Irresistible Friendship, Explained

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This is Day 28 of 30 Days to Creating Irresistible Presence. On Monday, Michael Port showed us the importance of standing for Something. Today, Allison Nazarian and Elizabeth PW gives us GREAT insight on being and having irresistible friends. YAY!

Theme song: Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day http://tinyurl.com/23kuenm

Irresistible Friendship, Explained

by Elizabeth PW (@ElizabethPW) and Allison Nazarian (@allisonnazarian)

Irresistible Friendship, Explained As the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle said,”Friendship is but a single soul dwelling in two bodies.”

The mates of our souls (these include both best friends as well as lovers), are those other people walking this earth with whom our energies resonate. We have some connection that is beyond the matching of our personality types or experiences – it is more. It is a connection between the truth of our souls, to those others who will help us grow, learn, reach the next plane of our existence.

Those of us who have experienced true friendship, whether of the kind that lasts for years or even for a fleeting moment, know this to be true. The connection, the ease with which you fall into your laughs and talks, the click that happens when you meet or are with someone who is truly a friend.

And just as there are different kinds of loves or relationships, so too are there different kinds of friends and friendships. People ask us a lot about our friendship, probably because it is so public and open. And regardless of the details, there are some universal truths when it comes to having a friend, being a friend and creating, together, an irresistible friendship.

To have a friend be one: Sounds simple, right? If you want someone to be there for you, you need to be that person for them as well. If you want to be respected, trusted, loved and appreciated by your friend (or by anyone, for that matter), there is really no “secret sauce” — be the kind of friend you want to have.

When a friendship isn’t working the way you want it to work or your friend is not acting or being in a way that you need or want them to act or be, look not at them and what they are doing/not doing, but instead look within: Is there something you could do better, less, more?

Water seeks its own level: This is one of our favorites. How do you find a friend? Call it energy, call it connection, call it something that doesn’t even have a name. Whatever you call it, you may not see it but you feel it and you know it is there (or not).

It’s a great feeling when you meet someone and you know beyond any doubt that this person is, maybe once was and certainly will be a friend. It feels easy and right.

On the other hand, when it’s forced, when it is all about drama or misunderstandings, when it is about constantly trying to fit a square peg in a round hole — it isn’t friendship. It is more about fear and those things that come from fear (insecurity, anxiety, the feeling of “I have to do this”) it isn’t coming from a place of being literally, figuratively and in every other way on the same wavelength.

If it doesn’t happen naturally or easily or in a way that seems right and positive, then maybe it isn’t meant to be.

To thine own self be true: Friendship is not about doing, doing, doing for others and neglecting yourself. In fact, just the opposite!

Friendship is about being in a space where you and your friend feel supported in taking care not just of each other but, even more importantly, of your own selves. It is about acknowledging your self-worth and making sure you have what you need not just to survive and live but to shine. Your friends will allow, encourage and even remind you to shine.

Give from the overflow in your saucer, not from your cup. We all can fall into this trap. We are caretakers, we are generous, we want to be nice and take care of the people we love – so we give, and give, and give, until we are empty and resentful.

Not only is that the way to deplete yourself into nothing, that’s not the way to be with your true friends, who understand that you first need to keep yourself full. We are all responsible for our own self care – and we give to others only from the overflow, only give energy to other from our abundance, not our need. And our true friends know & support us in doing so.

Judge not lest ye be judged. As INFJs, we can fall into this trap easily — judging others by our own standard of what is a good idea, what’s best for each other. But as a friend we have to let each other make mistakes, be foolish, fall down, fail. As a friend we are there to support & care for our friends when they do what we knew was not going to work.

And – we must not judge what would work for another soul. While we may be mates of each other souls, we are not the same person. We are not here to solve each other’s lives, we are not here to judge what is right for each other – we are hear to listen. To hold each other when it gets crazy. To share in the dizzying heights and the sickening bottoms. As painful as it is, sometimes all we can do is stand by the side, watch, and love.

So are you an irresistible friend? Have you found the mates of your soul with whom you can share parts of your life?

If not, here’s the secret – be yourself. From the beginning. When you meet someone, when you connect, be real, speak your truth, put your complete self on display from that very first moment.

Yes, many people will not resonate with you. And that’s fine and wonderful – better that they quickly move on to find their own soul mates.

But for those with whom you do connect, for those with whom you do resonate É you will find the most delicious, honest, real, powerful and amazing friendships, more than you ever thought possible. People who support you 100%, who create a safe space where you can be 100% yourself, who will stick by you when life turns you completely inside out and when everything is unbelievably amazing.

All you have to do is be your true self. First.

Who are you being in your friendships?

Are you being the friend you would want to have for yourself?

Elizabeth Potts Weinstein empowers solo-entrepreneurs to make a greater difference in the world and become more successful & fulfilled, by doing what is a natural extension of who they really are. She’s also a mom, attorney, author, speaker, coach, radio show host, twitter chat host, video blogging addict, tweetup connoisseur, aspiring adventurer, amateur pole dancer, people loving introvert, and truth evangelist.

Elizabeth inspires & empowers entrepreneurs to Live Their Truth in her blog at ElizabethPW.com, on twitter chats, and via her programs on tribe building, video blogging, and finding your truth.

If you want to follow her on her adventures and learn how to find other like-minded people who are speaking & living their truth, find her at:

http://twitter.com/ElizabethPW or at http://ElizabethPW.com

Allison Nazarian is a writer. Sometimes, people hire her to write marketing copy and to ghostwrite books, scripts, blogs and speeches. The rest of the time, she writes for women, moms, entrepreneurs and real people online and in print, including in her upcoming book “Love Your Mess™.” Allison is also developing “Write Your Mess™,” a program to teach and guide others to use writing as a way to make money, find their voice, figure stuff out or even just vent.

Allison holds a B.A. in English from the University of Pennsylvania and an M.S. from Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism and has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, INC, Entrepreneur and Fortune Small Business. She is the author of two books on do-it-yourself copywriting, including One Minute Copywriter and a monthly columnist for Entrepreneur.com. All of Allison’s writing can be accessed through her site at AllisonNazarian.com.

