Don't Be That Guy

On a bit of a rant today, so I’ll understand if you want to excuse yourself.

Here is what I am observing:

There are some so-called Hot Shots, Big Whigs, SuperStars – whatever you want to call them who are incredibly myopic and self-centered.

Here’s what I mean by that: they KNOW they are dependent on others sharing their message via twitter, facebook, heck – even forwarded emails! BUT, they don’t share other people’s message and help get the word out about other people. Wait. That’s not exactly true. They help a) their peer group and b) they help those who names will benefit their own credibility.

And that just plain sucks.

So, because I KNOW you don’t want to be that guy, here are a few ideas.

1) Be generous. Re-tweet, share and help spread the message for lots of people. Yes I KNOW you want the attention of the uber-famous and re-tweeting them is one way to do that. But it also helps your online rep out a lot if you are known for being generous and supportive to a wide cross-section of people.

2) Don’t name-drop. It’s annoying. And everyone knows that’s what you are doing.

3) Expand the circle of people you talk to. No one likes cliques. I know I am guilty of talking to my tight tribe a lot but I do try to talk to lots of people who show up in my tweet stream.

4) Say please. If you want someone to help you with something – say please. Manners matter.

5) Say thank you. See above.

6) Create relationships with people before you want them to DO something for you.

7) Be nice. Be nice. Be nice.

Ok. Rant over. Would LOVE to know your ideas for being a valuable, useful, and peppy member of the virtual community!

P.S. Shameless self-promotion: If you want to build a rock-solid foundation for your biz and create your “gamechanger” (that thing that will establish you as a player to be reckoned with), check out Get Your Rear In Gear. Starts next Wednesday!

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This entry was posted on Friday, April 9th, 2010 at 12:00 pm and is filed under Uncommon Business. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

http://sallyg.me Sally G.
Hi Sarah. I try to add value while online by offering regular doses of humour, information, wisdom, support and spotlight. I’m not sure I give even a fraction of what I receive … but I try, because the enrichment I receive from the generosity of others is heart swelling.
I’m a very small fish in a very big pond – I’m not asked to RT or endorse the work/tweets of others, and I can UnFollow anyone who monopolizes too much of my tweet stream w/ their own hype. Overall though – I do my best to extend kindness and respect to all who cross my path. And I’m meeting the most INCREDIBLE people as a result.
Rant on Oh Wise One – I truly don’t EVER want to be THAT girl (guy).

Anonymous
laughing at the “Wise” tag!!! Grizzled maybe. Been around the block a few times maybe. But hardly wise. And you my dear could NEVER be “that guy”!

http://sallyg.me Sally G.
I have considered your request to replace ‘Wise’ with ‘Grizzled’ – and I am sorry to tell you it has not been approved. Key reason: Grizzled would add an additional 4 characters to my Twitter Tweets. Secondary reason: it’s the name in reserve for Shelly Kramer.

http://www.entertainingmadesimple.wordpress.com/ Shanna Hatfield
Hi Sarah,
Thank you so much for ranting today. I love the information you shared and it is all so true! I think if we treated people online like we would treat them (or want to be treated) in person – with kindness, compassion and support, we’d all have more fun. It all goes back to the concept of helping enough other people achieve success and then you will be a success!

Anonymous
Thanks Shanna. It really is more fun when we take the focus off of ourselves, isn’t? Just be nice – that’s all it really takes.

http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick
As Shannon just said, treat people how you’d like to be treated. Do what you need to do to promote that which you think is worth promoting.
The other side unfortunately ARE those people who are all about promotion, not of others, but of their own selves. Those people are to be avoided at all costs. However, there is another type of person you need to be careful of – the non reciprocator. You may even like them a lot, and want to share their content, but if they don’t return in kind, or say thank you, or even bother to acknowledge you, then you have a decision to make.
That Guy/Girl takes many forms, and this is one of the ones to be avoided.

