Escaping Mediocrity

Along the lines of Monday’s post, 5% Better, today I’m musing on another challenge I often hear from people who know they are meant to do something significant. Often they know what that thing is, often they don’t have th foggiest idea.

But both of these groups are in a holding pattern because of the same thing: they don’t know what to do next to get there.

In the time I’ve spent on this Escaping Mediocrity Journey, I’ve learned one big thing. Any action is better than inaction.

Or, as I said on two different phone calls this week, standing there, looking over the edge of the cliff isn’t going to make jumping any less scary.

I also know that random action isn’t really that useful either. No one wants to feel like a hamster on a wheel.

So, what do you do when you don’t know what, exactly, to do next?

Just one simple thing. Determine to the best of your ability what the single next indicated step is. Just one step, not the whole map. If you really don’t know, make your best educated guess, then move.

Once you take that step, you will have a ton more information at your disposal to determine what the NEXT indicated step is. So figure that out and take it. And keep repeating the process.

Some of the steps you take may not be 100% right. But you won’t know that until you take them. The more steps you take, the more accurate your compass will become.

Falling into the trap of thinking we have to know the entire sequence of steps to take before we take any is a trap. And it keeps so many people locked down, not moving toward their destiny.

Don’t be on of those people.

My challenge to you today is this: figure out one single step you can take that will move you in the general direction of where you want to go. And take it.

And, of course, I would love it if you would share the step and the results in the comments.

Good Luck!

I am bewildered.

Which is much different than my usual stance of being grumpy and loud about something I see that I don’t like.

But as I sit with this, I am less and less annoyed and more and more, well, confused.

See, I watch people. A lot. And I especially watch those who put themselves in the “expert”,  ”famous expert” and “leader” categories. I notice what they do. I notice what they don’t do.

I watch them online and I watch them in person at events like BlogWorld and SXSW.

And I am noticing something that is actually quite disturbing. So disturbing that I’m questioning some of my fundamental business choices.

Here’s what I see: There are a number of so-called leaders in the internet and social media space who seem to stick with what I can only call a “clique”. They primarily talk to this small group of peers, support this small group of peers and promote this small group of peers.

And I get it – they are free to make whatever choices they want, but from where I sit, it doesn’t look like leadership or expertise. It looks like high school and the cool kids table.

I thought true leaders reached out beyond their immediate peer group to help those who need their attention, their words, and their help.  I thought part of a leader’s job was to search for unnoticed diamonds in the rough and start to polish them. I thought true leaders never, ever forgot that they were once unnoticed and that someone reached out to help them become who they are.

Apparently I was wrong.

When I see “leaders” huddled together in a self-congratulatory group (I’ve even heard of an event where the leaders sit in a roped off area, inaccessible to the “common” attendees), it makes me question any aspiration I might have to someday be among them.

I know not all experts and leaders are like this and that gives me the hope I need to keep going.

And Lord knows I fall short myself in all of these areas. It’s far more fun to just hang with my friends online and IRL than to venture out and get to know people. But isn’t that what the social media and online world is all about?

Like I said. I’m bewildered. And perplexed.

What do you think? Am I way off base? Do I need to re-set my filter? Or do I just accept that this is the way things are and move on?

As always, I am dying to hear what you think.

**UPDATE: Based on some emails and DMs, I guess I need to make it clear that my personal feelings aren’t hurt because I’m being “left out”. On the contrary, I’m often included by some of the very leaders I’m thinking of.  This is more about observing people whom I thought were admirable who, sadly, aren’t. And watching how they treat others, not just how they treat me. **

See? I told you I wasn’t a malcontent focused only on the negative in 10 Ways to Be Lame-O at Blogworld.

I learned a lot by watching amazing people do amazing things during that crazy three days. Again, this mostly happened in the hallways, at lunch, in the New Media Lounge, etc. because that’s where I think most of the action is.

Here are ten things I learned – and a shout out to the person who taught me;

1) You can never be too generous. Calvin Lee (@MayhemStudios) is a walking, talking generosity billboard. He is so well connected, he knows everyone and gets invited to everything. And when he can swing it, he gets me invited too. Someday, I hope to be just like him.

