The Irresistible Truth

This is Day 16 of 30 Days to Creating Irresistible Presence. On Wednesday, Gini Dietrich gave us as fresh spin on The Golden Rule and why it is critical to irresistible presence. four ways to STAND OUT as a messenger/author w/ a powerful message. Today, Jen Louden sends us of into the weekend with a fab post about how being your true self is an essential foundation to your irresistible presence. Delicious!

Today’s Theme Song is Let Your Heart by Known by Steve Gold

The Irresistible Truth

by Jennifer Louden (@JenLouden)

Irresistible presence begins, and grows, by being irresistible to yourself.

The most effective and life changing way to do that? Belly up to your truth and love what you discover.

By belly up your truth, I mean get intimate with what you know, moment by moment, to be true for you, and be willing to stand by it, sacrifice for it, and accept nothing less than a life lived by it.

And, in the process, love what you discover about yourself.

Because it won’t be all sweetness and accolades. When you live by your truth, you will be challenged daily.

Challenged to edit a blog post yet again because something in your body says it’s not quite accurate.
Challenged to give up a lucrative gig because of the company’s environmental impact.
Challenged to decline an invitation only event because you don’t jib with the other invitee’s work, even though they are all the “cool kids”.
Challenged to change your marketing copy because you’re promising more than you can honestly deliver.

But doing that alone won’t make you irresistible. Declining to beat yourself up for wanting to take the easy route with your post or wanting the big paycheck or wanting to hang with the cool kids (finally, I’ll belong!) is what will make you irresistible to yourself.

You put your arm around the parts of you that you would rather never see, let alone love, and you say, “I see you. Isn’t it a gas to be human? What can I do for you today to help you feel safe even as I insist we rewrite the post/give up that big job/decline the invite?”

Being authentic is often framed as the ticket to 6 figure launches and endless blog comments. It can be – Andrea’s post is a great example – but if that is why you seek your truth, you will never find it, nor irresistibility, nor contentment. Grasshopper, you must seek because this is the way of your soul, the way of the grown-up, the way to become more fully who you are. Any thing else is gravy and ultimately, none of your business.

Seek to know your truth so you fit in your own skin, so you can find the energy to do good work in the world, so you can look yourself in the eye every night. Seek to live by your truth so that your self-love will be built on deep inclusion and respect, not empty affirmations and shiny vision boards. Seek to share your truth, respectfully, in hopes of bridging gaps and creating understanding.

How can you start today?

Set a timer for 5 minutes and, keeping your hand moving, explore the question: What is hanging on the edge of my consciousness that I’m now ready to be aware of?

When the 5 minutes is up, choose one thing you have written and take one action on it. Maybe you are now aware your nanny is no longer the best fit for your child, and your next action is to call the Waldorf pre-school to learn more about their program. Maybe you are now aware that you aren’t being completely honest with a coaching client, and your next action is to write out what you will share in your next call. One awareness, one action: that is enough.

Living by your truth makes you irresistible to yourself because you are more at peace, more accepting, far less self-critical; you no longer send out mixed signals and try to be everything to everybody; you refuse to make weak offers or empty promises, most of all to yourself; and because you shine out a grounded, aware, grown up love.

How irresistible is that?

P.S. I know we could debate “What is truth?” and how warped our self-perceptions are until the cows come home – but let’s not. Living by your truth does not make you infallible or right or a saint, but it does make life a whole lot more fun.

Jennifer Louden helps people find the good so they never give up on themselves or each other. A best-selling author of six books, ontologically trained coach, speaker and retreat creator, and her newest project is the Satisfaction Finder. Her favorite name is Lilly’s mom.

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This entry was posted on Friday, July 16th, 2010 at 11:21 am and is filed under 30 Days to Irresistible Presence. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

http://www.callmekristin.com Kristin Call
Is it bad that my first awareness was, “I don’t like doing the dishes.” I think I’ve been in denial about that. I hear all the time that people LOVE a clean kitchen and it’s worth going through food muck and having cold hands for the rest of the night to get there. I love a clean kichen, but it’s really not worth the cold hands and gags. lol. Poor DH.
Aside from that, though, this exercise is brilliant. It’s something I’ve struggled with and I actually wrote a post about it: http://www.callmekristin.com/youve-got-me-all-wrong/
Funny thing is, everything in that post is completely honest, but my essence still isn’t quite right. I think being able to accurately describe and portray the very core of you, in complete honesty is a gift that takes time to acquire. I’m definitely not there, yet. Has anyone found any other exercises that have helped you capture your essence?

Private
Kristin, I’m with you. It does take time. and practice. what is the practice that helps you be honest, not in work or writing, but in relationship with others?
http://sallyg.me Sally G.
Hi Kristin! I just read the blog post you’ve linked in your comment ~ you sound loving, interesting and fun.
Based solely on the 21 facts you share ~ I gently suggest that the Essence you seek to capture may, in part, be snagged in the label you’ve noted in #8.
When I refer to someone as High Maintenance (in my head usually, here’s why) ~ all the reasons have more to do about me than the person I’ve assigned the label to. For instance, I sometimes consider my oldest daughter High Maintenance because she requires more effort than I’d allotted time to give at that particular time. Or she didn’t readily accept the reason/decision/proposal/plan I offered and pushed back in some unexpected way. Or maybe, in that moment – the Essence of who she is surpassed my ability to know how to mother/support/appreciate/respect her. In short, there is nothing wrong with her at all ~ and I limit her potential and capacity when I reduce her to those two words: High Maintenance.
I share this to create space for you to examine this definition as it may or may not relate to you a little deeper. For there is every chance that one person’s High Maintenance is another person’s Miracle Waiting To Appear.
To answer your question: I read an exercise in Julia Cameron’s ‘The Artist’s Way’ that suggests you list your Top 5 fave tv shows, books, movies, songs. Once you’ve done that ~ assess them with a view to common threads, themes, messages they contain. Aspects of your Essence has connected with the items listed here and clues may lie waiting for discovery.

http://twitter.com/va4hire Marta Costa- OBM, VA
Wow Sally! I love your take on ‘high maintenance’. You’ve created a complete shift in how I now view those ‘push back’ moments with my own daughters. Thank you!

http://sallyg.me Sally G.
Thank you, Marta. It’s hard to write those ‘moments I’m not very proud of” out loud. It’s not always easy being human, and thus fallible. I need to own it to heal it though ~ and I’d hate my daughter going through life thinking there was something wrong with her because of weaknesses on my part. As Oprah says, “When we know better, we do better.” And I try again every day.

Anonymous
I think it takes BEING BRAVE more than anything. I agree w Sally- The Artists Way is so wonderful. But for me- it’s taken a sort of fearless quest to get to my center. To prove to myself and to the world that there is something special that I have to share. Just keep showing up for yourself. Also…..time. Yeah. That’s a good one.

http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
“But for me- it’s taken a sort of fearless quest to get to my center.”
Thanks for sharing this Megan! I think that’s what I’m about to embark upon… and I’m scared. But I know I can call upon my courage, on God and my friends (new and old) to help me through.

