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Tiger's Change of Game: A Lesson for the Rest of Us [Day 8 - 30 Days to Changing Your Game]

This is Day 8 of 30 Days to Changing Your Game. Yesterday Bob Burg showed us how shifting our focus from getting to giving puts in a much bigger game.  And your comments contributed SO much to that conversation. Today Mary Kay Morgan surprises even herself with the lesson we can learn from Tiger’s Change of Game.

Tiger’s Change of Game

by Mary Kay Morgan (@theinnermarykay)

Changing the game.

“Many a man’s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.” Elbert Hubbard

This is not the blog post I thought I was going to write. When Sarah first asked me if I would like to participate in 30 Days to Changing Your Game, it was an immediate “Absolutely!”. Then each time I sat to write, nothing.

Initially, I thought I was going to write about how I finally got over myself enough to surrender to actually doing my life’s work, instead of spinning circles around it.  It was in fact my personal change of game, but no, that was not what this post was to be about.

Sigh.  The deadline loomed.  Nothing. Then, inspiration arrived and as is usually the case, I was outside moving through a particularly gratifying cardio session and experiencing that magical state of bliss that only heavy breathing can bring about when “it” showed up.  My blog post came to me right out of the blue clear sky, and the subject was none other than: Tiger Woods.

What?  Tiger Woods? Really?

I don’t play golf and could give a rat’s behind about all the hoopla and gossip, but no denying it, Tiger’s unanticipated change of game is a big, BIG deal, and why it is such a big deal for you and me is what showed up out of the blue.

Nothing happens in a vacuum.  Everything has a deeper meaning if we are willing to look for it, and if you believe in the concept of “oneness”, it is not too big a stretch to realize that Tiger’s story is, on a level deeper than the sordid gossip rage details, everyone’s story.

I believe that what Tiger has been living, and in very public way, is nothing less than a spiritual wakeup call for each of us to take a hard look at how we are playing our own game, to change what needs changing and change it quick.

Maybe you have heard about this shift that we are experiencing. It is not a future event, it is happening now and the buffer of tolerance for the old ways of doing business including:

  • Ego based power trips
  • Entitlement
  • Greed
  • Double lives
  • Double standards
  • Fudging the truth / little white lies
  • Hype and exaggeration
  • Incongruence in any form
  • Being out of integrity with yourself, others and/or (especially) your Higher Power…

…has grown very, very thin.  Tiger and a long list of diverse predecessors including:

  • Kenneth Lay and the whole Enron gang
  • The Catholic Church and all the naughty priests that it protected
  • A dozen or more individual “religious leaders” like the flamboyant Jim and Tammy Faye and the repentant (not) Jimmy Swaggert
  • Too many high profile politicians to list
  • Martha Stewart
  • Michael Vick
  • The sub-prime mortgage industry
  • The banking industry, auto industry, insurance industry…
  • Wall Street
  • Bernie Madoff
  • James Ray
  • Etcetera, etcetera…

… are, through their very public transgressions, heralding the same message:

It’s time to change the game!

Fact is, no one can hide from the truth – forever.  The truth has a way of being revealed, the karmic debt paid and balance restored, one way or another.  We can choose to learn from the experience of others or learn through our own usually painful experience.

Bottom line is that if we truly believe in the message of Mahatma Gandhi, if we are truly committed to being the change we wish to see in the world, we must first look inside and change our game wherever it is not a true reflection of our soul. There is no other way.

We have in this moment the capacity to choose our best game, our most aligned game, our most conscious game, our most compassionate game, our most generous game, our most honest game and our most authentically powerful game – and the time for that change is now.

Your challenge step is this: take a close look at how you are playing your game.  Where are you not walking your talk?  Make sure you look in the nooks and crannies of your life; the spaces and places you have convinced yourself no one else knows about or at the things that you’ve rationalized are so small and trivial as to not matter.   It has been said that “how you tie your shoe is how you do everything” so this exercise covers the totality of your life, not just your business.

I could provide examples but my sense is that could limit or distract you from your own inner knowing.  My bet is that even now you know what it is that you need to bring into alignment.  So go ahead, just do it.

____________________________________

Mary Kay Morgan is founder of two heart-centered companies.  www.YourBodyYourGuru.com supports you in bringing your soul’s full potential into see it, touch it, live it physical reality and www.AffiliateWealthPartners.com the only affiliate and joint venture marketing resource exclusively serving the conscious business community. Mary Kay lives in Boulder Colorado with her three teenage children and a rescued Cairn terrier named Maisie.

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This entry was posted on Monday, January 18th, 2010 at 9:35 am and is filed under 30 Days to Changing Your Game. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  • Anonymous

    Notes to the Tribe:

    Can you believe it is Week #2?!

    Notes for Monday:

    1) Today’s theme song is: Take A Chance On Me by ABBA on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/70wh
    2) If you are getting true value from this series, please make a small donation to 12for12k’s Haiti campaign. Scroll down on the right of this page: http://escaping-mediocrity.com
    3) If you have signed up to be on the email list (you get little extras from me), you MUST complete the double opt-in process to get them. Look for an email from me in your inbox or in your spam folder and click on the link inside it.
    4) I have set up a Face book Group for us: http://www.facebook.com/#/group.php?gid=246014862902
    5) I built a list on twitter of all the guest bloggers to make it easy for you to follow them: http://twitter.com/#/list/SarahRobinson/thirtydayguestbloggers
    6) There are also two twitter lists of participants in 30 Days. You will find them here: http://twitter.com/MirkoGosch/escapingmediocrity and http://twitter.com/The_Promo_Guy/game-changing

    Love,
    Sarah

  • http://twitter.com/marksherrick Mark Sherrick

    Ahh, walk the walk you’re talking. I was waiting for this to come up. It’s a great description for what most people don’t do.

    I have a lot of trouble with the statement, because I’m more of a talker than a doer, and I sometimes think that talking IS my doing, because I seem like more of the idea guy. Especially when it comes to doing my own stuff. I constantly talk my talk like I’m someone on the level of our wonderful hostess and many like her, but when the time to walk comes, I’m at home with a bum ankle.

    I have the ability to run marathons, yet I stick to 5k races – both literally and figuratively. One of these days, I’ve got to sign up for what I can do, not want to.

    It’s really the little things that matter, as you say above. Those little things make up the bigger ones, and without them, the bog things cannot be. Get them out of hiding and build!

    • Anonymous

      Let us know when you’ve registered for a half marathon. ;-)

      • http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick

        10K season starts in April – gonna do a few of those first – much like Bill Murray in What About Bob? I adore the baby step concept. It works for babies for christ’s sake, why not for adults? :)

        • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

          See Mark…!!??!! There’s another thing we have in common. I LOVE that movie “What About Bob?” :-)

    • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

      Hey Mark!

      I think I’m starting to see why Sarah giggled when we connected in one of the posts from last week… most especially after reading your comment today. When you wrote, “Especially when it comes to doing my own stuff. I constantly talk my talk like I’m someone on the level of our wonderful hostess and many like her, but when the time to walk comes, I’m at home with a bum ankle.”… I could SO relate. (Funny… I actually have sprained my right ankle quite a few times!) :-)

      But what really stood out for me in your comment were these words…. “One of these days, I’ve got to sign up for what I can do, not want to.” That’s what I’m in these 30 days for.. that’s what 2010 is about for me… and it’s not like I don’t WANT to do what I think I have the potential to do… but the action steps I need to take for that is what I so often don’t want to do. Kind of like last week’s post – ‘Sabotage? Who me?”

      Thanks for sharing… I’m learning a lot from you! Are you still doing your SOMETHINGS to ROCK along??? Cheering you on!

      • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

        My breath just caught upon reading “it’s not like I don’t WANT to do what I think I have the potential to do… but the action steps I need to take for that is what I so often don’t want to do.” The truth hurts me!

        It’s always easier to dream the dream than to put on the walking shoes and work gloves and DIG IN. I want to work hard at what I WANT to do, not on what it takes to get there. But isn’t it ultimately the same thing? Harder still — I’m not entirely sure what that end result IS. I know it involves writing, and that it’s not writing as an employee of someone else. I know that I love fiction and telling others’ stories, but I’m not a big fan of (or great at) interviewing, and deadlines make my creativity curl up and die (as NaNoWriMo illustrated). Yet these are the kinds of steps that might help me, ultimately, just as the journalism classes I despised the necessity of in college ultimately made me a much better fiction writer by learning to distill my thoughts.

        Today, I’ll do one thing that will help me toward my goal. I’ll apply for an editorial position at a new magazine which recently came available, even though I “don’t want to be an editor.” And if I get hired, I’ll do that job, and make those connections, and above all learn and move forward toward my ultimate dream.

        • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

          BTW – With apologies to NIKE, I “just did it”.

          • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

            You go girl!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!

        • http://sallyg.me Sally G.

          Maybe you could create submissions for writing contests, start networking with authors and publishers via twitter, Facebook Fan Pages, blog sites, and such? It may allow you to discover other avenues for your creative muse beyond the traditional means you’re familiar with already.

          I, too, gave NaNoWriMo a shot this past year – and I think I understand what you mean about being comfortable writing other people’s stories … I feel that in me too. I write well, but don’t feel in my core that I’m a ‘Writer’. But to express for others — I light up for that!

          • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

            Oh, I’m definitely a fountain of story ideas! But when I have to write about something for someone else, it’s much, much harder. Unfortunately, I’ve always felt I was “a writer” yet haven’t done much of it in years! Now THERE is a lie I’ve been living for far too long. But, more immediately, I have to find a way to put food on the table (literally). I don’t have a financial cushion to fall back on that gives me the luxury of writing for myself right now, so I’m falling back on my (highly skilled) graphic design background to find work in the now. You have some good ideas that are worth incorporating into my day-to-day job search though (particularly the blogging). Thanks for the words of support!

      • http://sallyg.me Sally G.

        Hi Teresa and Mark! Sometimes devoting too much energy to what you ‘can do’ is one of those subconscious diversion tactics that keep you from pursuing what you truly desire to do – those moments that Carla Young referred to in Day 3. I do sometimes wonder who Tiger Woods might have been, if he didn’t put on his Dad’s dream at such a young age, and then get stuck there …

        • http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick

          Indeed. Doing what you CAN do feels good, so a lot of people (myself often included) will stop there – but doing what you WANT to do feels so much better, and when you get to that point, its unmistakable.

      • http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick

        I’m very happy and flattered to hear you’re learning from me – I don’t see myself as a teacher, but thats probably because I had two professors for parents and told them both at an early age I wasn’t following their footsteps, and I’m honestly glad I didn’t.

        As for my somethings, they’re a work in progress. The one from the other day was a big one and its carrying over, but not in a way I can use as an excuse. :)

        I’m also using the 30 days to help me get closer to what I want – honestly its what I use Sarah for in general – the word use sounds so bad in that sentance, but I totally mean it in a good way, I swear.

    • Anonymous

      Absolutely – as soon as we stop expending energy to hide something we can choose to use the energy in simply making a different choice. One in alignment with our talk. And let me know too when you register for the half :)

    • http://on-a-libm.com/ On a limb with Claudia

      Mark, I went from not being able to run one mile to running a 1/2 marathon last year. I started in May and ran the RnR in Vegas in December. You can so do this. Sometimes baby steps are only excuses to keep us smaller than we actually are. I found a lot of wisdom in the Zen of running. I bet it would help you a great deal as well.

