She would have loved meeting you, Bob.

    In today's world, everyone is in a HURRY!! Life is planned down to seconds on the clock. Taking the time to connect with another is a lofty goal each day. How do we value another with so much on our plates? That has to be an individual decision. I'm not in the business world at this time. I'm in the volunteer sphere. It's ALL about giving w/o expectations in the work that I do for the Crisis Intervention Center. I happily "pay it forward" because someone from the B.R.C.I.C. was "there" for me & my family 2 years ago...giving what had been given to them, hope & love & hugs & listening!!! It was another life changing moment for me.

    My 5 things for today, have been and are:

    1. Calling a friend who is having a difficult time w/ life at the moment.
    2. Baking my dad some "homemade" cookies to have with his cold milk tonight. (shhhh...it's a surprise)
    3. Writing a thank you note to my cousin thanking him for a fabulous Christmas Eve. (I've never done this before)
    4. Sharing my JOY with all that I meet this evening...IRL & on Twitter.
    5. Contributing to the relief effort in Haiti w/ my $$$$$ and my time.

    Thanks Bob and Sarah....both of you ROCK in my world. I feel so, so blessed to have found you both in the Twittersphere.

    And one final thank you to Ava....for listening to me yesterday afternoon when I needed a friend. She stopped what she was doing, to listen....and added value & love to my world.

    (((Hugs))) to all...
  • Deb, what a touching letter. Not sure how anyone could read it and not feel touched. Thank you for giving of yourself as you did and continue to do for so (or, should I say "seaux") many. Great "5" as well, totally in alignment with your values.
  • sarahrobinson
    Hi everyone! Working on my List of 5 today reminded me of my friend who learned how to be a go-giver from a very unlikely person. I wrote a blog post about it here: http://escaping-mediocrity.com/uncommon-busines.... Enjoy. :-)
  • I loved that blog post when you first wrote... and I loved reading it again! Thanks for being such a giver, Sarah!
  • Sarah, just read your article. All I can say is, "WOWEE WOW WOW!" That was awesome!!
  • Nazima Ali
    I have to say that I'm surrounded by some amazing people in business and in personal relationships who are givers. These people are great examples of how to be and constantly keep me energized and make me want to be better and better.
  • Nazima Ali
    I've always been a person who gives naturally. In fact at one time I was suspending my self interest in a very unhealthy way - not enough healthy boundaries. Perhaps part of this is because I was attached to an outcome or expecting something in return - even a thank you. I've gotten much better at having a balance in giving.

    In social media:
    I'll answer questions or offer suggestions regarding someones post when they ask questions
    I re-Tweet/post for maximum exposure to help get their work out to more people
    I recommend articles etc.

    On a personal level:
    I'll really connect with friends or even a stranger at a party who seems uncomfortable
    I listen
    Show my gratitude to friends (just realized I need to do more of this with family)
    Ask what I can do to help if something comes up in their lives
    Hugs
  • Hi Nazima, your kind heart shows through in your letter. Regarding your at one time suspending your self-interest in an unhealthy way...you were actually "foregoing" your self-interest, and indeed, that's not healthy. But, how wise of you to look for the reason why and be able to adjust. Excellent! I also enjoyed your tips for providing value in social media and personally.
  • kristieschwanebeck
    Ok so a few things here. First thing: Thank you Sarah once again for doing this. I know this is going to profoundly alter my life and I do not even really know how we connected. This is an mind numbing and mind blowing group of amazing people.

    Bob thank you for your wonderful post.

    My list is a little odd I think but here goes:

    1) Be authentic in who you are. Don't give insincerely. Don't give cuz that's what this post is about. Be authentically honest in who you are each and every day.

    2) Find some time to spend with your kids (for those of you that have some) or a neice/nephew doing something they WANT to do. If it means getting on your knees and making truck noises (something I don't have the talent for). For then not only have you imparted to that young one that they are important to you, you have started mentoring them in doing likewise.

    3) Give people the benefit of the doubt. If someone "gives" to you, give them back the joy of acceptance without wondering what their hidden agenda is. For if you are always looking for an underlying purpose, you rob them of their experience.

    4) Pay it forward. Give a random act of kindness to someone else. Take groceries to and elderly person's car for them. Visit and elderly folks home and offer to take one of the citizens out shopping or spend some time socializing with them. Honor who they are and the life that they have led. Learn from their lives, give them that respect for they are often some of the forgotten of our society and yet they have some of the most brilliant wisdom.

    5) Give to yourself. I know that with my career choice, it is imperative that I engage in a high level of self-care. I am a trauma counselor. I hear a lot of horrific things. If I do not ensure that each and every day I give to myself, I will end up have a breakdown for the horror I hear. So be good to yourself. Give to you as well. By doing so it honors the person that you are thus in turn changing your game.
  • Hi Kristie!