Anonymous
I’m in Jennifer Louden land. And I love it. I set my ‘conditions for enoughness’ last night- copied yours of the 15, and 45 min writing. I think I’m ruling the universe about now. Thank you for everything!
But this exercise…This is what comes up.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid that if I let myself envision my true desire, I will not only unleash the reality of it- but then I will have to make peace with it. This is a very bright and shiny and LARGE existence. I’m a leader who has HUNG BACK for fear of not being liked, not being loved, not believing that my loved ones will stay with me. And realizing that BEING LOVED is not only my greatest wish, but also my greatest hindrance.
I’m so grateful that you say….put your arms around that part of yourself- for me it’s the I want everyone to see how special I am!’ part. I’m embarrased by her. I stuff her down. But she bubble up anyway. And anyone who knows me even slightly would not believe I stuff her down. Because….I’m a performer who is taking the stage back. But clearing out the ‘emabarrassed feelings, the guilty feelings’ is my job now. So that I can give generously. So that I can be a channel, a vessel, and not slow down my journey out of small-mindedness.
Phew! Thanks for listening. And Love. Megan

http://www.lemonoffice.com susanmdonegan
Megan,
I can totally relate to this entire paragraph – thank you for putting it into words!
I’m afraid. I’m afraid that if I let myself envision my true desire, I will not only unleash the reality of it- but then I will have to make peace with it. This is a very bright and shiny and LARGE existence. I’m a leader who has HUNG BACK for fear of not being liked, not being loved, not believing that my loved ones will stay with me. And realizing that BEING LOVED is not only my greatest wish, but also my greatest hindrance.
The unleashing of the reality of my true desire is very, very scary for me as well – so, I just let it muster and I know it’s holding me back. Maybe this is the first step for me to “DO” something!
Thank you.
Susan

Private
It is scary for me, too. And what is most scary is it means not just doing it “out there” in the world, but doing it in here, in me, in my relationships. I’d much rather keep it in the realm of work! So what would be one thing you could do today, that might not even look “big” on the outside but feels huge? ONE thing?

Anonymous
I told my husband to fly. I asked him to let me fly. This was scary. Because the fear for both of us is that we will fly too far from home. But do we really want to not go as far as we are meant to? Do I really want him to feel he didn’t take full flight? noooo

http://twitter.com/jenlouden Jennifer Louden
Of course you don’t and that doesn’t mean it isn’t scary. So good on you for asking! I’m excited for you and delighted.

Anonymous
Hi Susan- thank you so much. I think it’s warriors work. To become. I am a bird who needs to take flight, who needs a lot of tender care, and love. Most of all I need to know this. And then! To give it to myself. Do you have a blog??

http://www.lemonoffice.com susanmdonegan
Megan, no blog yet but I’m in the midst of building my business, website and creating my new world! Blog will be coming soon… Great conversation you started here!

Private
Megan, I’m finding that if I can drop the judgments I have about wanting to be special, that really helps me clear them out of the way. I believe the gold in your comment is “clearing out the embarrassed feelings, the guilty feelings.” That is hugely massively important. Can’t wait to see what you love into being as you drop the need to be loved but anyone but yourself.

Anonymous
Massive lessons ‘heard’ today. Thank you so much. I share my journey on my blog! Hope to some day know who you are.

Anonymous
Megan, I’m with you too. It’s good to know there are others out there struggling with the same issues! Thanks for being open.

Anonymous
Oh gosh Stephanie. Aren’t we really all one? I feel that in so many ways- Always the struggle- and hopefully a growing bravery to become what we are here to become.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
So happy that you aren’t going to try to stuff her down anymore! The fact that she keeps bubbling up makes me smile

Anonymous
no. she will not be stuffed down. thank god that the true light cannot be covered over by fear. it keeps busting through. (i’m speaking universally here.)

http://sallyg.me Sally G.
Hi Megan! Feminine energy is such a magical, yet mystical, aspect of who we are. Balance and flow are critical to our inner connection – and we’re sometimes very dominant in one aspect of the flow (Giving, for instance), while blocked in the other (Receiving, for instance).
Sometimes we do not allow ourselves to receive with grace and gratitude ~ and all the Stuffing Down in the world will not change the fact that we’re operating on half of our cylinders.
It is possible to be loved, to be seen, to be valued and to be special without conditions. Maybe you could practice believing this is possible here, online – in this Tribe and beyond.
I think you’re inspiring, special AND I’ve grown to love you through your comments, tweets and blog posts. I expect nothing in return, you cannot let me down, these feelings are my own and I gift them to you because that squished up little part of you deserves to hear this. To know this. And one day – perhaps even to believe that it could possibly be true.
Dance on with your loving, leadership Self …

Anonymous
Sally G. Well. I love you too- your energy is amazing- and generosity even more so. This has been a great day. The act of stating what you are afraid of, and having someone listen with an open heart….paves the way for transformation. (THANK YOU SARAH ROBINSON) I had an appt w a ‘rolfing’ guy today. I went in with the mindset that the 2 of us were going to COLABORATE in solving my hamstring issue. I said to him, “I guess we hold onto these injuries to ground us. You know, if we are afraid to fly.” One thing after another was discussed (all the while he’s doing is thing) and the issue of my father comes up. And it hits me. And I feel him in the room. I wanted to be recognized by him. I needed that. (shut down alcoholic) So the embarrassment (of feeling needy of recognition) comes from anger that I have to ask for it. It should have been mine! And along with this (and a couple of tears rolling down my cheek) came the realization that I don’t need to ask. That I have everything I already need. (as most people will attest to!) That I can let go of the little girl need to say….Do you love me? Do you love me still? It was so wonderful. A breakthrough day. I FUCKING LOVE THOSE.
Thank you Sally for all your kind words and – to everyone here who reads with love and no judgement. Blog post coming.

Guest
Seriously….it’s always the parents who fuck up their children and these little kids grow up and hold onto issues that will affect them for the rest of their lives! My parents messed me up big time, and I resent them for it……but what have I learned from this……..I will never treat my children how I was treated! The cycle of stupidity ends at my front door and the ignorance and lack of affection is cast off for good. Lets see…a mom who cheated on my dad…a dad who drank and was never around…to finally my mom cheating on my dad again with a man she met on the internet…a dad who tried to commit suicide, but was not successful because I had the ambulance there before he could die…to a mom who ran off with another man she met on the internet, divorcing after 27 years of marriage and only 6months after I got married.
All of this happened during the whole 32 years of my life. My dad now lives with me because I know he is mentally unstable and cannot live alone; he resides in my house with my husband and my two children. It funny that he can see a great change in how I raise my children compared to what he was like as a parent. I will stop the cycle of stupidity and for this, my children will have the chance to live a life without being fucked up from the very start of their lives right straight on through till death.
That messed up little girl is still inside me but I have closed the doors on her and will never let her surface again. So my dear…we are alike in more ways than just our first names and I am grateful for being able to know you.

Guest
I let myself actually talk myself out of trying to apply to school for muscial theatre. I could sing….I was really good at it and I talked myself out of it because I was afraid that I was not good enough. To this day, I am still kicking myself it the ass because I really could have done it and loved it; and now…I no longer sing anymore.
If I could turn back time…I would have told myself that I was worth it! I am also a performer who tried to stiffle myself from living a dream. Do not ever do that to yourself….life is really too damn short to stiffle the inner performance geek from shining and allowing her to take that stage and own it!
Mary Havlicek
“I’m afraid. I’m afraid that if I let myself envision my true desire, I will not only unleash the reality of it- but then I will have to make peace with it. This is a very bright and shiny and LARGE existence. I’m a leader who has HUNG BACK for fear of not being liked, not being loved, not believing that my loved ones will stay with me. And realizing that BEING LOVED is not only my greatest wish, but also my greatest hindrance.”
Yes, yes, and YES!!!!
You are so not alone in this fear. Thank you for posting it.