      I don’t have the capacity to run a marathon. I have a bag of doctor’s notes as to why I shouldn’t run even 1 mile. If you have that capacity, you owe it yourself to just go and do it.

      And when you’re done, sign up for a marathon. Then do an ultra next year.

  • Shelley

    It hit me when I was at a conference for a direct sales company I was with. My mind screamed, “I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING THIS AT ALL!” I stayed in the room and cried after everyone left, laughing, charged up, and probably 95% percent of them were leaving the room high, but not realizing that they were NEVER GOING TO DO IT! I did, but it still took me a YEAR AND A HALF to tell myself the truth and LET IT GO and figure out what to do next!

    • Anonymous

      Some people never tell themselves the truth – even when they know what it is. Congrats on that Shelley. :-)

    • http://twitter.com/cherrywoodburn Cherry Woodburn

      I say Kudos to you because you did tell yourself the truth. Too often even after we accomplish something we put it down with statements like ” I could have done it sooner” or “It’s not perfect.” I’m suggesting we all be gentler with ourselves and pat ourselves on the back when deserved. And you deserve it , because you told the truth about yourself to yourself. Yeah Shelley!

    • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

      I love that you had a great ‘a-ha’ moment like that! Even if it took you 1.5 years to get it going – point is you did it and are on the right road!! Congrats!

  • Anonymous

    ohhhh. this was a big one. and it was so timely, AGAIN, for me. isn’t it so interesting? no. facsinating! the timing of things. the messages that feel as if the universe is speaking directly to you? thank you so much for this post. e

    • Anonymous

      See, I’m really inside your head Megan – heh-heh-heh. Just kidding. Messages come when we are ready to hear them. And I am SO glad you are ready and here. :-)

    • http://twitter.com/cherrywoodburn Cherry Woodburn

      Your comment made me think of this “When the student’s ready, the teacher appears.”

  • Anonymous

    What an inspiring post. And I agree wholeheartedly! In today’s world, there are almost no such things as secrets – and living your life by being the real you, and being the best person you can be – both inside and out – is really great advice. Love this post!

    • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

      I agree… Sometimes I get amazed when I see people acting different ways to different people for whatever reason… I always want to say (and know the answer to) “If you are not being your true self, then what is the point… are you really getting anything out of it…” ???

      • Anonymous

        The point too is that our motivation to shift into alignment or to a place where talk = walk is not really about others “finding us out”, it’s about freeing our energy to be available for living life and engaging in our soul’s work – whatever that may be. It takes a huge amount of personal energy to maintain any kind of mask which is what we are doing when we present ourselves to the world one way, but when “no one is looking”, do the opposite.

        • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

          “it’s about freeing our energy to be available for living life and engaging in our soul’s work – whatever that may be. It takes a huge amount of personal energy to maintain any kind of mask which is what we are doing when we present ourselves to the world one way, but when “no one is looking”, do the opposite.”

          THAT’s what I’m playing for (the freeing of my energy)… because all of my energy has been used for the masks for far too long!

  • http://www.1degree.biz Michele

    I read this post and can not believe the timing. I’m sort of reeling from it actually. Like Mark said, I seem to do a lot of talking but when it comes to the “walk” ahhh…. many reasons, really “excuses”. I was at such a breaking point last year, from NOT living with integrity that my body got sick: it started w/a stress fracture in my foot in May, an emergency appendectomy in June, followed by pneumonia, then I became anemic – so bad that I had to go to the hospital on my son’s birthday to get 2 units of blood! I believe the mind is strongly connected to the body.

    So, I have been changing my game. It got to the point where I really didn’t have a choice! So this forum is awesome, its a reinforcement and a place I can go for the daily reminders. Life is short, don’t hold back, and just do it!!!!

    (By the way Sarah, I’m still giving FEAR that middle finger that John Haydon recommended! I have to use it often but I’m doing it.)

    • http://twitter.com/cherrywoodburn Cherry Woodburn

      Amazing how our bodies keep ‘raising the volume’ so to speak until in your case you listened and started changing you game. Congratulations.

    • Anonymous

      Hi Michelle,

      You’re correct that you have been experiencing physically the lack of congruence that occurs when we are out of integrity with our selves! Clearly, your body is speaking to you.

      The good news is that while there is a lot of reference to the body-mind “connection” it is really an integrated whole. We simply perceive the “one” as two things. Shift happens as an integrated whole no matter the source of the action – thought or deed. I also include the soul or “higher-self” aspect of you too. You are body-mind-soul – one integrated whole.

      Blessings ~

  • Anonymous

    This is both powerful and inspiring, and apparently something that many of us, myself included, need to hear right now.

    Last year I was divorced, my children are grown, and I found myself at a fork in the road: take the same path I’ve been on, which is not challenging or inspiring to me, nor is it what my true purpose is, or take a new path, one that is uncertain and very, very scary, but one which will allow me to live my purpose and change my game.

    The fact that I am here doing this shows which path I chose. I realized that I do not want to get to the end of my life with a lot of regrets over the “if only” things that I didn’t do. I have spent a lot of time alone the past 6 months really getting to know myself again, who I am, what I want, what brings me joy and happiness, and what I really have to share with the world. I will be 50 this week (now that’s scary!), but I look at it as the beginning of the second half of my life, and it’s my chance to change my game and just go for it.

    • http://www.1degree.biz Michele

      Wow, this is really an amazing post. Happy birthday!!! And I hope you give yourself huge pats on the back, you are obviously very courageous.
      Thank you for sharing what you’ve been through, I can relate. I have 3 small children, 6, 2 and 1 and my husband and I just separated. I’m 43 and at a major crossroads. At the end of last year I started a small business; it is still very much in its infancy but I am stepping it up and set the stakes high. I am doing some serious soul searching and joined this group to help me “get out of my own way” and live the life I want to live.
      Thanks again for sharing!

      • Anonymous

        Michele, thanks for sharing your story! I know how difficult it is to be in that place, and the best thing you can do is take time for YOU each and every day so that you have enough to give to all the other areas of your life, especially your children. And good for you for not taking the easy way out and getting a “job” but instead following your heart and your true path. I’m starting my business while still working a full time job, but I know it’s the path I’m supposed to take. And I so understand “getting out of your own way”! One of the biggest things I’ve learned recently is to get out of my head and listen to my heart, my intuition. That is something I’ve ignored for far too long, and I’ve made some big mistakes as a result of it.

        You are very courageous and your children are very blessed!

        Oh, and thank you for the b’day wishes :) 30 and 40 didn’t bother me, but the 50 thing isn’t sitting so well. I know it’s just a number, but it just “sounds” old, and that’s the part I don’t like, because I certainly don’t feel 50!

        Hugs, Lori

        • http://www.1degree.biz Michele

          Thank you for the very kind words Lori! Great advice on listening to your intuition. For me, there really is not other way to live anymore. The journey is going to be fun!

          Good luck w/ your new business, and following your heart. Good for you Lori. I wish you all the best.

        • Kristin

          Thnak you for sharing your story. I admire that you took charge of your life after the crisis and had the courage to change your game. Way to go!
          Well, I feel pretty green and unexperienced compared to you. Turning 50 is nothing I can relate to yet. However, a woman I know writes a blog about this topic and the adventure of turning 50 and the life afterwards. If you are interested you might have a look here: http://www.woman-turning-50.com/

      • http://www.myrecipeforlife.com/ daniellemmiller

        Ah Michele…

        Thanks for sharing your story…I too can relate to the whole mind/body alignment. I had 4 surgeries last year, 2 relatively serious ones and am still in the recovery process. The biggest challenge for me was to get back some control. When you have all of these things going on, it’s very easy to lose sight of the fact that there are steps you can take to get control back and then start the process of getting yourself back in alignment.

        I never really took meditation, deep breathing and getting in touch with my inner self…that small quiet place that is really ME until last year. It’s powerful, transforming and amazing. I wish you (and everyone else here;-))the best success in living the life that you want to live.

        I completely agree with Mary Kay…if we are holistic (spiritually, mindfully and physically) in our approach to living our best life, then we can truly be the change we wish to be.

        • http://www.1degree.biz Michele

          Thanks Danielle. I hope your recovery goes well for you. I’m usually a “runner” i.e; instead of sitting with myself I make myself busy. For the first time in my life I’m slowing down and taking the time to reflect and be the change I really want to be.
          Thank you for the inspiring words!

    • Anonymous

      I’ll be 50 in October, Lori and am in the same place . . . enough is enough and it’s time to quit procrastinating, whining, hiding my light under a bushel and GET CRACKIN’ at what lights me up and makes a difference. Happy Birthday!

      • Anonymous

        Well Connie, looks like I’m in good company :) And it’s funny, but just yesterday I told someone something about what lights me up! You’re so right – no more excuses – just action.

    • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

      Early Happy Birthday Lori! What day this week is the ACTUAL day?

      • Anonymous

        Thanks, Teresa. It’s on Thursday. My sons (20 and 25) aren’t too pleased that I’m going to CA (where I’m from) on Wed. and won’t be here. I figured that’s the easiest way for it not to be a big deal :)

        And I love your Dolly Parton quote below! Thanks for sharing that. I’m finding that it’s so much better to live your life on purpose rather than on auto pilot.

        • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

          You’re welcome!!!!! I agree – it’s so much better… although, at times, it doesn’t always SEEM easier! :-)

    • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

      I love that you spent 6 months getting to know yourself again and figuring out what you want instead of just jumping in and changing things ‘willy-nilly” – I definitely believe that if you do not know yourself – how can anyone else? If you do not know what you want… how can you get it??

      I think it is awesome that you are taking the scary steps and changing your life to be what you want it to be!

      • Anonymous

        Shelly, you are absolutely right. In the last few months I’ve realized just how many women have gotten lost in the chaos of raising families and working. Last summer a man I went to h.s. contacted me and in our conversations, he asked me “what brings you joy?” and “what makes you happy?” I was stunned to realize that I had no idea! All my answers revolved around my children and my grandson, but he kept pushing me about just what I wanted. That was a huge wake up call and what really started me on this path.

        I hope to help more women realize all these things and live richer, fuller lives like I’m doing!

    • http://twitter.com/lipdesign Lori Paquette

      Beautifully said Lori! Happy Birthday in advance … 50 and Fabulous. I’m impressed and inspired by your journey.

      • Anonymous

        Ah, Lori, I like that – 50 and Fabulous! Thank you. Yesterday I heard someone say that 50 is the new 30. Works for me!

        I’m glad that you were touched by what I said. That’s the reason I put it out there, to inspire others. When I told people (who knew me pretty well) that I was getting divorced, they were shocked because I had put on such a “good show” for so long. Ugh… that’s a terrible place to be. My relationships with my family and friends have become so much deeper since I’ve been more transparent and quit trying to be “perfect” for everyone.

        And it’s so much more fun to live this way, too!

    • http://sallyg.me Sally G.

      For what it’s worth Lori, in the short time I’ve ‘known’ you — I’ve experienced a wonderful energy whenever you’ve been on my computer screen. You have a real gentle quality about you — and loving, and kind. Sometimes we need to sit in the in-between and reflect, assess and recalibrate before we move on. I just wanted you to know that I think you’re beautiful from the inside out …

      • Anonymous

        Well you brought tears to my eyes, Sally! But good ones. I know what you mean about the energy, because I’ve felt the same thing from you. I love reading everything on Caring Creates – it’s so inspirational. You’re right about needing to sit and reflect, and that’s what I spent the last half of last year doing. I even chose to spend New Year’s Eve babysitting my little grandson rather than going out. It just seemed to be a fitting way to end the year.

