Lessons From a 25-Foot Telephone Pole [Day 20 - 30 Days to Changing Your Game]

This is Day 20 of 30 Days to Changing Your Game. Yesterday Marie Forleo made us think with here how-not-to-change-your-game checklist. Today my very good friend Elizabeth Marshall talks about how powerful it is to DECIDE!

Lessons From a 25 Foot Telephone Pole

by Elizabeth Marshall (@LizMarshall)

“It’s a DECISION, not a process, Elizabeth.”

The words of coach, Andrea J Lee, hit me squarely in the chest. I didn’t want to hear it, but I knew that she was right.

Although I wanted to pretend like I didn’t hear her and continue talking about the details and elements I needed to launch my new workshop for aspiring authors and messengers and about the best marketing plan for my group program, I fell silent.

After a long pause, Andrea reminded me of the conversation we’d had in the previous session – about the fact that I had been approaching my business with the “I’m playing not to lose” mentality. Even though I felt good about all the many remarkable authors I’ve come to know and help through AuthorTeleseminars.com and the private work I’ve done with messengers, she spoke the truth. I had been holding back and playing it safe. In my heart, I’ve known that I am capable of playing a bigger game and of being BOLDER with my personal brand and with what I stand for.

As a result of that earlier conversation, I made a decision to stop hiding. On that call, I decided it was time for me to “play to win” and to build a bigger, more purposeful in 2010.

Well, at least I thought I had decided…

But, truth be told, I was still standing on top of the pole…waiting for the right moment to take the leap.

See, I had already learned this lesson – it was just one that I had conveniently managed to “forget.” But, when I heard Andrea’s words, I immediately went back to that hot summer in college when I worked as a counselor for a kid’s adventure camp…and to that experience I will never again allow myself to forget.

It happened during “Work Week.” It was during the week when all of the counselors arrived at camp several days early to prepare the cabins, get trained and to experience all the activities we had planned for our campers.

One of those activities we “tested” out that week was called the Ropes Course. Sometimes called a Challenge Course, a Ropes Course consists of a series of challenging outdoor activities and exercises designed for the purposes of team building and personal development. In case you haven’t experienced a course like this before, let’s just say that we’re not talking about a casual “stroll through the forest.” Many of the elements on the course take place 25 feet in the air and require the use of utility (telephone) poles and tall trees. Although it may sound dangerous, there’s plenty of safety measures, such as belay lines, harnesses, carabiners, helmets and other tools to prevent falls and to help participants “feel safe” while they’re going through each element of the course.

Except, for most people, that feeling of safety goes out the window when you start climbing up the first 25-foot pole or incredibly tall tree.

That was my experience as I climbed to the top of the Pamper Pole.

At a first glance, it seemed simple enough. All I had to do was to climb to the top of the 25-foot telephone pole (using the iron “steps” sticking out of the pole), stand up on the top of the pole with both feet and then jump to grab the trapeze suspended about 10 feet in front of the pole.

How bad could it really be?

After all, I completed all 10 other elements relatively quickly without fear getting the best of me…so surely, I could handle this one!

In a word, it was awful. In fact, my palms start sweating even when I think about the fears and emotions I felt while attempting to stand up on that 8-inch surface…one that couldn’t possibly be big enough for both of my size 8.5 tennis shoes, right?

Despite a fairly quick ascent to the top of the pole, I spent what seemed like an eternity “trying” to stand up on the top of that pole in order to jump out to the trapeze. I felt frozen by fear and unable to take control of what I was feeling and experiencing. But, since I didn’t want to let the team down, I continued to attempt what felt beyond my reach.

With one foot on top of the pole, I used every strategy I could think of to help be do what I didn’t feel like I could do. I “thought through” the best way to place my second foot on the top of the pole; I brainstormed and “talked it out” with my supportive team cheering me on from the ground below; I planned and processed through the remaining moves I needed to make; and, I waited for the “right” moment and ideal time to stand and jump.

That moment never came. So, I eventually chose to climb back down the pole instead of making the jump – a decision I regret even to this day.

In retrospect, I can see it clearly. My approach was wrong…and I allowed my fears to overshadow the truth that I already knew deep down in my gut:

It’s a decision – not a process.

Completing the “Leap of Faith” exercise that day required one thing – my decision to make it so. Without that definitive declaration, all of my efforts to plan, process, calculate, strategize or think it through didn’t make a damn bit of difference.

I simply needed to choose…and DECIDE to make the leap.

And, that’s exactly what Andrea was trying to tell me that December day, just a few days before the holiday break.

With that one statement, she was challenging me to:

JUMP off that pole and to reach for the trapeze
DECIDE in that moment – without condition or reservation – that I would play to win, no matter the outcome
CHANGE MY GAME, even though I had no road map, no guarantees or no clear sense of how I would do that

So, I jumped off the pole. And now, I’m inviting you to do the same.

Now, I don’t believe in sugar-coating the truth, so I am going to be honest about what’s happened since then. It’s been an extremely challenging four weeks since I DECIDED to play to win and to take the leap. I’ve felt fears, doubts and worries like you wouldn’t believe, I’ve shed a good amount of tears, and I’ve done some serious digging to find the courage and strength I need to continue living out my choice.

And, this is just the beginning…

Although it hasn’t been easy, I can tell you that it feels MUCH BETTER than choosing to stay stuck or to keep waiting for the “right moment” (the one that never comes) before you decide to act.

So, I invite you to take a look. Step away from the computer and go to a quiet place for a few moments. In that space, closely examine business and life to see if there are any areas, big or small, where you’re “stuck on top of the pole” or paralyzed by indecision.

What do you see in your business?

Are you telling a safe, “politically correct” version of your message? Or, settling for a lukewarm, toned-down personal brand? Are you putting off writing that book you KNOW you’re meant to write? Or, playing it safe by offering the same products and services as everyone else?

And, what about your life?

Are you settling for less than you know you deserve? Are you avoiding hard conversations and decisions so you don’t have to rock the boat? Or, are you putting others first at the expense of your own health and happiness?

Now, that you’ve taken a look, can you identify just ONE aspect of your business or life, big or small, where you can take the leap and DECIDE to move forward?

If you need some encouragement or reassurance before deciding to jump, perhaps you’ll find comfort in these words from Patrick Overton:

“When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly.”

But, if you’re ready…

I’ll be standing right here at the bottom of the pole to cheer you on and to hold the belay line when you take the leap of faith and JUMP!

Elizabeth Marshall is the host and founder of AuthorTeleseminars.com, where she has designed virtual book tours for many bestselling authors, such as Guy Kawasaki, Seth Godin, Keith Ferrazzi, Michael Port and many others. Through her Spread Your Message group program and her private coaching, she’s helped hundreds of authors spread their message and sell their books and connect with thousands of new followers and fans.

A published author, Elizabeth wrote The Contrarian Effect with NY Times bestselling author, Michael Port, which won two awards: Amazon’s Best of 2008 Top Ten Business Book and 800-CEO-READs Best Sales Book for 2008.

You can learn more about Elizabeth by going to www.AuthorTeleseminars.com and www.SpreadYourMessageProgram.com.

If you don’t want to miss out on the 30 Days to Changing Your Game, please sign up here.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, January 30th, 2010 at 7:45 am and is filed under 30 Days to Changing Your Game. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Anonymous
Notes to the Tribe for Saturday:
1) Today’s theme song is: Jump Jive an’ Wail by The Brian Setzer Orchestra on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/7oFk
2) Next Wednesday, I am holding an open Q & A call about The Gamechangers Roundtable. You can ask me anything about the event – or gamechanging in general. Get the details here: http://www.gamechangersroundtable.com/q-and-a-call/
3) If you like a post please RT it to share it with your Twitter community. Thank you!!
4) If you are getting true value from this series, please make a small donation to 12for12k’s Haiti campaign. Scroll down on the right of this page: http://escaping-mediocrity.com
5) If you have signed up to be on the email list (you get little extras from me), you MUST complete the double opt-in process to get them. Look for an email from me in your inbox or in your spam folder and click on the link inside it.
6) I have set up a Face book Group for us: http://www.facebook.com/#/group.php?gid=246014862902
7) I built a list on twitter of all the guest bloggers to make it easy for you to follow them: http://twitter.com/#/list/SarahRobinson/thirtydayguestbloggers There are also two twitter lists of participants in 30 Days. You will find them here: http://twitter.com/MirkoGosch/escapingmediocrity and http://twitter.com/The_Promo_Guy/game-changing
Love,
Sarah
http://www.thevirtualasst.com Michelle Mangen
When I went to T Harv Eker’s Millionaire Mind weekend in November we had a similar event with breaking an arrow on our throat. I almost backed out, but didn’t. I still have the broken arrow on my dresser to remind me every day to do something that may petrify me (OK, I don’t do that too often) but the arrow alone represents much to me.

http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris
Ha Ha. I thought we took some vow that we would never share what activity we took on the last day of MM weekend. It’s okay though – I think I’ll dig out my arrow pieces too.
Elizabeth, I must admit when I read your bio, part of me thinks, “Wow, look how much success she has already had here – what the heck could she possibly fear?” Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so encouraging to hear that you also have memories of not exactly leaping into success. Thanks for sharing Andrea’s words too – about Making the Decision. I am deciding who I want to help even if all I do fails to fit nicely into some little NICHE!

http://www.thevirtualasst.com Michelle Mangen
Gina – as I was typing it I was thinking, I promised never to share…..but such a monumental day in my life.

http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris
LOL well, your arrow is my arrow and our breakthrough is everyone’s breakthrough. That is what Tribe for.