Anonymous
Isn’t this a great place?

http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Megan…
I read of your fear and you stuffing down that part of me and I go “Yes – that’s me. Me too. I’m the performer. I’m scared. I’ve hung back and toned myself down. And I have a hard time wrapping my arms (in love) around those parts of me that I judge to be irresistible. And somehow reading your words helped me embrace me more… I think because I could see myself in you… suddenly I wanted for me the same things I would want for you. Self-acceptance. Self-love. Peace. That bright shiningness you describe. So thanks for your courage to share yourself.

http://valeriehart.com/ Valerie Hart
This is just a lovely post Jennifer and I know it is going to resonate with a LOT of people in this community.
I love the last paragraph… “Living by your truth…”
My truth is living, acting, being, speaking, and creating from my SOUL—>> instead of my EGO. I am trusting that part of myself and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done… and I’m still not totally there. It’s so hard to “let go” of trying to control everything in your life and release that trust to the universe. But I am starting to see the snippets of light and little droplets of love and gratitude that the universe is sending to me and I absolutely know I am on the right path…

Private
I’m with you! i’m learning that what my soul wants isn’t easy or comfortable or even about me. Oh holy poop. And it may not get me anything from the world. Oh extra holy poop. That is too much truth and yet, no running away from it. With you in soulful hardness Valerie!
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Oh thank you for this Valerie!
“My truth is living, acting, being, speaking, and creating from my SOUL—>> instead of my EGO.”
That hit me big time… I have lived so much of my life (incluing my business) from my EGO (what I once heard described as my “unhealed ego”) instead of my spirt and my soul.
So the question I am now pondering is “what would my life look like today if I were to live it from my spirit? And – since I”m not really sure what that would be… I could ask the same question this way. “What would my life look like if I had nothing to prove?” (I think proving is all about my ego).
Thank you for the gift!

http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
Holy shit. I am compelled to swear because this one hit me between the eyeballs.
I’m actually stunned into silence. I’ve got some scribbling to do.
Thank you for a killer post. Best, M.

Private
may you be kind to yourself while you scribble M!

Guest
I actually wrote a post yesterday regarding my belief of living life like a handful of Smarties. Each colour represents a different path we might take in our lives, and through this journey and the right combination of colours, our lives can truly be magical. I was too hard on myself because I am so ill and cannot do what I want to do right now because of the lack of strength and energy. Coming up with this Smartie logic is what is helping me through this process…something that is helpig me see my own truth and a life that I can say that I am proud of! I can say for the first time in a long time…that I am travelling on a path that I am no longer ashamed of.

Private
now that is a beautiful beautiful thing you wrote – no longer ashamed of. Are you also proud of it?

Guest
I’m no longer ashamed that I was hurt in a car accident and was injured and can no longer work in the traditional world. I am no longer ashamed as I hobble with my cane to and from my doctors appointments. I am no longer ashamed I can no longer be the mother I once was, the wife I once was, or the lover I once was.. Am I proud of what I am…not really. One day I hope to be…but finding the balance between life in the past and the present and future with severe fibromyaliga is something I have to battle everyday. One day I hope to be proud…but knowing how I am now and what I once was, is really hard for me to take!

http://sallyg.me Sally G.
May I share how I ‘see’ you every time you comment Meg? I see someone who I measure myself against in reflection.
Could I BE that strong? Could I accept that the life I thought was going to be mine changed radically without my consent or prior warning? And most importantly ~ could I move forward at a pace that frustrates me because who I was keeps showing up in my mind, diminishing efforts and progress that are so inspiring to everyone else but not to me?
I admire you more than you’re probably aware ~ and I’m willing to bet that I’m part of a large majority. You are Courage-in-action ~ and I thank you for showing up here. I’m a better person because you do.

Guest
You have warmed my heart more than you will ever know. I am not well at all right now…lost 60 lbs in the last 4 months from my illness. I am fighting to survive and your words give me more strength than any medicine that I could possibly take. Thank you for that!!
Anonymous
Please keep showing up here Meg. I hope it’s Meg because I’m calling you that!

Anonymous
I think the best parts of me- the most generous and loving, have been born out of pain. I know you will take all this and transform it.

Anonymous
Meg. I am sad that you are in pain. I love the Smartie idea. (I liken it to a big circle I’ve drawn of myself…that contains all the different parts of myself. There are a lot! I think I’ll use pantone colors.

Guest
Keep that circle whole and never take a piece out of it…..hold on to who you are. I find that as women, we lose our identities when we become married and have children. We are no longer looked at as just Megan…we now are so and sos wife and then become so and sos mother. My friend just had a baby 5 months ago and I gave her a mirror as a present at her baby shower. She looked at me like I was from outer space when I gave it to her….the meaning behind the mirror….even when we become a wife and a mother our true identity is still in there…we just have to look into the mirror and find ourselves again because it is so easy to get lost in life and responsibilities.

Mary Havlicek
Meg, I think you are so right. And really, I don’t understand completely why we do it. But we do, and we do it to ourselves, too.
I love your gift of the mirror for your friend’s baby shower. I’m going to have to keep that in mind – it’s an excellent reminder to remember who you are and not let it be taken away from you.
I have loved your comments today. Please keep them coming!

Lainehmann
Wow! What a powerful post. We hear so much about “living our truth” and “being authentic,” but no one ever really addresses HOW. This is great. Thanks, Jen.

Private
Have i really addressed how? How seems like my blankest spot right now. Thanks friend.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I think I am too scared to do the 5 minutes… but I will – when i can focus and clear some of the cobwebs!
I do agree that you have to fully know and understand yourself before you can be who you really are… I’ve got most of that clear in my head, but still know I’m not admitting something… so I hope clarify that soon.

Anonymous
Do it Shelly. We’ll be here for you.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
awww I missed this comment… I KNOW this tribe would be there for me! so awesome!

http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
I’m scared to do those 5 minutes too, Shelly. And I will tomorrow morning – scared or not. Did you?

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Nope! I have not done it yet… which is very interesting I think… now I NEED to do it to see what I am avoiding

Anonymous
This is one of those powerful posts that challenges me to go to a place I don’t really want to go to but know that I should. The awareness that I’m going to take action on? That I am a good and experienced writer. I have to take the action to act like one and have confidence in myself. After 13 years of freelance writing, I still consider myself inexperienced because I’ve only ever done it part time. I just started to organize all my original clips and I came to the realization that I have several hundred clips. That is the portfolio of an experienced writer and now I just have to believe it.

http://twitter.com/jenlouden Jennifer Louden
13 years is more than experienced, it’s expert. If you were willing to be an expert writer, what would you write next?

Anonymous
“Expert” is not a word that has even crossed my mind in reference to myself. I guess if I was willing to be an expert I’d finally write the book that’s been spinning around in my head for the last few years.

http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb
I had a lot of fears come up when I did the exercise. Hadn’t realized how afraid I am! Yikes!
I am super tired of being afraid and my action step is to take the weekend off. To step back away from my business and the online world, to connect with myself and with my man, to have some quality down time and enjoy myself.
I’m sure that will bring a much clearer perspective, come Monday!
Thanks for this post!

http://sallyg.me Sally G.
I think this is a BRILLIANT plan. Enjoy every moment to the fullest …