        Thank you for your kind words, and for the inspiration you provide to me on a daily basis. It’s difficult for me to participate much during the week on FB and Twitter because I have a very busy full time job. But I do try to keep up with what’s out there, and you always bring a smile to my day!

    • Anonymous

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

      • Anonymous

        Thank you, Sarah. You are an absolute angel, and I know you have done as much for others with this as you have for me. XOXO

    • Anonymous

      A huge congratulations. A huge hug and whooo hoootie hooo Happy Birthday!!

      • Anonymous

        Aww, thank you, Mary Kay! Your post really inspired me, and I love keeping up with you on Twitter! I am amazed at the wonderful group of people that you can “meet” and learn from and not even meet in person. But one of these days :)

  • http://ramartijr.com Richard Allan Marti Jr

    Wow Mary Kay! To look at our lives with that brutal honesty is as important as it is hard. You are right. I do know what I need to change, even if I dont want to know. Thank you for the inspiration.

    • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

      I honestly think that knowing what needs to be changed is the hard part… and even if you ‘don’t want to know’ – you are one step closer to doing what YOU KNOW you should and that should at least feel good! Don’t you think that is better than knowing ‘something needs to change’ – but not knowing what it is??? :)

  • Diane Easley

    Ah, being the change I want to see in the world…such hard work…so much easier to just phone it in. Yet when I make the effort I am so much more effective and pleased with the results and so are my customers, clients, friends and family. I signed up for a trapeze class this week. Scared does not begin to describe my feelings and yet, I am also deeply inspired with myself – who knew? Being the change involves risk and standing in my own power. Thanks for a lovely post!

    • Mike Korner

      Will you be installing trapezes in your house, too? :)

    • http://twitter.com/cherrywoodburn Cherry Woodburn

      Wow, a trapeze course. Sounds terrifying and so exciting. Where is it being offered?

    • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

      Wow Diane! A TRAPEZE class! You go girl!

      I really related to what you wrote: “Ah, being the change I want to see in the world…such hard work…so much easier to just phone it in. ”

      Only my variation on that is “Ah, being the change I want to see in the world…such hard work…so much easier to get everyone else to change so I don’t have to.” But – God knows I’ve tried – that way is NOT easier and it doesn’t work. But it sure has kept me busy most of my life so I haven’t had to change!

      Thanks for helping me see that!

      • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

        I know for a fact that it ISN’T much easier to change everyone else, but that sure hasn’t stopped me from trying my best for nearly 40 years! LOL How much harder can just changing myself be? (I think you all know the answer to that one).

        • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

          Shows that you a MUCH quicker learner than me, Michele! I’ve tried for the better part of 47 years to change everyone else! :-)

          How about we live the next 40+ years differently? You with me?

          • http://www.1degree.biz Michele

            Good point, it really is easier to change ourselves, because there is nooooo waaaay you are changing anyone else. Thanks, I needed that reminder!

          • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

            YES!!!

    • Anonymous

      Trapeze – now that’s an awesome way to push your edge. Make sure you post a picture!

  • http://www.onlinebusinessmanager.com/ Tina Forsyth

    amen to that. I recently have made some pretty big shifts in my life/biz to being in alignment with my truth… and although (very) nutty at times I can’t imagine being anywhere else.

    makes me wonder, what would our connections with each other be like if we were truly just who we are? vs. not trying to be who we wish we were?

    • Anonymous

      So great that you stopped by Tina!!

  • Mike Korner

    The worst person to kid is yourself. Thanks for the invitation to stop and take a reality check. I’ll do it but I’m not signing up for a trapeze class :) I’m impressed that Diane (who I don’t know) is doing it though.

  • http://twitter.com/cherrywoodburn Cherry Woodburn

    Mary Kay,
    I apologize to you but since I decided to play the song Sarah attached – ABBA singing Take A Chance on Me – while typing this comment I’m more into moving with “Ive got so much I want to do…The things you love..” then thinking about what you wrote. The song’s done! Back to thinking. I enjoyed your post and thought the inspiration to use Tiger Wood’s present story as the reference point was a good one. As you said, I just have to be sure not to think that I don’t have to look in my nooks and crannies because, hey, I didn’t flagrantly commit adultery with a bunch of men so I’m OK.
    The looking isn’t too bad, it’s the finding and changing. With all the support from here and The List I feel up to the challenge. Thanks!

    • http://sallyg.me Sally G.

      I thought the Tiger Woods’ tie in was brilliant too. He can certainly serve as a shining example of what can happen when you live your life driven by the dreams of another – and then get so caught up in that you have no idea how to get out. So, you do whatever it takes to end the insanity. Cherry – if you’re going to do something crazy – please give us a warning so we can cushion you along the way!! ;)

    • Anonymous

      I think you just come for the music and feign interest in everything else. :-)

  • Anonymous

    Well it’s certainly more attractive to change one’s game than to have game change thrust upon one.
    Esp change prompted by scandal. The post-privacy world we’ve created for ourselves doesn’t leave much hope for long-kept secrets in any case.

    So, Mary Kay, thanks for reminding us that living according to our core values is really the best life going.
    All the best,
    Michael

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Thanks, Mary Kay, for a GREAT post! You spoke much more eloquently than I can the “changing of the game” I’ve been taking on BIG TIME for the past 6 months or so… and even more BIG TIME in this 30 Day Process.

    All my life, I have hid behind the facades I’ve created to be liked, accepted, fit in, LOOK GOOD – and those facades have wound up being a prison that has trapped me inside my own insecurities and blocked me from truly discovering who I am and being loved and accepted for that.

    It also creates a perpetual state of fear, e.g., “what if someone finds out I’m a fraud?” The freeing thing I’m discovering about telling the truth (especially to myself) is that it wipes out that fear… and all that energy that had been used for “hiding” is freed up for LIVING. But, boy, it “ain’t always easy”… at least not for me.

    Sometimes, it’s been downright painful to discover some truths about me. But I’m finally “getting” that only when I see them and claim them and accept them do I have the power to CHANGE them. Which is what I’m doing… step by step, choice by choice, moment by moment. Not perfectly – but progressively. I’m looking in those “nooks and crannies” you describe to see where I’m out of integrity… talking but not walking. Sometimes it’s overwhelming all I’m finding. Like cleaning the basement or the garage … it gets messier before it get cleaner. That’s when it’s hard to keep going… when I’m sometimes tempted to go back to my “old game”… and put on the front again.

    But what I’m discovering is that this “operating from truth” is giving me the REAL self-worth and REAL self-confidence I’ve formerly only pretended I had. And that makes the whole game worthwhile – that makes life worthwhile. Heck – that makes ME worthwhile.

    So thanks for affirming the “game-changing” I’ve already started and for inspiring me to keep going. In closing,
    I thought I’d share a quote with you and the tribe that your post reminds me of – I have it on the door of my office. “Discover who you really are – then be that on purpose.” (Dolly Parton said that!)

    • http://sallyg.me Sally G.

      I’d sure love to meet you one day Teresa! We almost sound like kindred souls. I AM digging into my nooks and crannies, and I’m discovering that I’m really not all that bad. The horrible parts of me (judged by me) may actually be my greatest gifts and assets, simply under-appreciated by those in my sphere of influence. So now, I’m working on courage and expression. Here’s to us all!!

      • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

        Hi Sally! Wouldn’t THAT be fun if we could meet some day! You know what I’m finding most powerful as I look in my nooks and crannies? That when I stop judging what I find… then I can more readily and easily accept it… which is the beginning for better choices leading to real change. For the longest time, it was my judgment about what I would find or thought I would find or did find that kept me from doing the work required to grow and to fully embrace and accept and express me in the world. And that makes WHATEVER I find in the nooks and crannies a GIFT… because even if it is painful to see, it IS a part of me and it is TRUTH… and, as the saying goes, “the truth will set you free” (even if it pisses you off at first!) LOL!

        I agree… here’s to us ALL!

    • Anonymous

      Teresa – wow! I loved reading your comment. So eloquently put and fabulously inspiring. You have just described the process to a tee (haha couldn’t resist the golf word). Walking the talk is not about being perfect, that would be just another false mask anyway! We are spiritual beings having a human experience which means we screw up by design; we have an ego; we forget who we really are! Walking the talk is about being willing to be in the fire of authentic self discovery “first, know thyself”, so that you can choose from a place of empowered awareness instead of ignorance.

  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)

    I love this line from your post, “…change our game wherever it is not a true reflection of our soul. There is no other way.”

    Congruence, authenticity, and living your truth are almost becoming buzzwords these days. They have become used so much that there is a sort of “tuning out’ when they’re used.

    And that’s a shame. Because they’re huge concepts. They allow us to align who we are in our soul, at the core of our being, with how we show up in business and in life. They are necessary. Doing our lives without them means doing our lives without the joy and the depth that they offer. It means a life that is not the one we are meant to live.

    Thanks for your post, Mary Kay. And I’m waving to you from Fort Collins!

    • http://sallyg.me Sally G.

      I hear you Ava. I actually put Authenticity as one of my Life Themes this year. But I did it fully conscious and awake ~ it gets really tiring dimming your light after so many years for fear of surprising others. I’m really appreciating the many supporters I’m meeting along the way …

    • Anonymous

      Hi Ava – Waving back to you in “Fort Fun” as my friend Melani calls it.

  • Myla

    Wow talk about perfect timing–I went to a Worldview Conference last night and this is exactly what they were talking about, how the ones we think we can trust and believe what they are saying are totally not what they say they are. And if we don’t wake up to this NOW it will be too late. Yes we need to change our game and be sure we know what we believe and stand for and do what can to preserve that. I also am a “talker” and not a “doer” and it is time for me to step out and make a change. It is not easy but no one said easy was the way.
    I would still love to hear your talk on surrendering yourself to actually doing your life’s work instead of spinning circles–that is me I do everything but what I know I need to be doing.

    • Anonymous

      Myla, the only way I could get out of the cycle of spinning around in circles instead of dong what I knew i needed to do was to “burn the ships”. I wrote a post about it if you want to read it: http://escaping-mediocrity.com/uncommon-business/burn-the-ships/

      I don’t recommend such drastic measures for everyone, but I had to eliminate all other options. Awareness that you are doing it is more than half the battle. :-)

      • Anonymous

        For me it was finally letting go of “control” and being willing to say “I don’t know”

      • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

        WOW! What a post… that just took this 30-day game to a whole new level!!!!! Thanks for the link Sarah… I needed to read that and missed it the first time around!

    • Anonymous

      It’s in my story on http://yourbodyyourguru.com and woven into the special report. Would love to connect with you there. Thanks Myla!!

  • Anonymous

    I had a wake-up call at the end of last year when I found an old journal from 1998 and read my goals for that year.

    I have completed two of them (I no longer bite my nails! and I am still (and now very happily) married to Trevor).

    But all the others were about to go on my “list” for 2010.

    I say I’ve changed; I know I’ve changed inside.

    And now it is time, moment by moment, to make the choices that support me.

    To know what is right for me, what feels authentic, and act accordingly.

    To stop the habit of “just this once won’t matter”.

    And in the first 18 days of this year not only have I been acting differently, I’ve had different results.

    Go figure!

    I am SO grateful for access to the amazing group of people on this forum to support this change for me as I “do what I CAN do” -inspiring phrase, Mark!

    • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

      Hey Shelagh!

      Thank you for being a mirror for me… with your words…

      “I say I’ve changed; I know I’ve changed inside. And now it is time, moment by moment, to make the choices that support me. To know what is right for me, what feels authentic, and act accordingly. To stop the habit of “just this once won’t matter”. And in the first 18 days of this year not only have I been acting differently, I’ve had different results.”

      I’ve seen and am seeing the change in you… and I see and am seeing the changes in me! You go girl!

  • sarahrobinson

    Notes to the Tribe:

    Can you believe it is Week #2?!

    Notes for Monday:

    1) Today’s theme song is: Take A Chance On Me by ABBA on @Grooveshark: http://tinysong.com/70wh
    2) If you are getting true value from this series, please make a small donation to 12for12k’s Haiti campaign. Scroll down on the right of this page: http://escaping-mediocrity.com
    3) If you have signed up to be on the email list (you get little extras from me), you MUST complete the double opt-in process to get them. Look for an email from me in your inbox or in your spam folder and click on the link inside it.
    4) I have set up a Face book Group for us: http://www.facebook.com/#/group.php?gid=2460148…
    5) I built a list on twitter of all the guest bloggers to make it easy for you to follow them: http://twitter.com/#/list/SarahRobinson/thirtyd…
    6) There are also two twitter lists of participants in 30 Days. You will find them here: http://twitter.com/MirkoGosch/escapingmediocrity and http://twitter.com/The_Promo_Guy/game-changing

    Love,
    Sarah

  • http://BestLifeDesign.com drmolliemarti

    You may be interested in this recent article highlighting a study about why powerful people – many of who take the high ground – don’t practice what they preach. An interesting look at how power can corrupt.
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091229105906.htm.

    In the past year I’ve become a student of internet marketing and have found the “radical honesty” and “live my truth” shifts really interesting. Your post hits right in the midst of me deciding how I truly feel about them.

    On one hand…they leave me vigorously nodding my head. Who could have a problem with living and designing a life and business based on full and complete personal integrity. “You Go!!!” I say as I silently cheer on people using this in their marketing.

    On the other hand…they sometimes leave me shaking my head. People holding themselves out as personal truth seekers and building careers on guiding others to do the same. When did this stop being a given??? I know some of this head shaking comes from my personal support (my husband and kids are reeaaalllly good at calling me out! haha) and the high accountability team I’ve built around me. If someone sees me say or do something out of integrity, I WANT them to call me out on it!

    We’re all a work in progress and until the day we die will have the challenge before us to become more fully ourselves – may we be ever ready to accept it :-) Great thought-provoking post, Mary Kay!

    Mollie

    • http://www.insanelyserene.wordpress.com Linda@InsanelySerene

      Mollie,

      Really like what you had to say here – and cannot agree more – how did we as a society get so far from our ideas of personal responsibility and accountability? It’s something I’m studying, and appreciate the link you shared as part of the puzzle. I read a book recently, Mistakes Were Made, But Not By Me (http://www.amazon.com/Mistakes-Were-Made-But-Not/dp/0151010986) that looks at the tendency toward rationalization, justification, and other-blaming. I think the only way to bring society back to it is for each of us to model integrity to the best of our ability. I live this in my personal life, and am hoping to spread the word through my writings, but as I said, all we can do is be the best role models we can be, and that means calling ourselves on our own BS, as you rightly point out. Thanks for sharing.

      • http://BestLifeDesign.com drmolliemarti

        Thanks for the book recommendation, Linda. I’m also looking forward to looking at your writing! I believe you hit the nail on the head – it all comes down to us LIVING in integrity. Our example – this speaks louder than any words ever can (especially true with those eyes of children looking up to us – they see it all!)

    • Anonymous

      Hey Mollie,

      Thanks for sharing that fascinating article of the relationship of power to personal conduct. Here’s what totally jumped out at me while reading: the power that was being discussed in the article was the power we have come to assume is, well, power. My personal belief is that this is in fact a gross distortion of what power really is. The type of power in the article and what we have come to think of as power can only exist in a power over/power under relationship. Another way to put it is win/lose. It is the way the game of life has been played on this earth for a long long time, but I believe that is changing and changing fast.

      If we allow ourselves even for a moment to imagine being powerful without having to have power over anyone or anything but our own self; our own stuff, we can begin to sense what authentic power is about. It is power that exists independent of a perceived position relative to other and exists instead from the true center of the human soul. This is the authentic power of the aligned human being.

      I believe that this authentic power is what we are being called to live when we look to true teachings (not the dogma) common to every major religion that is practiced today. One modern example that virtually everyone knows regardless of background is Mother Teresa. Was she powerful? Incredibly. Authentically. Was she in alignment? Did she walk her talk? Can you even imagine a Mother Teresa scandal? The very idea is ludicrous! There are many other examples both famous and virtually unknown who like Mother Teresa walk with authentic power. It’s amazing and inspiring to witness and something we are all capable of.

      I don’t pretend to “be there” by any stretch, but like you I want to be told “hey, you are out of alignment on this one sista’”. Kids are pretty darn good at that I have discovered lol!

      I love your closing line: “We’re all a work in progress and until the day we die will have the challenge before us to become more fully ourselves – may we be ever ready to accept it.”

      Amen to that!

      • http://BestLifeDesign.com drmolliemarti

        Brilliantly said. I talk more about ‘control’(…that elusive thing people are always trying to get more of!) and love the context you share of power. At a recent stewardship retreat, the leader had few things in a basket (sandals, sarong, bible, small globe) and asked: do you think a few things in this basket could change the world? Then she made point that these were all of the material things owned by Mother Teresa. We change others by who we ARE and what we do, not through stuff and attempted control. Thanks for your insights – have made me richer :)

  • http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g

    This comment has a spiritual bent, based upon a previous experience I had: I once gave a talk during a retreat about the Word of God being the Light. Studying the Word is a way of releasing the Light. It’s easier to live in the dark. …and by dark, I don’t mean sin, per se. It’s just easier to live without looking within.

    The tack I took through this talk I gave was unconventional from the standard way in which it was given (most of my predecessors gave the “Study” talk differently than I did).

    It takes courage to release the light in our own lives, understanding that there’s always some stuff if the corners we’d rather forget about. Skeletons we’d rather remain in the closet. But only by aligning ourselves with our own inner light can we truly become what we were meant to become. By walking the walk and living our values, we release fear over the dark.

    Wow. Lots of flux in these eight days! I can hardly wait for the next 22. Wow.

    • Anonymous

      So glad these days are making an impact. :-) And yay for you for being so courageous!!

      • http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g

        Thanks, Sarah, for including me in your journey. So many different ways of “seeing the light” exist. It is a fact of physics that light and dark cannot occupy the same space.

        It’s a choice: acknowledge the light or be frustrated in the dark. I would rather see the light.

  • http://www.randomshelly.com/blog/ Shelly

    Wow… I agree with a lot of the other comments that this is a timely post! I have sat many days and nights thinking about all of the things in my life that I do (or do not do) that are not congruent with what I want, need, have to have for my life, work, home, health, family, well being, – and as you said – for my soul to be where it wants/needs to be. Funny thing (or not) is that I have also thought about all of the things that I should/could do to change this.

    This is definitely one of those things that, just like your process leading up to writing this post, needs to just be DONE! Bring in the Nike swish and “Just do it” << best commercial motivation I know of…

    So now comes the hard part… picking the first step, the first whatever – and getting it done… :)

  • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

    This resonates for me right now. In my marriage, I’m the “Positive” and my husband is the “Negative”. From the start of our relationship, I thought I could help him change that view by telling him of all the ways positive thinking helps, and negative thinking brings about negative results. What I realized a few days ago was that, although I talk a good game, my actions were that of a negative person. I was letting him affect me, instead of the other way around. Negativity is strong, but Positivity can change the world. It’s time to act like I believe what I say, and make miracles happen.

    (By the way, I also realized that it’s best to let others come to these attitudes on their own. It isn’t my responsibility to “make” him into anything other than what he wants to be…but I can sure as heck be a great example of what mental attitude and action can do.)

    • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

      Here’s what I got from your comments, Michele (besides seeing a mirror of myself)…

      I can’t “make” him into anything other than what he wants to be……. and who the heck am I to try to or even know what he “should” be?

      And – “I can sure as heck be a great example of what mental attitude and action can do”. I have a coach who always says, “when you show up for yourself, you give everyone else the opportunity to show up for themselves.” She then adds, “And whether they choose to or not, that’s up to them.”

      Thanks for the reminder!

  • http://twitter.com/marksherrick Mark Sherrick

    Ahh, walk the walk you're talking. I was waiting for this to come up. It's a great description for what most people don't do.

    I have a lot of trouble with the statement, because I'm more of a talker than a doer, and I sometimes think that talking IS my doing, because I seem like more of the idea guy. Especially when it comes to doing my own stuff. I constantly talk my talk like I'm someone on the level of our wonderful hostess and many like her, but when the time to walk comes, I'm at home with a bum ankle.

    I have the ability to run marathons, yet I stick to 5k races – both literally and figuratively. One of these days, I've got to sign up for what I can do, not want to.

    It's really the little things that matter, as you say above. Those little things make up the bigger ones, and without them, the bog things cannot be. Get them out of hiding and build!

  • Shelley

    It hit me when I was at a conference for a direct sales company I was with. My mind screamed, “I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING THIS AT ALL!” I stayed in the room and cried after everyone left, laughing, charged up, and probably 95% percent of them were leaving the room high, but not realizing that they were NEVER GOING TO DO IT! I did, but it still took me a YEAR AND A HALF to tell myself the truth and LET IT GO and figure out what to do next!

  • meganmatthieson

    ohhhh. this was a big one. and it was so timely, AGAIN, for me. isn't it so interesting? no. facsinating! the timing of things. the messages that feel as if the universe is speaking directly to you? thank you so much for this post. e

  • sarahrobinson

    Let us know when you've registered for a half marathon. ;-)

  • sarahrobinson

    Some people never tell themselves the truth – even when they know what it is. Congrats on that Shelley. :-)

  • sarahrobinson

    See, I'm really inside your head Megan – heh-heh-heh. Just kidding. Messages come when we are ready to hear them. And I am SO glad you are ready and here. :-)

  • ShellyKramer

    What an inspiring post. And I agree wholeheartedly! In today's world, there are almost no such things as secrets – and living your life by being the real you, and being the best person you can be – both inside and out – is really great advice. Love this post!

  • Anonymous

    Powerful post. I have made some really bad choices in the past, but luckily seem to have my head screwed on much better now. Still, there are a few places where I don’t walk as well as I talk. Thanks for the reminder. I will be certain to always stop and think about what I’m doing.

    I’m really feeling these 30 Days. Things seem to be moving in the right direction. Thanks Sarah!

    • Anonymous

      I am thrilled Stephanie! You get out of them what you put into them and you are putting in a TON!!

  • http://ramartijr.com/about-us/about-michele-corona/ Michele

    I read this post and can not believe the timing. I'm sort of reeling from it actually. Like Mark said, I seem to do a lot of talking but when it comes to the “walk” ahhh…. many reasons, really “excuses”. I was at such a breaking point last year, from NOT living with integrity that my body got sick: it started w/a stress fracture in my foot in May, an emergency appendectomy in June, followed by pneumonia, then I became anemic – so bad that I had to go to the hospital on my son's birthday to get 2 units of blood! I believe the mind is strongly connected to the body.