2) True rockstars effortlessly make new acquaintances feel like old friends. I’m pretty sure Terry Starbucker (@Starbucker) knew 95% of everyone at BlogWorld. I knew who he was but we had never met. I can’t even remember who introduced us. But every single time I saw him after that, he greeted me by name, like I was someone he was so glad to see. Such a gift.

3) With very little effort, you can laugh really hard with total strangers. I was at a small lunch gathering where I didn’t know that many people. I wound up sitting with complete and total strangers- but we weren’t strangers for long. Within a matter of minutes, we devised one of the best spoof brands EVER and spent the rest of the time plotting how it would take over the world. Thank you @sgiarde and @kikilitalien for making me laugh so hard I cried.

4) It’s easy to make people feel a part of. My friend @BigHeadAsian and I were at a table in the New Media Lounge, effusively catching up because we hadn’t seen each other in a year. As new people wandered up to our table to plug in to power or to catch up on their laptop or whatever, he welcomed them by name and asked all kinds of questions about who they were. He INCLUDED them in the conversation. I took notes.

5) You can be even more awesome in person than you are online. Before Blogworld, I’d chatted with @pacesmith every now and then on twitter. Nothing major – just chitchat. But even in chitchat, I knew I really liked her. And THEN I met her IRL! So warm. So genuine. So interested. So interesting. And that “click” happened – you know that click when you meet someone that you feel an instant connection to? And it rocked.

6) Introducing people to each other and making connections is just an awesome thing to do. I got to traipse @johnhaydon one afternoon and he introduced me to all kinds of amazing people. And believe me, he knows a TON of amazing people. He never made it feel like it was difficult to do or as an “after the fact” kind of thing. Always effortless. Always inclusive. Starting to see a running theme here?

7) Famous authors who greet the world with enthusiasm are irresistible. I’ve met a lot of authors. And many of the ones I’ve met are either a) sortof ickily fake enthusiastic of b) above being enthusiastic. And then, there’s @barrymoltz. Barry saw me at a luncheon before I saw him, jumped out of his seat, ran over to my table and greeted me with such enthusiasm, I couldn’t help but laugh. And after that, every time I saw him, I got the same enthusiastic greeting. Loved every second of being around him.

You can have a ton of friends and a ton of people to talk to and still carve out space and time for people who matter. @jonathanfields taught me this one. Jonathan had a ton of friends and colleagues at Blogworld. And he had serious business to conduct while he was there. But in all of that, he carved out time to just hang out with me, ride in a limo, laugh a lot and just be. There is never too much of that.

9) Nothing beats the personal touch. I watched @catherinecaine mount her money raising efforts to get herself to Blogworld from half way around the planet like I was watching a great movie unfold. So many people stepped up and helped and she stayed the course and got herself there. And when she arrived, she’d made personal little gifties for people. I mean I had swag – but not different gifts for different people. And I’m talking about LOTS of different people.  That kind of attention and care is so rare in this world – and yet makes others feel important and valued. Wow.

10) You always need friends who totally get you. My girls @carlayoung, @elizabethpw @mamabritt @allisonnazarian (though I didn’t see her nearly enough) were all sort of like homebase for me. I’d got do what I needed or wanted to do, but I never went far without checking in with them. At parties, on the expo floor, in the hallways, these were the faces I looked for as my safety zone.  Could not have done Blogworld without them. #theend

So there you have it. Some of the very best things I learned at Blogworld and the people who taught me. I consider myself to be incredibly lucky and blessed to have such amazing teachers.

I am freshly back from Blogworld 2010. I attended two sessions. Mostly, I hung out in the hallways, in the new media lounge and in the expo and talked to people. For me, that is where the magic happens. It’s also where great people watching happens. And boy-howdy, was there stuff to watch.

It seems from the behavoir I observed, that some people came to BWE determined to be totally lame. Either that or their mother didn’t teach them any manners. Or they forgot the ones she did teach them.