Originally from the Washington, D.C. area, Allison is a walker, reader, football fan and someday-bookstore owner who lives a very messy life in Florida with her son, daughter and Black Lab.

30 Days to Creating Irresistible Presence is sponsored by
Creating Irresistible Presence LIVE
~September 23 -25 ~ Atlanta GA ~

Andrea Lee, Elizabeth Marshall, Allison Nazarian
& Elizabeth Potts-Weinstein and ME!

>Easy Peasy 3-Pay Plan Vanishes on SATURDAY!<

To learn more, please visit http://www.irresistiblepresence.com

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 28th, 2010 at 10:58 am and is filed under 30 Days to Irresistible Presence. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Anonymous
“All you have to do is be your true self. First.” That seems so simple, and yet it’s so easy to get caught up in other people’s drama (even within our own families) that we sometimes fall into friendships or other relationships that might not be in our best interest. It can be difficult to disengage when we come to that realization. But in the end, if we don’t follow the suggestions you make – which are all basically about following our hearts – then it doesn’t benefit us or the other person.
I think that all of us here have learned that we can have real, true friendships with people we have never even physically met and that are more meaningful than many of the relationships we have with people we see on a regular basis. In a strange way it’s been easier to find like-minded people online to bond with than it is with people we see face to face.
Thanks for your wonderful message!
xoxo

http://valeriehart.com/ Valerie Hart
I agree with your Lori. I think it is easier to connect online than to reveal so much of ourselves with our friends in real life. I think it is a fear of being rejected…? Not sure. I recently had dinner with a couple of girlfriends I have known since kindergarten… I really cherish that we have stayed in each other’s lives. Life is sweet but so short…
A good friend is cheaper than therapy. ~Author Unknown

Anonymous
It’s awesome that you’ve stayed friends with girls you knew that long ago, Valerie! And I totally agree that a big part of why we don’t reveal more of ourselves in person is the fear of rejection… along with the fear of not being good enough, smart enough, and so many others.
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
wow kindergarten! I have 2 BFFs dating back to the 5th grade.. that is the furthest back I go! and I value them greatly! They know ME, all about me! (and love me anyway!)
http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
I find that it’s easier for me to be real online w/ someone b/c I can find out about them, really get to know them, before I invest the time in a face-to-face relationship.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
It is amazing isn’t it? finding people online and off that you really resonate with? Love it

Guest
Well hell..isn’t this interesting! I sent an email to a friend today because she has been a lousy friend, your post today backs up my point of the whole email. I do believe that if drama is occuring, then the friendship is not worth the energy. Thank you for such a great post and a reminder of why I had to lose so many friends throughout my lifetime.

http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
I do think that there’s a difference b/t conflict and drama. I have had conflicts w/ my best friends, and we worked it out and our friendship is now stronger. But drama is conflict with no reason, conflict based on bullshit. That is something we don’t need.

http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
The one that speaks to me the most is the “giving from the overflow in the saucer.”
I think that society has encouraged a subliminal expectation that to be a good friend, one must be selfless without regard to our own needs. “Being selfish” is bad and a good friend gives unconditionally and in unlimited amounts.
This is, of course, untrue.
I am worthless to you as a friend if I cannot sustain my own center. I cannot give what I don’t have, and if I don’t have abundance mentally/spiritually within then I cannot share it with another.
It’s energizing to meet a true friend. Each soul energizes and expands the other, multiplying the effectiveness of both. What a blessing it is when we encounter those people in our lives. Thanks for a great post! Best, M.

http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Thanks for this line Molly…
“I am worthless to you as a friend if I cannot sustain my own center. I cannot give what I don’t have, and if I don’t have abundance mentally/spiritually within then I cannot share it with another.”
It spoke to and supported me.

http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
Pleased to be of help today.

http://www.mynameismom.com Gail Blesch
That was my favourite part too. There’s so much truth in these words, “your true friends, understand that you first need to keep yourself full…true friends know & support us in doing so.” And doesn’t it make sense, that when we are full, we are so much easier to be around – less needy, more relaxed, coming from a place of better peace and clarity. Who wouldn’t want to be, and have friends like that? When both people are operating from a feeling of fullness, the time spent together is refreshingly easy and fun.
So, what can we do today to fill ourselves up and make space for our friends to do the same?

http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
>less needy, more relaxed, coming from a place of better peace and clarity.
Yep. Precisely and perfectly stated!

Anonymous
I’m on a crusade against selflessness. REally. I’m sure I come off as a super bitch at times- but it’s worth it. I love deeper and larger than ever.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
A crusade against selflessness…. I LOVE THAT

Anonymous
thank you shelly! ))
Megan Matthieson
idanceiwrite.com

http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie
I just wrote about that in response above, then read your post.
I fully, 100% support your crusade against selflessness!
Jeremie
Anonymous
Hey Jeramie! You and Me! Totally agree. I’m working on a post about this now. It’s very anti-goodgirl, but someone got to say it.

http://www.moreyourself.com Gail Blesch
I fully support the crusade against selflessness Megan.
I have always thought of it this way: To be selfless, is to be without a self – empty, hollow, robotic – going through the motions but not there. People don’t want us to be self-less. They want us to be fully present and engaged, and that is only possible when you have a full and present self.
I often think the interpretations of selfishness and selflessness are simply reflections of our compete, conquer, and consume mentality – one that we are finally coming to realize, doesn’t serve us well, in that it isn’t sustainable. It requires that we set our true self aside to function, and demands someone wins at the expense of someone else. On a deep level, this is corrosive. I am so grateful we are waking up and creating a new reality where connecting, collaborating, and creating are the focus. It is time for a new ideology. I believe it’s what this tribe is all about.
I want to thank all of you for being here and Sarah for creating this forum. I wasn’t sure whether to continue with my crusade, or let go, and move on, but somewhere over the course of the past month, I have realized in so many ways, it won’t let me go. At the beginning of this process I was genuinely uncertain if what I stood for, would stand up. Through our interactions here, I am beginning to see my core message is shared. There is something fundamentally reassuring and encouraging in discovering my deepest desire for people isn’t just a fanciful idea in my own mind. It gives me renewed energy to carry on with my relentless refrain, Be More Yourself, not less.
xoxo