    Thanks for your entire list... but especially #5. That is something I did not do for a long (yet recent) period in my life... and that's also the period when I stopped giving to others in the way I always had. Because I was empty myself (and was not filling me up), any "giving" I did was with the hope or expectation that the other person would give back to me so I wouldn't be so empty. And when it didn't happen, I turned bitter and resentful... and contracted even more... which didn't help me in the least. So - thanks for adding that to your "giving" list. It reminded me of how important I've learned that is.
  • sarahrobinson
    As I have said many times before Kristie - there are no accidents. I am thrilled that you are here!!
  • Excellent advice, Kristie. Thank you very much for sharing that with us!
  • Hey Bob! It's been a long time since our paths have crossed... I'm so glad they are crossing right now! :-)

    I LOVED your post... it speaks to me right where I'm at and with what I'm more consciously practicing in my life. That's because - for far too many times in my life - I have been one of those people you described as "giving to get". Looking back, I see that that pattern developed when I wasn't taking really good care of myself and was feeling pretty insecure. (Or - given the language with which I coach people - I was operating from my own scarcity.)

    But I need to "stir the pot" here and ask a question. I'm not even sure if I can ask it clearly so bear with me as I "feel my way".

    I have LOTS to give and I probably give a lot more than I give myself credit for. But I have a hard time keeping the boundaries between giving without attachment and running a profitable business. I know I create value in the programs and products I offer - even moreso now that I am becoming so conscious of its importance to me. But (as I see it), I cannot give them away for free (at least not all of them) or (1) I will not be taking care of myself financially and (2) I will be "training" people to expect things for free and to not fully value what I'm offering them.

    Maybe there's a distinction I'm missing that you can help me with. Perhaps I have incorrectly equated "giving" with "free" or "costing nothing". I LOVE to give to people.. and the Social Media world is opening up whole new ways I can do that. I'm great at sending people cards or gifts or calling them for no reason other than to let them know I'm thinking of them. But, bottom line (figuratively and literally), how do I give in my business AND still make sure I'm making the money I need to pay the bills, to pay me, and to give to those causes and people I care about.

    Maybe this is the crux of it for me. I AM attached to making the money I need to take care of me and my business. And yet I want to be (and maybe I already am) a "Go-Giver". And I don't see how I can just GIVE in my business - suspending all attachment to results - without "giving away" the revenues/profits my business and I need.

    Given the fact that I am an "abundance coach", I feel more than a little embarrassed bringing this up... but I have to ask. Because it doesn't just apply to me... I know it's a question that TONS of my entrepreneurial clients - especially those who are "on the edge" financially - want to know too.

    Maybe it's as simple as being a "go giver" in other ways... like connecting people, thanking people, giving people a smile, sending a card, volunteering, etc. COMBINED WITH giving full value in my programs AND charging for the value people receive from those products as well as the revenue my business needs.

    Comments? Insights? What's the balance here? And what are the boundaries to giving you've learned (if there are any)?
  • Hey, Teresa, Great to reconnect indeed. You're one of my favorite writers and I always enjoy learning from you.

    There is certainly a lot in your email and I'm afraid to get into everything specifically is a bit beyond the scope of this space. So, let's take a quick look at a few points to possibly keep in mind. Then, you might want to listen to one of my interviews that you can find at http://www.TheGoGiver.com in the Media section. Play one of the longer ones, as I'm able to go into more detail.

    Anyway, a few thoughts:

    1. Being a Go-Giver does NOT mean not being profitable. Just the opposite. It means that because you continually give more in "use value" than you take in "cash value" (in other words, your customer receives lots more in value compared to what they paid for it while you make a healthy profit) you have lots of happy customers. And, through your excellent value and referral strategy, you are able to attract a lot more customers. This ties into Law #2 of The Go-Giver, which says, "Your income is determined by how many people you serve, and how well you serve them." In other words, not only do you provide great value; you provide it to lots of people. The more lives you touch w this superb value, the more money you make.

    Obviously, nothing about being a Go-Giver implies you shouldn't be making money, and lots of it. It simply says that your focus is not on the money, but on the value you provide. The reward for providing value, and to so many people, is money. Money is the effect; not the cause. As my "Go-Givers Sell More" coauthor, John David Mann says, "Money is an echo of value. It is the thunder to value’s lightning."

    Being a Go-Giver also certainly does not mean being anyone's doormat or allowing anyone to take advantage of you.

    It also doesn't mean you need to give things away for free. You can, but as long as that is your conscious choice, and you are doing it out of an abundance mind-set, then that is appropriate.

    And, yes, there are many ways to add value and "give" aside from your services. Value comes in the form of "Excellence, Consistency, Attention, Empathy, Appreciation" and much more. I realize I didn't address all of your concerns. I hope, in the space we took here, it at least provided a bit of food for thought.