So, in case you would like to emulate these oh-so-charming folks, I thought I would whip together 10 no fail ways to be lame-o at Blogworld. What I am about to describe actually happened – either to I saw it or someone I was with saw. #cantmakethisstuffup

1) Stay huddled up in a pack with all the people you already know as you roam the halls and session rooms.

2) Don’t wear your name tag or introduce yourself because people should know who you are.

3) Act annoyed when other people sit down at the table you have all to yourself in the New Media Lounge.

4) When a new person you don’t know joins your group conversation, either a) ignore them or b) turn to them and say “And you are?”

5) Sit in a very crowded session with empty seats on both sides of you and force people to climb over you to sit down. Bonus points for not moving you feet so people can get by.

6) At a networking lunch, sit with several people you know, talk amongst yourselves and ignore the people you’ve never met.

7) Leave your sense of humor at home and load up on your sense of self-importance.
As someone approaches you, do a full body visual frisk, pausing at their name tag, before deciding a) if and b) how you might choose to greet them.

9) Don’t introduce people to each other because, really, it’s too much trouble and who wants to be that generous.

10) Be a self-professed “guru”, meet the same person three times in 36 hours and each time, without the faintest hint of recognition on your face, say “Nice to meet you.”

If you were at Blog World – or any other event like it – you’ve no doubt run into these lame-o people. Feel free to share your best tip for imitating them.

And P.S. Lest you think I am a malcontent, I got some really great stuff from Blog World that I will sharing in the coming weeks.

Here’s the link: http://www.irresistiblepresence.com!

What’s a Launch Day without Bonuses?!

To get this party started in a most UNMediocre way, I have TWO launch bonuses to offer for your consideration:

Bonus #1 – Everyone who registers for Creating Irresistible Presence Live in the first 24 hours (that means the deadline is Wednesday, June 23 at 1 pm EST) will receive a one-hour, one-on-one, personal pre-event prep coaching session with yours truly. We will preview some of the event material and design your personal event plan to make sure you get the very most from your Creating Irresistible Presence experience. Value: $250

Bonus #2 – Everyone who registers between now and Tuesday, June 29 will be invited to a special group coaching call a few weeks before the event. During this call, I will walk you through my secret formula for making the most of live events and show you how to prepare ahead of time so that you get exactly what you want from the event once you are on the ground.  Value: $150

ok- to continue our discussion about sales pages…….

I’ve been doing a TON of research on sales pages. Good ones, bad ones, elements that work, verbiage that sucks, etc.  And if I’ve learned anything, it is this:

Though we complain about sales pages, we do want someone to help us make a buying decision. And it isn’t so much the length of the sales page that makes or breaks that deal. It is what the page contains.

- Is it warm?
- Is it full of the same old bs?
- Does it respect and even love – the reader to an infinite degree?
- Does it have personality?
- Does it further the relationship (assuming there is a relationship in place?)
- Is it just a cookie cutter of lots of other sales pages?
- Is the information presented in a way that works for a variety of intake styles?
- Does it convert? (Because it can be an awesome looking/reading page but if it isn’t making sales, all it is is interesting reading.)

These are just some of the questions that have come up in the many discussions I’ve been having about sales pages.

I’ve also come across some that defy the odds and it get oh-so-right. For your learning pleasure, I will share them:

Well, the first one, I can’t show you because he took it down after his amazing 24 hours. BUT, I can show you Jonathan Field’s breakdown of Chris Guillebeau’s Empire Builder’s Kit Sales Page. You will learn a LOT: http://www.jonathanfields.com/blog/empire-building-kit-behind-the-launch/

ElizabethPW’s sales page for Build Your Tribe: http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com/buildyourtribe/

Catherine Caine’s Awesome Fear Wrangling course: http://www.beawesomeonline.com/awesome-courses/awesome-fear-wrangling

Pace and Kyeli Smith’s World-Changing Writing: http://worldchangingwriting.com/

Charlie Gilkey’s and Jonathan Meade’s Dojo Guide: http://thedojoguide.com/

None of these are sales pages for I am working on – a live event. Sadly most of these a still lame-o. But after the Ustream Tribe meeting last night (mark your calendar for Tuesday’s at 8:30 pm EST), I have some ideas. But chances are, it will LOOK like a sales page (I’m done trying to figure out how do something amazing and clever).