Anonymous
Thank you for this Gail! I like to simplify- All is possible with love. xo

http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie
Totally agree. I think there needs to be a big shift in the world around the idea that being selfish is a bad thing. Sure there are ways that being selfish can be a bad thing, but there are also ways to be selfish that are absolutely necessary for us to be healthy, successful people that add to the world around us.
I learned a lot about self care and being selfish when I worked for the Crisis and suicide prevention line, and the John Howard Society. Always working with people in crisis, or with parolees reintegrating into society was exhausting, both emotionally and physically. You want to help so much that you forget about your own life. The answer was to learn to be selfish and make sure that you did stuff just for you, and no one else in your life. Doing stuff for friends and family was fine, but to stay sane it was always necessary to do stuff just for you no matter what other people needed or wanted.
I have continued to carry this idea of being selfish throughout my life. It isn’t always easy, especially now that I have a family, but every time I stop being selfish I end up out of energy and not being the best person I can be.
It is time to start the selfish revolution! (all right, a bit dramatic, but I haven’t had coffee yet)
Jeremie
http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
This is a huge issue for me personally, self care and not feeling guilty for that. Yesterday actually I had someone give me a bunch of self care assignments, and really the only reason I did that day of self care was b/c he told me too, which took the guilt away (obviously I could have said no, but that little assignment helped push me into it).

http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
Some posit that the beautiful story of the fall from grace symbolizes and represents that sin is broken relationships; our relationship with god, our relationship with nature, our relationships with others and just as important, our relationship with ourselves. Whatever your believe system is. that thought encompass the idea that Elizabeth and Allision are talking about here. They are so right that we often project our own short comings onto others. If we notice that our friends may not be treating us they way we think they should, it is time to evaluate our own actions. Do we meet our own expectations? Do we balance our needs with those we love?

http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
Expectations are rooted in lack. They will bite you in the backside almost 100% of the time. This is some great stuff. Thanks for the meditative thoughts, Richard!

http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
I had not thought of expectations being rooted in lack. Ill have to contemplate that. I had thought of them more as something that we count on or rely on. We anticipate it. We expect it. MMM Did you mean that in the context of We dont have it now so we expect it in the future? Thanks Molly.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Those are good questions Richard… I’m not sure of the answers… Do I meet my own expectations? hmmm…. and do I balance my needs with those I love? I think I try to.. but I sure do feel selfish at times… I am working on that.

http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
Thank you Shelly. For me, they are constant questions and I hope to continually ask them. I don’t know if there is a right answer, but I know something in the searching helps us to live conscious lives.

http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
I know a lot of my problems w/ other people stems from my guilt issues and judging issues … and I agree the fault we find in others is many times what we fear others will find in us.

http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
Hi Elizabeth, It is like we are sensitized to it. As you suggested in the post, Ill have to remember to check my own behaviors first. Thank you for commenting.

Linda Wolf (Insanely Serene)
Elizabeth and Allison,
I am a true believer in being your own best friend first, before trying to be someone else’s. You have many good points here about being true to yourself, taking care of yourself, giving from your overflow and not your source, all of which I heartily support. Thanks for these reflections on friendship.
Linda

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I was listening to a song on the radio the other day and the phrase came up “You have to love you before you can love me” – so true!

Anonymous
This was a hard post for me to read. I have lots of friends. I do not, however, have many close friends. That is really hard for me because of the whole “put your complete self on display from that very first moment” thing. I am not good at that at all, and I know it holds me back. I don’t know what switch I need to turn off in my brain, but there’s definitely something there. I agree with Lori that it seems so much easier to share online. Maybe it’s because we’ve never met in person. I don’t know. I try very hard to be the kind of friend I want, and I think I’m pretty successful at it. I know I just need to open up a bit more. Actually, doing this sort of thing, writing my own blog and even posting on FB has helped me open up. Now I just need to take that step in person. Thanks for the prod!

http://www.mynameismom.com Gail Blesch
I’m not so sure of the “put your complete self on display from that very first moment thing” is necessary at all. In person, I believe we meet people’s energy first and that is what matters most. Then as we invest time in relationships we discover bits and pieces about each other. When those bits and pieces, and unfolding stories match with and reinforce that initial energy, trust develops and relationships deepen. So, although we can often feel that instant connection where our souls resonate and on that level sense we have met a friend, it is the investment over time while our paths are crossed or running side by side, that close friendships develop. There is no need to be fully on display that very first moment. That might be overwhelming both for them, and you. Maybe think instead of the peels of an onion. Far better to stay true and trust in the natural deepening that occurs layer by layer.

Anonymous
Thanks for that perspective Gail. I will take that to heart.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I agree with Gail.. I don’t think you need to be completely on display the very first moment… True friendship takes time… You resonate with someone? Great… be yourself… have conversations… a topic comes up, give your view or your experience… each conversation brings more and more out… really, just be yourself.
I’ve learned that once you have a true friend… anything you say about your past or your views, or whatever, gets absorbed and you both move on… (just my take and experience)

http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
perhaps the clarification is that you put your truth on display from the very first moment. we are all complicated (and us INFJs are bizarrely complicated) and it takes a lot to get inside all the way – but the idea is to put your truth out there, not an artifice.

http://www.lemonoffice.com susanmdonegan
Judge not lest ye be judged. – This is what I need to work on the most to become a completely irresistible friend. I need to remember to simply be a supportive friend. Sometimes, it is a struggle for me to stand back and let the pieces just fall or the situation get crazy without trying to do something to stop it. My intentions are good, I want to keep my friend from suffering. The reminder is that I can not control my friend’s decision making and that not everyone will do things as I would, so let it happen. Then be there on the other side, to help pick up the pieces or sort out the craziness!