http://www.callmekristin.com Kristin Call
Is it bad that my first awareness was, “I don't like doing the dishes.” I think I've been in denial about that. I hear all the time that people LOVE a clean kitchen and it's worth going through food muck and having cold hands for the rest of the night to get there. I love a clean kichen, but it's really not worth the cold hands and gags. lol. Poor DH.
Aside from that, though, this exercise is brilliant. It's something I've struggled with and I actually wrote a post about it: http://www.callmekristin.com/youve-got-me-all-w…
Funny thing is, everything in that post is completely honest, but my essence still isn't quite right. I think being able to accurately describe and portray the very core of you, in complete honesty is a gift that takes time to acquire. I'm definitely not there, yet. Has anyone found any other exercises that have helped you capture your essence?
meganmatthieson
I'm in Jennifer Louden land. And I love it. I set my 'conditions for enoughness' last night- copied yours of the 15, and 45 min writing. I think I'm ruling the universe about now. Thank you for everything!
But this exercise…This is what comes up.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I let myself envision my true desire, I will not only unleash the reality of it- but then I will have to make peace with it. This is a very bright and shiny and LARGE existence. I'm a leader who has HUNG BACK for fear of not being liked, not being loved, not believing that my loved ones will stay with me. And realizing that BEING LOVED is not only my greatest wish, but also my greatest hindrance.
I'm so grateful that you say….put your arms around that part of yourself- for me it's the I want everyone to see how special I am!' part. I'm embarrased by her. I stuff her down. But she bubble up anyway. And anyone who knows me even slightly would not believe I stuff her down. Because….I'm a performer who is taking the stage back. But clearing out the 'emabarrassed feelings, the guilty feelings' is my job now. So that I can give generously. So that I can be a channel, a vessel, and not slow down my journey out of small-mindedness.
Phew! Thanks for listening. And Love. Megan
http://valeriehart.com/ Valerie Hart
This is just a lovely post Jennifer and I know it is going to resonate with a LOT of people in this community.
I love the last paragraph… “Living by your truth…”
My truth is living, acting, being, speaking, and creating from my SOUL—>> instead of my EGO. I am trusting that part of myself and it is the hardest thing I've ever done… and I'm still not totally there. It's so hard to “let go” of trying to control everything in your life and release that trust to the universe. But I am starting to see the snippets of light and little droplets of love and gratitude that the universe is sending to me and I absolutely know I am on the right path…
http://www.lemonoffice.com susanmdonegan
Megan,
I can totally relate to this entire paragraph – thank you for putting it into words!
I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I let myself envision my true desire, I will not only unleash the reality of it- but then I will have to make peace with it. This is a very bright and shiny and LARGE existence. I'm a leader who has HUNG BACK for fear of not being liked, not being loved, not believing that my loved ones will stay with me. And realizing that BEING LOVED is not only my greatest wish, but also my greatest hindrance.
The unleashing of the reality of my true desire is very, very scary for me as well – so, I just let it muster and I know it's holding me back. Maybe this is the first step for me to “DO” something!
Thank you.
Susan
http://www.brandonsutton.com Brandon Sutton
Wow – this really nailed it for me! The challenges you listed really resonated – particularly turning down lucrative gigs because of environmental impact. That is an area that I have identified as a passion that I’m unwilling to compromise on. I went through an exhaustive interview process back in the Winter when I had fears about doing what I really wanted to do on my own. I finally realized that it wasn’t going to work and I needed to pursue my truth, and that meant doing it on my own. I’ve never been happier!
I recently came to an awareness about what I’m meant to do with my life – it had been hanging out in my head, but I never allowed it to take center stage. Just recently, I had an incredible experience with a great group of people and some amazing horses, and I wrote about what I learned. When I read the journal entry to the group the next morning, I started crying on the first sentence. It was a potent experience for me. I described the experience and what I learned on my blog: http://www.brandonsutton.com/the-journey-part-2-vista-caballo/
Since I returned, I’ve taken significant steps toward my passion for making a positive impact on the world. I’m organizing an expedition to the Gulf of Mexico along with a follow-up event here in Atlanta where we will present our experiences to attendees, and bring experts in various fields together to discuss the oil spill and how each of us can do our part to elevate the dialogue to a productive level so that we can collectively heal the wounds that have been caused. That was sort of a long-winded way of saying that I’m not just thinking about doing something to make a difference, I’m taking action, because for the first time in my life, I believe that I CAN make a significant difference, and I DO have what it takes to bring about positive changes in the world. It gives me the chills just writing it!
Thank you so much for the post – it’s great to have this reinforcement. And thanks to everyone who participates and shares their truth in the comments – you’re all amazing people. I hope everyone has an awesome day!

Jennifer Louden
Brandon, I am so delighted to get to share in your excitement and look forward to hearing what happens! Rock it brother!

http://www.brandonsutton.com Brandon Sutton
Thanks Jennifer! btw, I loved the index card graphic! It was so refreshing in the sea of over-produced marketing imagery.

http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
Holy shit. I am compelled to swear because this one hit me between the eyeballs.
I'm actually stunned into silence. I've got some scribbling to do.
Thank you for a killer post. Best, M.
http://www.madebymegs.blogspot.com madebymegs
I actually wrote a post yesterday regarding my belief of living life like a handful of Smarties. Each colour represents a different path we might take in our lives, and through this journey and the right combination of colours, our lives can truly be magical. I was too hard on myself because I am so ill and cannot do what I want to do right now because of the lack of strength and energy. Coming up with this Smartie logic is what is helping me through this process…something that is helpig me see my own truth and a life that I can say that I am proud of! I can say for the first time in a long time…that I am travelling on a path that I am no longer ashamed of.
Lainehmann
Wow! What a powerful post. We hear so much about “living our truth” and “being authentic,” but no one ever really addresses HOW. This is great. Thanks, Jen.
Private
Kristin, I'm with you. It does take time. and practice. what is the practice that helps you be honest, not in work or writing, but in relationship with others?
Private
Megan, I'm finding that if I can drop the judgments I have about wanting to be special, that really helps me clear them out of the way. I believe the gold in your comment is “clearing out the embarrassed feelings, the guilty feelings.” That is hugely massively important. Can't wait to see what you love into being as you drop the need to be loved but anyone but yourself.
Private
It is scary for me, too. And what is most scary is it means not just doing it “out there” in the world, but doing it in here, in me, in my relationships. I'd much rather keep it in the realm of work! So what would be one thing you could do today, that might not even look “big” on the outside but feels huge? ONE thing?
Private
I'm with you! i'm learning that what my soul wants isn't easy or comfortable or even about me. Oh holy poop. And it may not get me anything from the world. Oh extra holy poop. That is too much truth and yet, no running away from it. With you in soulful hardness Valerie!
Private
may you be kind to yourself while you scribble M!
StephanieCorum
Megan, I'm with you too. It's good to know there are others out there struggling with the same issues! Thanks for being open.
Private
now that is a beautiful beautiful thing you wrote – no longer ashamed of. Are you also proud of it?
Private
Have i really addressed how? How seems like my blankest spot right now. Thanks friend.
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I think I am too scared to do the 5 minutes… but I will – when i can focus and clear some of the cobwebs!
I do agree that you have to fully know and understand yourself before you can be who you really are… I've got most of that clear in my head, but still know I'm not admitting something… so I hope clarify that soon.
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
So happy that you aren't going to try to stuff her down anymore! The fact that she keeps bubbling up makes me smile
StephanieCorum
This is one of those powerful posts that challenges me to go to a place I don't really want to go to but know that I should. The awareness that I'm going to take action on? That I am a good and experienced writer. I have to take the action to act like one and have confidence in myself. After 13 years of freelance writing, I still consider myself inexperienced because I've only ever done it part time. I just started to organize all my original clips and I came to the realization that I have several hundred clips. That is the portfolio of an experienced writer and now I just have to believe it.
http://sallyg.me Sally G.
Hi Kristin! I just read the blog post you've linked in your comment ~ you sound loving, interesting and fun.
Based solely on the 21 facts you share ~ I gently suggest that the Essence you seek to capture may, in part, be snagged in the label you've noted in #8.
When I refer to someone as High Maintenance (in my head usually, here's why) ~ all the reasons have more to do about me than the person I've assigned the label to. For instance, I sometimes consider my oldest daughter High Maintenance because she requires more effort than I'd allotted time to give at that particular time. Or she didn't readily accept the reason/decision/proposal/plan I offered and pushed back in some unexpected way. Or maybe, in that moment – the Essence of who she is surpassed my ability to know how to mother/support/appreciate/respect her. In short, there is nothing wrong with her at all ~ and I limit her potential and capacity when I reduce her to those two words: High Maintenance.
I share this to create space for you to examine this definition as it may or may not relate to you a little deeper. For there is every chance that one person's High Maintenance is another person's Miracle Waiting To Appear.
To answer your question: I read an exercise in Julia Cameron's 'The Artist's Way' that suggests you list your Top 5 fave tv shows, books, movies, songs. Once you've done that ~ assess them with a view to common threads, themes, messages they contain. Aspects of your Essence has connected with the items listed here and clues may lie waiting for discovery.
http://www.madebymegs.blogspot.com madebymegs
I'm no longer ashamed that I was hurt in a car accident and was injured and can no longer work in the traditional world. I am no longer ashamed as I hobble with my cane to and from my doctors appointments. I am no longer ashamed I can no longer be the mother I once was, the wife I once was, or the lover I once was.. Am I proud of what I am…not really. One day I hope to be…but finding the balance between life in the past and the present and future with severe fibromyaliga is something I have to battle everyday. One day I hope to be proud…but knowing how I am now and what I once was, is really hard for me to take!
Lisa
I haven’t been able to post for a few days but I have been reading the site. Oh how I have wanted to join in! I had my son come and figure out what the problem was and fix it. I LOVE HAVING A GROWN SON.!!
Jennifer- Great post It got me thinking about my days listening to Tony Robbins. His Cds are coming out again. They were so helpful to me in the past.
I think I hold back because of a fear of failure. I don’t feel like anyone ” has my back” .I have no family outside of my son. I am really starting to do things that are outside of my comfort zone. Megan M. Once again you have been a mirror to reflect my feelings Thank you! I am so sorry that you have a hamstring problem. Oh BTW- Love Love Love the Milan video. Those shoes!!!!!!