Anonymous
You are most welcome, Gina!
In terms of fear, I’ve noticed that the bigger I choose to play, the more fear it stirs up – which is a good sign of whether I’m being fully self-expressed or not I definitely wrestle with fears, but the difference now is that I act in spite of the fear and don’t let it stop or delay me as much.
Kudos on moving ahead and serving. The clarity around your “niche” will become clear as you take action!

Anonymous
Isn’t it amazing how tangible objects, pictures and symbols can reconnect us with the feelings and experiences from the original event. Glad to hear that the arrow can serve that purpose for you.

http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
On Belay Elizabeth..? Climbing… When we are on the precipice, the beginning of that new frontier, or the waters edge we want the results but will we act? All the planning, preparation, risk evaluation, decisions etc. will not move us forward unless we act. Am I on belay? I am climbing whether or not.

Anonymous
I couldn’t agree more! And, my intention in this post was to convey that “making the leap” (taking action) is the critical element. For me, I don’t see that there has to be a separation between deciding and acting, as in the example of deciding to jump and then leaping for the “trapeze” in front of you the instant the decision is made.
From my perspective, if I say I’ve made a decision, then action will immediately follow/support that decision. Otherwise, it’s not really a decision, is it?
You raise some great points and I just wanted to clarify that:
1) yes, action trumps all -and that decisions must be supported by immediate action
2) yes, often our goals and dreams require that we act without a belay or any guarantee of “safety.” While the example in this post refers to belays, my intention was not to suggest that we need a belay in order to act.
Thanks for joining the discussion!

http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
Spot on Liz! I love that feeling when I just go for it. I love the work that you and Sarah are doing to help unlock the potential so many of us are afraid to set free. Thank You!

Anonymous
I had a lot go through me while I read this post, goosebumps sprouted all over me. A couple of initial reactions and then I’m off to a dance competition but I will post more.
This is directed to you and many of the other posters: thank you for giving permission to feel fear and cry. I think many times, I don’t allow myself to cry over frustrations, it feels to sissy (hear any life negative tapes?). So thank you for that permission. Secondly, hard conversations: I have made decisions and had a lot of those re-both personal and professional relationships. It’s a hard thing for me to let someone go, if they are more of a hindrance to me or if they are not going to fit in the path my life is taking me. Good-byes have been hard always for me so having someone give me “permission” so to speak makes it far easier to stand back and look at who is around me and determine if they are help or hindrance.
I’ll be back later to post again….after the young one’s dance competition.

Anonymous
Absolutely, Kristie! Sometimes, when I am feeling frustrated, stuck or angry, I give myself 5 minutes to vent, cry, scream and let it out – and then I move forward.
I look forward to hearing more of your story when you return!

Anonymous
K, this is taking some thinking out. If i was to look at the month of January, I am finding one common theme. It seems that my negativity comes at a time when I feel “stuck” in all the various areas of my life. Professional, academic, personal, financial…when I don’t see movement is when I end up in the midst of a cry fest. I was processing this with my life coach. It is in those moments, when despite my striving and acting without yielding results that I become very down and hard on myself. Never mind a belay, at those points I need a catapult.
After my weep session, I always come out of it, determined to change the game again. I did that this past week and I ended up discovering an unknown talent in a friend of who is willing to be the pianist on my album. I also ended up making some conceptual decisions regarding the direction of said album. Those seemed to be the key to get the momentum rolling and things appear to be falling into place in a few different projects.
It was not an easy walk: I had to experience a grief which put me into a depression of sorts, which caused a deep dissatisfaction which birthed a determined decision to not accept the circumstances as the status quo.
In addition to being a full time single parent to three, carrying a part time job and full time getting my MA, I have 6 other businesses on the table. This week saw: a buisness coach come into my life and set out action steps for me to take to continue business building and not stagnate, it saw the aforementioned successes regarding my album, it saw some forward momentum in my event planning for a non profit I am working with, it saw me finally finding an internship site (which keeps me on my graduation timetable), it saw a breakthough in my eldest’s son’s life…so its been a week of successes that came at an emotional cost which birthed a determiend decision.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Wow – you are doing great! I think even if you are drained emotionally now – it will be SO worth it!

Anonymous
Thanks Shelly

Anonymous
What a powerful share, Kristie. And, amazing to hear how finding the pianist set in motion a positive chain of events!

http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
I was told once that when we cry, we are at a “thin place.” For some, that means God; for others, it is a more general spirituality. Ever since hearing that, when I feel moved to tears, I know that I need to listen deep – there’s an elemental truth within me just waiting to be recognized.

Anonymous
Love that imagery…and so true that tears are an invitation to look deeper, to listen and to observe what we may have been missing.

Anonymous
Thanks so much for sharing your story, and as a writer (with a book in my head I know I’m meant to write!) I’m interested in learning more about your business. Besides the “Escaping Mediocrity” part of this series, I’ve been introduced to so many great people that I never would’ve found otherwise. It’s fantastic!
Your post resonates with me in many ways. I probably would’ve been like you and not jumped off that pole. I’m sooo non-confrontational. I’ll make 15 steps to avoid 1 big step and use much more time and energy in the process. It’s a hard thing to change but I feel I’m getting there. I used to be worried so much about what other people thought. Now…not so much. Well, I admit it still matters to me some but it doesn’t stop me nearly the way it used to. I know that I am not able to make everyone happy and that’s not my fault nor my responsibility. It’s really freeing to know that. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I just have to keep moving in that direction.

Anonymous
You are most welcome, Stephanie! AND, I would love to hear about your message and book you’re meant to write! Please email me at questions@authorteleseminars.com and we’ll connect!
Also, I really appreciate your observation about your tendency to take 15 steps in avoidance of the one big step. I KNOW that many of us (including me) can relate to that tendency. After all, taking lots of smaller steps can give off the illusion that we’re “doing it” and making progress – something I can say from personal experience But, sometimes a few quick ,easy “wins” allows us to make the big leap, too.
Thanks for being so honest and open! I appreciate you!
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I do the same thing – take 15 steps to avoid a big leap… though I do have to say, I would have made the jump in that situation, but probably would have wet my pants!

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Also – I meant to say – I have a couple of books that I know I am meant to write too… One for sure – My cousin even bought me the book “writing life stories” to help me get the story out – along with bird by bird… I think i need to peruse those again! The other books I started writing over 10 years ago… when I started talking about writing again recently to my mother, she asked me to finish 3 of the stories she had read parts of – she wants to know what happens – LOL

Anonymous
Would love to hear more about your writing and the message you want to get out to the world. Let’s chat!

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Would love to chat!

Anonymous
Oh Drat. I don’t like even READING about those things. That scares me! But I realized yesterday that I am starting to make those leaps in ways that are IMPORTANT to me. So no, I’m not signing up to skydive or swim with sharks…..but I’m doing the super scary steps, one by one, to get myself OUT THERE to be the biggest Megan I can be. Taking every step to feel I’m on the right path and share my gifts with the world. But who knows? Maybe the next time I’m invited to do some big physical leap….maybe I’ll say FUCK IT. Let’s go! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us!