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
that IS very, very hard to do! I’ve noticed that I am SOOO much better at telling other people what is good or will work for them.. but I miss it in myself… I think it is that “When you are in the middle of it and experiencing the emotions, it is hard to see what an ‘objective’ person sees…

http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
Yes, it is so hard to watch the people we love screw up their lives (in our opinion at least). But it is so important that we learn our own lessons in life. sigh.

http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Hey Elizabeth and Allison!
I’ve been learning a lot about friendships and relationships (healthy ones, that is) this past year or so… and your post took it to another level… and gave me a mirror to look into to see myself more honestly. Thanks.
LOTS of things resonated with me… maybe because much of what you wrote about I am either (a) learning for the first time or (b) I’ve heard it and read it before and THOUGHT I was practicing when I wasn’t. But of all the things you wrote, this paragraph struck me the most:
“And – we must not judge what would work for another soul. While we may be mates of each other souls, we are not the same person. We are not here to solve each other’s lives, we are not here to judge what is right for each other – we are hear to listen. To hold each other when it gets crazy. To share in the dizzying heights and the sickening bottoms. As painful as it is, sometimes all we can do is stand by the side, watch, and love.”
I’ve not been a friend like that… I’ve been judgmental. I’ve wanted to solve their problems because that made me feel better about myself. I’ve abandoned friendships when they didn’t do what I wanted or thought was best for them. I’ve given from the cup (which never had a chance to overflow)…but in doing so, I wasn’t really giving. I was TAKING or GETTING and expecting them to fill me up.
I WISH I had learned how to be a REAL friend long ago. I WISH I had had the sense of self-worth would have allowed me to be a REAL friend and be loved by REAL friends. But I didn’t… and so I’m getting to learn and practice it now. And your post is part of my process… so thank you.

http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
I can relate to a lot of what you shared Teresa. I am guilty, and I thought it was a guy thing, of wanting to fix things. Especially those time when my wife would come to me with some problem… Instead of just letting her express her emotions and allowing her to feel them, I want to FIX it. That is so very hard for me to break out of. I catch myself all the time.

Anonymous
And I always thought it was a girl thing to want to fix things! God knows I’ve been guilty of that so much in my life. Maybe it’s the psych major in me? Over the past year, I’ve learned to let go of that and accept people as they are and let them find their own solutions.
Actually, I’ve realized that I chose to have people in my life who I thought “needed” me, and that was the only purpose I served, that’s where I found my self of self-worth. Realizing that has freed me in so many ways.

http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
I think you touched on an important point Lori. We need to be right with ourselves first. Our relationship with ourselves needs to be right. We need to find our own security and self worth from measure against our own moral compass. When we love ourselves for who we are, we are free to love others for who they are. I have done similar things in the past with all the best intentions ( attracting others who I could fix) There is a fine line between taking on that task yourself, and helping them most by letting them find their own solution. Mostly just by acknowledging that we understand what they are feeling and allowing them to feel them. The messages I remember as a kid where along the lines of,” don’t cry, that is not a reason to cry… ” I want to assuage those feelings in others today, to take them away. It is hard for me to say, “I can see you are sad, it is ok to cry” or “tell me how you are feeling.” I can talk about it, but in those moments, it is hard to do.

Anonymous
It really is a guy thing Richard.

http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
That sounds like you speak from experience Megan! I usually shy away from sexist generalizations as I have put my foot in my mouth a fair amount of time, but it does seem to be a guy thing. I envy people who can share their emotions and just accept them without “fixing” It feel like a natural reaction to me to want to eliminate “bad” feelings. It is also interesting that I can talk about this here, on Sarah’s blog, yet it’s difficult to in person. I think is has a lot to do with the environment we/I grew up in. I absolutely know in my soul that it s good to share emotion, but to tell someone ,” I ‘m afraid” thats vulnerable. Why? I dont know, I would want them to tell me.

Anonymous
Some things just are. Men? Fix the problem. Or you know…we’ll go hungry. Women? Comfort. Make the day a little nicer. Of course I don’t believe this is true now. Of course not. But I have to actively remind my guy that I’m just wanting him to listen and not fix!! (Women fix or figure it out by GETTING IT OUT) And you are so not alone on the unease of vulnerability- I want to tell my guys just to let go. But. It’s pretty tough. I applaud your incredible openness here in the forum!
http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
Thank you Megan. I do think it is rooted somewhere deep in our nature. ( and I do need some reminding sometime) In the heat of moments, I revert, but usually after thinking about it, I stop and remind myself to just try to understand…and that enough.

Anonymous
Wow, Teresa, this is so powerful! So honest. And you are not alone. I applaud your taking this to such a deep level of self realization.
I too have been a fixer … Jennifer Urezzio of Know Soul Language told me that I am a healer who wants to heal everyone but when I don’t have permission to do so or go undercover as a healer (usually when there is something messy in my life that needs fixing), that’s when I get into trouble. Giving until it hurts — being in survival mode for too long. Yep. Been there.
However today I was lucky to receive an example of how true friendship is in my life. And am thrilled that I had the good sense to share it here!
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
wow Teresa! amazing insight and openness… I love reading this from you and ‘watching’ that light dawn in your eyes