http://twitter.com/TalktoDiane Diane Brooks
Lisa, I saw that there is a new Reality Series featuring Tony Robbins. The previews show him challenging people and helping them to change their lives. I believe it premieres the end of this month.

Lisa
Diane, Awesome. I didn’t know that! Thanks for the update!

http://sallyg.me Sally G.
Hi Megan! Feminine energy is such a magical, yet mystical, aspect of who we are. Balance and flow are critical to our inner connection – and we're sometimes very dominant in one aspect of the flow (Giving, for instance), while blocked in the other (Receiving, for instance).
Sometimes we do not allow ourselves to receive with grace and gratitude ~ and all the Stuffing Down in the world will not change the fact that we're operating on half of our cylinders.
It is possible to be loved, to be seen, to be valued and to be special without conditions. Maybe you could practice believing this is possible here, online – in this Tribe and beyond.
I think you're inspiring, special AND I've grown to love you through your comments, tweets and blog posts. I expect nothing in return, you cannot let me down, these feelings are my own and I gift them to you because that squished up little part of you deserves to hear this. To know this. And one day – perhaps even to believe that it could possibly be true.
Dance on with your loving, leadership Self …
http://sallyg.me Sally G.
May I share how I 'see' you every time you comment Meg? I see someone who I measure myself against in reflection.
Could I BE that strong? Could I accept that the life I thought was going to be mine changed radically without my consent or prior warning? And most importantly ~ could I move forward at a pace that frustrates me because who I was keeps showing up in my mind, diminishing efforts and progress that are so inspiring to everyone else but not to me?
I admire you more than you're probably aware ~ and I'm willing to bet that I'm part of a large majority. You are Courage-in-action ~ and I thank you for showing up here. I'm a better person because you do.
http://www.madebymegs.blogspot.com madebymegs
You have warmed my heart more than you will ever know. I am not well at all right now…lost 60 lbs in the last 4 months from my illness. I am fighting to survive and your words give me more strength than any medicine that I could possibly take. Thank you for that!!
http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb
I had a lot of fears come up when I did the exercise. Hadn't realized how afraid I am! Yikes!
I am super tired of being afraid and my action step is to take the weekend off. To step back away from my business and the online world, to connect with myself and with my man, to have some quality down time and enjoy myself.
I'm sure that will bring a much clearer perspective, come Monday!
Thanks for this post!
meganmatthieson
Massive lessons 'heard' today. Thank you so much. I share my journey on my blog! Hope to some day know who you are.
meganmatthieson
no. she will not be stuffed down. thank god that the true light cannot be covered over by fear. it keeps busting through. (i'm speaking universally here.)
meganmatthieson
Sally G. Well. I love you too- your energy is amazing- and generosity even more so. This has been a great day. The act of stating what you are afraid of, and having someone listen with an open heart….paves the way for transformation. (THANK YOU SARAH ROBINSON) I had an appt w a 'rolfing' guy today. I went in with the mindset that the 2 of us were going to COLABORATE in solving my hamstring issue. I said to him, “I guess we hold onto these injuries to ground us. You know, if we are afraid to fly.” One thing after another was discussed (all the while he's doing is thing) and the issue of my father comes up. And it hits me. And I feel him in the room. I wanted to be recognized by him. I needed that. (shut down alcoholic) So the embarrassment (of feeling needy of recognition) comes from anger that I have to ask for it. It should have been mine! And along with this (and a couple of tears rolling down my cheek) came the realization that I don't need to ask. That I have everything I already need. (as most people will attest to!) That I can let go of the little girl need to say….Do you love me? Do you love me still? It was so wonderful. A breakthrough day. I FUCKING LOVE THOSE.
Thank you Sally for all your kind words and – to everyone here who reads with love and no judgement. Blog post coming.
meganmatthieson
Oh gosh Stephanie. Aren't we really all one? I feel that in so many ways- Always the struggle- and hopefully a growing bravery to become what we are here to become.
meganmatthieson
Hi Susan- thank you so much. I think it's warriors work. To become. I am a bird who needs to take flight, who needs a lot of tender care, and love. Most of all I need to know this. And then! To give it to myself. Do you have a blog??
meganmatthieson
I told my husband to fly. I asked him to let me fly. This was scary. Because the fear for both of us is that we will fly too far from home. But do we really want to not go as far as we are meant to? Do I really want him to feel he didn't take full flight? noooo
http://sallyg.me Sally G.
I think this is a BRILLIANT plan. Enjoy every moment to the fullest …
meganmatthieson
Do it Shelly. We'll be here for you.
meganmatthieson
Meg. I am sad that you are in pain. I love the Smartie idea. (I liken it to a big circle I've drawn of myself…that contains all the different parts of myself. There are a lot! I think I'll use pantone colors.
meganmatthieson
I think the best parts of me- the most generous and loving, have been born out of pain. I know you will take all this and transform it.
meganmatthieson
Please keep showing up here Meg. I hope it's Meg because I'm calling you that!
meganmatthieson
I think it takes BEING BRAVE more than anything. I agree w Sally- The Artists Way is so wonderful. But for me- it's taken a sort of fearless quest to get to my center. To prove to myself and to the world that there is something special that I have to share. Just keep showing up for yourself. Also…..time. Yeah. That's a good one.
http://www.brandonsutton.com Brandon101
Wow – this really nailed it for me! The challenges you listed really resonated – particularly turning down lucrative gigs because of environmental impact. That is an area that I have identified as a passion that I'm unwilling to compromise on. I went through an exhaustive interview process back in the Winter when I had fears about doing what I really wanted to do on my own. I finally realized that it wasn't going to work and I needed to pursue my truth, and that meant doing it on my own. I've never been happier!
I recently came to an awareness about what I'm meant to do with my life – it had been hanging out in my head, but I never allowed it to take center stage. Just recently, I had an incredible experience with a great group of people and some amazing horses, and I wrote about what I learned. When I read the journal entry to the group the next morning, I started crying on the first sentence. It was a potent experience for me. I described the experience and what I learned on my blog: http://www.brandonsutton.com/the-journey-part-2…
Since I returned, I've taken significant steps toward my passion for making a positive impact on the world. I'm organizing an expedition to the Gulf of Mexico along with a follow-up event here in Atlanta where we will present our experiences to attendees, and bring experts in various fields together to discuss the oil spill and how each of us can do our part to elevate the dialogue to a productive level so that we can collectively heal the wounds that have been caused. That was sort of a long-winded way of saying that I'm not just thinking about doing something to make a difference, I'm taking action, because for the first time in my life, I believe that I CAN make a significant difference, and I DO have what it takes to bring about positive changes in the world. It gives me the chills just writing it!
Thank you so much for the post – it's great to have this reinforcement. And thanks to everyone who participates and shares their truth in the comments – you're all amazing people. I hope everyone has an awesome day!
Jennifer Louden
Brandon, I am so delighted to get to share in your excitement and look forward to hearing what happens! Rock it brother!
http://twitter.com/jenlouden Jennifer Louden
13 years is more than experienced, it's expert. If you were willing to be an expert writer, what would you write next?
http://twitter.com/jenlouden Jennifer Louden
Of course you don't and that doesn't mean it isn't scary. So good on you for asking! I'm excited for you and delighted.
http://www.madebymegs.blogspot.com madebymegs
I let myself actually talk myself out of trying to apply to school for muscial theatre. I could sing….I was really good at it and I talked myself out of it because I was afraid that I was not good enough. To this day, I am still kicking myself it the ass because I really could have done it and loved it; and now…I no longer sing anymore.
If I could turn back time…I would have told myself that I was worth it! I am also a performer who tried to stiffle myself from living a dream. Do not ever do that to yourself….life is really too damn short to stiffle the inner performance geek from shining and allowing her to take that stage and own it!
http://www.madebymegs.blogspot.com madebymegs