    I want to end with one other point, though. Where you said:

    "Given the fact that I am an 'abundance coach', I feel more than a little embarrassed bringing this up."

    I would say, "just the opposite." The fact that you are an abundance coach and shared of yourself with us so genuinely and authentically in your desire to acquire more information speaks volumes as to why you have had such an exceptional career, and why you have so many raving fans.

    Thanks again,

    Bob
  • Thanks Bob... for GIVING of your time and wisdom in your reply. I'm excited to check out your Go-Giver interviews... and alot of what you wrote already helped me see more clearly some of the pieces that have been missing for me and/or for my clients.

    Thanks, especially, for your acknowledgment at the end... that means more to me than I can express. I have always said I am the poster child for the expression "you teach best what you most need to learn yourself"... and even though I've been doing this for more than 13 years now, I STILL have so much to learn and practice. Thanks for supporting me to become a better me... and, as a result, be better at what I do in my business.

    Thanks to you, too, Sarah... for "changing my game" long before this 30-day Process began! :-)
  • Once again, Thank You, Teresa for saying what I was thinking!! I had those same questions as I have I have a problem with giving away at my own expense - financially, physically or emotionally. Because you asked, Bob was able to answer...and it brings it together for me much more than if you'd kept quiet. You ROCK!!
  • Hey Anj! Just realized I never replied to you... SO sorry!

    I'm so glad that my speaking out (or typing out) supported you too!!!

    That's been one of the best part of these 30 days... the support we get from each other!
  • P.S. Just so you know, I'm downloading the FREE chapter you're GIVING to your new book "Go-Givers Sell More" right now! :-)
  • Awesome. I hope you enjoy it.
  • You guys all ROCK! As to giving without attachment, but believing to receive... Several years ago I was VERY pregnant w/ twins, ready to burst and so tired as we left a parking lot, but my husband saw a car stranded in the street and instinctively pulled over to help the driver. I protested (embarrassed to admit it) "Honey, she already has a cop here to help her."
    He looked at me and said, "Yes, but he can't move her car by himself, and besides - one day my sweet wife could be stranded somewhere, and I'll want to know that someone will help her."
    Two weeks later I got a flat tire late at night and pulled in the closest driveway I could find. Within moments a guy came out and changed my tire as fast as a pit crew worker. He just laughed and said, "Oh I own the body shop down the street. I do this a hundred times a day!"
    When I told my husband about it he put his hands in the air and whooped, "Woo Hoo - I sowed good seed for that!" It's nice to be married to a go-giver. I can't even improve on the lists pple have posted here. I love them all.
  • sarahrobinson
    THAT is an awesome story Gina. And my hubby does the same thing for the same reasons. I call it the kharmic boomerang.
  • islandgusto
    Gina, I love your story! Actually, I love everyone's stories. Sarah, this tribe of yours gives a lot, without asking for something in return- a perfect example of Bob's go-giving post.
  • sarahrobinson
    Indeed - this tribe is pretty amazing. And it just keeps getting better every day!
  • WOW...what a GREAT story, Gina! Please make sure and submit that story to our new Go-Giver Scrapbook page. Must share that one with the world. :-) http://www.thegogiver.com/blog/2010/01/15/invit...
  • Part of true giving is the surrender of control. So many of us have expectations of "equality" in giving: if I 'give' this, then I'll receive 'that.' When we really release our expectation of what is "owed" us for giving, we usually receive much more than our allotment.

    Trust, surrender and true generosity are the keys to abundance. Thanks for a great post! Best, M.
  • Great points. In our first book, "The Go-Giver" Sam tells Joe that the truly successful people understand that the best relationships (business and/or personal) are NOT 50-50...they're simply "100." Thank you for your comment.
  • michaelleiter
    Thanks Bob

    I appreciate your point of broadening your perspective to include a bigger slice of the world.
    1. Expressing appreciation
    2. Acknowledging another's expertise or knowledge
    3. Help further another's reputation through recommendations, etc.
    4. Add a meaningful idea to a thoughtful discussion.
    5. And, citation to Monedays: phone my mother.

    All the best,
    Michael
  • Michael, that's perfect-a-mundo! Thank you!
  • Susan
    Great post! My pastor preached about 'Giving' today, our self, our time, etc. Awesome how it went hand in hand.
    Five ways to bring value:
    1. Just be there ~when someone needs to talk or just needs the comfort of another person
    2. Share~share your knowledge, your joy, your love.
    3. Pray~pray with someone that needs a touch (healing, emotional, comfort, or support)
    4. Find the good~even if the service is bad or whatever (you never know what that person is going through) find something to compliment about.
    5. Smile from the heart to whoever you make contact with.
  • Hi Susan, that IS a very cool tie-in with your Pastor's sermon. Hey, I LOVE your five ways to bring value. Terrific!!
  • StephanieCorum
    I became aware of the "Go Give" philosphy from a business standpoint a few years ago. I love it! I am thrilled when I can refer someone to a business assoicate knowing that both parties will benefit. It's a great feeling. And it does come back to you. People remember nice gestures...no matter how small. So here's my 5 things.