Anonymous
Most welcome! Whether it’s a physical challenge or simply an emotional one, it seems it’s all about us being the BIGGEST, boldest and most authentic expression of who we’re meant to be, you know?

http://twitter.com/JamieLaceyPR jamielacey28
This reminds me of a pivotal moment in childhood that I often recall… I was probably about 7 years old, and was ready to move from Advanced Beginner to Intermediate in swimming lessons. But, my instructor wouldn’t move me up until I jumped from the high dive. I was TERRIFIED to jump from the high dive. So, one day, he followed me out onto the platform and threw me down into the pool. I still remember the terrible feeling of falling and losing control (and the rush of water that went up my nose!). And, I’ve often since used that fear and discomfort to avoid taking risks of any kind.
When I was contemplating a major career move a few years back and working with a career coach, the story surfaced and I recognized how much that fear was limiting me.
I’ve since made a literal jump off the high dive into a whole new life — personally and professionally. It was scary, but has totally been worth it!

http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick
I have a very similar story to your high dive event. Similar in fear, anyhow.
I was a freshman in high school, and was joining the swim team. Only thing was, I was scared to dive. From the board, from the starting platform, from the side of the pool even. So during the preseason, I started in the pool. A week before the first meet, a bunch of my teammates told me it was time, and to stick around after practice. I did, pretty much knowing I had no way out. There was no more “I can’t”
a half hour, and a much redder chest later, I had the basics, and had been pushed in a dozen times or so. Then five other guys got up with me to simulate the start of a race.
Swimmers take your marks…..we all bent down.
*beep* six swimmers hit the pool, myself included.
For the next three seasons, I remembered what those guys did for me, and I did the same for the person who couldn’t dive that year too.
And by my senior season, thanks to those guys and a whole lot of work, my senior year I finished top 10 in 2 events at conference and made the state finals in 1.
Anytime I think I can’t do something, I think back to how it felt when my hands hit the water under my own power the first time, and then I go do it. I’ve been slacking lately, maybe it’s time to put the ol’ suit again.

Anonymous
Powerful story, Mark! Thanks for sharing.

http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick
Sometimes it’s not about you, it’s about who you have around you. I’ve been fortunate at times to have great people around me.

http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
That’s awesome, Mark. Just a great story. Thanks so much for sharing it here.
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Great story! you were very lucky to have had that group of guys willing and able to help you out!

http://fearlesscreativity.com tobias tinker
Fantastic, honest, challenging post… and rather close to the bone for a lot of folks here I would imagine. It’s easy to fool ourselves about that moment – what it is, when it’s come, when we’ve faced it, what we will do when it comes… but as you say, when you really find yourself in it – the real deal, I mean – I think you just know. It will be something you truly don’t think you can face. If you’re not feeling that, you’re probably not taking a big enough risk to really manifest a Game Change (in the sense that I think we’re all talking about here). Fear is the metric. This is not a value judgement – it’s OK NOT to change your game if you’re in a great place! But if you’re not, and you want to be, you will have to face something that you are terrified of – because it’s more than likely that very thing that is keeping you where you are.
By the way, my blog is actually called Cliffjump!… just as a point of connection…
sarahrobinson
Notes to the Tribe for Saturday:
1) Today’s theme song is: Jump Jive an' Wail by The Brian Setzer Orchestra on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/7oFk
2) Next Wednesday, I am holding an open Q & A call about The Gamechangers Roundtable. You can ask me anything about the event – or gamechanging in general. Get the details here: http://www.gamechangersroundtable.com/q-and-a-c…
3) If you like a post please RT it to share it with your Twitter community. Thank you!!
4) If you are getting true value from this series, please make a small donation to 12for12k’s Haiti campaign. Scroll down on the right of this page: http://escaping-mediocrity.com
5) If you have signed up to be on the email list (you get little extras from me), you MUST complete the double opt-in process to get them. Look for an email from me in your inbox or in your spam folder and click on the link inside it.
6) I have set up a Face book Group for us: http://www.facebook.com/#/group.php?gid=2460148…
7) I built a list on twitter of all the guest bloggers to make it easy for you to follow them: http://twitter.com/#/list/SarahRobinson/thirtyd…
There are also two twitter lists of participants in 30 Days. You will find them here: http://twitter.com/MirkoGosch/escapingmediocrity and http://twitter.com/The_Promo_Guy/game-changing
Love,
Sarah
mmangen
When I went to T Harv Eker's Millionaire Mind weekend in November we had a similar event with breaking an arrow on our throat. I almost backed out, but didn't. I still have the broken arrow on my dresser to remind me every day to do something that may petrify me (OK, I don't do that too often) but the arrow alone represents much to me.
http://www.insanelyserene.wordpress.com Linda@InsanelySerene
Elizabeth,
Awesome post, thanks for your honesty. I have been walking out to the edge of my cliff, and I have taken steps over. In some ways, I have not yet jumped – I have definitely leaped from the top to the next ledge down a few times. But what I’m still holding back is sharing my full and complete self and full and complete story. Entering the blogging world is a way to share myself with the world, and it comes after a rough summer last year in which I had to be myself with a pivotal person in my life, from whom I’d hid myself to protect myself. In standing up and showing who I was to that person, I feel freed to share my true self with the world as well. It’s incremental – that’s always my m.o., and it works for me – and I know I’ll get there. Thanks for this push, and again for your authenticity. Only by being ourselves can we truly inspire others, and it’s wonderful to see how human you are, and we all are.
Best,
Linda

Anonymous
Beautifully stated, Linda. Thank you for sharing!

ramartijr
On Belay Elizabeth..? Climbing… When we are on the precipice, the beginning of that new frontier, or the waters edge we want the results but will we act? All the planning, preparation, risk evaluation, decisions etc. will not move us forward unless we act. Am I on belay? I am climbing whether or not.
kristieschwanebeck
I had a lot go through me while I read this post, goosebumps sprouted all over me. A couple of initial reactions and then I'm off to a dance competition but I will post more.
This is directed to you and many of the other posters: thank you for giving permission to feel fear and cry. I think many times, I don't allow myself to cry over frustrations, it feels to sissy (hear any life negative tapes?). So thank you for that permission. Secondly, hard conversations: I have made decisions and had a lot of those re-both personal and professional relationships. It's a hard thing for me to let someone go, if they are more of a hindrance to me or if they are not going to fit in the path my life is taking me. Good-byes have been hard always for me so having someone give me “permission” so to speak makes it far easier to stand back and look at who is around me and determine if they are help or hindrance.
I'll be back later to post again….after the young one's dance competition.
http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris
Ha Ha. I thought we took some vow that we would never share what activity we took on the last day of MM weekend. It's okay though – I think I'll dig out my arrow pieces too.
Elizabeth, I must admit when I read your bio, part of me thinks, “Wow, look how much success she has already had here – what the heck could she possibly fear?” Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so encouraging to hear that you also have memories of not exactly leaping into success. Thanks for sharing Andrea's words too – about Making the Decision. I am deciding who I want to help even if all I do fails to fit nicely into some little NICHE!
Anonymous
Thanks for that great message Elizabeth! That Patrick Overton quote is one I found –or that found me — several years ago, and I continue to refer to it often when I need the courage to take the leap. Does that mean I’m all unstuck? Nope, but it means I have the information I need to leap and like you said it is about deciding when I will take action. Last year, I was stuck in the process, the thinking, the analyzing, the strategizing. This year is my year of ACTION! And for me, that means just deciding, just doing it, even if I don’t feel ready, which is the case more often than not! I encourage others to do the same. My mantra this year is “If you don’t know what to do, just do something!” So far, it’s working. To all here, go ahead, stop making things so complicated and just make some decisions already! Choice is big for us at Girls Get Real, and one of the biggest reminders I share with the girls is that a decision is simply that — a decision for right now based on what you know right now. Life is made up of a series of choices, and if you don’t choose, someone is likely to choose for you. So go for it! Make the best decision you can right now, and know that it is not the be-all-end-all. If things don’t work out, there is almost always a second chance where you get to make a new choice for any given situation. In these cases, you have the freedom to keep choosing and refining and learning and choosing again until you get it “right!” So go make that decision you’ve been putting off, and note to self, time to get busy taking my own advice!Have a great weekend, and keep it real!Shannon@GirlsGetReal

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
My mother had a mantra she started using a few years ago for a certain situation – “Fake it until you make it” But “If you don’t know what to do, just do something!” sounds a little better
Anonymous
Absolutely! Staying in action and making the best decision with what we have NOW seems to light the path ahead. It’s amazing the opportunities, solutions, connections and ideas that come AFTER I decided to act on faith – and to step forward first. In so many cases, it seems that action is required to unlock the additional clues along the way.

mmangen
Gina – as I was typing it I was thinking, I promised never to share…..but such a monumental day in my life.
http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris
LOL well, your arrow is my arrow and our breakthrough is everyone's breakthrough. That is what Tribe for.
Anonymous
Elizabeth
It would seem that just getting to the top of a 25 ft pole would be enough, but it’s quite clear that it’s not.
Leaping is necessary. It really defines the whole game.
So, I am leaping but actually I still have the safety cord tied securely. It’s not all that obvious, but it’s there. And I know that at some point it’ll get in the way. I’ve come along way dragging that safety cord, but safety cords make their own demands of time and energy. They don’t just sit there. Comfort always comes at a cost.
I’ll think of your words when that next leap comes along.