Will you like it? Will it speak to you? Will it convert?

That remains to be seen…..

Now, in your comments I would love to hear about what you think makes a sales page work and if you have examples, that would be great too.

Here’s to being awesome!

(P.S. My newest 30 Day Series will start on July 1. Sign up for 30 Days to Irresistible Presence here: http://bit.ly/irresistiblepresence

[Update: The firm I talk about below and I have moved forward. The project at hand is far more important than personal differences. As always, there two sides to every coin and I feel certain that I share in the responsibility of how this thing played out. Apologies have been made an accepted - and now it is time to move on. ~S.]

Last night I go yelled at over the phone. And I mean the I-had-to-pull-the-phone-away-from-my-ear kind of yelled at.

What is particularly interesting about this is that a) I was being yelled at by the head of an outfit that my husband and I have paid to significant amount of money to help us with something pretty major and 2) I was being yelled at because I had the audacity to express frustration and my feelings about a lack of partnership.

Oh – and the person yelling told ME to calm down.

Here’s the thing about this. Aside from the fact that I truly hate being yelled at (it makes me feel like a little kid who has done something terribly wrong), I think the firm in question totally lost sight of the fact the we are clients. We get to be frustrated. And yelling about how we don’t “understand” that we are partners doesn’t make those feelings any different.

Because I do try to turn most anything into a teachable something, here is what I am taking away from this experience:

1. If someone is paying you money for something – especially if it is a significant amount of money TO THEM – they are a client. They deserve to be treated as clients.

2. Telling clients that their feelings are wrong, making them feel wrong, and generally talking down to them is never a good move.

3. Hiding behind “policies and procedures” to deflect honest customer dissatisfaction is cowardly.

4. If you have forced your client to be their own advocate and agreed to their requests, it is totally out of bounds to bottle up resentment about it and dump it on them later.

5. Being able to put yourself in the shoes of your client and really see things through their eyes is the heart of amazing customer service.

6. Though the natural knee-jerk reaction to hearing something unflattering is to be defensive, I’ve never seen that create a happy ending.

7. Accepting 0% responsibility in a heated client situation isn’t going to create a happy ending either.

8. Most client dissatisfaction can be defused by sincere interest in their pain and discomfort.

9. Though you may know more than your client about the details of a situation, don’t make them feel unintelligent.

10. Yelling at a client is always always always a bad idea.

I don’t know. Maybe I expect too much in this legalistic, CYA world we now seem to reside in. And stellar customer service is a rare exception in a world where mediocre is the accepted norm.

What say you? What are your best client relations/customer service suggestions? Oh – and here’s the test: before you suggest them for others, make sure you are willing to deliver them yourself.

Ok – so I posted zip, nada, nothing on Tuesday. And I do have a very good reason, sort of. I was in an intense in-person coaching session with my mentor Andrea Lee.

Of course I could have planned ahead and posted something or scheduled a guest blogger, but about a million things happened at once in the the days before I boarded my plane, so I really didn’t even think about it.  #OneofthemanywaysIamlame

I was also VERY late getting a promised guest post to @ElizabethPW. She loves me anyway and I did finally get it to her but again #anotherwayIfeellame.

And i was supposed to announce the winner of Delivering Happiness on Monday. And I haven’t. #yetanotherwayIamlame

And now here I sit knowing that I really should be creating something brilliant to say to make up for the fact that I haven’t posted anything all week. And……nothing is coming.

That isn’t exactly true. My mind is awhirl with all of the ideas and discussions from my coaching sessions this week, but my thoughts about it all are still forming into something articulate. They need more time to marinate before I can put them into words.

So, instead of forcing myself to write something that won’t be very good, I’ve decided to let myself off the hook. That way I don’t struggle to write a post and you don’t struggle to read it.

However, I will leave you with a question to ponder. You don’t have to answer it in the comments unless you feel moved to.

Ready?

When describing your business and your life, what do you wish you were able to say about them?

Answer that, and you’ve begun making the map for your own escape from mediocrity.