Anonymous
I totally agree Mark – the non-reciprocators who never acknowledges or helps those who so enthusiastically help them are just as unsavory as the other rest. And you also bring up a point. The Takers can’t exist without support and a fanbase. We all have a choice about who we lend our support to, right?

http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick
There are other ways of helping, but acknowlegement is nice for sure. But those that don’t do anything and be obvious about it are definitely of the unsavory group, and should be noted as such. I used to try to say something publicly, but it didn’t get anywhere, so I just started blocking them…lol.
We definitely have a choice to whom we lend our support, and we need to use it wisely.

http://www.bestbizwebsitesolutions.com jhaubein
You took the words right out of my mouth! I recently experienced a severe case of name dropping. I don’t want to talk about what I experienced publicly, but unfortunately some people feel that if they name drop they are more important. What I always like to remember is that those people who think they are BIG and start treating others like crap you get what you put out there. Also, people who I think is an important person to someone else they have never even heard of them.
I was just reading an incredible book called Trust Agents. I would love to share a passage here that really resonated with me and applies here.
“No one was actively seeking benefits from any of these interactions. That’s the point. This is what evolves naturally. If you act like a good citizen and you feel like One of Us, the benefits arise without much through. It’s not the negative interaction of quid pro quo, but instead the positive concept of “good things happen to good people”.

Anonymous
I am so sorry that happened to you. I cannot imagine anyone treating you as “less than” – you are such a delight. But, it takes all kinds to make the world go ’round so lets enjoy the tribe we’ve managed to build of people who love us and support us warts and all.

http://www.1degree.biz Michele
Great advice Sarah. I, too, am a very small fish in a big pond but I’m paying close attention and observing. It’s not difficult the find “that guygirl” after a while. I can spot them a mile away. I especially “like” it when I receive a DM that’s pushing services. It’s a much nicer feeling to just be thanked for following.
As Sally very well stated “rant on, oh wise one!”

http://sallyg.me Sally G.
We small fish make up the most fascinating schools though, don’t we Michele? Happy to share this pond with you!
Anonymous
See – in the grand scheme of things we are all small fish – or all large fish – or just fish. And we all need each other and we all have a job to do and part of that job is helping all the other fish. (Okay I’m done with fish now!)
And I will continue to chuckle about “wise”.

http://www.giuliettathemuse.com/blog giulietta the muse
Hi Sarah,
Since I’m a take your power back kind of gal. I say, start your own group of people who aren’t hung up on names! Some biggies may only want to hang with other biggies. That’s o.k. (Us mediumies or smallies can be different, we can promote each other just because we like other fun people.) It’s common to promote people in one’s program. Maybe it’s part of the financial deal? Not sure.
If I see something interesting I retweet it or if someone poses a question that captures my attention I answer it. My MO is to treat people like they matter, cause they do!
I’d like to see more comment leaving! Consider myself a comment fairy and like to pop into people’s sites and leave my thoughts. If someone leaves a comment on my site, I’ll pop over to his or hers. It’s been a great way to meet some other neat people. Lots of good people on line.
I absolutely agree with you about #6 above. Be connected first without any kind of agenda. Then down the road, if it makes sense to ask someone to please do something (another good one you listed) you’ve already got a trusted relationship.
How you treat someone virtually and in person ought to be the same.
Much thanks!
Giulietta, always musing

http://sallyg.me Sally G.
I LOVE the idea of being a Comment Fairy. I am going to think of myself as the twinkling dazzle that shoots of the wand every time it’s waved over someone’s Comment Box. Awesome!!
Anonymous
You are so right Giuletta! And most of the time I do well ignoring all that posing. It’s just such a crazy week for SO much of it that I found it hard to ignore. And I think it helps diffuse it’s power by just saying it out loud.
In the end I think it’s about being a) real and b) kind. If we can all manage to do that most of the time, we’ll make a pretty great world dontcha think?

Anonymous
Well said Sarah. Thank you for putting it out there. Yeah, there’s nothing like being too big for your britches to turn people off. The wonderful, precious people in your tribe are the legs you stand on. I’m always so amazed at the kindness and thoughtfulness of others, and that constantly pushes me to be more like those folks. So my tip, emulate those “doing it right.” Fuel their fires with positive reinforcement and support. Don’t waste your influence and energy on the posers.

Anonymous
“too big for your britches” – love that young hooligan! My mother used to say that too me all the time. And I agree – people can be so amazingly helpful, gentle and kind and those are the people who fill my days. But you know me, at some point, I can’t keep my mouth shut when the bs reaches a deafening level.

Anonymous
Sarah,
The tragic thing is that the asshats who really need to be reading this post, won’t. I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly who you speak of. And agree with you one million percent times 200. But really, we’re not talking about anything new. This is just plain, old-fashioned common sense and courtesy, isn’t that what it all boils down to? I read an article the other day that talked about why people love the Berkshire Hathaway brand built by Warren Buffet so much – and it is almost entirely due to his humility, coupled with his humble and pragmatic nature. Bottom line – be good people. It will come back to you a hundredfold.
Too bad that the ones reading and commenting here already GET that!
Love, love.
Shelly
@shellykramer
http://v3im.com

http://sallyg.me Sally G.
Okay, I looked up Asshat in the dictionary and could not find it. Is it synonymous with Butt-Head by any chance?