http://stonerpreneur.com/ Samantha Flick
Giving of your abundance and not of your own basic necessities- very crucial for healthy interdependence. As for the infj part (I am generally one too) I have been getting better at not judging people, esp. friends lately, but you brought up the important point of letting them make their own mistakes. I often forget that in trying to be helpful, I am really enabling more resistance to growth. You can’t shortcut anyone’s evolution. And, due to my inability to follow my own advice, I’m gonna share the note that I have noticed some clinging to the infj identity within this community which makes me want to just throw the point out there that we are all fluid, ever-changing individuals. Great post!
Anonymous
Beautifully written, Allison and Elizabeth. I relate to this on so many levels.
But today something really special happened that fits so well with this post. My dearest friend from college sent me a touching email this morning after I asked him for much needed advice and support. He wrote, “I have to tell you something: I get all emotional when I see what you are doing — how proud I am of you for taking all of these risks, for facing the demons and pushing them out of the way, going to the Atlanta event … you have made a dramatic change and I am so, so happy to see you doing all of this creative stuff and expressing yourself. I think the last time you REALLY expressed yourself was when you danced in your parents’ backyard at your graduation party in your ball gown! Now I’m teary. God, I’m turning into an old fart.”
I was floored. Cried. Laughed. Expressed my gratitude to Divine Universe for being blessed with this beautiful soul in my life. We instantly connected when we met. We’ve drifted in and out of each others lives throughout the years, but picked up where we left off. He offers advice when I need it and steps back and watches as I fall on my sword. Then he picks me up and we move on. I love him for who he is, honor his space and appreciate his being present in my life when I need him most. That’s what makes him my irresistible friend.
Thank you for sharing, ladies! I am looking forward to meeting both of you in Atlanta. And yes, I’m a hugger.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I LOVE having friends like that… I have a few and it is wonderful!

lorilatimer
“All you have to do is be your true self. First.” That seems so simple, and yet it's so easy to get caught up in other people's drama (even within our own families) that we sometimes fall into friendships or other relationships that might not be in our best interest. It can be difficult to disengage when we come to that realization. But in the end, if we don't follow the suggestions you make – which are all basically about following our hearts – then it doesn't benefit us or the other person.
I think that all of us here have learned that we can have real, true friendships with people we have never even physically met and that are more meaningful than many of the relationships we have with people we see on a regular basis. In a strange way it's been easier to find like-minded people online to bond with than it is with people we see face to face.
Thanks for your wonderful message!
xoxo
http://www.madebymegs.blogspot.com madebymegs
Well hell..isn't this interesting! I sent an email to a friend today because she has been a lousy friend, your post today backs up my point of the whole email. I do believe that if drama is occuring, then the friendship is not worth the energy. Thank you for such a great post and a reminder of why I had to lose so many friends throughout my lifetime.
http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
The one that speaks to me the most is the “giving from the overflow in the saucer.”
I think that society has encouraged a subliminal expectation that to be a good friend, one must be selfless without regard to our own needs. “Being selfish” is bad and a good friend gives unconditionally and in unlimited amounts.
This is, of course, untrue.
I am worthless to you as a friend if I cannot sustain my own center. I cannot give what I don't have, and if I don't have abundance mentally/spiritually within then I cannot share it with another.
It's energizing to meet a true friend. Each soul energizes and expands the other, multiplying the effectiveness of both. What a blessing it is when we encounter those people in our lives. Thanks for a great post! Best, M.
http://valeriehart.com/ Valerie Hart
I agree with your Lori. I think it is easier to connect online than to reveal so much of ourselves with our friends in real life. I think it is a fear of being rejected…? Not sure. I recently had dinner with a couple of girlfriends I have known since kindergarten… I really cherish that we have stayed in each other's lives. Life is sweet but so short…
A good friend is cheaper than therapy. ~Author Unknown
http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
Some posit that the beautiful story of the fall from grace symbolizes and represents that sin is broken relationships; our relationship with god, our relationship with nature, our relationships with others and just as important, our relationship with ourselves. Whatever your believe system is. that thought encompass the idea that Elizabeth and Allision are talking about here. They are so right that we often project our own short comings onto others. If we notice that our friends may not be treating us they way we think they should, it is time to evaluate our own actions. Do we meet our own expectations? Do we balance our needs with those we love?
Linda Wolf (Insanely Serene)
Elizabeth and Allison,
I am a true believer in being your own best friend first, before trying to be someone else's. You have many good points here about being true to yourself, taking care of yourself, giving from your overflow and not your source, all of which I heartily support. Thanks for these reflections on friendship.
Linda
StephanieCorum
This was a hard post for me to read. I have lots of friends. I do not, however, have many close friends. That is really hard for me because of the whole “put your complete self on display from that very first moment” thing. I am not good at that at all, and I know it holds me back. I don't know what switch I need to turn off in my brain, but there's definitely something there. I agree with Lori that it seems so much easier to share online. Maybe it's because we've never met in person. I don't know. I try very hard to be the kind of friend I want, and I think I'm pretty successful at it. I know I just need to open up a bit more. Actually, doing this sort of thing, writing my own blog and even posting on FB has helped me open up. Now I just need to take that step in person. Thanks for the prod!
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Thanks for this line Molly…
“I am worthless to you as a friend if I cannot sustain my own center. I cannot give what I don't have, and if I don't have abundance mentally/spiritually within then I cannot share it with another.”
It spoke to and supported me.
http://www.lemonoffice.com susanmdonegan
Judge not lest ye be judged. – This is what I need to work on the most to become a completely irresistible friend. I need to remember to simply be a supportive friend. Sometimes, it is a struggle for me to stand back and let the pieces just fall or the situation get crazy without trying to do something to stop it. My intentions are good, I want to keep my friend from suffering. The reminder is that I can not control my friend's decision making and that not everyone will do things as I would, so let it happen. Then be there on the other side, to help pick up the pieces or sort out the craziness!
http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain
Hey Elizabeth and Allison!
I've been learning a lot about friendships and relationships (healthy ones, that is) this past year or so… and your post took it to another level… and gave me a mirror to look into to see myself more honestly. Thanks.
LOTS of things resonated with me… maybe because much of what you wrote about I am either (a) learning for the first time or (b) I've heard it and read it before and THOUGHT I was practicing when I wasn't. But of all the things you wrote, this paragraph struck me the most:
“And – we must not judge what would work for another soul. While we may be mates of each other souls, we are not the same person. We are not here to solve each other’s lives, we are not here to judge what is right for each other – we are hear to listen. To hold each other when it gets crazy. To share in the dizzying heights and the sickening bottoms. As painful as it is, sometimes all we can do is stand by the side, watch, and love.”
I've not been a friend like that… I've been judgmental. I've wanted to solve their problems because that made me feel better about myself. I've abandoned friendships when they didn't do what I wanted or thought was best for them. I've given from the cup (which never had a chance to overflow)…but in doing so, I wasn't really giving. I was TAKING or GETTING and expecting them to fill me up.
I WISH I had learned how to be a REAL friend long ago. I WISH I had had the sense of self-worth would have allowed me to be a REAL friend and be loved by REAL friends. But I didn't… and so I'm getting to learn and practice it now. And your post is part of my process… so thank you.
http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
Pleased to be of help today.
Anonymous
I see the gang’s all here. Just like my life has been topsy turvy in the last couple, so have my friendships. My small group got smaller. But we are super close. I don’t know what I would do without them. I’m a self professed intimacy junky- so we share every last detail. Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s more fun having the adventure- or reliving it with them.
E and A- I think everyone feels a little like your friendship rubs off. Thanks and Love.