I love naps. I can think of nothing more decadent and more re-charging that catching a snooze in the middle of the day. On the weekends our entire schedule is built around the whole house taking at least a one hour nap each day. It’s serious business around here.

And, at the request of @WarrenWhitlock, I am going to share with you a) why I believe naps are critical and b) some of my best tips for getting the most from your nap time.

So first, why do I thinks naps are so crucial?

1) We live in a rush-rush-rush, over-stimulating, sleep-deprived world. In fact we kind of glorify how fast we can do something and how little sleep we did it on. This is physically and emotionally unsustainable. Your body will rebel. You will get sick. You will run out of steam. You will b e an emotional mess. It’s just a matter of time.

2) We MUST give ourselves the gift of re-charging. Even if we love what we do, we can’t push ourselves on a indefinite adrenline-fed frenzy. Our brains, that organ we depend on to produce our brilliant work, simply cannot fire on all cylinders without rest. It’s like asking your body to run a marathon while eating one meal a day.

3) Our brains and our subconscious produce fascinating ideas and connections when they are at rest but not in full REM sleep. (REM sleep produces great stuff too – it’s just a different kind of great stuff.)

There are tons of really good reasons for taking a nap. And the media has caught on because I’ve seen articles and shows everywhere talking about how sleep-deprived culture really needs to take another look at napping.  In the comments I hope you will leave your best reason for napping – that will be fun to read!!

So, we know rest and re-charge is critical but lots of people say “I just can’t nap!”. Sometimes napping involves actually sleep occurring and sometimes it is just a chance for our brains to rest, dance around a flit from topic to topic. The point is that we set aside a time (about 20 minutes to start) and a place (more on that in a minute) to let ourselves sink into resting.

Here are some of my best ideas for for creating a naptastic nap.

1) Cool, semi dark room. Even in the winter I like to have a slow fan going. In the summer, a fan makes the covers feel that much better.

2) Your favorite pillow. You have one – I know you do. So make sure it is your napping pillow.

3) A blanket. No need to unmake the bed (assuming you made it), but covers are critical.

4) Take off your shoes, belt – anything that feels constraining. You can’t get comfy if you can’t wiggle your toes.

5) Turn off your cell phone and unplug the house phone. Trust me. Nothing will happen that you can’t handle 20 minutes from now.

6) It goes without saying that you are napping in a different room from your laptop, right?

7) Set your alarm. this will keep you from stressing out about oversleeping if you do actually fall asleep.  Again 20-45 minutes is about as long as a nap should last. Any longer and you may have trouble shaking the cobwebs out of your brain for the rest of the day.

Then again, I learned a lot about napping from a great boss I had in Washington, D.C. After lunch each day, he told me to hold his calls, he closed his office door, and laid down on the floor for 45 minutes falling fast asleep. Find what works for you.

So I am anxious to know your thoughts about napping. Do you nap? Do you resist napping? Do you have nips for creating a great nap environment?!  Please share – you know that is my favorite part.

Photo:

By Guest Blogger: Todd Herman

“In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway american dream
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines
Sprung from cages out on highway 9
Chrome wheeled, fuel injected and steppin out over the line”
~ ‘Born To Run’ by Bruce Springsteen

Ahhh… every time I hear that ‘little diddy’ by Springsteen, it always takes me back to cruising down the highway with my high school buddies, Bill and Jeff. Windows down, music blasting and the feeling of freedom on our way to a Sunday baseball game.

No matter where I am or what I’m doing, when I hear that song, the feeling washes over me like I’m actually there… it never fails.

The mind is a marvelous storage house of these experiences. It’s amazing how one tiny little sensory input (ie good ol Springsteen) – links a truly vast array of emotions, sights, sounds, and smells together in a cataclysmic flash. Only to be triggered again and again, by the same sensory input years and years later.

I’m sure you’ve had the same experience. Whether it’s the smell of lemonade taking you back to some lazy day at the lake… Or, the tone in your Moms voice immediately creates a cascade of negative emotions because of some event in your past… Or, a specific way someone might touch your shoulder – instantly making you feel better, because it’s the same way your dad used to grab your shoulders when you were hurt or feeling down.