Anonymous
Yes, Sally. Butthead, douchebag, dickwad … all synonyms )
Anonymous
Isn’t Asshat like the greatest word EVER?!

Anonymous
Words fail me all the way around Shelly Kramer. Having you as a friend is AWESOME!!

http://shesawake.com loripop326
This is a terrific post. I try hard not to be ‘that girl’. Mostly, it’s because I genuinely like the people that I’m talking to. Go figure.

Anonymous
yeah … liking them and wanting to know them because you like them…now THERE’s a strategy for ya!

http://www.reignitingromance.com/ Rachel Miller
Well put Sarah! It should go without saying but alas it must be said. Do unto others……….. well, we all know the rest. I’m sometimes surprised by the lack of common sense, not to mention common courtesy, out there. I try to always practice it and love that you brought this issue up!

Anonymous
Do unto others….be the change you want to see….all of those sayings exist because they are TRUE. It is shocking at times how people can operate without courtesy and sense… But at least we’ve managed to circle up a group that operates courteously – at least MOST of the time, right?!

http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb
My take is, there will ALWAYS been people like that – there ALWAYS have been! I like to rant about them sometimes too, but in the end, I remind myself that they don’t have to control how I act and how I treat people. And it wouldn’t matter if they DID read this (most of the time, at least) – those type of people tend to be pretty closed and unwilling to learn from the “mediumies” and “smallies”, as Giulietta put it – or even the other biggies!
Your list is an excellent resource for making sure I am not that girl – thank you for sharing your rant and your ideas! As always, you inspire me to be the best that I can be!

Anonymous
Thanks Jess. At least we all know we aren’t loopy for thinking their behaviour is WHACKED!

http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb
LOL – good point! It’s always great to realize that there are other people who are thinking the same things and going through the same stuff!

Anonymous
I love this, and will try to practice what you preach, this is actually helpful to someone who is very new to twitter and facebook, etc. Someone like myself… By the way, the name of my blog is http://www.mrsmediocrity.com. I’m not trying to escape it, I am wallowing in it. (kidding, sort of).
http://twitter.com/joblessmuse Barbara Winter
Thank you for saying this. I found myself looking up the definition of narcissistic personality disorder after observing Twitter behavior of some very well known folks. (Heck, they may have inspired your post.) I also wrote an article at the end of last year that began, “In high school, we’d have thought of them as the Cool Kids. you remember them, don’t you? They had their own little posse and allowed the rest of us to watch them. They wouldn’t have been caught dead talking to us, of course.”
Now that I’ve read your post (which will be enthusiastically retweeted), I am feeling far less annoyed and far more understood.
Anonymous
I think life in general is about QUALITY. So I let go of numbers. And big wigs. And just try to do my own little (or amazing) thing, one step at a time. I let the universe take care of the rest. This may limit my ‘potential’, but it’s the true path for me right now. I’m not against being big- I just don’t want to get to a big arena and not know what to say. So I RT when I’m really moved and I comment when I have something to say- I try not to hold back. Have I taken myself out of the race Sarah? I wonder. Thanks for all you do.
Shelly Larson
what about people who like you who claim to want to help people, when all you are is a self-righteous, judgmental, hypocrite. Gossiper and very two-faced. But isn’t that your phony southern hospitality MO? To use the vulnerability of others, so that you can extract information, and when it’s not up to your standards, you go “dead-cold-silent”? Real evil you are.

Anonymous
Woe, Shelly…what gives with you?? Sarah is about as far from “real evil” as North to South !!! It appears you have a big resentment…that’s a shame, because Sarah is ALL about helping others!!!! I do understand that one cannot please everyone…..which leads me to YOUR rant, which you could have kept to yourself, IMO. I believe Sarah to be comfortable enough in her own skin to let this roll off her back. Besides, I’ve “got her back,” as does her tribe. One last thingy, I’m from the South and quite proud of our hospitable nature.
Here’s hoping that YOU have a better evening, now that you’ve got your “rant” out :=)
Anonymous
Wow, Shelly.
That was totally uncalled for. And as someone who knows Sarah pretty darn well, I have to stand up and say you are clearly smoking some bad crack. She is the last person on the planet I – or anyone who knows her – would ever describe as “self-righteous” “judgmental” or “hypocrite” nor is she a gossip or two-faced as you further, and erroneously claim.
Now slink back into the hole from whence you came and go pick on someone who deserves it. And while you’re at it, why don’t you go get yourself a Gravatar so that people can see your face.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Shelly Kramer
@shellykramer

