Escaping Mediocrity

Because it rained up until mid-afternoon on Saturday, we watched a good bit of Halloween TV Friday and Saturday. And the shows we watched were full of the typical Halloween cast of characters: witches, mummies, vampires, etc. But I also noticed that many shows also had a variation on the “shape-shifter”. You know, the person (or monster) that can turn itself into anyone or anything, at least for a little while.

I think the Shape-Shifter may be the scariest creature in the lot. Why? Because they actually exist.

Let me explain.

When I first entered the world of coaches, gurus and experts, I was naive and gullible. I believed people were who they said they were and that public persona would always match up with private personality. Boy was I wrong.

I remember the first time I dealt with the staff of a supposed “abundance” guru. Wow, there was nothing abundant about their attitude or willingness to engage with a relative newbie on the scene. I felt so duped and so mislead.

But, being one to believe the best about people, I figured it was a very rare exception. So I recovered and moved on.

Then it happened again. I was in a small group that included several well-known experts. Their public MO was all about generosity and positivity. As I attempted to engage them in conversation, however, I saw nary a trace of either. In fact, one of them point blank asked me “Well, who ARE you?” As if that played some part in whether I was worthy of conversation. I was dumbfounded – and again felt shame and embarrassment.

And again. This time I actually got close to an expert. We talked, we shared stories, we were becoming friends. During one of our conversations, I shared my plans for an upcoming product launch. You can see where this one is going, right? Imagine my surprise when this “expert” launched an almost identical product with an almost identical name. And stopped taking my phone calls.

Again, I felt shame and embarrassment. As if I were wrong somehow, or missed some clue to the expert’s true nature.

I’d like to say that as time passed, I’ve stopped being duped by shape shifters. But that simply isn’t true. I’ve gotten wiser for sure. And my ability to detect them has drastically improved. But at the core of my being, I am still a person who believes people are who they say they are.

Which means that, from time to time, I will be wrong about someone’s true nature. In fact I’ve been wrong – VERY wrong – at least twice this year. But here is what’s different: I no longer feel the shame and embarrassment of somehow misunderstanding. I didn’t misunderstand. I trusted. So the shame and embarrassment don’t belong to me. They belong to the other person.

Is it hard? Yes. Does it hurt? Yes. Would I rather be jaded and callous and guarded? Not on your life. But that’s just how I roll.

What about you? Have you had a run-in with a shape-shifter that knocked you and your business slightly off center? I’d love to hear about it.

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Mission: Escaping Mediocrity

As most of you know, I am in Las Vegas with my own personal mission of escaping mediocrity with my partners in crime, @AllisonNazarian, @ElizabethPW, @CarlaYoung and @LeesaBarnes. It’s going to be EPIC.

While I’m away, I thought it would be fun for you to have a mission, too.

Your Assignment: Creating an escaping-mediocrity adventure of your own. It can be large (like jumping out of an airplane) or it can be small (like making cookies from scratch). The point is to do something – anything- out of the ordinary.

Write about it, or better yet, make a video of it and post it in the comments below (yes you CAN submit video comments, which I think is WAY cool).

Can’t wait to see what you come up with!

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Welly yippy. It seems that since we picked up and moved the blog, my comment system isn’t working. So, I am going to post two videos below so you can see what the tribe has been up to in creating their own adventures.

The first is from Leigh Caraccioli @fleurdeleigh

And this one is from Kevin Vandever (@kevinvandever)

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I got halfway through writing a blog post about yet *another* over-the-top example of bad behavior that happened last night. I was going to link to a hideous blog post and even to a screen capture of it for you in case the blogger decided to take it down.

I just deleted it.

Why? Because a handful of the core members of my very wise tribe did something AMAZING (as you always do). You reminded me that the world is filled with beautiful, generous, sparkling people who go over the top in getting it right – or at least trying to get it right – every single day.

Which group would I rather give my focus, my time, my energy and my talent to today?

The answer was easy and automatic. YOU.

See – you are the ones who restore my faith that it’s all going to be okay and that there really are people who value conducting themselves and treating others with kindness and respect – no matter what the situation.

Just as a small example – in the comments of Monday’s post a polite debate happened with two people who had very different opinions and viewpoints. Each expressed themselves clearly and firmly but never once resorted to low blows or making the other person feel “less than”.  A beautiful demonstration of strength and civility.

I want to give my best to THAT – not the mean, rude, crude, ill-mannered people.