Seriously….it's always the parents who fuck up their children and these little kids grow up and hold onto issues that will affect them for the rest of their lives! My parents messed me up big time, and I resent them for it……but what have I learned from this……..I will never treat my children how I was treated! The cycle of stupidity ends at my front door and the ignorance and lack of affection is cast off for good. Lets see…a mom who cheated on my dad…a dad who drank and was never around…to finally my mom cheating on my dad again with a man she met on the internet…a dad who tried to commit suicide, but was not successful because I had the ambulance there before he could die…to a mom who ran off with another man she met on the internet, divorcing after 27 years of marriage and only 6months after I got married.
All of this happened during the whole 32 years of my life. My dad now lives with me because I know he is mentally unstable and cannot live alone; he resides in my house with my husband and my two children. It funny that he can see a great change in how I raise my children compared to what he was like as a parent. I will stop the cycle of stupidity and for this, my children will have the chance to live a life without being fucked up from the very start of their lives right straight on through till death.
That messed up little girl is still inside me but I have closed the doors on her and will never let her surface again. So my dear…we are alike in more ways than just our first names and I am grateful for being able to know you.
Lisa
I haven't been able to post for a few days but I have been reading the site. Oh how I have wanted to join in! I had my son come and figure out what the problem was and fix it. I LOVE HAVING A GROWN SON.!!
Jennifer- Great post It got me thinking about my days listening to Tony Robbins. His Cds are coming out again. They were so helpful to me in the past.
I think I hold back because of a fear of failure. I don't feel like anyone ” has my back” .I have no family outside of my son. I am really starting to do things that are outside of my comfort zone. Megan M. Once again you have been a mirror to reflect my feelings Thank you! I am so sorry that you have a hamstring problem. Oh BTW- Love Love Love the Milan video. Those shoes!!!!!!
http://www.madebymegs.blogspot.com madebymegs
Keep that circle whole and never take a piece out of it…..hold on to who you are. I find that as women, we lose our identities when we become married and have children. We are no longer looked at as just Megan…we now are so and sos wife and then become so and sos mother. My friend just had a baby 5 months ago and I gave her a mirror as a present at her baby shower. She looked at me like I was from outer space when I gave it to her….the meaning behind the mirror….even when we become a wife and a mother our true identity is still in there…we just have to look into the mirror and find ourselves again because it is so easy to get lost in life and responsibilities.
http://twitter.com/va4hire Marta Costa
Wow Sally! I love your take on 'high maintenance'. You've created a complete shift in how I now view those 'push back' moments with my own daughters. Thank you!
http://sallyg.me Sally G.
Thank you, Marta. It's hard to write those 'moments I'm not very proud of'' out loud. It's not always easy being human, and thus fallible. I need to own it to heal it though ~ and I'd hate my daughter going through life thinking there was something wrong with her because of weaknesses on my part. As Oprah says, “When we know better, we do better.” And I try again every day.
Mary Havlicek
Meg, I think you are so right. And really, I don't understand completely why we do it. But we do, and we do it to ourselves, too.
I love your gift of the mirror for your friend's baby shower. I'm going to have to keep that in mind – it's an excellent reminder to remember who you are and not let it be taken away from you.
I have loved your comments today. Please keep them coming!
http://www.brandonsutton.com Brandon101
Thanks Jennifer! btw, I loved the index card graphic! It was so refreshing in the sea of over-produced marketing imagery.
Mary Havlicek
“I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if I let myself envision my true desire, I will not only unleash the reality of it- but then I will have to make peace with it. This is a very bright and shiny and LARGE existence. I'm a leader who has HUNG BACK for fear of not being liked, not being loved, not believing that my loved ones will stay with me. And realizing that BEING LOVED is not only my greatest wish, but also my greatest hindrance.”
Yes, yes, and YES!!!!
You are so not alone in this fear. Thank you for posting it.
http://www.moreyourself.com Gail Blesch
I’m finding the idea of trying to be irresistible for the sake of building a business , is exactly the thing that can make it hard to feel irresistible to myself, so I really appreciate your post Jennifer. One of my most powerful memories of transformation came when I discovered my ability to create my own choices. Prior to that I believed the options were set, solid and limited. I didn’t know reality was individually determined and when I chanced upon the secret door that led me out of the box and into the realm of unlimited possibilities I was shocked, humbled, and ecstatic. More than anything else in the world, I wanted to spend my life showing others that door. Many people before and since have busted through this same door, and have created businesses showing others the way. The door itself was the irresistible part. My deepest wish was always for the wall holding the door to disappear, and we’d all live on the other side of it. This of course would negate the need for guides and the businesses we’ve built, which is fine with me, since the goal will have been met, and the pressure to be irresistible, to stand out above the crowd, would also disappear, because that is the beauty of living on the other side of the door – we become irresistible to our self.
StephanieCorum
“Expert” is not a word that has even crossed my mind in reference to myself. I guess if I was willing to be an expert I'd finally write the book that's been spinning around in my head for the last few years.
http://twitter.com/TalktoDiane Diane Brooks
Lisa, I saw that there is a new Reality Series featuring Tony Robbins. The previews show him challenging people and helping them to change their lives. I believe it premieres the end of this month.
meganmatthieson
Isn't this a great place?
http://www.moreyourself.com Gail Blesch
I'm finding the idea of trying to be irresistible for the sake of building a business , is exactly the thing that can make it hard to feel irresistible to myself, so I really appreciate your post Jennifer. One of my most powerful memories of transformation came when I discovered my ability to create my own choices. Prior to that I believed the options were set, solid and limited. I didn't know reality was individually determined and when I chanced upon the secret door that led me out of the box and into the realm of unlimited possibilities I was shocked, humbled, and ecstatic. More than anything else in the world, I wanted to spend my life showing others that door. Many people before and since have busted through this same door, and have created businesses showing others the way. The door itself was the irresistible part. My deepest wish was always for the wall holding the door to disappear, and we'd all live on the other side of it. This of course would negate the need for guides and the businesses we've built, which is fine with me, since the goal will have been met, and the pressure to be irresistible, to stand out above the crowd, would also disappear, because that is the beauty of living on the other side of the door – we become irresistible to our self.
http://www.lemonoffice.com susanmdonegan
Megan, no blog yet but I'm in the midst of building my business, website and creating my new world! Blog will be coming soon… Great conversation you started here!
Lisa
Diane, Awesome. I didn't know that! Thanks for the update!
http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie
This is an interesting post, and it took some time to think through a response to it as living my truth right now goes the opposite direction of some of the points in this post (which, of course, is all right as that is me living my truth!).
Right now, as I start my business, my truth has become accepting everything and anything that comes my way and being completely open to experimenting with it. I am trying to push my past beliefs aside and allow myself to be completely open to the opportunities presenting themselves to me.
So, my truth right now would be to try all the things in Jen’s list and see what happens, how I feel about them, and then move forward after having those experiences.
I would work for the company with the bad environmental impact, I would attend the “cool kid” conference, I would try that market copy to see if I could actually deliver.
I have never done any of the things I am doing in my business before so I don’t have these experiences under my belt and I want them. I want to learn what happens in every new situation that I encounter and move forward from there.
Maybe then, I am a step behind Jen’s post. So much has changed for me in the past year that I currently don’t have a clear truth to live with. I have discarded much of my previous truth as it didn’t fit anymore, and now I need to build a new truth so that I can live by it and create the irresistible (anyone else spell that with an “a” instead of an “i” everytime?) presence that I will continue forward with.
I am in an “experience many truths” mode instead of a “living by my irresistible truth” mode.
Jeremie