    1. Make someone laugh.
    2. Be forgiving of others (and myself too).
    3. Give someone a sincere compliment.
    4. Be there for a friend going through a difficult time.
    5. Be patient with others. In this ultra fast world patience is often in short supply!
  • You're right, Stephanie. And, you've got a great attitude about the process. Right on! And a great "5" as well!
  • Things happend in my life that led me to this path. - I have to say B0b is dead on and Sarah Robinson embodies this idea by constantly providing value to others. Thank you both!
  • sarahrobinson
    You are too kind Richard. I am blessed to have connected with some pretty amazing people. :-)
  • My pleasure, and thank YOU. (And I absolutely agree about Sarah - one of the most giving and value-based people I have the pleasure to know.)
  • The line that stands out for me is "other awareness." It is a way of being and doing. Always cultivating this way of being and doing brings forth such excitement and enthusiasm for life and others it becomes palatable. It's a thrill to BE around those who have the awareness. A friend of mine describes this by saying, "I want to get some of that on me."

    Adding value to others simply for the sake of giving is a great way to cultivate "other awareness." Here's my top 5:

    #1 Cause a "Just Because Moment:" Majority of people in my life are finding time to squeeze in sleep. This leaves little room for spontaneity. Bring someone coffee or their favorite snack. Go to lunch at the person's favorite restaurant. Or simply abandon for the afternoon the chores and just sit and be in each other's space: talk, read a book, sit and watch the snow fall or listen to the rain. Causing a just because moment is doing it because you chose to do it.

    #2 Bake Cookies for neighbors: Bring to your neighbor a plate of your best baked cookies (or whatever). Let them know that you were thinking of them.

    #3 Volunteer for a PBS or NPR Pledge Drive: Find out when the next pledge drive is in your area and volunteer to answer phones to take pledges. The training is simple and the people you'll meet are amazing.

    #4 Call you grandparents: Enough said. =)

    #5 Send greeting cards: Send a card to everyone in your life and let them know how much you value their contribution to your life and to others.

    And thank you Bob for modeling the way. Your post is a perfect example of what you advocate.
  • mirkogosch
    Hey Shawn.
    Yet another great list of wonderful things we can do to be Go-Givers. The "Just Because Moments" are too often neglected when we are "busy" and distracted. Thanks for the reminder.

    Mirko
  • Shawn, thank you for your comments and kind words. Much appreciated!
  • sarahrobinson
    This is such an awesome post Bob and I love that you've asked for 5 specific ways I can add value to others TODAY. Here's what I've come up with:

    1) Help my husband pack his suitcase for his trip this afternoon.
    2) Focus time and effort on helping the 12for12k Haiti campaign.
    3) Play a game with my son and his friend who is spending the night tonight.
    4) Connect two people I know who can help each other succeed.
    5) Check in with a friend who is having a tough time.

    Thank you for getting me laser focused Bob!
  • Thank YOU, Sarah!
  • I love your list. #4 stands out to me. There is so much joy connecting two people together who can leverage each other's abilities. Nice one.
  • sarahrobinson
    Shawn - connecting people is probably my very favorite thing to do in the whole world. The minute some starts talking to me about something they are working on, I start flipping through my mental roledex for people who can help. :-)
  • islandgusto
    5 ways to add value:
    - mentoring a young grad
    - referring someone to a colleague's business
    - supporting their favorite cause
    - reviewing a document or marketing piece for them
    - linking to their website or blog
  • Excellent. Thank you!!
  • LaConsuelo
    What a conversation for a Sunday! Thanks, Bob and Sarah. Like Ava, I resonated with: "you give because you truly enjoy giving. You give because it’s who you are. And, because it’s who you are, it’s what you do." I've begun to notice and embrace precisely that about myself. The thing about it is - yes, of course all the wonderful gifts exchanged in the cycle of giving/receiving (the joy of giving, opportunity to make a difference, receiving love/support/goodwill back - the fully alive feeling of that as a pure self-expression. It is just my first impulse. I feel most alive when I can contribute to someone, when they engage in return and reveal their heart. Twitter's been a great forum for me: it's so simple to connect with someone who was a "complete stranger" and so many opportunities to give freely for "no reason" other than we're all here together. Anyway, keeping a "ledger" of who you gave to that didn't give back is exhausting, embittering and, well, a little dopey.

    Thanks again, Bob and Sarah!

    ~Connie

    As for ways to add value or give to others, for me, it's all about those basic "rules" we learned as children - mostly "do unto others . . . " But here are 5 ways I try to do that:

    1. Just listen. Sometimes we all just want to be heard. During a cardiac yoga teacher training meditation exercise, I heard these words from deep within. It's certainly a gift we can give to ourselves - just listening to the heart's call. Completely agree with Linda @insanelyserene on this one.