So, here is the lesson for me today: there is a difference between saying something I HAVE to say and something I WANT to say.  I don’t have to say everything I want to say. In fact, it is probably best if I don’t.

You complete me and I am so much better for it.

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If you’ve been following me for any length of time, you know that the online nickname I use for my son is The Young Turk. He is a total up and coming entrepreneur (you can read about his company and his mission statement here). So when his Cub Scout Troop announced The Popcorn Sale, he wasted no time in telling the Popcorn Kernel that he was going to be the #1 salesman this year.

Now, I am a firm believer in having the child do all the work involved in selling stuff. And he knows he is in charge of all the live in person selling (though I DO go with him).

The online world is a little trickier – and quite frankly a little scarier – for him to navigate on his own. He is only seven.  So Mom’s helping out with this part just a bit.

Below is a message he recorded for this page. I didn’t help him write it and this is the first take.

If you want to order, the link and IMPORTANT instructions are also below. Oh, and everyone who does order will get a PERSONAL thank you phone call from The Young Turk. Because that is also a part he can do.

Message From The Young Turk

Click here to check out the popcorn: http://www.trails-end.com
IMPORTANT – For him to get credit, you MUST follow these instructions:
1. In the top right corner of the site there is a green box that says “You are supporting no one. Change.”
2. Click “Change”
3. In the white box that says “Enter Scout ID, enter his Scout Id number which is 2538165

And thank you for indulging me in this completely commercial post.

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So here’s the thing. I get hung up sometimes on my Escaping Mediocrity Adventures. Sometimes it’s because I’m in too big a hurry to get to my destination and actually NEED to slow down and enjoy the scenery along the way.

Other times, though, the stumbling blocks and challenges feel VERY real and can cause me to start circling in some kind of odd holding pattern instead of moving forward fearlessly.

Here are my top 3:

1) I somehow think big money is required for a “proper” adventure. Money for my business, money for travel – whatever. What I know to be true, though, is that I can escape mediocrity without spending one penny. A kiss for someone I love costs me nothing. Neither does furthering a professional relationship with a note to share a kind thought.

2) I get confused about what steps to take and in what direction. Usually this is because I’m too caught up having things be predictable. I don’t want to take a step unless I know for sure that is THE step I should take. Wrong attitude. Any step is the right step and as long as I just keep doing “the next right thing”, I’ll be ok. Besides, making mistakes, like taking a wrong turn, can reveal something beautiful I would have otherwise missed.

3) I’m not a big fan of free-falling into an adventure without being absolutely certain how it’s going to end. Yes, I already know that that’s not possible and that it will keep me at a standstill of inactivity. Which is why I force myself to show up here and take steps out of mediocrity when I have NO IDEA how it is all going to turn out!

Now, because I’ve fallen in love with everyone who reads this blog and leaves such brilliant comments, I’ve become intensely curious about you and want to know more about YOU and your adventures.

To that end, I’m hoping you’ll be willing to share what hangs you up on your journey to escape mediocrity. I’ll help if I can. Plus, really smart people hang out here and can probably offer even more assistance and support than you can imagine!

I can’t wait.

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Martha Beck is a genius. Well – I realized that is stating the obvious, but I have a point to make. You see, five years ago I was lucky enough to be personally trained by her in the skills of Life Coaching.  At the time, you didn’t meet a life coach every two feet – in fact I didn’t even know what it was when she offered it to me.

But I digress.

Martha taught and trained me using one of my favorite tools – metaphors. She and I are both natural story tellers, so metaphors come easily and naturally.  As you can probably tell if you’ve read anything I’ve written here.

As I am working on this journey to Escape Mediocrity, many of her metaphors roll around in my head. And yesterday I remembered one in particular that seems quite fitting as I finish up my time Walking The Grid and consider moving out into The Great Big World.

Goo

I clearly missed some important points in science class. Somehow, I thought that when a caterpillar climbed up into its cocoon, it just sort of shrank, sprouted antennae and grew some wings before emerging as a butterfly.

Nope.

Caterpillars spin their cocoon, climb into it and seal it. Then they COMPLETELY BREAK DOWN THEIR DNA. That’s right – they disintegrate into goo. In fact if you break open a cocoon mid-way through the metamorphosis cycle, that is all you will find inside – goo.

So, they break down their DNA as a caterpillar and then re-arrange it into the DNA of a butterfly. HOW exactly that happens is simply beyond my comprehension. But this is the part I like to remember: to become a butterfly, the caterpillar has to be Goo first.