http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I love that – the adventure and reliving it!

http://www.mynameismom.com Gail Blesch
That was my favourite part too. There's so much truth in these words, “your true friends, understand that you first need to keep yourself full…true friends know & support us in doing so.” And doesn't it make sense, that when we are full, we are so much easier to be around – less needy, more relaxed, coming from a place of better peace and clarity. Who wouldn't want to be, and have friends like that? When both people are operating from a feeling of fullness, the time spent together is refreshingly easy and fun.
So, what can we do today to fill ourselves up and make space for our friends to do the same?
http://www.mynameismom.com Gail Blesch
I'm not so sure of the “put your complete self on display from that very first moment thing” is necessary at all. In person, I believe we meet people's energy first and that is what matters most. Then as we invest time in relationships we discover bits and pieces about each other. When those bits and pieces, and unfolding stories match with and reinforce that initial energy, trust develops and relationships deepen. So, although we can often feel that instant connection where our souls resonate and on that level sense we have met a friend, it is the investment over time while our paths are crossed or running side by side, that close friendships develop. There is no need to be fully on display that very first moment. That might be overwhelming both for them, and you. Maybe think instead of the peels of an onion. Far better to stay true and trust in the natural deepening that occurs layer by layer.
http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
>less needy, more relaxed, coming from a place of better peace and clarity.
Yep. Precisely and perfectly stated!
http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g
Expectations are rooted in lack. They will bite you in the backside almost 100% of the time. This is some great stuff. Thanks for the meditative thoughts, Richard!
http://stonerpreneur.com/ Samantha Flick
Giving of your abundance and not of your own basic necessities- very crucial for healthy interdependence. As for the infj part (I am generally one too) I have been getting better at not judging people, esp. friends lately, but you brought up the important point of letting them make their own mistakes. I often forget that in trying to be helpful, I am really enabling more resistance to growth. You can't shortcut anyone's evolution.
And, due to my inability to follow my own advice, I'm gonna share the note that I have noticed some clinging to the infj identity within this community which makes me want to just throw the point out there that we are all fluid, ever-changing individuals.
Great post!
http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
I had not thought of expectations being rooted in lack. Ill have to contemplate that. I had thought of them more as something that we count on or rely on. We anticipate it. We expect it. MMM Did you mean that in the context of We dont have it now so we expect it in the future? Thanks Molly.
http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
I can relate to a lot of what you shared Teresa. I am guilty, and I thought it was a guy thing, of wanting to fix things. Especially those time when my wife would come to me with some problem… Instead of just letting her express her emotions and allowing her to feel them, I want to FIX it. That is so very hard for me to break out of. I catch myself all the time.
lorilatimer
It's awesome that you've stayed friends with girls you knew that long ago, Valerie! And I totally agree that a big part of why we don't reveal more of ourselves in person is the fear of rejection… along with the fear of not being good enough, smart enough, and so many others.
lorilatimer
And I always thought it was a girl thing to want to fix things! God knows I've been guilty of that so much in my life. Maybe it's the psych major in me? Over the past year, I've learned to let go of that and accept people as they are and let them find their own solutions.
Actually, I've realized that I chose to have people in my life who I thought “needed” me, and that was the only purpose I served, that's where I found my self of self-worth. Realizing that has freed me in so many ways.
StephanieCorum
Thanks for that perspective Gail. I will take that to heart.
http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
I think you touched on an important point Lori. We need to be right with ourselves first. Our relationship with ourselves needs to be right. We need to find our own security and self worth from measure against our own moral compass. When we love ourselves for who we are, we are free to love others for who they are. I have done similar things in the past with all the best intentions ( attracting others who I could fix) There is a fine line between taking on that task yourself, and helping them most by letting them find their own solution. Mostly just by acknowledging that we understand what they are feeling and allowing them to feel them. The messages I remember as a kid where along the lines of,” don't cry, that is not a reason to cry… ” I want to assuage those feelings in others today, to take them away. It is hard for me to say, “I can see you are sad, it is ok to cry” or “tell me how you are feeling.” I can talk about it, but in those moments, it is hard to do.
lipdesign
Beautifully written, Allison and Elizabeth. I relate to this on so many levels.
But today something really special happened that fits so well with this post. My dearest friend from college sent me a touching email this morning after I asked him for much needed advice and support. He wrote, “I have to tell you something: I get all emotional when I see what you are doing — how proud I am of you for taking all of these risks, for facing the demons and pushing them out of the way, going to the Atlanta event … you have made a dramatic change and I am so, so happy to see you doing all of this creative stuff and expressing yourself. I think the last time you REALLY expressed yourself was when you danced in your parents’ backyard at your graduation party in your ball gown! Now I’m teary. God, I’m turning into an old fart.”
I was floored. Cried. Laughed. Expressed my gratitude to Divine Universe for being blessed with this beautiful soul in my life. We instantly connected when we met. We've drifted in and out of each others lives throughout the years, but picked up where we left off. He offers advice when I need it and steps back and watches as I fall on my sword. Then he picks me up and we move on. I love him for who he is, honor his space and appreciate his being present in my life when I need him most. That's what makes him my irresistible friend.
Thank you for sharing, ladies! I am looking forward to meeting both of you in Atlanta. And yes, I'm a hugger.
lipdesign
Wow, Teresa, this is so powerful! So honest. And you are not alone. I applaud your taking this to such a deep level of self realization.
I too have been a fixer … Jennifer Urezzio of Know Soul Language told me that I am a healer who wants to heal everyone but when I don't have permission to do so or go undercover as a healer (usually when there is something messy in my life that needs fixing), that's when I get into trouble. Giving until it hurts — being in survival mode for too long. Yep. Been there.
However today I was lucky to receive an example of how true friendship is in my life. And am thrilled that I had the good sense to share it here!
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Friendships are so essential. EVERYBODY needs them. I feel sorry for those that don’t TRUE friends.