http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris
Oh my gosh. I’m still laughing over “asshat!” (Or I was till I read the other Shelly’s comment.) Goodness. Can’t we all just get along? I sometimes can’t sleep because I’m afraid I missed a chance to thank someone who tweeted something dear to me. I can’t believe how much the online world can feel like high school, but silly me – I often don’t even know that certain “big names” are big names, and some of these folks calling themsevles “small fish” are the ones who make my day!
Anonymous
You ROCK, Shelly……and I am lovin’ the new “word of the day”….#Asshat …LoL
xo
deb
Shelly Larson
But how ever low my “hole” I’d still be looking down on you Shelly Kramer. You’re nothing more than a foul mouthed hypocrite, and a tragic one at that. You speak of courteous as if you’ve actually given this term some serious thought or experience. Selfish, impatient, and arrogant are not the “neighbors” of courtesy. So, take your own advice and slink back to that vile illusion of originality that you’re trying to sell out there, because your fifteen minutes of popularity are diminishing. Especially when your only survival tools have been treachery, and jealousy. And of course, you can eat your own malice too babekins. PS/Don’t two-faces stick together to make four hideous multiple personalities?

Anonymous
Shelly – I am letting oyour comments stand because I believe everyone entitled to their opinion. but unless you can back up your slanderous accusations with fact, I am going to ask you to refrain from posting any more here. In the interest of protecting my tribe I will ban you if you cannot abide by this request.

http://katjaibur.posterous.com/ Kat Jaibur
Excellent way to handle it, Sarah. To give attention is to say, “Yes, I’d like more of this.” So bye, bye. And nice setting of boundaries. Chris Penn (@cspenn) wrote a great blog post on dealing with haters/critics on Friday. http://bit.ly/c47m2y

http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick
Does anyone else smell that? Jealousy has a distinct odor, and I think it’s in the air.

Anonymous
Oh yeh……I smell “it”….but it’s odor is just much more FOUL today….must have had a busy night “fermenting”. It’s a darn shame that s/he is SO FULL of ANGER. Life is just a bit too short….and, you know what else??….It’s SOOooooo easy to “hide behind” a veil of anonymity and “spout off”….Anger, jealousy & resentment are BIG pieces of the pie that YOU need to work on in your life. I am assuming that you have a lot of hurt inside of you. Prayers going up to help you heal, whoever you are!

Anonymous
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~ Plato >>I’m thinking that this quote may describe “where you are” in life today, in this moment. ……So, Shelly (?), I’ll leave you with one more quote that’s been a favorite of mine for quite some time:
“You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.” Leo Aikman
Sarah & Shelly K…….I’ve still got your back!!