I think the same kind of thing happens when we start to escape mediocrity. We have to go through the Goo Phase so that we can re-arrange our DNA into that of whatever it is we are becoming.

This metaphor makes me happy because it applies anyone who is trying to break out and become something more. It applies to budding entrepreneurs, entrepreneurs who want to shake up the way they do things, individuals who feel pulled to a bigger game in life, anyone really who is taking BIG risks to be more of who they are in this world.

Notes From The Field

Having been in the Goo Phase more than once, here are some things I can tell you about it:

1) To Escape Mediocrity and become something and someone more, you (and probably your business) are going to have to re-arrange your DNA. I don’t know any other way to do that other than passing through the Goo phase.

2) You can’t rush it. Rearranging DNA takes however long it takes.

3) It does not feel very good. Face it, being goo feels like, well, being goo. Stop fighting it.

4) Don’t let anyone crack you open mid-metamorphosis. a) all they will see is goo and b) you’ll probably have to start all over again. Neither of these are very encouraging.

5) It helps IMMENSELY to have people around you who are either going through it or have been through it to encourage you when you just can’t take being Goo one more day.

I’m betting some of you have been through the Goo Phase a time or two as well. What are some notes you have on getting though it and emerging from your cocoon as a butterfly?

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So if you’ve been following along recently on my business and my life, you are up to speed on the fact that I am “walking the grid”, recovering from a major setback. (If you haven’t been following along, you can quickly catch up by reading Failing Sucks and Cake.)

One major part of my Grid is reading  things that inspire me and make me feel better – smart, capable, hopeful, etc. So when I was watching my tweetstream the other day, I lunged at Jonathan Fields’  link to his newly released F2 Firefly Manifesto: Remixed. I read Jonathan’s blog, Awake At The Wheel,  regularly so I knew whatever he had written would be fantastic.  I just wasn’t prepared for HOW fantastic.

If you are desperate to escape professional (and personal for that matter) mediocrity and think it is impossible in today’s economy, sprint HERE and download this manifesto NOW (and don’t bother continuing your reading here – you can come back).

Still here? Ok – I’ll tell you why I like it so much and why it is Oh-So-UN-Mediocre.

1) It’s not full of links selling stuff. Nothing irritates me more than reading free documents that HINT at solutions – but to actually get them, you have to buy this ebook or that coaching program. The ideas and solutions Jonathan offers are right there, in the manifesto. And if you want further reading you can go to his blog or read his book.

2)It is practical and actionable. Sometimes I see manifestos that are long on theory and short on action steps I can take right now. Jonathan’s manifesto gives readers TONS of ideas and “Nine Renegade Actions To Take Today.”  My favorite is “Choose Your Renegade Path” where he says “With rare exception, making a great living doing what you love isn’t a matter of ‘if’ anymore, it’s a matter of ‘how’. Yes, even in this economy. “

3) It doesn’t ignore the reality of our current economic climate. I have grown so weary of the words “recession proof” and of hearing some gurus say that our mindset is all it takes to steer clear of the impact of today’s unstable marketplace. Jonathan does not pussyfoot around about what is REALLY happening – businesses are closing, people are losing jobs and new jobs just aren’t plentiful. And then —- he offers hope in the face of this reality.

Here is the definition of success Jonathan invites all of us to try on for size:

Will this career choice allow me to:

-Spend the greatest amount of time

-Absorbed in activities and relationships that fill me up

-While surrounding myself with people I cannot get enough of, and

-Earning enough to live comfortably in the world.

Jonathan not only believes that this is possible – he knows HOW to make it possible.  So, if you haven’t yet, go HERE and download your free copy of F2 The Firefly Manifesto: REMIXED. And, as always, I really want to know what you think about it, so comeback and tell me, ok?!!

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Like all good adventures, preparing to Escape Mediocrity takes a little (notice I said a LITTLE) preparation so that the journey actually leads somewhere meaningful.

One of the most critical orienteering skills I ever learned was to get my bearings  – especially if I was about to head out into someplace I’d never been before.

So, I learned to take a deep breath and look around me. I learned to notice details – which way the wind was blowing, where the sun was, how long the shadows were, in addition to the landmarks like buildings or trees. I’d look at a map or a chart and figure out where I was in relation to it.  All these things grounded me in EXACTLY where I was.