We all have these little triggers… You, Me, and Oprah.

Now, I’m going to tell you a little secret. You can INTENTIONALLY create positive triggers for yourself.

It’s the same thing I train professional and Olympic athletes to do, in order to trigger ‘The Zone or Flow State’. (You know… that place where we got completely lost in our activity and produce amazing results… yeah… that place.)

Instead of keeping the proverbial ‘cat – IN – the bag’ – I’ll let you in on the process.

Okay… so here we go, I’m going to run through an exact scenario I just used with a young up and coming golfer trying to break onto the PGA Tour.

Background:

Jeff, was struggling with his bunker play. Every time he stepped into a sand-trap he’d get a tense and anxious feeling in his stomach. His palms would sweat and he’d immediately start to think about what he DIDN’T want to happen (never a good strategy ).

Step 1:

Develop a new trigger for every time he feels the squishy sensation of sand under his shoes – so he feels calm and confident. (Why calm and confident? Because I asked him. How would you like to feel when you enter a bunker? Now, the same goes for you if you’re following along… if you’d like to create a new trigger for some activity you avoid or procrastinate on. Ask yourself, how would I like to feel when I’m faced with that activity?)

Step 2:

I asked Jeff (we were standing on the course by a sand-trap btw) – can you imagine a time or an activity that causes you to feel all warm inside, especially in your stomach, and you get the feeling of calm confidence?

It took him a while to recall an exact experience, but he finally said yeah… “Every time I think of going fishing.”

———————————————-
Key Point:

Now that I have him ‘thinking’ about it… I want him to go deeper, to the feeling part of that experience and really get emotionally engaged in that memory, because that’s where the sub-conscious will create deep, strong bonds and links to what you’re currently doing.

So, I simply ask him to describe that to me… what is he feeling, what’s that like to be out on the boat or the dock? etc.
———————————————

Step 3:

With Jeff holding that strong positive emotion and feeling inside of him I asked him to step into the trap and set-up for the ball that’s sitting in the trap.

(What I’m trying to do is link that feeling to the sensation of sand beneath his feet.)

Step 4:

I told Jeff to step back out of the trap and tell me more about fishing. What his best day was on the water… What’s he thinking about when he’s heading out to fish (incidentally – nothing. He’s just lost in the process of it all and enjoying himself. Which is key to reaching the zone or flow state – no expectations of outcomes.).

We followed the same process of Step 3 and Step 4. Constantly anchoring this positive emotion to the feeling of sand under his feet. (In reality, we did this about 25 times – until he naturally felt calm and confident without any thoughts or feelings of failure.)

Jeff ended up practicing this drill for a week, 10 minutes a day on his own to ensure we were impressing a new cascade of natural emotions and feelings whenever he entered the bunker. VERY KEY!

The idea that you can invest a small amount of time one day to get everlasting change is naive and silly. You’re battling against months and sometimes years of conditioning. Repetition is key! But, the rewards are phenomenal.

Key Insight:

Too many times people give far too much weight to their internal responses to thoughts about their capabilities. Remember, emotions are a biological response to some sort of idea you just thought of… and depending on whether that idea or thought was linked in your brain to a positive or negative emotion from your past – THAT’s the feeling you’re going to get.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHETHER YOU CAN OR CAN’T DO IT! It’s just how that idea was stored… unfortunately it was tossed in the ‘I’m sucky at that bin’. (Yes, that’s a technical term!)

So let’s remove it from the wrong storage bin and gently place it in the, ‘How freakin’ awesome am I bin’.

Oh, btw… Jeff has now turned into a bunker-lovin’ machine because his results have dramatically changed. Not because he spent hours working on his sand-trap skills… but because he went to work on the root of the problem.

Bonus Audio Tip!

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Todd Herman is a Peak Performance Coach to Professional and Olympic athletes. He’s also worked with Hollywood actors and business professionals on the inner game of success. But more importantly he loves Root Beer and probably needs counseling! You can find out more at: http://thepeakathlete.com or http://thechampionchallenge.com