http://www.jessilicious.com Jess Webb
Wow…. Sarah, you are obviously doing something RIGHT here! Celebrate this ignorant, negative comment, because it means there are oodles more people who absolutely LOVE you! (Which makes the negative stand out so much more since it’s surrounded by positivity and love!) LOL!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.
Hi Sarah. I try to add value while online by offering regular doses of humour, information, wisdom, support and spotlight. I'm not sure I give even a fraction of what I receive … but I try, because the enrichment I receive from the generosity of others is heart swelling.
I'm a very small fish in a very big pond – I'm not asked to RT or endorse the work/tweets of others, and I can UnFollow anyone who monopolizes too much of my tweet stream w/ their own hype. Overall though – I do my best to extend kindness and respect to all who cross my path. And I'm meeting the most INCREDIBLE people as a result.
Rant on Oh Wise One – I truly don't EVER want to be THAT girl (guy).
http://sarahcaron.com/ Sarah Caron
Great post! That really is a wonderful reminder … Who wants to be *that* kind of person who narrows in on a tiny group and only helps those who can help them? It’s like junior high to the nth … and that is a bad, bad thing.
http://abbyandizzysmom.blogspot.com Erin
First, this is a fabulous post and I’m taking notes. I use Twitter more for fun than anything else, but I also recognize the value of RTing, being courteous, give & take, etc….I’m also a very small fish in a large pond and I don’t have a fancy degree and I’m stupid when it comes to social media. But I’ve made some amazing friends via Twitter and the Blogosphere. I hope this asshat Shelly crawls back under a rock. I’m sure sorry she was so rude. In the meantime, I’m going to RT this because it’s valuable and awesome.
http://www.theunexperiencedmom.com The (Un)Experienced Mom
Great post! I wrote some similar tips in my “Twitter Etiquette 101″ post a few months back. I agree! I think it was something like, you should tweet about yourself 20% of the time and about others/RT’ing/passing on posts & other info 80% of the time. In other words, it’s good Twitter etiquette to be about others a good amount of the time on there!
First time at your blog, so just saying hi….
Tamara
http://twitter.com/netetiquette Net Etiquette
Manners Matter and Be Polite…I’ve been saying it for years.
http://www.entertainingmadesimple.wordpress.com/ Shanna Hatfield
Hi Sarah,
Thank you so much for ranting today. I love the information you shared and it is all so true! I think if we treated people online like we would treat them (or want to be treated) in person – with kindness, compassion and support, we'd all have more fun. It all goes back to the concept of helping enough other people achieve success and then you will be a success!
http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick
As Shannon just said, treat people how you'd like to be treated. Do what you need to do to promote that which you think is worth promoting.
The other side unfortunately ARE those people who are all about promotion, not of others, but of their own selves. Those people are to be avoided at all costs. However, there is another type of person you need to be careful of – the non reciprocator. You may even like them a lot, and want to share their content, but if they don't return in kind, or say thank you, or even bother to acknowledge you, then you have a decision to make.
That Guy/Girl takes many forms, and this is one of the ones to be avoided.
http://www.bestbizwebsitesolutions.com jhaubein
You took the words right out of my mouth! I recently experienced a severe case of name dropping. I don't want to talk about what I experienced publicly, but unfortunately some people feel that if they name drop they are more important. What I always like to remember is that those people who think they are BIG and start treating others like crap you get what you put out there. Also, people who I think is an important person to someone else they have never even heard of them.
I was just reading an incredible book called Trust Agents. I would love to share a passage here that really resonated with me and applies here.
“No one was actively seeking benefits from any of these interactions. That's the point. This is what evolves naturally. If you act like a good citizen and you feel like One of Us, the benefits arise without much through. It's not the negative interaction of quid pro quo, but instead the positive concept of “good things happen to good people”.
http://ramartijr.com/about-us/about-michele-corona/ Michele
Great advice Sarah. I, too, am a very small fish in a big pond but I'm paying close attention and observing. It's not difficult the find “that guygirl” after a while. I can spot them a mile away. I especially “like” it when I receive a DM that's pushing services. It's a much nicer feeling to just be thanked for following.
As Sally very well stated “rant on, oh wise one!”
Nazima Ali
Sarah,
Great post as always. I always try to pass along great info or answer questions etc. Just seems to be the classy thing to do. I think if I was in a room with these same people I wouldn’t walk away when someone asked a question or needed help so why would I do that online.
Thanks for writing this awesome lady:)
http://www.giuliettathemuse.com/blog giulietta the muse
Hi Sarah,
Since I'm a take your power back kind of gal. I say, start your own group of people who aren't hung up on names! Some biggies may only want to hang with other biggies. That's o.k. (Us mediumies or smallies can be different, we can promote each other just because we like other fun people.) It's common to promote people in one's program. Maybe it's part of the financial deal? Not sure.
If I see something interesting I retweet it or if someone poses a question that captures my attention I answer it. My MO is to treat people like they matter, cause they do!
I'd like to see more comment leaving! Consider myself a comment fairy and like to pop into people's sites and leave my thoughts. If someone leaves a comment on my site, I'll pop over to his or hers. It's been a great way to meet some other neat people. Lots of good people on line.
I absolutely agree with you about #6 above. Be connected first without any kind of agenda. Then down the road, if it makes sense to ask someone to please do something (another good one you listed) you've already got a trusted relationship.