    2. "If you know someone needs help, don't wait for them to ask." That's a little gem passed on to me from my accountant, who was taught that by his mother and father. Imagine having an accountant who's such a go-giver!

    3. Imagine that every question is genuinely meant. I got that one from a law school professor who was trying to teach us how to answer questions from the bench during oral argument without getting flustered. It's a great practice everywhere and such an easy way to unplug defensiveness or confrontation and transform it into an opportunity for dialogue.

    4. Compassion. This really should have been first on my list.

    5. Be kind. Like Nate said, it makes such a difference. It actually ends up being a gift back to yourself. I wonder what I walk away with by being judgmental, nasty and though it may be a momentary "HA!", it's an erosion of who I want to be for me and in the world. Pausing, shifting and being kind allows me to give something to another and walk away with my authentic integrity in tact.
  • Hi Connie,

    I really like your suggestions. We have a couple in common (listening and being kind), but the other three you entered are huge. Showing compassion is so important and brings so much value to others. I am bummed that I didn't think of it myself. Ha. Your other two are a bit more subtle but can do much good. I love them and cannot wait to start practicing them myself.

    Thank you.

    Kevin.
  • Excellent, Connie! And I love your Five Ways. Awesome!! (Not only have you had some great teachers; you've been a great student!)
  • sarahrobinson
    I just added this to the bottom of Bob's bio and I don't want anyone to miss it!! To download the Introduction and Chapter 1 of their newest book, “Go-Givers Sell More” visit http://www.GoGiversSellMore.com/chapter.php
  • mirkogosch
    The free chapter of the upcoming second Go-Giver book is brilliant! A Must Download.
    I love and have read "The Go-Giver" twice within the last few months despite a ton of other books on my desk. If there is any book I´d have to single out in 2009 of which I would like anyone to read it, understand and implement its message for the benefit of all of us, than it is Bob´s and David´s "The Go-Giver".

    Mirko
  • Thank you, Sarah. That was very kind of you!
  • Sarah, do your readers totally rock...or what!! WOW!!
  • sarahrobinson
    Yes Bob - I am incredibly blessed with an AMAZING tribe. :-) And amazing friends like you!
  • May I add that we are incredibly blessed with an AMAZING leader? Hooligans roooooooooole! :)
  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
    "You give because it’s who you are. And, because it’s who you are, it’s what you do."

    I love this line, Bob. Probably because it agrees with my beliefs <grin>--and you know I love when that happens!

    In answer to your request, I think there are so many ways each of us can bring value someone's life. Here are a few:

    1) "Ensoul" each encounter. Show up. Be fully present. Whether it's the cashier in the grocery store or the teller at the bank, feel your heart connecting with theirs, look them in the eye, share a smile with them, and truly thank them. It might be the only time that day that happens for them. Most customers go through encounters like that "unconscious."

    2) Be kind. Always. It doesn't matter if you disagree, it won't stop you from getting your needs met---just be kind. I'm from NY, and can be a bit too direct. So sometimes this takes a bit of extra concentration for me. But if I look at who I am at the core of my being, I'm loving and kind. So I want to make sure my outer behavior reflects that.

    3) Be supportive and available. We're all busy. We're living hyper-connected lives, and have lots of demands on our time. Yet, when someone we care about is starting a new project, is breaking off a relationship, is overwhelmed, is experiencing challenges, our first reaction should be, "How can I help? How can I support you?"

    4) Be you. One of the greatest ways to add value is to share who you are, and to share your talents with the world. There is no one else that is exactly like you. There is no one else who has had your life experiences, has your perspective, or has your unique talents. The world needs what you have to offer. Be generous. Share it. I know you said "aside from directly through your products and services," Bob, but for me that's a huge way I share value and give.
    Each speech I give, each workshop I share, each book I write is an opportunity to profoundly touch the life of another human being and help them be more of who they truly are, and be more successful. It's one of the biggest ways I give.

    5) Get in touch with your own value. As I've read the comments, I've seen a few that said that they didn't really know what they had to give. It's important to be in touch with how wonderful you are, with all you have to offer. Here's a technique I share in my workshops. Each day, at the end of the day, write down 5 things that you feel good about from your day. Things you said, or did. It could be a small thing, "Today, I took at extra moment to really thank UPS guy who delivered my package," or a big thing, "Today, I finished my project two days early." Five a day, every day, for at least 30 days. Why? Because in a single month it will change your self concept. You'll be more in touch with your own "fabulous-ness." And you'll feel so "overflowing," that you won't be able to help but share, give, and add value. And that's what it's all about.