This is great advice! My favorite part is not to judge. A true friend doesn’t judge and even though it is really hard sometimes… you have to let them make the mistakes… (I do say my opinion, but if told that they get it but are going whatever way anyway… I don’t nag) BUT I WILL be there if I was right and they need me (and WITHOUT an ‘I told you so’ <<I hate that phrase)
This reinforces stuff I knew, stuff I hadn't thought about in a while and stuff that I need to work on too! xoxo
meganmatthieson
It really is a guy thing Richard.
meganmatthieson
I'm on a crusade against selflessness. REally. I'm sure I come off as a super bitch at times- but it's worth it. I love deeper and larger than ever.
meganmatthieson
I see the gang's all here. Just like my life has been topsy turvy in the last couple, so have my friendships. My small group got smaller. But we are super close. I don't know what I would do without them. I'm a self professed intimacy junky- so we share every last detail. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's more fun having the adventure- or reliving it with them.
E and A- I think everyone feels a little like your friendship rubs off. Thanks and Love.
http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
That sounds like you speak from experience Megan! I usually shy away from sexist generalizations as I have put my foot in my mouth a fair amount of time, but it does seem to be a guy thing. I envy people who can share their emotions and just accept them without “fixing” It feel like a natural reaction to me to want to eliminate “bad” feelings. It is also interesting that I can talk about this here, on Sarah's blog, yet it's difficult to in person. I think is has a lot to do with the environment we/I grew up in. I absolutely know in my soul that it s good to share emotion, but to tell someone ,” I 'm afraid” thats vulnerable. Why? I dont know, I would want them to tell me.
Abbie S. Fink
I’m humming James Taylor’s You’ve Got a Friend as I read this post. This is a great takeaway for me: People who support you 100%, who create a safe space where you can be 100% yourself, who will stick by you when life turns you completely inside out and when everything is unbelievably amazing.I hope I am that person…
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Friendships are so essential. EVERYBODY needs them. I feel sorry for those that don't TRUE friends.
This is great advice! My favorite part is not to judge. A true friend doesn't judge and even though it is really hard sometimes… you have to let them make the mistakes… (I do say my opinion, but if told that they get it but are going whatever way anyway… I don't nag) BUT I WILL be there if I was right and they need me (and WITHOUT an 'I told you so' <<I hate that phrase)
This reinforces stuff I knew, stuff I hadn't thought about in a while and stuff that I need to work on too! xoxo
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I LOVE having friends like that… I have a few and it is wonderful!
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I love that – the adventure and reliving it!
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
wow Teresa! amazing insight and openness… I love reading this from you and 'watching' that light dawn in your eyes
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
that IS very, very hard to do! I've noticed that I am SOOO much better at telling other people what is good or will work for them.. but I miss it in myself… I think it is that “When you are in the middle of it and experiencing the emotions, it is hard to see what an 'objective' person sees…
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I agree with Gail.. I don't think you need to be completely on display the very first moment… True friendship takes time… You resonate with someone? Great… be yourself… have conversations… a topic comes up, give your view or your experience… each conversation brings more and more out… really, just be yourself.
I've learned that once you have a true friend… anything you say about your past or your views, or whatever, gets absorbed and you both move on… (just my take and experience)
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
I was listening to a song on the radio the other day and the phrase came up “You have to love you before you can love me” – so true!
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
Those are good questions Richard… I'm not sure of the answers… Do I meet my own expectations? hmmm…. and do I balance my needs with those I love? I think I try to.. but I sure do feel selfish at times… I am working on that.
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
A crusade against selflessness…. I LOVE THAT
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
wow kindergarten! I have 2 BFFs dating back to the 5th grade.. that is the furthest back I go! and I value them greatly! They know ME, all about me! (and love me anyway!)
meganmatthieson
thank you shelly! ))
Megan Matthieson
idanceiwrite.com
http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly
It is amazing isn't it? finding people online and off that you really resonate with? Love it
meganmatthieson
Some things just are. Men? Fix the problem. Or you know…we'll go hungry. Women? Comfort. Make the day a little nicer. Of course I don't believe this is true now. Of course not. But I have to actively remind my guy that I'm just wanting him to listen and not fix!! (Women fix or figure it out by GETTING IT OUT) And you are so not alone on the unease of vulnerability- I want to tell my guys just to let go. But. It's pretty tough. I applaud your incredible openness here in the forum!
AbbieF
I'm humming James Taylor's You've Got a Friend as I read this post. This is a great takeaway for me: People who support you 100%, who create a safe space where you can be 100% yourself, who will stick by you when life turns you completely inside out and when everything is unbelievably amazing.
I hope I am that person…
http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie
I have had my two best friends since grade 7, so, for the last 25 years (which makes me feel a little bit old when I think about it that way). I think the key to our lasting friendship definitely includes our ability to be our true self around each other, but it has also requires two extensions of this idea:
We are willing to accept and love the evolution of each other’s true selves and we are willing to accept and love the important people we have each brought into our lives.
There is no way any of us are the same person we were when we were 12. We went through high school changes, university changes, girlfriend changes, career changes, ups, downs, good times, tough times. But, no matter who each of us has become, no matter how our true self has shifted over the years, we have always accepted each other not only for who we are, but who we are becoming.
This has been important to our lasting friendships.
We have also each added people to our lives. We all have wives now, and children. We each accept these new core relationships unconditionally into our friendship and have made these people part of our interconnected lives as friends. These newly added relationships definitely add new levels of complexity to our friendship, but we all accept that and incorporate it into our friendship.
The best part of a friendship like this is that we all know it will continue to last. We have changed so much together over the years that it is hard to imagine anything that could happen that would end the friendship. Sure, we go through times where we don’t talk or see each other as much, but it just doesn’t matter, we just pick up where we left off.
I think all three of us continue to look forward to what our next evolutions of self will be, and we look forward to the new people we will each bring into the friendship.