    So, I have been changing my game. It got to the point where I really didn't have a choice! So this forum is awesome, its a reinforcement and a place I can go for the daily reminders. Life is short, don't hold back, and just do it!!!!

    (By the way Sarah, I'm still giving FEAR that middle finger that John Haydon recommended! I have to use it often but I'm doing it.)

  • http://www.insanelyserene.wordpress.com Linda@InsanelySerene

    Mary Kay,

    I’ve also heard, “How you do anything is how you do everything,” and it makes sense to me, there is no way you can project what you are not – at least not forever. Family secrets are never really family secrets, the worst effects manifest in the next generation, and repeated whether the behaviors are explicitly known or not. I am so with you on the way our society is leaning – your list is a good one, to which I would add that incongruence and lack of integrity are often unknown even to the deceiver. We are deceiving ourselves!

    I wonder how, if it’s even possible, to help others pierce their own denial. My experience shows that only when someone hits a bottom, or becomes willing, can they see through the veil of their own lies. Obviously Tiger had this moment when he backed his car out of the driveway. And though it led to a firestorm, I have to agree with you, Mary Kay, that this could be an opportunity for him to change his whole life. I see challenges in my life as opportunities, though I may not always be happy about them, they always lead me closer to my true self, if I’m willing to be aware, honest, and take personal responsibility. Thanks for a marvelous post.

    • Kristin

      Sometimes we have to fall before we stand up again. Thank you for pointing out the value of challenges and failures. They are often what we need to change our lives.

    • Anonymous

      Thanks Linda and what you say is so true “I would add that incongruence and lack of integrity are often unknown even to the deceiver. We are deceiving ourselves!” I think the work is not about helping another see anything, but simply about cleaning up our own side of the street.

  • lorilatimer

    This is both powerful and inspiring, and apparently something that many of us, myself included, need to hear right now.

    Last year I was divorced, my children are grown, and I found myself at a fork in the road: take the same path I've been on, which is not challenging or inspiring to me, nor is it what my true purpose is, or take a new path, one that is uncertain and very, very scary, but one which will allow me to live my purpose and change my game.

    The fact that I am here doing this shows which path I chose. I realized that I do not want to get to the end of my life with a lot of regrets over the “if only” things that I didn't do. I have spent a lot of time alone the past 6 months really getting to know myself again, who I am, what I want, what brings me joy and happiness, and what I really have to share with the world. I will be 50 this week (now that's scary!), but I look at it as the beginning of the second half of my life, and it's my chance to change my game and just go for it.

  • Kristin

    You chose my favourite quote about being the change you want to see in the world. And as for many others in the tribe it is the perfect timing. Although I want to be the change I am too often not. Sometimes Fearella interrupts me asking what I think who I am to believe that I could change the world. Another day my mind is so negative that I cannot see any positive changes to make. Or it’s just talking without walking.
    Thank you, Mary Kay, for this inspiring and thought-provoking post. It is a hard one to swallow because it seems much easier to just ignore it and not facing your inner truth. But it probably is not because it costs a lot of energy to not be yourself and not live according to your values and beliefs.

  • ramartijr

    Wow Mary Kay! To look at our lives with that brutal honesty is as important as it is hard. You are right. I do know what I need to change, even if I dont want to know. Thank you for the inspiration.

  • http://ramartijr.com/about-us/about-michele-corona/ Michele

    Wow, this is really an amazing post. Happy birthday!!! And I hope you give yourself huge pats on the back, you are obviously very courageous.
    Thank you for sharing what you've been through, I can relate. I have 3 small children, 6, 2 and 1 and my husband and I just separated. I'm 43 and at a major crossroads. At the end of last year I started a small business; it is still very much in its infancy but I am stepping it up and set the stakes high. I am doing some serious soul searching and joined this group to help me “get out of my own way” and live the life I want to live.
    Thanks again for sharing!

  • Diane Easley

    Ah, being the change I want to see in the world…such hard work…so much easier to just phone it in. Yet when I make the effort I am so much more effective and pleased with the results and so are my customers, clients, friends and family. I signed up for a trapeze class this week. Scared does not begin to describe my feelings and yet, I am also deeply inspired with myself – who knew? Being the change involves risk and standing in my own power. Thanks for a lovely post!

  • lorilatimer

    Michele, thanks for sharing your story! I know how difficult it is to be in that place, and the best thing you can do is take time for YOU each and every day so that you have enough to give to all the other areas of your life, especially your children. And good for you for not taking the easy way out and getting a “job” but instead following your heart and your true path. I'm starting my business while still working a full time job, but I know it's the path I'm supposed to take. And I so understand “getting out of your own way”! One of the biggest things I've learned recently is to get out of my head and listen to my heart, my intuition. That is something I've ignored for far too long, and I've made some big mistakes as a result of it.

    You are very courageous and your children are very blessed!

    Oh, and thank you for the b'day wishes :) 30 and 40 didn't bother me, but the 50 thing isn't sitting so well. I know it's just a number, but it just “sounds” old, and that's the part I don't like, because I certainly don't feel 50!

    Hugs, Lori

  • http://www.onlinebusinessmanager.com/ Tina Forsyth

    amen to that. I recently have made some pretty big shifts in my life/biz to being in alignment with my truth… and although (very) nutty at times I can't imagine being anywhere else.

    makes me wonder, what would our connections with each other be like if we were truly just who we are? vs. not trying to be who we wish we were?

  • Susan

    Great thought provoking post! Thank you Mary Kay. Happy Birthday, lorilatimer, Celebrate BIG, you deserve it! btw I’m jumping out of plane on my 50th. A trapeze class sounds fun, Diane. I love the posts, Sarah, you get awesome people to blog and comments are just as thought provoking and encouraging. Thank you all.

  • Mike Korner

    The worst person to kid is yourself. Thanks for the invitation to stop and take a reality check. I'll do it but I'm not signing up for a trapeze class :) I'm impressed that Diane (who I don't know) is doing it though.

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Hey Mark!

    I think I'm starting to see why Sarah giggled when we connected in one of the posts from last week… most especially after reading your comment today. When you wrote, “Especially when it comes to doing my own stuff. I constantly talk my talk like I'm someone on the level of our wonderful hostess and many like her, but when the time to walk comes, I'm at home with a bum ankle.”… I could SO relate. (Funny… I actually have sprained my right ankle quite a few times!) :-)

    But what really stood out for me in your comment were these words…. “One of these days, I've got to sign up for what I can do, not want to.” That's what I'm in these 30 days for.. that's what 2010 is about for me… and it's not like I don't WANT to do what I think I have the potential to do… but the action steps I need to take for that is what I so often don't want to do. Kind of like last week's post – 'Sabotage? Who me?”

    Thanks for sharing… I'm learning a lot from you! Are you still doing your SOMETHINGS to ROCK along??? Cheering you on!

  • Mike Korner

    Will you be installing trapezes in your house, too? :)

  • http://twitter.com/CherryWoodburn Cherry Woodburn

    Mary Kay,
    I apologize to you but since I decided to play the song Sarah attached – ABBA singing Take A Chance on Me – while typing this comment I'm more into moving with “Ive got so much I want to do…The things you love..” then thinking about what you wrote. The song's done! Back to thinking. I enjoyed your post and thought the inspiration to use Tiger Wood's present story as the reference point was a good one. As you said, I just have to be sure not to think that I don't have to look in my nooks and crannies because, hey, I didn't flagrantly commit adultery with a bunch of men so I'm OK.
    The looking isn't too bad, it's the finding and changing. With all the support from here and The List I feel up to the challenge. Thanks!

  • michaelleiter

    Well it's certainly more attractive to change one's game than to have game change thrust upon one.
    Esp change prompted by scandal. The post-privacy world we've created for ourselves doesn't leave much hope for long-kept secrets in any case.

    So, Mary Kay, thanks for reminding us that living according to our core values is really the best life going.
    All the best,
    Michael

  • http://twitter.com/CherryWoodburn Cherry Woodburn

    I say Kudos to you because you did tell yourself the truth. Too often even after we accomplish something we put it down with statements like ” I could have done it sooner” or “It's not perfect.” I'm suggesting we all be gentler with ourselves and pat ourselves on the back when deserved. And you deserve it , because you told the truth about yourself to yourself. Yeah Shelley!

  • marykaymorgan

    Absolutely – as soon as we stop expending energy to hide something we can choose to use the energy in simply making a different choice. One in alignment with our talk. And let me know too when you register for the half :)

  • http://twitter.com/CherryWoodburn Cherry Woodburn

    Your comment made me think of this “When the student's ready, the teacher appears.”

  • http://ramartijr.com/about-us/about-michele-corona/ Michele

    Thank you for the very kind words Lori! Great advice on listening to your intuition. For me, there really is not other way to live anymore. The journey is going to be fun!

    Good luck w/ your new business, and following your heart. Good for you Lori. I wish you all the best.

  • http://twitter.com/CherryWoodburn Cherry Woodburn

    Amazing how our bodies keep 'raising the volume' so to speak until in your case you listened and started changing you game. Congratulations.

  • LaConsuelo

    I'll be 50 in October, Lori and am in the same place . . . enough is enough and it's time to quit procrastinating, whining, hiding my light under a bushel and GET CRACKIN' at what lights me up and makes a difference. Happy Birthday!

  • http://twitter.com/CherryWoodburn Cherry Woodburn

    Wow, a trapeze course. Sounds terrifying and so exciting. Where is it being offered?

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Thanks, Mary Kay, for a GREAT post! You spoke much more eloquently than I can the “changing of the game” I've been taking on BIG TIME for the past 6 months or so… and even more BIG TIME in this 30 Day Process.

    All my life, I have hid behind the facades I've created to be liked, accepted, fit in, LOOK GOOD – and those facades have wound up being a prison that has trapped me inside my own insecurities and blocked me from truly discovering who I am and being loved and accepted for that.

    It also creates a perpetual state of fear, e.g., “what if someone finds out I'm a fraud?” The freeing thing I'm discovering about telling the truth (especially to myself) is that it wipes out that fear… and all that energy that had been used for “hiding” is freed up for LIVING. But, boy, it “ain't always easy”… at least not for me.

    Sometimes, it's been downright painful to discover some truths about me. But I'm finally “getting” that only when I see them and claim them and accept them do I have the power to CHANGE them. Which is what I'm doing… step by step, choice by choice, moment by moment. Not perfectly – but progressively. I'm looking in those “nooks and crannies” you describe to see where I'm out of integrity… talking but not walking. Sometimes it's overwhelming all I'm finding. Like cleaning the basement or the garage … it gets messier before it get cleaner. That's when it's hard to keep going… when I'm sometimes tempted to go back to my “old game”… and put on the front again.

    But what I'm discovering is that this “operating from truth” is giving me the REAL self-worth and REAL self-confidence I've formerly only pretended I had. And that makes the whole game worthwhile – that makes life worthwhile. Heck – that makes ME worthwhile.

    So thanks for affirming the “game-changing” I've already started and for inspiring me to keep going. In closing,
    I thought I'd share a quote with you and the tribe that your post reminds me of – I have it on the door of my office. “Discover who you really are – then be that on purpose.” (Dolly Parton said that!)

  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)

    I love this line from your post, “…change our game wherever it is not a true reflection of our soul. There is no other way.”

    Congruence, authenticity, and living your truth are almost becoming buzzwords these days. They have become used so much that there is a sort of “tuning out' when they're used.