    Thanks, Bob, for a great post. And again, thank you Sarah, for this glorious 30 day ride.
  • I love your first suggestion, Ava - to show up, and to be fully present with each encounter. There's gold there, especially in this hyper-connected world with all the constant opportunities for distractions each of us have.
  • Brava, Ava! The power of a kind word or smile goes a long way.
  • Cheryl
    I really like what you've written, Ava. Thanks!
  • Excellent, advice. Ava. Thank you!!
  • Shelley
    I think my favorite way to give is to "see" someone that no one else does. You know, just take a moment to acknowledge them and get them to smile.
  • Great, Great, Great! See, and acknowledge those who are usually not seen or acknowledged. Love it, Shelley!
  • Hi Bob -- here are the 5 I came up with:

    1) Share with someone something I appreciate about them
    2) Share something I appreciate about someone to other people (when they are not around)
    3) Share about someone else's services/offerings to others / (On twitter "Re Tweet" -- without having an 'affiliate' link but for the pure please of sharing)
    4) Say yes to someone's request for help
    5) Send a silent blessing

    Note on #5 When I lived in New York city I sometimes would walk around sending silent blessings to the people around me -- especially when in a crowded commuting situation. It was amazing how it would shift the experience to one of grace and ease.

    Another excellent post. Thank you Bob! I truly enjoy your wisdom and your message. It was wonderful to see you as the guest post author today (on this rainy Sunday -- at least Rainy where I am). Thank you for spreading this message to the world.
  • Thank you, Heather. Those are terrific! And, silent blessings are indeed powerful.

    And, yes, it is rainy here, as well. Though, the day is just a bit less rainy with you as part of it. Thank you, my friend.
  • :) so sweeeeeeeet. I feel the same Bob! It's making it a nice cozy rainy day.
  • mirkogosch
    I am still reading through all the excellent and beautiful comments on a wonderful blog post while your idea and experience, Heather, to "send a silent blessing" made me smile in anticipation; can´t wait to put that one into work tomorrow.

    And I wanted to take this minute to tell all of you what an awesome experience it is to read all your conversation on Sarah´s blog. I´m happy to be part of this.

    I go and continue to read :-)

    Mirko
  • I definitely want to thank you for sharing with us, Bob. Much of what you cover is true - we need to spend more time thinking of others, and less time thinking about ourselves.

    However, you definitely need to take time to think of yourself. If all you do is things that benefit others, people who are looking for a handout will find you. People who are looking for help and don't want to help back will find you. A time will come when you need something, and you'll look out over the people you've helped, and hear crickets and see tumbleweeds. A time will come when you need to be a little selfish. A time will come when you will need to be the one asking for help...and if all you have done is create a pocket of takers around you, there's nobody to give.

    I realize this presents the worst case scenario, but in my experience, it's a he'll of a lot more common than people seem to think it is. There is a time to be a giver, and a time not to be. Find the balance and you will never be lacking help or people to help.
  • Hi Mark, thank you for your comments. If I may suggest, where you write:

    "However, you definitely need to take time to think of yourself."

    The word, "however" actually isn't even necessary. To think of others does not mean to not be thinking of one's self. This is what we call "The Treacherous Dichotomy" which is the feeling that it is "either/or."

    Thinking of others and thinking of oneself; both appropriate. And, just like giving and receiving, simply two sides of the very same coin.

    Thank you again.
  • Point taken.

    You really do need both to make it work.

    "how can I help you" and "how can you help me" are really the same question. They're just asked in different ways.
  • Wow - very cool!
  • While I'm at it, here's five

    1 hold the door for someone, whether they seems like they need it or not.

    2 let that car make the left turn it's been waiting for

    3 say thank you, AND MEAN IT!

    4 when your spouse/significant other asks you to do that thing neither of you likes, do it and don't complain. Not out loud, not under your breath, not even in your head. Just do it.

    5 find your definition of "the little guy" and do something for them, and don't take credit. They'll find out who did it eventually.
  • Very nice. I wrote a blog post last night that I'll be posting in the next day or so entitled, "Thoughtfulness" which has similar ideas. I hope you enjoy it.
  • Bob, Excellent suggestions all, and at the heart of it all is generosity. I've learned that I can be generous - when I've taken care of my own needs first. So here's my list of five ideas for g0-giving:

    1. Give to yourself - Is there something you've been wanting to do for yourself? Something you need but haven't been able to "get to"? For example, I took a mini-retreat this weekend to focus on my writing, it's a small inn less than an hour from my home, but it's by the forest and shore, and it's quiet. Ahhh.

    2. Listen to someone. Really listening means stepping back, not thinking of all the ways what they are saying relates to your life. I've learned that if I truly concentrate on the other person, I can trust that the right words will be there when it's my turn to speak. And I try to focus on what in my experience might give them some ideas to try in their own lives (no pressure!).