Anonymous
So true, Michael. Leaping – and taking 100% full ownership – seems to be the key!

http://phelanriessen.com/ Phelan
Thanks for sharing Liz.
This post is a great reminder to strive to always go outside of our own box. I think we all tend to naturally go back to a state of comfort when we aren’t conscience of striving to be more.
@mmangen I’ve done the breaking the arrow on my neck thing. I was definitely floating the next day. Nothing keeps you more present and in the moment than something like this.
The next step, try skydiving. You really haven’t lived life until you’ve jumped out of a plane at 13,000 feet. It’s one of the most exhilarating things I’ve ever done and I can’t wait to go do it again. And I don’t like heights btw.
And thanks Sarah for creating the 30 days to changing your game. I think this is what I’ve been needing for a while.
To living life to its fullest! Cheers!
Anonymous
I am so amazed at the common thread between all of the posts and the comments, and how similar we all are in our fears and the things that hold us back. And it’s amazing to realize that the people we look up to and admire seem to have many of those same fears!
Last fall I decided to do something that took me totally out of my comfort zone and was totally unrelated to anything in my life. I attended Committed Impulse, an actor’s workshop by Josh Pais, in L.A. Even though I grew up in Burbank near many of the studios and went to school with people who were or are some pretty big celebrities, I never had any interest in any of that. So for me to choose to do this was a huge decision for me.
It turned out to be one of the best, albeit scariest, experiences of my life. I’m great speaking with people one-on-one or in groups of people I know, but to put myself out there with this made me question my sanity. I had to memorize a monologue and be prepared to do it in front of a group of people I did not know and who are in the entertainment industry.
When it was my turn to do it, I just turned off my brain and decided to go for it. And it was amazing. The words flowed, it was FUNNY (as it was supposed to be), and I was stunned at the positive reactions I got. Before I did it I said to them, ok, this is sooo not me. When I finished they laughed at that comment and said, yeah, right.
Elizabeth, thank you for sharing your story so we can now add you to the list of people who are so successful but who face similar struggles and fears that the rest of us face.
And if any of you ever has the chance to attend Committed Impulse, it will be one of the best gifts you can ever give yourself. You will find a new side of yourself that you never knew was there and give you a new sense of confidence that you CAN do that which you fear the most. And survive to talk about it

http://www.anjwritesabout.com AnjWrites
Wow, Lori, another way that you are AWESOME!! And I will readily admit that doing a monologue like that is my personal equivalent of jumping out of an airplane – I’ve done skydiving, but the part that actually gave me the greatest anxiety was being interviewed on camera (it was just for my own ‘keepsake’ video). Like you, I am constantly amazed to find out that these super successful people that I admire and respect have many of the same struggles. The difference seems to be that they DO IT ANYWAY! Part of my involvement with this 30Days program is that I wanted to truly define (even just for myself) what I really REALLY wanted to do – and then take those positive, if scary, steps toward that goal. The more I read comments like yours, after reading such fantastic posts like Elizabeth’s, I feel like the layers are coming off of this major self-discovery. I’m nervous, but for the first time in a long time, I am enjoying the feeling!!

Anonymous
Ah, the skydiving thing is just way beyond my imagination! My son and a very close friend did it last year, and I just can’t even imagine that.
I think that what we’re finding with Sarah’s 30 Day program is this huge sense of community… meeting people we might not have otherwise met… sharing the deep parts of ourselves that are hard to share with people in our lives… and coming to the realization that there isn’t really anything WRONG with us for having the fears, insecurities, doubts, and all those other feelings that we have and that have held us back in one way or another. It’s amazing that we each learn so much from what each one of us shares. I think that one of the biggest “aha” moments I’ve had in the past year is that I don’t have to be perfect (something I’ve always thought I had to be for anyone to like or accept me), because no one else is perfect either!
It’s normal and natural to feel nervous when you step out in new ways. But it’s awesome that you are enjoying the feeling, because that’s what will keep pushing you forward to the next thing and the next thing and so on. Being nervous or afraid so often paralyzes us, when instead if we can simply realize that those are just “feelings” and they aren’t necessarily good or bad, we can keep moving forward to new experiences and new things of life. And that’s when the real magic can happen.
I think that what we’re learning here is that we have people to hold hands with as we “jump.”

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I agree Lori – and loved your story by the way! It always is amazing to me when I realize that everyone else is human too!

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I love reading comments that I could have written! I am enjoying the feeling and starting to see a bit of a light shining on what I want to do!

http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
Isn’t it a rush when you’re The Conduit? Good for you for surrendering to your fears and just “be” ing.

StephanieCorum
Thanks so much for sharing your story, and as a writer (with a book in my head I know I'm meant to write!) I'm interested in learning more about your business. Besides the “Escaping Mediocrity” part of this series, I've been introduced to so many great people that I never would've found otherwise. It's fantastic!
Your post resonates with me in many ways. I probably would've been like you and not jumped off that pole. I'm sooo non-confrontational. I'll make 15 steps to avoid 1 big step and use much more time and energy in the process. It's a hard thing to change but I feel I'm getting there. I used to be worried so much about what other people thought. Now…not so much. Well, I admit it still matters to me some but it doesn't stop me nearly the way it used to. I know that I am not able to make everyone happy and that's not my fault nor my responsibility. It's really freeing to know that. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I just have to keep moving in that direction.
meganmatthieson
Oh Drat. I don't like even READING about those things. That scares me! But I realized yesterday that I am starting to make those leaps in ways that are IMPORTANT to me. So no, I'm not signing up to skydive or swim with sharks…..but I'm doing the super scary steps, one by one, to get myself OUT THERE to be the biggest Megan I can be. Taking every step to feel I'm on the right path and share my gifts with the world. But who knows? Maybe the next time I'm invited to do some big physical leap….maybe I'll say FUCK IT. Let's go! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us!
Anonymous
That’s great advice about leaping into life. Indecision can really stifle progress. Some decisions are more difficult than others, and when it effects other people it can be very mind boggling. Lately, I have felt great division in my environment with people being vocal about what I should do, and I’m not really sure who I should be listening to. Listening to my gut feeling regarding the matter is probably best. It’s time to leap! Thanks for the encouraging words.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I always listen to my gut… it has never let me down… I have incurred many issues in life when I have ignored it or gone the other way…
Of course getting advice from GOOD sources and making rational decisions is ALWAYS good… but in the end… your gut will never lie to you… you just need to learn how to listen to it!

http://twitter.com/cherrywoodburn Cherry Woodburn
At the end of your post as I read thru your bio I had similar thoughts to Gina, what you’re afraid? You’ve taken many leaps! But now I’m thinking, well so have I but the present one still can scare me.
I remember my ropes course, not that many years ago. I went first so I didn’t have to stand there being scared or watching other people just float thru it. It ended up that the two places where I froze related to “letting go”. Like at the end, on the zip line down. Just let go and I’d be down the line, feet on the ground and finished but it took awhile till I did it.
So thanks for the post and the offer to be a cheer me/us on. May take you up on that.
http://www.janetgoldstein.com/ janet goldstein
Love your beautifully written story, your emotional clarity, and the fierceness that comes through. And the conversation it sparked all feels true to my own experiences with fear, anxiety, and doing it anyway. My small contribution to the conversation would be to say that to me, it’s not the “size” of the action or decision, it’s not about the “bigness,” per se. Rather it’s about the inner emotional leap–whether a delicate shift or a grand move–that makes for the experience of breakthrough. That stretch is so profound–and satisfying. You let us (re)connect with the experience viscerally.
Elizabeth, I feel like I’m witnessing, sharing in, and benefiting from an amazing time for you and I feel excited to see how the days and years ahead unfold for you. Wow.
http://www.anjwritesabout.com AnjWrites
Okay, Elizabeth, I totally need to walk away from my laptop now because I started crying when I read your “ask yourself” questions….apparently I need to have a big talk with myself!
Thanks for such an incredible and honest post…amazingly successful people like you, who pull back the curtain and show their vulnerability, make me see that I have the potential to share and succeed as well.
http://www.care2.com/causes/trailblazers/ Sue Anne Reed
I almost gave notice at my job on Monday. My boss actually talked me out of it and waiting until I have something firmer in place. Yesterday, I was talking with her and she asked me if I was glad that I hadn’t given notice (didn’t have a whole lot of traction on things this week), and I didn’t really answer. Because, to be honest, I’m not happy I didn’t give notice. Practically, it makes sense to hold on to this job until I at least have money coming in / a contract signed for actual work. I’m just ready to move on and start something new.