    And that's a shame. Because they're huge concepts. They allow us to align who we are in our soul, at the core of our being, with how we show up in business and in life. They are necessary. Doing our lives without them means doing our lives without the joy and the depth that they offer. It means a life that is not the one we are meant to live.

    Thanks for your post, Mary Kay. And I'm waving to you from Fort Collins!

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Wow Diane! A TRAPEZE class! You go girl!

    I really related to what you wrote: “Ah, being the change I want to see in the world…such hard work…so much easier to just phone it in. ”

    Only my variation on that is “Ah, being the change I want to see in the world…such hard work…so much easier to get everyone else to change so I don't have to.” But – God knows I've tried – that way is NOT easier and it doesn't work. But it sure has kept me busy most of my life so I haven't had to change!

    Thanks for helping me see that!

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Early Happy Birthday Lori! What day this week is the ACTUAL day?

  • Myla

    Wow talk about perfect timing–I went to a Worldview Conference last night and this is exactly what they were talking about, how the ones we think we can trust and believe what they are saying are totally not what they say they are. And if we don't wake up to this NOW it will be too late. Yes we need to change our game and be sure we know what we believe and stand for and do what can to preserve that. I also am a “talker” and not a “doer” and it is time for me to step out and make a change. It is not easy but no one said easy was the way.
    I would still love to hear your talk on surrendering yourself to actually doing your life's work instead of spinning circles–that is me I do everything but what I know I need to be doing.

  • marykaymorgan

    Hi Michelle,

    You're correct that you have been experiencing physically the lack of congruence that occurs when we are out of integrity with our selves! Clearly, your body is speaking to you.

    The good news is that while there is a lot of reference to the body-mind “connection” it is really an integrated whole. We simply perceive the “one” as two things. Shift happens as an integrated whole no matter the source of the action – thought or deed. I also include the soul or “higher-self” aspect of you too. You are body-mind-soul – one integrated whole.

    Blessings ~

  • http://twitter.com/SpiritusShelagh Shelagh at Spiritus

    I had a wake-up call at the end of last year when I found an old journal from 1998 and read my goals for that year.

    I have completed two of them (I no longer bite my nails! and I am still (and now very happily) married to Trevor).

    But all the others were about to go on my “list” for 2010.

    I say I've changed; I know I've changed inside.

    And now it is time, moment by moment, to make the choices that support me.

    To know what is right for me, what feels authentic, and act accordingly.

    To stop the habit of “just this once won't matter”.

    And in the first 18 days of this year not only have I been acting differently, I've had different results.

    Go figure!

    I am SO grateful for access to the amazing group of people on this forum to support this change for me as I “do what I CAN do” -inspiring phrase, Mark!

  • lorilatimer

    Well Connie, looks like I'm in good company :) And it's funny, but just yesterday I told someone something about what lights me up! You're so right – no more excuses – just action.

  • lorilatimer

    Thanks, Teresa. It's on Thursday. My sons (20 and 25) aren't too pleased that I'm going to CA (where I'm from) on Wed. and won't be here. I figured that's the easiest way for it not to be a big deal :)

    And I love your Dolly Parton quote below! Thanks for sharing that. I'm finding that it's so much better to live your life on purpose rather than on auto pilot.

  • http://BestLifeDesign.com drmolliemarti

    You may be interested in this recent article highlighting a study about why powerful people – many of who take the high ground – don't practice what they preach. An interesting look at how power can corrupt.
    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/09….

    In the past year I've become a student of internet marketing and have found the “radical honesty” and “live my truth” shifts really interesting. Your post hits right in the midst of me deciding how I truly feel about them.

    On one hand…they leave me vigorously nodding my head. Who could have a problem with living and designing a life and business based on full and complete personal integrity. “You Go!!!” I say as I silently cheer on people using this in their marketing.

    On the other hand…they sometimes leave me shaking my head. People holding themselves out as personal truth seekers and building careers on guiding others to do the same. When did this stop being a given??? I know some of this head shaking comes from my personal support (my husband and kids are reeaaalllly good at calling me out! haha) and the high accountability team I've built around me. If someone sees me say or do something out of integrity, I WANT them to call me out on it!

    We're all a work in progress and until the day we die will have the challenge before us to become more fully ourselves – may we be ever ready to accept it :-) Great thought-provoking post, Mary Kay!

    Mollie

  • http://twitter.com/lipdesign Lori Paquette

    I have so much work to do here. Too much talk and not enough action. When I get bored/stuck/unhappy I don’t act. I don’t follow through. Working on it, though. Super post, Mary Kay! Thank you for making me dig deep and really think about what I need to do to act on this.

    • Anonymous

      You remind me of that Elvis song “A Little Less Talk, A Lot More Action” :-)

  • http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g

    This comment has a spiritual bent, based upon a previous experience I had: I once gave a talk during a retreat about the Word of God being the Light. Studying the Word is a way of releasing the Light. It's easier to live in the dark. …and by dark, I don't mean sin, per se. It's just easier to live without looking within.

    The tack I took through this talk I gave was unconventional from the standard way in which it was given (most of my predecessors gave the “Study” talk differently than I did).

    It takes courage to release the light in our own lives, understanding that there's always some stuff if the corners we'd rather forget about. Skeletons we'd rather remain in the closet. But only by aligning ourselves with our own inner light can we truly become what we were meant to become. By walking the walk and living our values, we release fear over the dark.

    Wow. Lots of flux in these eight days! I can hardly wait for the next 22. Wow.

  • http://twitter.com/magnoliawkshop Erin Baebler

    OK, this post makes me so excited. I’ve been coaching amazing women for about 7 years but during that time, I’ve failed to do some of the things I say I want to do and I know that if I did them, I’d be so much more satisfied with my life. I actually just started a new blog last week about Walking my Talk so that I can really step into what’s possible for me and let others in on the journey, too. I think a successful all about aligning what you do with what’s important to you. Sounds like there are plenty of people out there who believe it’s time to really step into the game and play with all of our hearts.

    Love the part about looking into the nooks and crannies of your life, too.

    • Anonymous

      Rock on!! What’s the url of your new blog?

  • http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly

    Wow… I agree with a lot of the other comments that this is a timely post! I have sat many days and nights thinking about all of the things in my life that I do (or do not do) that are not congruent with what I want, need, have to have for my life, work, home, health, family, well being, – and as you said – for my soul to be where it wants/needs to be. Funny thing (or not) is that I have also thought about all of the things that I should/could do to change this.

    This is definitely one of those things that, just like your process leading up to writing this post, needs to just be DONE! Bring in the Nike swish and “Just do it” << best commercial motivation I know of…

    So now comes the hard part… picking the first step, the first whatever – and getting it done… :)

  • http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly

    I love that you had a great 'a-ha' moment like that! Even if it took you 1.5 years to get it going – point is you did it and are on the right road!! Congrats!

  • http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly

    I agree… Sometimes I get amazed when I see people acting different ways to different people for whatever reason… I always want to say (and know the answer to) “If you are not being your true self, then what is the point… are you really getting anything out of it…” ???

  • http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly

    I love that you spent 6 months getting to know yourself again and figuring out what you want instead of just jumping in and changing things 'willy-nilly” – I definitely believe that if you do not know yourself – how can anyone else? If you do not know what you want… how can you get it??

    I think it is awesome that you are taking the scary steps and changing your life to be what you want it to be!

  • http://twitter.com/randomshelly Shelly

    I honestly think that knowing what needs to be changed is the hard part… and even if you 'don't want to know' – you are one step closer to doing what YOU KNOW you should and that should at least feel good! Don't you think that is better than knowing 'something needs to change' – but not knowing what it is??? :)

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Hey Shelagh!

    Thank you for being a mirror for me… with your words…

    “I say I've changed; I know I've changed inside. And now it is time, moment by moment, to make the choices that support me. To know what is right for me, what feels authentic, and act accordingly. To stop the habit of “just this once won't matter”. And in the first 18 days of this year not only have I been acting differently, I've had different results.”

    I've seen and am seeing the change in you… and I see and am seeing the changes in me! You go girl!

  • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

    My breath just caught upon reading “it's not like I don't WANT to do what I think I have the potential to do… but the action steps I need to take for that is what I so often don't want to do.” The truth hurts me!

    It's always easier to dream the dream than to put on the walking shoes and work gloves and DIG IN. I want to work hard at what I WANT to do, not on what it takes to get there. But isn't it ultimately the same thing? Harder still — I'm not entirely sure what that end result IS. I know it involves writing, and that it's not writing as an employee of someone else. I know that I love fiction and telling others' stories, but I'm not a big fan of (or great at) interviewing, and deadlines make my creativity curl up and die (as NaNoWriMo illustrated). Yet these are the kinds of steps that might help me, ultimately, just as the journalism classes I despised the necessity of in college ultimately made me a much better fiction writer by learning to distill my thoughts.

    Today, I'll do one thing that will help me toward my goal. I'll apply for an editorial position at a new magazine which recently came available, even though I “don't want to be an editor.” And if I get hired, I'll do that job, and make those connections, and above all learn and move forward toward my ultimate dream.

  • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

    This resonates for me right now. In my marriage, I'm the “Positive” and my husband is the “Negative”. From the start of our relationship, I thought I could help him change that view by telling him of all the ways positive thinking helps, and negative thinking brings about negative results. What I realized a few days ago was that, although I talk a good game, my actions were that of a negative person. I was letting him affect me, instead of the other way around. Negativity is strong, but Positivity can change the world. It's time to act like I believe what I say, and make miracles happen.

    (By the way, I also realized that it's best to let others come to these attitudes on their own. It isn't my responsibility to “make” him into anything other than what he wants to be…but I can sure as heck be a great example of what mental attitude and action can do.)

  • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

    I know for a fact that it ISN'T much easier to change everyone else, but that sure hasn't stopped me from trying my best for nearly 40 years! LOL How much harder can just changing myself be? (I think you all know the answer to that one).

  • daniellemiller

    Ah Michele…

    Thanks for sharing your story…I too can relate to the whole mind/body alignment. I had 4 surgeries last year, 2 relatively serious ones and am still in the recovery process. The biggest challenge for me was to get back some control. When you have all of these things going on, it's very easy to lose sight of the fact that there are steps you can take to get control back and then start the process of getting yourself back in alignment.

    I never really took meditation, deep breathing and getting in touch with my inner self…that small quiet place that is really ME until last year. It's powerful, transforming and amazing. I wish you (and everyone else here;-))the best success in living the life that you want to live.

    I completely agree with Mary Kay…if we are holistic (spiritually, mindfully and physically) in our approach to living our best life, then we can truly be the change we wish to be.

  • Anonymous

    Well I just realized that I haven’t been getting email notification of comments for about SIX HOURS. I just thought you all were being quiet today. :-) So now, I will spend time catching up!

    • Anonymous

      Slightly off-topic, but I stopped getting email alerts about 5pm Eastern on Thurdsay, and am still only getting the odd alert from the first two days – nothing from the posts after that (and it still shows that I am subscribed to them all)

      • Anonymous

        Disqus is having a “challenge” – several of my friends are experiencing the same outage on their blogs. Yay technology. :-)

  • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

    BTW – With apologies to NIKE, I “just did it”.