    3. Look around you. I can be rather myopic and non-observant, totally wrapped up in my own head. But today I was in a store buying my lunch and saw a sign that said if you donate a $1 or any bit of change with your purchase, it will go toward a bowl of soup for someone who can't afford it. Cool idea and I was glad to be part of it.

    4. Lend money without expectation of getting it back. When someone asks me for a small loan, I've stopped keeping count. It works much better for me to give it away completely. If it ever comes back, great. If not, I still feel good.

    5. Let someone else go first. I used to have to guard my place in line with zeal and aggression. Now, I'm happy to wave someone into traffic in front of me, or into the grocery line if they're in a rush, or the bathroom - especially if it's a mom and little kid who can't really wait. What's the big deal? And it usually surprises people, that's the fun part.
  • Thank you, Linda. Much appreciated!
  • Cheryl
    I am being happily surprised at how so many of Sarah's guests are reinforcing and building upon tiny steps already taken. This is so serendipitous!

    Earlier in the month I'd taken a page from Chris Brogan (who identifies 3 touchstone words; ack, I'm probably putting this badly) but 3 words which will guide during the coming year. One of my words is "coexist". What this means to me is to be genuine and follow my passion on specific task/goals without regard to "doing the business thing" (which in this context means considering ROI and how to spin network contacts etc.).

    This is having the effect of dropping a ton of weight off of my shoulders as I'm then free to just move on these tasks/goals without this additional clutter.

    I may be taking off and away from what Bob's talking about but this was really cool in sort of providing metaphysical good feedback that this was a good choice. Thanks!
  • Hi Cheryl, I think you put it GREAT, and @ChrisBrogan (one of life's true Go-Givers) is always great to read and study. His book, Trust Agents (http://bit.ly/87qcmE) , is one of my favorites.
  • Hello, Bob and Sarah! You know I love your work! Today's post is a great reminder and a wonderful focus for the giving issue. I love the way you put it, Bob, when you talk about not expecting in return. I like to say that being open to receive is as important as being willing to give, but one is not the reason for the other. Here are 5 things I can do today;

    1. Call my Mom! She can never get enough of that and LOVES her grown children calling.
    2. Deepen an online connection through a skype call, email, comments, some form of engagement beyond the everyday
    3. Bake something sweet for my visiting brother (has been hinting at that lately)
    4. Look into the eyes of the people who serve us at the restaurant...be extra kind and connecting
    5. More free coaching sessions for my friend in transition.
  • Wonderful list. My son called me yesterday when he returned from a trip. He knows I can worry so his call was to let me know he was safe and then I also heard about the trip. Made my day!
  • SpiritusShelagh
    Monica - love your suggestion to give your Mom a call! I have a regular time each week when I call her for a good long chat, and I know she's delighted when I call unexpectedly.

    It's easy to put off, extra calls, though, justifying it 'cos I call every Saturday.

    So the extra ones are really the giving ones.......Hmmm.


    Other things I can (and try to) give:

    Recognition - for example I will call or email the boss of someone who's given me great service.

    Encouragement - especially if someone is doing something I've struggled with, so I know the challenge.

    Resources - I say I'm a bit like a sponge - I soak up information and if you "press" me it pours out! And if I don't know, I do always try to find out.

    Finally - time.

    When I take time to visit, or listen, or teach, or examine in depth, giving more time than the other person was expecting, it makes me feel good, and often leads to something coming out that might have not been uncovered.
  • I love how specific your list is. Nothing like a kind look and homemade sweet treats!
  • Wow, you rock! Love your suggestions. Great!
  • meganmatthieson
    Thank you Bob! And thank you Sarah! This post is incredibly on the money for LIFE in general and super TIMELY for me. I think I spent much of my life feeling needy- and without. I can catch myself being in that 'empty' place fairly often- and I just get out of it by GIVING. Letting go of myself, being in the moment and giving to whatever situation I'm in. I'm in the middle of a 'giving back' weekend....so i can relate! (my friend wrote THE LOVE FAST, which really affected me) I'm about to go visit my husband who is deeply entrenched in directing a tv pilot....I need to carry your message with me. I know that if I go to him without 'needs' to fill- our time will be great no matter what. Thank you!
  • Wow, thank you, Megan!!
  • Thank you, Bob. I left the "9-5" world for a number of reasons, and one of them was the way so many people are out for themselves...yes, they may be willing to give, but nearly always expect a payback. And they keep score. I don't want to live my life like this, my personal life or my business life. Certainly in some situations I need to look out for my own interests. But I'm trying to "give back" without expecting anything in return. I'm finding that when I do, the rewards are tremendous.
  • Hi, Laurie, I really appreciate your note and your Go-Giving heart. In response to your thought:

    "Certainly in some situations I need to look out for my own interests."