http://twitter.com/jenlouden Jennifer Louden
Jeremie, what you said is so right on. Our truth does change, it isn’t fixed, we find it through action. The truths I mentioned in my post are not mine, rather examples of how truth can be challenging rather than easy. I believe the only thing is to keep paying attention, with love, to what resonates, and not to hide from what might be uncomfortable. I hope that make sense!

http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie
This is an interesting post, and it took some time to think through a response to it as living my truth right now goes the opposite direction of some of the points in this post (which, of course, is all right as that is me living my truth!).
Right now, as I start my business, my truth has become accepting everything and anything that comes my way and being completely open to experimenting with it. I am trying to push my past beliefs aside and allow myself to be completely open to the opportunities presenting themselves to me.
So, my truth right now would be to try all the things in Jen's list and see what happens, how I feel about them, and then move forward after having those experiences.
I would work for the company with the bad environmental impact, I would attend the “cool kid” conference, I would try that market copy to see if I could actually deliver.
I have never done any of the things I am doing in my business before so I don't have these experiences under my belt and I want them. I want to learn what happens in every new situation that I encounter and move forward from there.
Maybe then, I am a step behind Jen's post. So much has changed for me in the past year that I currently don't have a clear truth to live with. I have discarded much of my previous truth as it didn't fit anymore, and now I need to build a new truth so that I can live by it and create the irresistible (anyone else spell that with an “a” instead of an “i” everytime?) presence that I will continue forward with.
I am in an “experience many truths” mode instead of a “living by my irresistible truth” mode.
Jeremie
Tami Morello
I’m late to this session because of being out of town, and I can see I’m going to have to get back to this to do it justice for myself. This message really hits me and calls me to figure out how to be real with myself in an authentic way and to be kind to me in the process. Declining to beat myself up while lovingly insisting that I do the hard work of living my truth. I think I’m actually scared to do the 5 minute exercise right now. And I know that means I REALLY need to do it. And I will. I love everyone’s wonderful and honest comments. You give me strength to believe that I can do this hard work.
Anonymous
Thanks, Jen! I especially loved this question to self: “What can I do for you today to help you feel safe even as I insist we rewrite the post/give up that big job/decline the invite?”
I learned recently just how overpowering — and POWERFUL — my need to feel safe is. And in learning this, I also learned that I must remain intensely aware of that need or it will shut me down. I had an idea of this need to remain safe but now I am very conscious of what that really means and what it will require of me to make sure I stay active, intentional and on purpose in my life.
That is where your question will come in handy. I believe it will become my mantra around safety. “What can I do for you today to help you feel safe even as I insist we (do that thing that makes you feel unsafe)?”
Bottomline: SAFE does NOT = FREE. #thatisall
P.S. See you Saturday in Taos!!!
Tami Morello
I'm late to this session because of being out of town, and I can see I'm going to have to get back to this to do it justice for myself. This message really hits me and calls me to figure out how to be real with myself in an authentic way and to be kind to me in the process. Declining to beat myself up while lovingly insisting that I do the hard work of living my truth. I think I'm actually scared to do the 5 minute exercise right now. And I know that means I REALLY need to do it. And I will. I love everyone's wonderful and honest comments. You give me strength to believe that I can do this hard work.
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Hi Jen & tribe.
I’m late with my reply to this post cuz I’ve been immersed in a conference the past three days and all I could do was miss you and think of you all and look forward to being able to get back to this process.
Two things really hit me between the eyes (like – you were seeing the truth about me that I wasn’t wanting to see).
The first is when you wrote this. “Being authentic is often framed as the ticket to 6 figure launches and endless blog comments. It can be – but if that is why you seek your truth, you will never find it, nor irresistibility, nor contentment. Grasshopper, you must seek because this is the way of your soul, the way of the grown-up, the way to become more fully who you are. Any thing else is gravy and ultimately, none of your business.”
In reading that, I realized that a huge part of me is still wanting to create irresistible presence for the money, for the success, for the external results… including having people like me. So I am left with the question. Am I willing to discover, embrace and live my truth even if nothing (external) changed in my life? Am I willing to do it just because it’s my truth and it’s me being me for me?
The “right” answer is “YES”… but I don’t know if that’s the honest answer. I’d like to think it is… but when I look at my actions, I see that too many examples of “thinking the YES” instead of “living the YES”. So the best I can do is take it moment by moment… and being saying YES more and more to living my truth and embracing myself where I’m at – including the not very irresistible or grown up parts of me.
I’m actually riding in a car right now (passenger) so haven’t yet done your 5-minute “assignment” – but will do that for me tomorrow morning in the quiet time I have carved into my schedule.
That’s when I’m also going to print out your last paragraph to remind, encourage and inspire me… especially what you wrote about trying to be everything to everybody.
What I have to keep reminding myself about is that “creating irrestible presence” is not going to make everyone like me. In fact, it might have people dislike me. And after a lifetime of twisting and contorting myself (being a pretzel person) trying to be whatever I need to be in order to be liked by anyone and everyone… that’s a hard truth for me to swallow. But then it’s also hard for me to admit that not everyone likes me now – including myself. But it’s me not liking myself completely now and not living my truth that has me care so much about being liked by others.
You’ve given me a lot to think about, Jen. More importantly, you’ve given me some things to put into practice in my life. Thank you very much.

Anonymous
Hey Teresa! I have to tell you that as I’ve become MORE myself, my inner circle has shrunk a bit. But at the same time- I’m widening my net and my influence. I quite love it. Yesterday a friend told me that another friend ‘disapproved’ of some pics on my Facebook from a party. It made me feel a tiny bit bad, for a moment, and then I realized how much I’m enjoying MYSELF, and that I couldn’t do this and pay attention to making everyone else happy at the same time. I don’t know if you read my blog- but I wrote about Permission yesterday- and shared a gapingvoid print that is very apropos. We’ll cheer each other on Teresa!
http://twitter.com/jenlouden Jennifer Louden
Teresa, I adore and applaud your process here. This is exactly what i am talking about! This is what we all have to do — the stakes may change, the pretzel shape may become more subtle but this is it! So you are on it, yes!