http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb
I can completely relate to you on this one, Sue! I haven’t given notice, or tried to give notice, but in some ways I wish that I had – even without something else in place! It’s definitely time for me to move on into something that is more me and something that I want, but that fear holds me back, holds me in place, waiting for the “right” moment, when something else is lined up… Hmmmm…

http://www.care2.com/causes/trailblazers/ Sue Anne Reed
In today’s economy, some fear is good. Are you spending your time when you’re not “on the clock” to find new jobs that better fit with where you want to be headed?

http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb
Yes, I am… I’ve been looking at various online business models, and know that’s the direction I want to go. Just this morning I woke up with a niche idea to pursue to get started, too! NOW I’m getting excited!
What about you? Any idea what you would like to move on to?

http://twitter.com/jamielacey28 jamielacey28
This reminds me of a pivotal moment in childhood that I often recall… I was probably about 7 years old, and was ready to move from Advanced Beginner to Intermediate in swimming lessons. But, my instructor wouldn't move me up until I jumped from the high dive. I was TERRIFIED to jump from the high dive. So, one day, he followed me out onto the platform and threw me down into the pool. I still remember the terrible feeling of falling and losing control (and the rush of water that went up my nose!). And, I've often since used that fear and discomfort to avoid taking risks of any kind.
When I was contemplating a major career move a few years back and working with a career coach, the story surfaced and I recognized how much that fear was limiting me.
I've since made a literal jump off the high dive into a whole new life — personally and professionally. It was scary, but has totally been worth it!
http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
It’s late in the day, but I’m here.
I’ve already taken steps based on these posts from the 30 day series. For those playing at home:
1. I was promoted last Thursday to an entirely new role at the ad agency. In concert w/some great teammates, I’m charged with establishing a new direction for the agency. There aren’t any rule books. We are making it up as we go, trusting our gut and Trial and Error.
2. I completed the second step towards the publishing of my book. Waiting for the next one as soon as the publisher sends the ball back over the net.
3. Received information from my patent attorney in today’s mail as a follow up to a product I hope to bring to market yet this year.
I also hit the gym, washed the car, did the marketing, stopped by my accountant’s office, cleaned the house and hung out with my daughters.
This 30 Days is more hurricane-y than I’ve felt in a long time. I like it.
I enjoyed this call to action post very much. So very glad I’m part of the conversation. Best, M.

Anonymous
Wow – you are on a roll! Congrats to you, and thanks for sharing all of your successes with the rest of us.
http://www.anjwritesabout.com AnjWrites
Yes – you have definitely harnessed the movement, good on ya!!
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Good job! I like the visual of hurricane-y… good description!

http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Hey Elizabeth! Thanks for reminding me of an experience I have done my best to forget.
You could have described my experience climbing the pole to a “T” (no pun intended given my name!) – including all of the plotting and planning about how to actually stand on top of it! The two differences between my experience and yours is that I acted that way the entire time I was climbing the pole – I can’t think of a time in my life where I have been shaking so badly it almost looked like a seizure! The other difference between you and I is that I actually did leap… I didn’t have the courage to go back down the pole. My “what will people think” and “have to be like everyone else” was stronger than my fear – so I jumped. But it wasn’t because I wanted to and it wasn’t even for me.. I felt no thrill in jumping. No excitement. Just relief that it was over. Remembering it now, climbing back down the pole would have been more of a “game changer” for me than jumping was.
But the reason I have tried to forget that experience is because I was so ASHAMED of how absolutely terrified I was – and that I let people see that. So – your post has helped me let go of some of that shame… I’m seeing now that I often feel ashamed of being afraid… which is why I either don’t let anyone know (my facade is put on) or I don’t do anything that really terrifies me. And it’s not the fear I need to “get rid of” or “let go”… what I need to let go of is the shame and embarrassment I feel about my fears.
There’s a lot more in your post for me… especially your questions. The one that really nailed me and that describes the game-changing I’m doing now is this one: “Or, playing it safe by offering the same products and services as everyone else?” How often I use what’s working for others as the template I’m supposed to follow. How often I try to be like someone else – thinking that is the way I can succeed. But it didn’t work… not one bit.
I can also feel a question start to stir within me… so when I get clearer on what that question is… I’ll come back and ask. In the meantime, thanks for helping me see how I can leap AND that I don’t HAVE to leap off of anything unless I decide to… and that includes deciding when and where and what I’m going to leap from and for. It’s not about leaping for the sake of leaping (or to PROVE that I can do it too)… it’s about leaping for me and what I want in my life!

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I love love love that you realized that you shouldn’t be ashamed for your fears! I believe too many people are and put up the facades you mentioned! I know I have many times!

http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Thanks! That was a big light bulb for me too!!!