Once I was very clear on where I WAS, I could then set my compass and set my course for where I wanted to GO.

So what does my hiking lesson have to do with Escaping Mediocrity?

We need to get our bearings. That means taking a good hard look around at reality and acknowledging it for what it is – reality. Noticing the details of who we are and the people, places and things in our lives – and accepting them. 

There was a time in my life when I refused to do this. I preferred the ostrich approach thinking that if I stuck my head in the sand and didn’t acknowledge it, that would help. Thankfully, I’m older and wiser now.

Here’s what I know about accepting reality and getting my bearings: Accepting reality doesn’t mean I have to embrace it or even like it; it just means I acknowledge it and I don’t fight with it anymore. AND I get critical information by taking in exactly where I AM – information that will actually help me get where I want to GO.

So here’s my Escaping Mediocrity Challenge for you today: plant your feet firmly in reality, take a good look around, acknowledge and accept what is.

Congratulations – you’ve got your bearings. Ready to set your compass and strike out on adventure? Me too!

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This is NOT the blog post I intended to write today. I had other plans – as I often do – for my blog.  Then life happened and I can either keep it pent up or I can write about it. I’ve found it’s better for my mental health, and the general well-being of those around me, if I write about it.

Short and sweet, life threw me a curveball. No need to go into the gory details – maybe later. But I got blindsided with a ball straight to the back of the head. And wow does it smart. 

I tried pretending both a) The ball never hit me (ball? what ball?) or b) It didn’t hurt like he&* when it made contact. I should know better, of course – but hey – avoiding pain is what we humans do.

So then I decided to “feel the pain” because that’s where the lesson is, right? Except that “feeling the pain” threatened to overtake me. I started thinking about the pain ALL THE TIME. Not a valuable solution – at least not to me.

Then I remembered Gratitude.

And just to be clear – I am not one of those consistently serene spiritual people who remembers to pull out the tools that might actually help right away. Apparently I like to struggle with my own avoidance tactics first – which of course never succeed at doing anything but prolonging the problem.

Anyway – back to Gratitude (which, you may notice, is part of my Blueprint For Escaping Mediocrity).  So, after doing battle with the pain of the blow and making ZERO headway, I decided to take my own advice and give being grateful a try.  First I tried just thinking of a few things….my family…my health…my home…but that didn’t help very much.  I REALLY wanted to pain to abate, so I decided to step up the game. Every single time I thought about how I hurt (every other minute sometimes), I countered with something I was grateful for.

The list got interesting. The color of the sky, my son’s laugh, ruby red begonias, cold water to drink, a vacuum cleaner with a clean bag already in…ANYTHING that made me feel just a tiny bit better than thinking about my painful wound.  And I think that’s the secret really. Just consistently feeling a TINY bit better combined with refocusing my mind for a split second on something else.

Am I all better? Sometimes.  It takes a long time for a serious blow to heal – which means I have to tap another one of my weaker skills – Patience.  Will I make it? Absolutely. I’m not one to stay down permanently.

Someday I hope to be highly evolved enough that I don’t have to go through these struggles and these lessons over and over.  Until then, I just keep re-learning the best ones over and over again.  I’m pinning my hopes on the fact that they will put me further along the road to escaping mediocrity.

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So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my Plan to Escape Mediocrity. I swear it feels like I am masterminding a breakout from Alcatraz. (Cue Mission Impossible music!)

Seriously, I think if I – and anyone else who wants to come along – will ever break free from mediocrity and into a life and business filled with authentic adventure, we need a plan, a map, a blueprint so we can tell if we are on the right track.

I want to share what I have come up with so far. These are in no particular order because no one is going to have the exact same escape route. But I think we can at least use them to stake out where we need to begin digging the tunnels.

My plan now is to write a blog post for each one of these so we can elaborate and discuss them.

My rucksack is packed – have a compass, a shovel, and a canteen. Anyone else coming?!

Blueprint for a Kick-Butt Escape Plan

1. Accept Responsibility, or Not. (wrote blog posts about this here and here.)
2. Define and Defend Your Integrity.
3. Check Your Assumptions.
4. Consider Your Choices.
5. Pay Attention.
6. Get Into Gratitude.
7. Secure Your Spiritual Core.
8. Play to Your Strengths.
9. Seek Wise Counsel.
10. Protect Your Priorities.

***Emergency Plan for when you get totally lost: Go find someone who needs help and help them.***

Original Art uploaded on May 23, 2008
by phill.d

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