    Of course, you do. Self-interest and Other-interest (so long as both are with the correct and right intent) do not contradict each other. And, that's one of the nice things about being a Go-Giver as John David Mann discuss it in the book. Giving and Receiving are simply two sides of the very same coin. It's the "pie of abundance" rather than the "limited pie." Keep up the great work!
  • Thanks for contributing Bob. When I first saw your post, I said right away, "Oh god. I don't have anything to give." And as I was reading I realized that I do give. One of my joys in life is listening to people's stories. I am super social (sometimes) and I love to listen to what you have to say. When I allow myself to shut my own head off and listen, it seems people really open up to me. I have to remember that giving can be time and energy and not just material.
  • Rose, absolutely right on!!!!!
  • Ah, that's a big problem for me, and you've put it so well - shutting my own head off. We really all have something to give.
  • Thanks for the article, Bob - good stuff. I really liked this line: "The true spirit of giving (yes, even in business) is to give “without attachment” to receiving." I was just talking to my brother about this the other day, when he was asking about something I did for someone. I told him that I have a "give it and forget it" policy, meaning I give because it's who I am (or, more appropriately, who I'm striving to be), and then I put it out of my mind, not expecting anything in return, and just being happy that I was able to make a positive impact in someone's life. And yes, good things will come your way as a result of this, but that's not the driving factor behind doing it.

    Another cool personal story to support your point happened to me last week as well - I was looking for a business contact at a big company, and I realized that one of my good (online) friends works there. She and I have built a relationship over the last 9 months that has nothing to do with business, but now that I DO need a contact at her company, she's right there and totally willing to help me out. You're right - relationships are key, and sometimes it's a happy surprise to find that one of them puts you in exactly the right place at the right time. :)

    Here are five ways to bring value to someone else's life right now, apart from any products or services:

    1) Make a friend - Talk to someone. Don't have an ulterior motive. Just get to know someone a little bit better, and see where it goes from there.

    2) Make a connection - When you're talking to the people around you, either online or off, pay attention to what they say, and read between the lines to listen to what they NEED . . . and then connect them with someone who may be able to fill that need.

    3) Help a newbie - If you see that someone doesn't quite know their way around the space they're in, and you're familiar with it, take a few minutes to help them out in some way. They get guidance from an experienced person, and you make a positive connection with someone who will probably remember you for a long time.

    4) Be nice - This sounds simple, but it really does make a difference. I have a ways to go on this one myself - I have a manner of speaking that can sound harsh to some, especially if they don't know me well. Practice being nice to all you encounter, and I bet it'll grease the wheels of your interactions.

    5) Show your appreciation - If someone does something for you that you appreciate, let them know about it. Mention it on a blog, shoot 'em an email, or better yet, write them a little personalized note. People help us out ALL THE TIME, but we rarely take the time to sincerely thank them for it. That kind of stuff goes a long way.

    Thanks again for the article, Bob - I really enjoyed it.
  • You kick started us with a great list. Thanks Nate.
  • Thanks for the responses, guys! I'm also honored to be one of the guest writers for this series, and I'm really looking forward to my day, so I can interact with and meet even more of you. :)
  • sarahyewtree
    I'm also a fan of your point 5...it makes such a difference...I often talk about my hero of the day which is exactly as you just said...someone who helped me out or gave as much as they could with no material reward...they make the world an infinitely nicer place to be...
  • Hi Nate, I did not read your response before writing my comment, but we have a a couple in common: showing appreciation and being nice. You explained yours better, though.
  • LOOOOOVE this list of ideas. Beautiful / publishable. Thanks Nate.
  • Nate, thank you. You really "get" it, my friend. And you do it. Thank you so much for your kind feedback and for your suggestions!
  • sarahrobinson
    Notes to the Tribe:

    The energy you all are creating here is electrifying. I am honored. 

    Notes for Sunday:

    1) Today’s theme song is: Feelin Groovy by Simon & Garfunkel: http://tinysong.com/cU4d
    2) Kimberlee Morrision was AWESOME yesterday – and your comments and questions so enriched an already amazing post. YAY!
    3) If you are getting true value from this series, please make a small donation to 12for12k’s Haiti campaign. If we hit $7000 by TONIGHT, an anonymous donor will kick in an extra $1000. Scroll down on the right of this page: http://www.escaping-mediocrity.com
    4) If you have signed up to be on the email list (you get little extras from me), you MUST complete the double opt-in process to get them. Look for an email from me in your inbox or in your spam folder and click on the link inside it.
    5) I have set up a Face book Group for us: http://www.facebook.com/#/group.php?gid=2460148...
    6) I built a list on twitter of all the guest bloggers to make it easy for you to follow them: http://twitter.com/#/list/SarahRobinson/thirtyd...
    7) There are also two twitter lists of participants in 30 Days. You will find them here: http://twitter.com/MirkoGosch/escapingmediocrity and http://twitter.com/The_Promo_Guy/game-changing

    Love,
    Sarah
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