shannonshort
Thanks, Jen! I especially loved this question to self: “What can I do for you today to help you feel safe even as I insist we rewrite the post/give up that big job/decline the invite?”
I learned recently just how overpowering — and POWERFUL — my need to feel safe is. And in learning this, I also learned that I must remain intensely aware of that need or it will shut me down. I had an idea of this need to remain safe but now I am very conscious of what that really means and what it will require of me to make sure I stay active, intentional and on purpose in my life.
That is where your question will come in handy. I believe it will become my mantra around safety. “What can I do for you today to help you feel safe even as I insist we (do that thing that makes you feel unsafe)?”
Bottomline: SAFE does NOT = FREE. #thatisall
P.S. See you Saturday in Taos!!!
http://twitter.com/jenlouden Jennifer Louden
Jeremie, what you said is so right on. Our truth does change, it isn't fixed, we find it through action. The truths I mentioned in my post are not mine, rather examples of how truth can be challenging rather than easy. I believe the only thing is to keep paying attention, with love, to what resonates, and not to hide from what might be uncomfortable. I hope that make sense!
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Hi Jen & tribe.
I'm late with my reply to this post cuz I've been immersed in a conference the past three days and all I could do was miss you and think of you all and look forward to being able to get back to this process.
Two things really hit me between the eyes (like – you were seeing the truth about me that I wasn't wanting to see).
The first is when you wrote this. “Being authentic is often framed as the ticket to 6 figure launches and endless blog comments. It can be – but if that is why you seek your truth, you will never find it, nor irresistibility, nor contentment. Grasshopper, you must seek because this is the way of your soul, the way of the grown-up, the way to become more fully who you are. Any thing else is gravy and ultimately, none of your business.”
In reading that, I realized that a huge part of me is still wanting to create irresistible presence for the money, for the success, for the external results… including having people like me. So I am left with the question. Am I willing to discover, embrace and live my truth even if nothing (external) changed in my life? Am I willing to do it just because it's my truth and it's me being me for me?
The “right” answer is “YES”… but I don't know if that's the honest answer. I'd like to think it is… but when I look at my actions, I see that too many examples of “thinking the YES” instead of “living the YES”. So the best I can do is take it moment by moment… and being saying YES more and more to living my truth and embracing myself where I'm at – including the not very irresistible or grown up parts of me.
I'm actually riding in a car right now (passenger) so haven't yet done your 5-minute “assignment” – but will do that for me tomorrow morning in the quiet time I have carved into my schedule.
That's when I'm also going to print out your last paragraph to remind, encourage and inspire me… especially what you wrote about trying to be everything to everybody.
What I have to keep reminding myself about is that “creating irrestible presence” is not going to make everyone like me. In fact, it might have people dislike me. And after a lifetime of twisting and contorting myself (being a pretzel person) trying to be whatever I need to be in order to be liked by anyone and everyone… that's a hard truth for me to swallow. But then it's also hard for me to admit that not everyone likes me now – including myself. But it's me not liking myself completely now and not living my truth that has me care so much about being liked by others.
You've given me a lot to think about, Jen. More importantly, you've given me some things to put into practice in my life. Thank you very much.
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
“But for me- it's taken a sort of fearless quest to get to my center.”
Thanks for sharing this Megan! I think that's what I'm about to embark upon… and I'm scared. But I know I can call upon my courage, on God and my friends (new and old) to help me through.
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Megan…
I read of your fear and you stuffing down that part of me and I go “Yes – that's me. Me too. I'm the performer. I'm scared. I've hung back and toned myself down. And I have a hard time wrapping my arms (in love) around those parts of me that I judge to be irresistible. And somehow reading your words helped me embrace me more… I think because I could see myself in you… suddenly I wanted for me the same things I would want for you. Self-acceptance. Self-love. Peace. That bright shiningness you describe. So thanks for your courage to share yourself.
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Oh thank you for this Valerie!
“My truth is living, acting, being, speaking, and creating from my SOUL—>> instead of my EGO.”
That hit me big time… I have lived so much of my life (incluing my business) from my EGO (what I once heard described as my “unhealed ego”) instead of my spirt and my soul.
So the question I am now pondering is “what would my life look like today if I were to live it from my spirit? And – since I”m not really sure what that would be… I could ask the same question this way. “What would my life look like if I had nothing to prove?” (I think proving is all about my ego).
Thank you for the gift!
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
I'm scared to do those 5 minutes too, Shelly. And I will tomorrow morning – scared or not. Did you?
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
awww I missed this comment… I KNOW this tribe would be there for me! so awesome!
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Nope! I have not done it yet… which is very interesting I think… now I NEED to do it to see what I am avoiding
meganmatthieson
Hey Teresa! I have to tell you that as I've become MORE myself, my inner circle has shrunk a bit. But at the same time- I'm widening my net and my influence. I quite love it. Yesterday a friend told me that another friend 'disapproved' of some pics on my Facebook from a party. It made me feel a tiny bit bad, for a moment, and then I realized how much I'm enjoying MYSELF, and that I couldn't do this and pay attention to making everyone else happy at the same time. I don't know if you read my blog- but I wrote about Permission yesterday- and shared a gapingvoid print that is very apropos. We'll cheer each other on Teresa!
Nazima Ali
Wow! What a challenge you’ve presented for us – one I’ve been struggling with on a personal level recently. That knowing of what is and the decision on what to do. Thank you for giving me more to think about so that I can make the best decision for me. I love this line – Seek to live by your truth so that your self-love will be built on deep inclusion and respect, not empty affirmations and shiny vision boards. Empty affirmations make for soul deep unhappiness.
Thanks for such a great post.
http://twitter.com/jenlouden Jennifer Louden
Teresa, I adore and applaud your process here. This is exactly what i am talking about! This is what we all have to do — the stakes may change, the pretzel shape may become more subtle but this is it! So you are on it, yes!
Nazima Ali
Wow! What a challenge you've presented for us – one I've been struggling with on a personal level recently. That knowing of what is and the decision on what to do. Thank you for giving me more to think about so that I can make the best decision for me. I love this line – Seek to live by your truth so that your self-love will be built on deep inclusion and respect, not empty affirmations and shiny vision boards. Empty affirmations make for soul deep unhappiness.
Thanks for such a great post.
Anonymous
Good question! I think this just became part two of my morning pages. To take the five minutes to write my list of what‘s hanging around waiting for an approval that will never come, and make friends out of the endless antagonism between what seems like a good idea, or how I SHOULD do it, on the one hand, and what actually moves me on the other.
That’s going to happen.
Maybe fewer conflicts will arise as I get clear on my vision of what I’m doing and why; howver, by the same reasoning there will be an increase in conflict as things change going forward.
Right: change. Inevitable.
[lightbulb] Unless I stop thinking/being absolutely, this conflict scenario is going to be routine.
Huh. Must admit, I have been harboring the fantastical idea that someday there would not be conflict in me like this.
Now that’s just perfectionist propaganda!
I suppose the thing I am most ready to be aware of is that perfectionism slows me down to a near-paralysis and that time’s up on that M.O.
Making space for conflicting ideas takes me to the bookshelf to open “The Opposable Mind” by Roger Martin. It’s about integrative thinking, and begins with this from F.Scott Fitzgerald: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.”
alexandrajacoby
Good question! I think this just became part two of my morning pages. To take the five minutes to write my list of what‘s hanging around waiting for an approval that will never come, and make friends out of the endless antagonism between what seems like a good idea, or how I SHOULD do it, on the one hand, and what actually moves me on the other.
That's going to happen.
Maybe fewer conflicts will arise as I get clear on my vision of what I'm doing and why; howver, by the same reasoning there will be an increase in conflict as things change going forward.
Right: change. Inevitable.
[lightbulb] Unless I stop thinking/being absolutely, this conflict scenario is going to be routine.
Huh. Must admit, I have been harboring the fantastical idea that someday there would not be conflict in me like this.
Now that’s just perfectionist propaganda!
I suppose the thing I am most ready to be aware of is that perfectionism slows me down to a near-paralysis and that time’s up on that M.O.
Making space for conflicting ideas takes me to the bookshelf to open “The Opposable Mind” by Roger Martin. It’s about integrative thinking, and begins with this from F.Scott Fitzgerald: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.”

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