http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick
I have a very similar story to your high dive event. Similar in fear, anyhow.
I was a freshman in high school, and was joining the swim team. Only thing was, I was scared to dive. From the board, from the starting platform, from the side of the pool even. So during the preseason, I started in the pool. A week before the first meet, a bunch of my teammates told me it was time, and to stick around after practice. I did, pretty much knowing I had no way out. There was no more “I can't”
a half hour, and a much redder chest later, I had the basics, and had been pushed in a dozen times or so. Then five other guys got up with me to simulate the start of a race.
Swimmers take your marks…..we all bent down.
*beep* six swimmers hit the pool, myself included.
For the next three seasons, I remembered what those guys did for me, and I did the same for the person who couldn't dive that year too.
And by my senior season, thanks to those guys and a whole lot of work, my senior year I finished top 10 in 2 events at conference and made the state finals in 1.
Anytime I think I can't do something, I think back to how it felt when my hands hit the water under my own power the first time, and then I go do it. I've been slacking lately, maybe it's time to put the ol' suit again.
LizMarshall
You are most welcome, Gina!
In terms of fear, I've noticed that the bigger I choose to play, the more fear it stirs up – which is a good sign of whether I'm being fully self-expressed or not I definitely wrestle with fears, but the difference now is that I act in spite of the fear and don't let it stop or delay me as much.
Kudos on moving ahead and serving. The clarity around your “niche” will become clear as you take action!
LizMarshall
I couldn't agree more! And, my intention in this post was to convey that “making the leap” (taking action) is the critical element. For me, I don't see that there has to be a separation between deciding and acting, as in the example of deciding to jump and then leaping for the “trapeze” in front of you the instant the decision is made.
From my perspective, if I say I've made a decision, then action will immediately follow/support that decision. Otherwise, it's not really a decision, is it?
You raise some great points and I just wanted to clarify that:
1) yes, action trumps all -and that decisions must be supported by immediate action
2) yes, often our goals and dreams require that we act without a belay or any guarantee of “safety.” While the example in this post refers to belays, my intention was not to suggest that we need a belay in order to act.
Thanks for joining the discussion!
http://twitter.com/symetrk tobias tinker
Fantastic, honest, challenging post… and rather close to the bone for a lot of folks here I would imagine. It's easy to fool ourselves about that moment – what it is, when it's come, when we've faced it, what we will do when it comes… but as you say, when you really find yourself in it – the real deal, I mean – I think you just know. It will be something you truly don't think you can face. If you're not feeling that, you're probably not taking a big enough risk to really manifest a Game Change (in the sense that I think we're all talking about here). Fear is the metric. This is not a value judgement – it's OK NOT to change your game if you're in a great place! But if you're not, and you want to be, you will have to face something that you are terrified of – because it's more than likely that very thing that is keeping you where you are.
By the way, my blog is actually called Cliffjump!… just as a point of connection…
ramartijr
Spot on Liz! I love that feeling when I just go for it. I love the work that you and Sarah are doing to help unlock the potential so many of us are afraid to set free. Thank You!
LizMarshall
Powerful story, Mark! Thanks for sharing.
LizMarshall
Isn't it amazing how tangible objects, pictures and symbols can reconnect us with the feelings and experiences from the original event. Glad to hear that the arrow can serve that purpose for you.
LizMarshall
You are most welcome, Stephanie! AND, I would love to hear about your message and book you're meant to write! Please email me at questions@authorteleseminars.com and we'll connect!
Also, I really appreciate your observation about your tendency to take 15 steps in avoidance of the one big step. I KNOW that many of us (including me) can relate to that tendency. After all, taking lots of smaller steps can give off the illusion that we're “doing it” and making progress – something I can say from personal experience But, sometimes a few quick ,easy “wins” allows us to make the big leap, too.
Thanks for being so honest and open! I appreciate you!
http://www.insanelyserene.wordpress.com Linda@InsanelySerene
Elizabeth,
Awesome post, thanks for your honesty. I have been walking out to the edge of my cliff, and I have taken steps over. In some ways, I have not yet jumped – I have definitely leaped from the top to the next ledge down a few times. But what I'm still holding back is sharing my full and complete self and full and complete story. Entering the blogging world is a way to share myself with the world, and it comes after a rough summer last year in which I had to be myself with a pivotal person in my life, from whom I'd hid myself to protect myself. In standing up and showing who I was to that person, I feel freed to share my true self with the world as well. It's incremental – that's always my m.o., and it works for me – and I know I'll get there. Thanks for this push, and again for your authenticity. Only by being ourselves can we truly inspire others, and it's wonderful to see how human you are, and we all are.
Best,
Linda
LizMarshall
Absolutely, Kristie! Sometimes, when I am feeling frustrated, stuck or angry, I give myself 5 minutes to vent, cry, scream and let it out – and then I move forward.
I look forward to hearing more of your story when you return!
shannonshort
Thanks for that great message Elizabeth! That Patrick Overton quote is one I found –or that found me — several years ago, and I continue to refer to it often when I need the courage to take the leap. Does that mean I'm all unstuck? Nope, but it means I have the information I need to leap and like you said it is about deciding when I will take action. Last year, I was stuck in the process, the thinking, the analyzing, the strategizing. This year is my year of ACTION! And for me, that means just deciding, just doing it, even if I don't feel ready, which is the case more often than not! I encourage others to do the same. My mantra this year is “If you don't know what to do, just do something!” So far, it's working.
To all here, go ahead, stop making things so complicated and just make some decisions already! Choice is big for us at Girls Get Real, and one of the biggest reminders I share with the girls is that a decision is simply that — a decision for right now based on what you know right now. Life is made up of a series of choices, and if you don't choose, someone is likely to choose for you. So go for it! Make the best decision you can right now, and know that it is not the be-all-end-all. If things don't work out, there is almost always a second chance where you get to make a new choice for any given situation. In these cases, you have the freedom to keep choosing and refining and learning and choosing again until you get it “right!”
So go make that decision you've been putting off, and note to self, time to get busy taking my own advice!
Have a great weekend, and keep it real!
Shannon
@GirlsGetReal
http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick
Sometimes it's not about you, it's about who you have around you. I've been fortunate at times to have great people around me.
michaelleiter
Elizabeth
It would seem that just getting to the top of a 25 ft pole would be enough, but it's quite clear that it's not.
Leaping is necessary. It really defines the whole game.
So, I am leaping but actually I still have the safety cord tied securely. It's not all that obvious, but it's there. And I know that at some point it'll get in the way. I've come along way dragging that safety cord, but safety cords make their own demands of time and energy. They don't just sit there. Comfort always comes at a cost.
I'll think of your words when that next leap comes along.
http://phelanriessen.com/ Phelan
Thanks for sharing Liz.
This post is a great reminder to strive to always go outside of our own box. I think we all tend to naturally go back to a state of comfort when we aren't conscience of striving to be more.
@mmangen I've done the breaking the arrow on my neck thing. I was definitely floating the next day. Nothing keeps you more present and in the moment than something like this.
The next step, try skydiving. You really haven't lived life until you've jumped out of a plane at 13,000 feet. It's one of the most exhilarating things I've ever done and I can't wait to go do it again. And I don't like heights btw.
And thanks Sarah for creating the 30 days to changing your game. I think this is what I've been needing for a while.
To living life to its fullest! Cheers!
http://kevinvandever.com/ Kevin Vandever
Love the song, Sarah.
Hi Elizabeth,
Your statement, “I’ve felt fears, doubts and worries like you wouldn’t believe, I’ve shed a good amount of tears, and I’ve done some serious digging to find the courage and strength I need to continue living out my choice.” really hit me because I would LOVE to be there because it means I’d have jumped. I am so tired of being stuck! I have sat in my quiet place and asked myself the questions about my personal and professional lives and I have even come up with some answers. I have jumped a little, maybe to a lower part of the pole, but I’ve not done the REAL jumping that I need to do.
Thank you for your post. Look for me at the bottom of the pole.
Kevin.
lorilatimer
I am so amazed at the common thread between all of the posts and the comments, and how similar we all are in our fears and the things that hold us back. And it's amazing to realize that the people we look up to and admire seem to have many of those same fears!
Last fall I decided to do something that took me totally out of my comfort zone and was totally unrelated to anything in my life. I attended Committed Impulse, an actor's workshop by Josh Pais, in L.A. Even though I grew up in Burbank near many of the studios and went to school with people who were or are some pretty big celebrities, I never had any interest in any of that. So for me to choose to do this was a huge decision for me.
It turned out to be one of the best, albeit scariest, experiences of my life. I'm great speaking with people one-on-one or in groups of people I know, but to put myself out there with this made me question my sanity. I had to memorize a monologue and be prepared to do it in front of a group of people I did not know and who are in the entertainment industry.
When it was my turn to do it, I just turned off my brain and decided to go for it. And it was amazing. The words flowed, it was FUNNY (as it was supposed to be), and I was stunned at the positive reactions I got. Before I did it I said to them, ok, this is sooo not me. When I finished they laughed at that comment and said, yeah, right.
Elizabeth, thank you for sharing your story so we can now add you to the list of people who are so successful but who face similar struggles and fears that the rest of us face.
And if any of you ever has the chance to attend Committed Impulse, it will be one of the best gifts you can ever give yourself. You will find a new side of yourself that you never knew was there and give you a new sense of confidence that you CAN do that which you fear the most. And survive to talk about it
Flyingblackbird
That's great advice about leaping into life. Indecision can really stifle progress. Some decisions are more difficult than others, and when it effects other people it can be very mind boggling. Lately, I have felt great division in my environment with people being vocal about what I should do, and I'm not really sure who I should be listening to. Listening to my gut feeling regarding the matter is probably best. It's time to leap! Thanks for the encouraging words.
Writergrrl
Wow, Lori, another way that you are AWESOME!! And I will readily admit that doing a monologue like that is my personal equivalent of jumping out of an airplane – I've done skydiving, but the part that actually gave me the greatest anxiety was being interviewed on camera (it was just for my own 'keepsake' video). Like you, I am constantly amazed to find out that these super successful people that I admire and respect have many of the same struggles. The difference seems to be that they DO IT ANYWAY! Part of my involvement with this 30Days program is that I wanted to truly define (even just for myself) what I really REALLY wanted to do – and then take those positive, if scary, steps toward that goal. The more I read comments like yours, after reading such fantastic posts like Elizabeth's, I feel like the layers are coming off of this major self-discovery. I'm nervous, but for the first time in a long time, I am enjoying the feeling!!
http://twitter.com/CherryWoodburn Cherry Woodburn
At the end of your post as I read thru your bio I had similar thoughts to Gina, what you're afraid? You've taken many leaps! But now I'm thinking, well so have I but the present one still can scare me.
I remember my ropes course, not that many years ago. I went first so I didn't have to stand there being scared or watching other people just float thru it. It ended up that the two places where I froze related to “letting go”. Like at the end, on the zip line down. Just let go and I'd be down the line, feet on the ground and finished but it took awhile till I did it.
So thanks for the post and the offer to be a cheer me/us on. May take you up on that.
http://www.janetgoldstein.com/ janet goldstein
Love your beautifully written story, your emotional clarity, and the fierceness that comes through. And the conversation it sparked all feels true to my own experiences with fear, anxiety, and doing it anyway. My small contribution to the conversation would be to say that to me, it's not the “size” of the action or decision, it's not about the “bigness,” per se. Rather it's about the inner emotional leap–whether a delicate shift or a grand move–that makes for the experience of breakthrough. That stretch is so profound–and satisfying. You let us (re)connect with the experience viscerally.
Elizabeth, I feel like I'm witnessing, sharing in, and benefiting from an amazing time for you and I feel excited to see how the days and years ahead unfold for you. Wow.
Writergrrl
Okay, Elizabeth, I totally need to walk away from my laptop now because I started crying when I read your “ask yourself” questions….apparently I need to have a big talk with myself!
Thanks for such an incredible and honest post…amazingly successful people like you, who pull back the curtain and show their vulnerability, make me see that I have the potential to share and succeed as well.
sue_anne
I almost gave notice at my job on Monday. My boss actually talked me out of it and waiting until I have something firmer in place. Yesterday, I was talking with her and she asked me if I was glad that I hadn't given notice (didn't have a whole lot of traction on things this week), and I didn't really answer. Because, to be honest, I'm not happy I didn't give notice. Practically, it makes sense to hold on to this job until I at least have money coming in / a contract signed for actual work. I'm just ready to move on and start something new.
lorilatimer
Ah, the skydiving thing is just way beyond my imagination! My son and a very close friend did it last year, and I just can't even imagine that.
I think that what we're finding with Sarah's 30 Day program is this huge sense of community… meeting people we might not have otherwise met… sharing the deep parts of ourselves that are hard to share with people in our lives… and coming to the realization that there isn't really anything WRONG with us for having the fears, insecurities, doubts, and all those other feelings that we have and that have held us back in one way or another. It's amazing that we each learn so much from what each one of us shares. I think that one of the biggest “aha” moments I've had in the past year is that I don't have to be perfect (something I've always thought I had to be for anyone to like or accept me), because no one else is perfect either!
It's normal and natural to feel nervous when you step out in new ways. But it's awesome that you are enjoying the feeling, because that's what will keep pushing you forward to the next thing and the next thing and so on. Being nervous or afraid so often paralyzes us, when instead if we can simply realize that those are just “feelings” and they aren't necessarily good or bad, we can keep moving forward to new experiences and new things of life. And that's when the real magic can happen.
I think that what we're learning here is that we have people to hold hands with as we “jump.”
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I completely put off reading this post today. I didn’t even open Sarah’s email until very late afternoon and then I still couldn’t click on the link. Why? The last 19 posts have opened me up – slammed me hard in the face and made me yell in my head “WTF are you waiting for Shelly”. I just knew somehow that today’s post would do the same… and you didn’t disappoint!
I have to say that the fact that you are already successful and have just embarked on a project 4 weeks ago that caused you fear and trepidation – gives me hope!
I know what some of the things I need to jump in and do encompass – but there happen to be a few I still can’t see. So I am going to read through the comments – add in my 2 cents where I can, be glad I *at least* read this post before the day was over… and then go ‘sit in the corner’ and think.
Thanks Elizabeth