Jeremie
http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
Thank you Shelly. For me, they are constant questions and I hope to continually ask them. I don't know if there is a right answer, but I know something in the searching helps us to live conscious lives.
http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
Thank you Megan. I do think it is rooted somewhere deep in our nature. ( and I do need some reminding sometime) In the heat of moments, I revert, but usually after thinking about it, I stop and remind myself to just try to understand…and that enough.
http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie
I have had my two best friends since grade 7, so, for the last 25 years (which makes me feel a little bit old when I think about it that way). I think the key to our lasting friendship definitely includes our ability to be our true self around each other, but it has also requires two extensions of this idea:
We are willing to accept and love the evolution of each other's true selves and we are willing to accept and love the important people we have each brought into our lives.
There is no way any of us are the same person we were when we were 12. We went through high school changes, university changes, girlfriend changes, career changes, ups, downs, good times, tough times. But, no matter who each of us has become, no matter how our true self has shifted over the years, we have always accepted each other not only for who we are, but who we are becoming.
This has been important to our lasting friendships.
We have also each added people to our lives. We all have wives now, and children. We each accept these new core relationships unconditionally into our friendship and have made these people part of our interconnected lives as friends. These newly added relationships definitely add new levels of complexity to our friendship, but we all accept that and incorporate it into our friendship.
The best part of a friendship like this is that we all know it will continue to last. We have changed so much together over the years that it is hard to imagine anything that could happen that would end the friendship. Sure, we go through times where we don't talk or see each other as much, but it just doesn't matter, we just pick up where we left off.
I think all three of us continue to look forward to what our next evolutions of self will be, and we look forward to the new people we will each bring into the friendship.
Jeremie
http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie
Totally agree. I think there needs to be a big shift in the world around the idea that being selfish is a bad thing. Sure there are ways that being selfish can be a bad thing, but there are also ways to be selfish that are absolutely necessary for us to be healthy, successful people that add to the world around us.
I learned a lot about self care and being selfish when I worked for the Crisis and suicide prevention line, and the John Howard Society. Always working with people in crisis, or with parolees reintegrating into society was exhausting, both emotionally and physically. You want to help so much that you forget about your own life. The answer was to learn to be selfish and make sure that you did stuff just for you, and no one else in your life. Doing stuff for friends and family was fine, but to stay sane it was always necessary to do stuff just for you no matter what other people needed or wanted.
I have continued to carry this idea of being selfish throughout my life. It isn't always easy, especially now that I have a family, but every time I stop being selfish I end up out of energy and not being the best person I can be.
It is time to start the selfish revolution! (all right, a bit dramatic, but I haven't had coffee yet)
Jeremie
http://www.sundaynightsuccess.com Jeremie
I just wrote about that in response above, then read your post.
I fully, 100% support your crusade against selflessness!
Jeremie
meganmatthieson
Hey Jeramie! You and Me! Totally agree. I'm working on a post about this now. It's very anti-goodgirl, but someone got to say it.
http://www.moreyourself.com Gail Blesch
I fully support the crusade against selflessness Megan.
I have always thought of it this way: To be selfless, is to be without a self – empty, hollow, robotic – going through the motions but not there. People don't want us to be self-less. They want us to be fully present and engaged, and that is only possible when you have a full and present self.
I often think the interpretations of selfishness and selflessness are simply reflections of our compete, conquer, and consume mentality – one that we are finally coming to realize, doesn't serve us well, in that it isn't sustainable. It requires that we set our true self aside to function, and demands someone wins at the expense of someone else. On a deep level, this is corrosive. I am so grateful we are waking up and creating a new reality where connecting, collaborating, and creating are the focus. It is time for a new ideology. I believe it's what this tribe is all about.
I want to thank all of you for being here and Sarah for creating this forum. I wasn't sure whether to continue with my crusade, or let go, and move on, but somewhere over the course of the past month, I have realized in so many ways, it won't let me go. At the beginning of this process I was genuinely uncertain if what I stood for, would stand up. Through our interactions here, I am beginning to see my core message is shared. There is something fundamentally reassuring and encouraging in discovering my deepest desire for people isn't just a fanciful idea in my own mind. It gives me renewed energy to carry on with my relentless refrain, Be More Yourself, not less.
xoxo
http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
I find that it's easier for me to be real online w/ someone b/c I can find out about them, really get to know them, before I invest the time in a face-to-face relationship.
http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
I do think that there's a difference b/t conflict and drama. I have had conflicts w/ my best friends, and we worked it out and our friendship is now stronger. But drama is conflict with no reason, conflict based on bullshit. That is something we don't need.
http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
This is a huge issue for me personally, self care and not feeling guilty for that. Yesterday actually I had someone give me a bunch of self care assignments, and really the only reason I did that day of self care was b/c he told me too, which took the guilt away (obviously I could have said no, but that little assignment helped push me into it).
http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
I know a lot of my problems w/ other people stems from my guilt issues and judging issues … and I agree the fault we find in others is many times what we fear others will find in us.
http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
perhaps the clarification is that you put your truth on display from the very first moment. we are all complicated (and us INFJs are bizarrely complicated) and it takes a lot to get inside all the way – but the idea is to put your truth out there, not an artifice.
http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr
Hi Elizabeth, It is like we are sensitized to it. As you suggested in the post, Ill have to remember to check my own behaviors first. Thank you for commenting.
http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW
Yes, it is so hard to watch the people we love screw up their lives (in our opinion at least). But it is so important that we learn our own lessons in life. sigh.
meganmatthieson
Thank you for this Gail! I like to simplify- All is possible with love. xo

Escaping Mediocrity