  • http://www.bestbizwebsitesolutions.com jhaubein

    Mary Kay,

    This is such a great post! Thanks for sharing. It’s great hearing a message like this from another business owner. Unfortunately a few people teaching marketing teach things that seem inauthentic to me or don’t allow me to walk my talk. So glad to hear I’m not alone in this. One thing that bugs me is false scarcity in products. I hated having to put scarcity into my product launch just to encourage people to buy my products.

    This just never sat right in my stomach.

    Also, I try not to hide who I am and why try anyway because it’s almost impossible to do this now with social media. When others tell me to hide the fact that I’m a work at home mom and that might look professional to others I don’t care. Because this is who I am and if my clients don’t like it oh well. I’m not going to pretend I’m a giant corporation when I’m not.

    While I’m always still working to walk the talk everyday it is difficult when we hear messages like “fake it till you make it” and marketing strategies that just don’t sit right with you.

    I’m looking forward to making sure I walk my talk. Don’t want to end up like Tiger! Even though he has tons of money still he’s left with no one. To me my relationships are way more important than money.

    • http://twitter.com/lipdesign Lori Paquette

      Yay, Jennifer! I relate to you because you ARE a work at home mom, know your stuff and are very engaging. That well intentioned old school “advice” (hiding that you’re a WAHM and a small biz) doesn’t work any more. You’re definitely on the right track.

  • http://twitter.com/lipdesign Lori Paquette

    Beautifully said Lori! Happy Birthday in advance … 50 and Fabulous. I'm impressed and inspired by your journey.

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    You're welcome!!!!! I agree – it's so much better… although, at times, it doesn't always SEEM easier! :-)

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Shows that you a MUCH quicker learner than me, Michele! I've tried for the better part of 47 years to change everyone else! :-)

    How about we live the next 40+ years differently? You with me?

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.

    Hi Teresa and Mark! Sometimes devoting too much energy to what you 'can do' is one of those subconscious diversion tactics that keep you from pursuing what you truly desire to do – those moments that Carla Young referred to in Day 3. I do sometimes wonder who Tiger Woods might have been, if he didn't put on his Dad's dream at such a young age, and then get stuck there …

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Here's what I got from your comments, Michele (besides seeing a mirror of myself)…

    I can't “make” him into anything other than what he wants to be……. and who the heck am I to try to or even know what he “should” be?

    And – “I can sure as heck be a great example of what mental attitude and action can do”. I have a coach who always says, “when you show up for yourself, you give everyone else the opportunity to show up for themselves.” She then adds, “And whether they choose to or not, that's up to them.”

    Thanks for the reminder!

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.

    Maybe you could create submissions for writing contests, start networking with authors and publishers via twitter, Facebook Fan Pages, blog sites, and such? It may allow you to discover other avenues for your creative muse beyond the traditional means you're familiar with already.

    I, too, gave NaNoWriMo a shot this past year – and I think I understand what you mean about being comfortable writing other people's stories … I feel that in me too. I write well, but don't feel in my core that I'm a 'Writer'. But to express for others — I light up for that!

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.

    For what it's worth Lori, in the short time I've 'known' you — I've experienced a wonderful energy whenever you've been on my computer screen. You have a real gentle quality about you — and loving, and kind. Sometimes we need to sit in the in-between and reflect, assess and recalibrate before we move on. I just wanted you to know that I think you're beautiful from the inside out …

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.

    I thought the Tiger Woods' tie in was brilliant too. He can certainly serve as a shining example of what can happen when you live your life driven by the dreams of another – and then get so caught up in that you have no idea how to get out. So, you do whatever it takes to end the insanity. Cherry – if you're going to do something crazy – please give us a warning so we can cushion you along the way!! ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.

    I'd sure love to meet you one day Teresa! We almost sound like kindred souls. I AM digging into my nooks and crannies, and I'm discovering that I'm really not all that bad. The horrible parts of me (judged by me) may actually be my greatest gifts and assets, simply under-appreciated by those in my sphere of influence. So now, I'm working on courage and expression. Here's to us all!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.

    I hear you Ava. I actually put Authenticity as one of my Life Themes this year. But I did it fully conscious and awake ~ it gets really tiring dimming your light after so many years for fear of surprising others. I'm really appreciating the many supporters I'm meeting along the way …

  • http://twitter.com/sjcorum Stephanie Corum

    Powerful post. I have made some really bad choices in the past, but luckily seem to have my head screwed on much better now. Still, there are a few places where I don't walk as well as I talk. Thanks for the reminder. I will be certain to always stop and think about what I'm doing.

    I'm really feeling these 30 Days. Things seem to be moving in the right direction. Thanks Sarah!

  • Kristin

    Thnak you for sharing your story. I admire that you took charge of your life after the crisis and had the courage to change your game. Way to go!
    Well, I feel pretty green and unexperienced compared to you. Turning 50 is nothing I can relate to yet. However, a woman I know writes a blog about this topic and the adventure of turning 50 and the life afterwards. If you are interested you might have a look here: http://www.woman-turning-50.com/

  • http://www.insanelyserene.wordpress.com Linda@InsanelySerene

    I've also heard, “How you do anything is how you do everything,” and it makes sense to me, there is no way you can project what you are not – at least not forever. Family secrets are never really family secrets, the worst effects manifest in the next generation, and repeated whether the behaviors are explicitly known or not. I am so with you on the way our society is leaning – your list is a good one, to which I would add that incongruence and lack of integrity are often unknown even to the deceiver. We are deceiving ourselves! I wonder how, if it's even possible, to help others pierce their own denial. My experience shows that only when someone hits a bottom, or becomes willing, can they see through the veil of their own lies. Obviously Tiger had this moment when he backed his car out of the driveway. And thought it led to a firestorm, I have to agree with you, Mary Kay, that this could be an opportunity for him to change his whole life. I see challenges in my life as opportunities, though I may not always be happy about them, they always lead me closer to my true self, if I'm willing to be aware, honest, and take personal responsibility. Thanks for a marvelous post.

  • http://ramartijr.com/about-us/about-michele-corona/ Michele

    Good point, it really is easier to change ourselves, because there is nooooo waaaay you are changing anyone else. Thanks, I needed that reminder!

  • Kristin

    You chose my favourite quote about being the change you want to see in the world. And as for many others in the tribe it is the perfect timing. Although I want to be the change I am too often not. Sometimes Fearella interrupts me asking what I think who I am to believe that I could change the world. Another day my mind is so negative that I cannot see any positive changes to make. Or it's just talking without walking.
    Thank you, Mary Kay, for this inspiring and thought-provoking post. It is a hard one to swallow because it seems much easier to just ignore it and not facing your inner truth. But it probably is not because it costs a lot of energy to not be yourself and not live according to your values and beliefs.

  • http://ramartijr.com/about-us/about-michele-corona/ Michele

    Thanks Danielle. I hope your recovery goes well for you. I'm usually a “runner” i.e; instead of sitting with myself I make myself busy. For the first time in my life I'm slowing down and taking the time to reflect and be the change I really want to be.
    Thank you for the inspiring words!

  • Kristin

    Sometimes we have to fall before we stand up again. Thank you for pointing out the value of challenges and failures. They are often what we need to change our lives.

  • http://www.insanelyserene.wordpress.com Linda@InsanelySerene

    Mollie,

    Really like what you had to say here – and cannot agree more – how did we as a society get so far from our ideas of personal responsibility and accountability? It's something I'm studying, and appreciate the link you shared as part of the puzzle. I read a book recently, Mistakes Were Made, But Not By Me (http://www.amazon.com/Mistakes-Were-Made-But-No…) that looks at the tendency toward rationalization, justification, and other-blaming. I think the only way to bring society back to it is for each of us to model integrity to the best of our ability. I live this in my personal life, and am hoping to spread the word through my writings, but as I said, all we can do is be the best role models we can be, and that means calling ourselves on our own BS, as you rightly point out. Thanks for sharing.

  • http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick

    Indeed. Doing what you CAN do feels good, so a lot of people (myself often included) will stop there – but doing what you WANT to do feels so much better, and when you get to that point, its unmistakable.

  • http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick

    I'm very happy and flattered to hear you're learning from me – I don't see myself as a teacher, but thats probably because I had two professors for parents and told them both at an early age I wasn't following their footsteps, and I'm honestly glad I didn't.

    As for my somethings, they're a work in progress. The one from the other day was a big one and its carrying over, but not in a way I can use as an excuse. :)

    I'm also using the 30 days to help me get closer to what I want – honestly its what I use Sarah for in general – the word use sounds so bad in that sentance, but I totally mean it in a good way, I swear.

  • http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick

    10K season starts in April – gonna do a few of those first – much like Bill Murray in What About Bob? I adore the baby step concept. It works for babies for christ's sake, why not for adults? :)

  • Susan

    Great thought provoking post! Thank you Mary Kay. Happy Birthday, lorilatimer, Celebrate BIG, you deserve it! btw I'm jumping out of plane on my 50th. A trapeze class sounds fun, Diane. I love the posts, Sarah, you get awesome people to blog and comments are just as thought provoking and encouraging. Thank you all.

  • Nazima Ali

    Wow! Talk about a shot to the heart. Very powerful what you’ve written here and I feel that I need to wait until we’re at day 30 to really say anything more. Right now, I need to do some soul searching. I’ve always believed and used the phrase “how you tie your shoe is how you do everything” (except I didn’t use shoe) but I think I may have talked the talk and not always walked the whole walk. Gotta go start walking now. THANK YOU FROM THE HEART.

  • http://twitter.com/lipdesign Lori Paquette

    I have so much work to do here. Too much talk and not enough action. When I get bored/stuck/unhappy I don't act. I don't follow through. Working on it, though. Super post, Mary Kay! Thank you for making me dig deep and really think about what I need to do to act on this.

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    Hi Sally! Wouldn't THAT be fun if we could meet some day! You know what I'm finding most powerful as I look in my nooks and crannies? That when I stop judging what I find… then I can more readily and easily accept it… which is the beginning for better choices leading to real change. For the longest time, it was my judgment about what I would find or thought I would find or did find that kept me from doing the work required to grow and to fully embrace and accept and express me in the world. And that makes WHATEVER I find in the nooks and crannies a GIFT… because even if it is painful to see, it IS a part of me and it is TRUTH… and, as the saying goes, “the truth will set you free” (even if it pisses you off at first!) LOL!

    I agree… here's to us ALL!

  • http://twitter.com/magnoliawkshop Erin Baebler

    OK, this post makes me so excited. I've been coaching amazing women for about 7 years but during that time, I've failed to do some of the things I say I want to do and I know that if I did them, I'd be so much more satisfied with my life. I actually just started a new blog last week about Walking my Talk so that I can really step into what's possible for me and let others in on the journey, too. I think a successful all about aligning what you do with what's important to you. Sounds like there are plenty of people out there who believe it's time to really step into the game and play with all of our hearts.

    Love the part about looking into the nooks and crannies of your life, too.

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    You go girl!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!

  • sarahrobinson

    Well I just realized that I haven't been getting email notification of comments for about SIX HOURS. I just thought you all were being quiet today. :-) So now, I will spend time catching up!

  • sarahrobinson

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

  • sarahrobinson

    So great that you stopped by Tina!!