http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Hey Shelly! You’ve supported and encouraged me in my process these past 20 days… now it’s my turn. WHATEVER it is that you want to “jump into” and whatever it involves, I’m pretty confident you already “have what it takes”… and seeing all the pieces is probably not “what it takes”. What steps can you take until you see the others more clearly? And is there any way I can support you??
CONGRATS to you for reading the post yesterday… I know that feeling of wanting to procrastinate and avoid. Have a great day today!
Teresa

http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
It's late in the day, but I'm here.
I've already taken steps based on these posts from the 30 day series. For those playing at home:
1. I was promoted last Thursday to an entirely new role at the ad agency. In concert w/some great teammates, I'm charged with establishing a new direction for the agency. There aren't any rule books. We are making it up as we go, trusting our gut and Trial and Error.
2. I completed the second step towards the publishing of my book. Waiting for the next one as soon as the publisher sends the ball back over the net.
3. Received information from my patent attorney in today's mail as a follow up to a product I hope to bring to market yet this year.
I also hit the gym, washed the car, did the marketing, stopped by my accountant's office, cleaned the house and hung out with my daughters.
This 30 Days is more hurricane-y than I've felt in a long time. I like it.
I enjoyed this call to action post very much. So very glad I'm part of the conversation. Best, M.
http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
I was told once that when we cry, we are at a “thin place.” For some, that means God; for others, it is a more general spirituality. Ever since hearing that, when I feel moved to tears, I know that I need to listen deep – there's an elemental truth within me just waiting to be recognized.
http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
That's awesome, Mark. Just a great story. Thanks so much for sharing it here.
http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
Isn't it a rush when you're The Conduit? Good for you for surrendering to your fears and just “be” ing.
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Hey Elizabeth! Thanks for reminding me of an experience I have done my best to forget.
You could have described my experience climbing the pole to a “T” (no pun intended given my name!) – including all of the plotting and planning about how to actually stand on top of it! The two differences between my experience and yours is that I acted that way the entire time I was climbing the pole – I can't think of a time in my life where I have been shaking so badly it almost looked like a seizure! The other difference between you and I is that I actually did leap… I didn't have the courage to go back down the pole. My “what will people think” and “have to be like everyone else” was stronger than my fear – so I jumped. But it wasn't because I wanted to and it wasn't even for me.. I felt no thrill in jumping. No excitement. Just relief that it was over. Remembering it now, climbing back down the pole would have been more of a “game changer” for me than jumping was.
But the reason I have tried to forget that experience is because I was so ASHAMED of how absolutely terrified I was – and that I let people see that. So – your post has helped me let go of some of that shame… I'm seeing now that I often feel ashamed of being afraid… which is why I either don't let anyone know (my facade is put on) or I don't do anything that really terrifies me. And it's not the fear I need to “get rid of” or “let go”… what I need to let go of is the shame and embarrassment I feel about my fears.
There's a lot more in your post for me… especially your questions. The one that really nailed me and that describes the game-changing I'm doing now is this one: “Or, playing it safe by offering the same products and services as everyone else?” How often I use what's working for others as the template I'm supposed to follow. How often I try to be like someone else – thinking that is the way I can succeed. But it didn't work… not one bit.
I can also feel a question start to stir within me… so when I get clearer on what that question is… I'll come back and ask. In the meantime, thanks for helping me see how I can leap AND that I don't HAVE to leap off of anything unless I decide to… and that includes deciding when and where and what I'm going to leap from and for. It's not about leaping for the sake of leaping (or to PROVE that I can do it too)… it's about leaping for me and what I want in my life!
Anonymous
I’ve done a few events that have really stretched me and pushed me to trust, let go and just do it. I’ve also done the arrow at the MM weekend, a ropes weekend that taught us there really is no rope and various others and I have a phrase for moments like that – Oh, WTF, just go for it anyway! I don’t really let fear overtake me in those moments. I want to win, show everyone I can and I don’t let the fear take over.
As I sit here reading your post, I’m asking myself why I’m letting fear overtake me in this next step career wise and staying mediocre – I hate mediocre!! Is it as some of the others here are saying? That the bigger the moment/decision the more fear? Or is it that I’m mired down in making it a process instead of the decision making I usually do when I have to climb to the top of a wall or freefall with trust?
Must go make some decisions. Great thought provoking post. Thank you for this.
lorilatimer
Wow – you are on a roll! Congrats to you, and thanks for sharing all of your successes with the rest of us.
Kristin
Mastering my fears is mastering my life. So I’ll keep dancing in discomfort and do the best I can. Thank you for encouraging and cheering us on, Elizabeth!
Writergrrl
Yes – you have definitely harnessed the movement, good on ya!!
kristieschwanebeck
K, this is taking some thinking out. If i was to look at the month of January, I am finding one common theme. It seems that my negativity comes at a time when I feel “stuck” in all the various areas of my life. Professional, academic, personal, financial…when I don't see movement is when I end up in the midst of a cry fest. I was processing this with my life coach. It is in those moments, when despite my striving and acting without yielding results that I become very down and hard on myself. Never mind a belay, at those points I need a catapult.
After my weep session, I always come out of it, determined to change the game again. I did that this past week and I ended up discovering an unknown talent in a friend of who is willing to be the pianist on my album. I also ended up making some conceptual decisions regarding the direction of said album. Those seemed to be the key to get the momentum rolling and things appear to be falling into place in a few different projects.
It was not an easy walk: I had to experience a grief which put me into a depression of sorts, which caused a deep dissatisfaction which birthed a determined decision to not accept the circumstances as the status quo.
In addition to being a full time single parent to three, carrying a part time job and full time getting my MA, I have 6 other businesses on the table. This week saw: a buisness coach come into my life and set out action steps for me to take to continue business building and not stagnate, it saw the aforementioned successes regarding my album, it saw some forward momentum in my event planning for a non profit I am working with, it saw me finally finding an internship site (which keeps me on my graduation timetable), it saw a breakthough in my eldest's son's life…so its been a week of successes that came at an emotional cost which birthed a determiend decision.
http://kevinvandever.com/ Kevin Vandever
Love the song, Sarah.
Hi Elizabeth,
Your statement, “I’ve felt fears, doubts and worries like you wouldn’t believe, I’ve shed a good amount of tears, and I’ve done some serious digging to find the courage and strength I need to continue living out my choice.” really hit me because I would LOVE to be there because it means I'd have jumped. I am so tired of being stuck! I have sat in my quiet place and asked myself the questions about my personal and professional lives and I have even come up with some answers. I have jumped a little, maybe to a lower part of the pole, but I've not done the REAL jumping that I need to do.
Thank you for your post. Look for me at the bottom of the pole.
Kevin.
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
I completely put off reading this post today. I didn't even open Sarah's email until very late afternoon and then I still couldn't click on the link. Why? The last 19 posts have opened me up – slammed me hard in the face and made me yell in my head “WTF are you waiting for Shelly”. I just knew somehow that today's post would do the same… and you didn't disappoint!
I have to say that the fact that you are already successful and have just embarked on a project 4 weeks ago that caused you fear and trepidation – gives me hope!
I know what some of the things I need to jump in and do encompass – but there happen to be a few I still can't see. So I am going to read through the comments – add in my 2 cents where I can, be glad I *at least* read this post before the day was over… and then go 'sit in the corner' and think.
Thanks Elizabeth
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
Wow – you are doing great! I think even if you are drained emotionally now – it will be SO worth it!
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
I do the same thing – take 15 steps to avoid a big leap… though I do have to say, I would have made the jump in that situation, but probably would have wet my pants!
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