  • sarahrobinson

    I think you just come for the music and feign interest in everything else. :-)

  • sarahrobinson

    Myla, the only way I could get out of the cycle of spinning around in circles instead of dong what I knew i needed to do was to “burn the ships”. I wrote a post about it if you want to read it: http://escaping-mediocrity.com/uncommon-busines…

    I don't recommend such drastic measures for everyone, but I had to eliminate all other options. Awareness that you are doing it is more than half the battle. :-)

  • http://www.bestbizwebsitesolutions.com jhaubein

    Mary Kay,

    This is such a great post! Thanks for sharing. It's great hearing a message like this from another business owner. Unfortunately a few people teaching marketing teach things that seem inauthentic to me or don't allow me to walk my talk. So glad to hear I'm not alone in this. One thing that bugs me is false scarcity in products. I hated having to put scarcity into my product launch just to encourage people to buy my products.

    This just never sat right in my stomach.

    Also, I try not to hide who I am and why try anyway because it's almost impossible to do this now with social media. When others tell me to hide the fact that I'm a work at home mom and that might look professional to others I don't care. Because this is who I am and if my clients don't like it oh well. I'm not going to pretend I'm a giant corporation when I'm not.

    While I'm always still working to walk the talk everyday it is difficult when we hear messages like “fake it till you make it” and marketing strategies that just don't sit right with you.

    I'm looking forward to making sure I walk my talk. Don't want to end up like Tiger! Even though he has tons of money still he's left with no one. To me my relationships are way more important than money.

  • sarahrobinson

    So glad these days are making an impact. :-) And yay for you for being so courageous!!

  • sarahrobinson

    I am thrilled Stephanie! You get out of them what you put into them and you are putting in a TON!!

  • sarahrobinson

    You remind me of that Elvis song “A Little Less Talk, A Lot More Action” :-)

  • marykaymorgan

    The point too is that our motivation to shift into alignment or to a place where talk = walk is not really about others “finding us out”, it's about freeing our energy to be available for living life and engaging in our soul's work – whatever that may be. It takes a huge amount of personal energy to maintain any kind of mask which is what we are doing when we present ourselves to the world one way, but when “no one is looking”, do the opposite.

  • marykaymorgan

    A huge congratulations. A huge hug and whooo hoootie hooo Happy Birthday!!

  • marykaymorgan

    Trapeze – now that's an awesome way to push your edge. Make sure you post a picture!

  • marykaymorgan

    Teresa – wow! I loved reading your comment. So eloquently put and fabulously inspiring. You have just described the process to a tee (haha couldn't resist the golf word). Walking the talk is not about being perfect, that would be just another false mask anyway! We are spiritual beings having a human experience which means we screw up by design; we have an ego; we forget who we really are! Walking the talk is about being willing to be in the fire of authentic self discovery “first, know thyself”, so that you can choose from a place of empowered awareness instead of ignorance.

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    “it's about freeing our energy to be available for living life and engaging in our soul's work – whatever that may be. It takes a huge amount of personal energy to maintain any kind of mask which is what we are doing when we present ourselves to the world one way, but when “no one is looking”, do the opposite.”

    THAT's what I'm playing for (the freeing of my energy)… because all of my energy has been used for the masks for far too long!

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    See Mark…!!??!! There's another thing we have in common. I LOVE that movie “What About Bob?” :-)

  • marykaymorgan

    Hi Ava – Waving back to you in “Fort Fun” as my friend Melani calls it.

  • marykaymorgan

    It's in my story on http://yourbodyyourguru.com and woven into the special report. Would love to connect with you there. Thanks Myla!!

  • marykaymorgan

    For me it was finally letting go of “control” and being willing to say “I don't know”

  • http://www.accessabundance.com/ Teresa Romain

    WOW! What a post… that just took this 30-day game to a whole new level!!!!! Thanks for the link Sarah… I needed to read that and missed it the first time around!

  • marykaymorgan

    Hey Mollie,

    Thanks for sharing that fascinating article of the relationship of power to personal conduct. Here's what totally jumped out at me while reading: the power that was being discussed in the article was the power we have come to assume is, well, power. My personal belief is that this is in fact a gross distortion of what power really is. The type of power in the article and what we have come to think of as power can only exist in a power over/power under relationship. Another way to put it is win/lose. It is the way the game of life has been played on this earth for a long long time, but I believe that is changing and changing fast.

    If we allow ourselves even for a moment to imagine being powerful without having to have power over anyone or anything but our own self; our own stuff, we can begin to sense what authentic power is about. It is power that exists independent of a perceived position relative to other and exists instead from the true center of the human soul. This is the authentic power of the aligned human being.

    I believe that this authentic power is what we are being called to live when we look to true teachings (not the dogma) common to every major religion that is practiced today. One modern example that virtually everyone knows regardless of background is Mother Teresa. Was she powerful? Incredibly. Authentically. Was she in alignment? Did she walk her talk? Can you even imagine a Mother Teresa scandal? The very idea is ludicrous! There are many other examples both famous and virtually unknown who like Mother Teresa walk with authentic power. It's amazing and inspiring to witness and something we are all capable of.

    I don't pretend to “be there” by any stretch, but like you I want to be told “hey, you are out of alignment on this one sista'”. Kids are pretty darn good at that I have discovered lol!

    I love your closing line: “We're all a work in progress and until the day we die will have the challenge before us to become more fully ourselves – may we be ever ready to accept it.”

    Amen to that!

  • marykaymorgan

    Thanks Linda and what you say is so true “I would add that incongruence and lack of integrity are often unknown even to the deceiver. We are deceiving ourselves!” I think the work is not about helping another see anything, but simply about cleaning up our own side of the street.

  • marykaymorgan

    Rock on!! What's the url of your new blog?

  • Nazima Ali

    Wow! Talk about a shot to the heart. Very powerful what you've written here and I feel that I need to wait until we're at day 30 to really say anything more. Right now, I need to do some soul searching. I've always believed and used the phrase “how you tie your shoe is how you do everything” (except I didn't use shoe) but I think I may have talked the talk and not always walked the whole walk. Gotta go start walking now. THANK YOU FROM THE HEART.

  • http://twitter.com/SpiritusShelagh Shelagh at Spiritus

    Slightly off-topic, but I stopped getting email alerts about 5pm Eastern on Thurdsay, and am still only getting the odd alert from the first two days – nothing from the posts after that (and it still shows that I am subscribed to them all)

  • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

    Oh, I'm definitely a fountain of story ideas! But when I have to write about something for someone else, it's much, much harder. Unfortunately, I've always felt I was “a writer” yet haven't done much of it in years! Now THERE is a lie I've been living for far too long. But, more immediately, I have to find a way to put food on the table (literally). I don't have a financial cushion to fall back on that gives me the luxury of writing for myself right now, so I'm falling back on my (highly skilled) graphic design background to find work in the now. You have some good ideas that are worth incorporating into my day-to-day job search though (particularly the blogging). Thanks for the words of support!

  • http://twitter.com/Mikki_Q Michele Sieniarecki

    YES!!!

  • Pingback: Escaping Mediocrity » Blog Archive » Why would you try so hard to fit in? [Day 9 - 30 Days to Changing Your Game]

  • http://marjorymejia.com/ Marjory

    Beautiful, thank you Mary, being in alignment with our hearts is essential as is having conviction to carry out a transparent game that shows who we are in every moment.
    Thank you!!
    Marjory

  • http://on-a-libm.com/ On a limb with Claudia

    Mark, I went from not being able to run one mile to running a 1/2 marathon last year. I started in May and ran the RnR in Vegas in December. You can so do this. Sometimes baby steps are only excuses to keep us smaller than we actually are. I found a lot of wisdom in the Zen of running. I bet it would help you a great deal as well.

    I don't have the capacity to run a marathon. I have a bag of doctor's notes as to why I shouldn't run even 1 mile. If you have that capacity, you owe it yourself to just go and do it.

    And when you're done, sign up for a marathon. Then do an ultra next year.

  • sarahrobinson

    Disqus is having a “challenge” – several of my friends are experiencing the same outage on their blogs. Yay technology. :-)

  • http://twitter.com/lipdesign Lori Paquette

    Yay, Jennifer! I relate to you because you ARE a work at home mom, know your stuff and are very engaging. That well intentioned old school “advice” (hiding that you're a WAHM and a small biz) doesn't work any more. You're definitely on the right track.

  • http://twitter.com/mckra1g mckra1g

    Thanks, Sarah, for including me in your journey. So many different ways of “seeing the light” exist. It is a fact of physics that light and dark cannot occupy the same space.

    It's a choice: acknowledge the light or be frustrated in the dark. I would rather see the light.

  • http://twitter.com/magnoliawkshop Erin Baebler

    Well, that is a question that sure made it real since I haven't told anyone about it yet. :)
    It is: http://themagnoliaworkshop.squarespace.com/blog/

  • http://marjorymejia.com/ Marjory

    Beautiful, thank you Mary, being in alignment with our hearts is essential as is having conviction to carry out a transparent game that shows who we are in every moment.
    Thank you!!
    Marjory

  • lorilatimer

    Shelly, you are absolutely right. In the last few months I've realized just how many women have gotten lost in the chaos of raising families and working. Last summer a man I went to h.s. contacted me and in our conversations, he asked me “what brings you joy?” and “what makes you happy?” I was stunned to realize that I had no idea! All my answers revolved around my children and my grandson, but he kept pushing me about just what I wanted. That was a huge wake up call and what really started me on this path.

    I hope to help more women realize all these things and live richer, fuller lives like I'm doing!

  • lorilatimer

    Ah, Lori, I like that – 50 and Fabulous! Thank you. Yesterday I heard someone say that 50 is the new 30. Works for me!

    I'm glad that you were touched by what I said. That's the reason I put it out there, to inspire others. When I told people (who knew me pretty well) that I was getting divorced, they were shocked because I had put on such a “good show” for so long. Ugh… that's a terrible place to be. My relationships with my family and friends have become so much deeper since I've been more transparent and quit trying to be “perfect” for everyone.

    And it's so much more fun to live this way, too!

  • lorilatimer

    Well you brought tears to my eyes, Sally! But good ones. I know what you mean about the energy, because I've felt the same thing from you. I love reading everything on Caring Creates – it's so inspirational. You're right about needing to sit and reflect, and that's what I spent the last half of last year doing. I even chose to spend New Year's Eve babysitting my little grandson rather than going out. It just seemed to be a fitting way to end the year.

    Thank you for your kind words, and for the inspiration you provide to me on a daily basis. It's difficult for me to participate much during the week on FB and Twitter because I have a very busy full time job. But I do try to keep up with what's out there, and you always bring a smile to my day!

  • lorilatimer

    Thank you, Sarah. You are an absolute angel, and I know you have done as much for others with this as you have for me. XOXO

  • lorilatimer

    Aww, thank you, Mary Kay! Your post really inspired me, and I love keeping up with you on Twitter! I am amazed at the wonderful group of people that you can “meet” and learn from and not even meet in person. But one of these days :)

  • http://BestLifeDesign.com drmolliemarti

    Thanks for the book recommendation, Linda. I'm also looking forward to looking at your writing! I believe you hit the nail on the head – it all comes down to us LIVING in integrity. Our example – this speaks louder than any words ever can (especially true with those eyes of children looking up to us – they see it all!)

  • http://BestLifeDesign.com drmolliemarti

    Brilliantly said. I talk more about 'control'(…that elusive thing people are always trying to get more of!) and love the context you share of power. At a recent stewardship retreat, the leader had few things in a basket (sandals, sarong, bible, small globe) and asked: do you think a few things in this basket could change the world? Then she made point that these were all of the material things owned by Mother Teresa. We change others by who we ARE and what we do, not through stuff and attempted control. Thanks for your insights – have made me richer :)