Great story! you were very lucky to have had that group of guys willing and able to help you out!
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
My mother had a mantra she started using a few years ago for a certain situation – “Fake it until you make it” But “If you don't know what to do, just do something!” sounds a little better
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
I love reading comments that I could have written! I am enjoying the feeling and starting to see a bit of a light shining on what I want to do!
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
I agree Lori – and loved your story by the way! It always is amazing to me when I realize that everyone else is human too!
kristieschwanebeck
Thanks Shelly
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
I always listen to my gut… it has never let me down… I have incurred many issues in life when I have ignored it or gone the other way…
Of course getting advice from GOOD sources and making rational decisions is ALWAYS good… but in the end… your gut will never lie to you… you just need to learn how to listen to it!
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
Good job! I like the visual of hurricane-y… good description!
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
I love love love that you realized that you shouldn't be ashamed for your fears! I believe too many people are and put up the facades you mentioned! I know I have many times!
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
Also – I meant to say – I have a couple of books that I know I am meant to write too… One for sure – My cousin even bought me the book “writing life stories” to help me get the story out – along with bird by bird… I think i need to peruse those again! The other books I started writing over 10 years ago… when I started talking about writing again recently to my mother, she asked me to finish 3 of the stories she had read parts of – she wants to know what happens – LOL
nazimaali
I've done a few events that have really stretched me and pushed me to trust, let go and just do it. I've also done the arrow at the MM weekend, a ropes weekend that taught us there really is no rope and various others and I have a phrase for moments like that – Oh, WTF, just go for it anyway! I don't really let fear overtake me in those moments. I want to win, show everyone I can and I don't let the fear take over.
As I sit here reading your post, I'm asking myself why I'm letting fear overtake me in this next step career wise and staying mediocre – I hate mediocre!! Is it as some of the others here are saying? That the bigger the moment/decision the more fear? Or is it that I'm mired down in making it a process instead of the decision making I usually do when I have to climb to the top of a wall or freefall with trust?
Must go make some decisions. Great thought provoking post. Thank you for this.
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Kristin
Mastering my fears is mastering my life. So I'll keep dancing in discomfort and do the best I can.
Anonymous
Way back in the 30 days we talked about Holy S..t moments – and I realised how few times I’ve ever taken a physical risk of any sort.
And I too was pushed into diving at the age of 8, and since then have hated getting my face wet – a bit of a problem when trying to even snorkel never mind scuba dive.
But my husband wanted to give me something that was just for me this Christmas and bought me a ride in a balloon.
He knows that I am really scared of heights, that I get dizzy in high heels, and he has to stand in front of me going down an escalator.
But I’ve been saying that I’d love to experience a balloon ride….
Now, thing is, I’ve been really focussed on how not to make a fool of myself, on not disappointing him, and how to deal with it if I get terrified (keep my eyes closed the whole time??)
Reading this -I’m going to focus on enjoying it, on seeing the landscape below, hopefully on seeing a sunset (my favourite of all things) and, most importantly, on doing all of this whilst feeling scared.
Thanks!
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http://twitter.com/SpiritusShelagh Shelagh at Spiritus
Way back in the 30 days we talked about Holy S..t moments – and I realised how few times I've ever taken a physical risk of any sort.
And I too was pushed into diving at the age of 8, and since then have hated getting my face wet – a bit of a problem when trying to even snorkel never mind scuba dive.
But my husband wanted to give me something that was just for me this Christmas and bought me a ride in a balloon.
He knows that I am really scared of heights, that I get dizzy in high heels, and he has to stand in front of me going down an escalator.
But I've been saying that I'd love to experience a balloon ride….
Now, thing is, I've been really focussed on how not to make a fool of myself, on not disappointing him, and how to deal with it if I get terrified (keep my eyes closed the whole time??)
Reading this -I'm going to focus on enjoying it, on seeing the landscape below, hopefully on seeing a sunset (my favourite of all things) and, most importantly, on doing all of this whilst feeling scared.
Thanks!
LizMarshall
What a powerful share, Kristie. And, amazing to hear how finding the pianist set in motion a positive chain of events!
LizMarshall
Love that imagery…and so true that tears are an invitation to look deeper, to listen and to observe what we may have been missing.
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Hey Shelly! You've supported and encouraged me in my process these past 20 days… now it's my turn. WHATEVER it is that you want to “jump into” and whatever it involves, I'm pretty confident you already “have what it takes”… and seeing all the pieces is probably not “what it takes”. What steps can you take until you see the others more clearly? And is there any way I can support you??
CONGRATS to you for reading the post yesterday… I know that feeling of wanting to procrastinate and avoid. Have a great day today!
Teresa
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Thanks! That was a big light bulb for me too!!!
LizMarshall
Would love to hear more about your writing and the message you want to get out to the world. Let's chat!
LizMarshall
Most welcome! Whether it's a physical challenge or simply an emotional one, it seems it's all about us being the BIGGEST, boldest and most authentic expression of who we're meant to be, you know?
LizMarshall
Beautifully stated, Linda. Thank you for sharing!
LizMarshall
Absolutely! Staying in action and making the best decision with what we have NOW seems to light the path ahead. It's amazing the opportunities, solutions, connections and ideas that come AFTER I decided to act on faith – and to step forward first. In so many cases, it seems that action is required to unlock the additional clues along the way.
LizMarshall
So true, Michael. Leaping – and taking 100% full ownership – seems to be the key!
http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly
Would love to chat!
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http://www.tehjess.com/ Jess Webb
I can completely relate to you on this one, Sue! I haven't given notice, or tried to give notice, but in some ways I wish that I had – even without something else in place! It's definitely time for me to move on into something that is more me and something that I want, but that fear holds me back, holds me in place, waiting for the “right” moment, when something else is lined up… Hmmmm…
Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
Wow, Elizabeth…awesome post! And I love what you said in your comment to Gina.
“I’ve noticed that the bigger I choose to play, the more fear it stirs up – which is a good sign of whether I’m being fully self-expressed or not ”
And you’ve given me some things to really look at deeply:
Are you telling a safe, “politically correct” version of your message? Or, settling for a lukewarm, toned-down personal brand?
Are you putting off writing that book you KNOW you’re meant to write?
Or, playing it safe by offering the same products and services as everyone else?
I’m sitting here wondering why, although I’ve done 30 interviews for my second book, and know what I want to say, I haven’t created the time to write it yet.
These questions also are making me commit to myself to make sure I put the “boom-boom-pow” into my new website.
Thanks for the wonderful post!
Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)
Wow, Elizabeth…awesome post! And I love what you said in your comment to Gina.
“I've noticed that the bigger I choose to play, the more fear it stirs up – which is a good sign of whether I'm being fully self-expressed or not “
And you've given me some things to really look at deeply:
Are you telling a safe, “politically correct” version of your message? Or, settling for a lukewarm, toned-down personal brand?
Are you putting off writing that book you KNOW you’re meant to write?
Or, playing it safe by offering the same products and services as everyone else?
I'm sitting here wondering why, although I've done 30 interviews for my second book, and know what I want to say, I haven't created the time to write it yet.
These questions also are making me commit to myself to make sure I put the “boom-boom-pow” into my new website.
Thanks for the wonderful post!
sue_anne
In today's economy, some fear is good. Are you spending your time when you're not “on the clock” to find new jobs that better fit with where you want to be headed?
http://www.tehjess.com/ Jess Webb
Yes, I am… I've been looking at various online business models, and know that's the direction I want to go. Just this morning I woke up with a niche idea to pursue to get started, too! NOW I'm getting excited!
What about you? Any idea what you would like to move on to?
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Escaping Mediocrity

Lessons From a 25 Foot Telephone Pole