How you treat someone virtually and in person ought to be the same.
Much thanks!
Giulietta, always musing
http://twitter.com/RochelleVeturis Rochelle Veturis
Well said Sarah. Thank you for putting it out there. Yeah, there’s nothing like being too big for your britches to turn people off. The wonderful, precious people in your tribe are the legs you stand on. I’m always so amazed at the kindness and thoughtfulness of others, and that constantly pushes me to be more like those folks. So my tip, emulate those “doing it right.” Fuel their fires with positive reinforcement and support. Don’t waste your influence and energy on the posers.
ShellyKramer
Sarah,
The tragic thing is that the asshats who really need to be reading this post, won't. I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly who you speak of. And agree with you one million percent times 200. But really, we're not talking about anything new. This is just plain, old-fashioned common sense and courtesy, isn't that what it all boils down to? I read an article the other day that talked about why people love the Berkshire Hathaway brand built by Warren Buffet so much – and it is almost entirely due to his humility, coupled with his humble and pragmatic nature. Bottom line – be good people. It will come back to you a hundredfold.
Too bad that the ones reading and commenting here already GET that!
Love, love.
Shelly
@shellykramer
http://v3im.com
Drew Feger
Best advice you can provide your children, please and thank you. I know that sometimes you have to be a little more aggresive, but please and thank you are usually going to get you much further in life. Great rant!
http://shesawake.blogspot.com loripop326
This is a terrific post. I try hard not to be 'that girl'. Mostly, it's because I genuinely like the people that I'm talking to. Go figure.
http://www.reignitingromance.com/ Rachel Miller
Well put Sarah! It should go without saying but alas it must be said. Do unto others……….. well, we all know the rest. I'm sometimes surprised by the lack of common sense, not to mention common courtesy, out there. I try to always practice it and love that you brought this issue up!
http://www.tehjess.com/ Jess Webb
My take is, there will ALWAYS been people like that – there ALWAYS have been! I like to rant about them sometimes too, but in the end, I remind myself that they don't have to control how I act and how I treat people. And it wouldn't matter if they DID read this (most of the time, at least) – those type of people tend to be pretty closed and unwilling to learn from the “mediumies” and “smallies”, as Giulietta put it – or even the other biggies!
Your list is an excellent resource for making sure I am not that girl – thank you for sharing your rant and your ideas! As always, you inspire me to be the best that I can be!
mrsmediocrity
I love this, and will try to practice what you preach, this is actually helpful to someone who is very new to twitter and facebook, etc. Someone like myself… By the way, the name of my blog is http://www.mrsmediocrity.com. I'm not trying to escape it, I am wallowing in it. (kidding, sort of).
sarahrobinson
laughing at the “Wise” tag!!! Grizzled maybe. Been around the block a few times maybe. But hardly wise. And you my dear could NEVER be “that guy”!
sarahrobinson
Thanks Shanna. It really is more fun when we take the focus off of ourselves, isn't? Just be nice – that's all it really takes.
http://twitter.com/joblessmuse Barbara Winter
Thank you for saying this. I found myself looking up the definition of narcissistic personality disorder after observing Twitter behavior of some very well known folks. (Heck, they may have inspired your post.) I also wrote an article at the end of last year that began, “In high school, we'd have thought of them as the Cool Kids. you remember them, don't you? They had their own little posse and allowed the rest of us to watch them. They wouldn't have been caught dead talking to us, of course.”
Now that I've read your post (which will be enthusiastically retweeted), I am feeling far less annoyed and far more understood.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.
I have considered your request to replace 'Wise' with 'Grizzled' – and I am sorry to tell you it has not been approved. Key reason: Grizzled would add an additional 4 characters to my Twitter Tweets. Secondary reason: it's the name in reserve for Shelly Kramer.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.
We small fish make up the most fascinating schools though, don't we Michele? Happy to share this pond with you!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.
I LOVE the idea of being a Comment Fairy. I am going to think of myself as the twinkling dazzle that shoots of the wand every time it's waved over someone's Comment Box. Awesome!!
sarahrobinson
I totally agree Mark – the non-reciprocators who never acknowledges or helps those who so enthusiastically help them are just as unsavory as the other rest. And you also bring up a point. The Takers can't exist without support and a fanbase. We all have a choice about who we lend our support to, right?
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Caring-Creates-/228986840568 Sally G.
Okay, I looked up Asshat in the dictionary and could not find it. Is it synonymous with Butt-Head by any chance?
meganmatthieson
I think life in general is about QUALITY. So I let go of numbers. And big wigs. And just try to do my own little (or amazing) thing, one step at a time. I let the universe take care of the rest. This may limit my 'potential', but it's the true path for me right now. I'm not against being big- I just don't want to get to a big arena and not know what to say. So I RT when I'm really moved and I comment when I have something to say- I try not to hold back. Have I taken myself out of the race Sarah? I wonder. Thanks for all you do.
http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick
There are other ways of helping, but acknowlegement is nice for sure. But those that don't do anything and be obvious about it are definitely of the unsavory group, and should be noted as such. I used to try to say something publicly, but it didn't get anywhere, so I just started blocking them…lol.
We definitely have a choice to whom we lend our support, and we need to use it wisely.
Shelly Larson
what about people who like you who claim to want to help people, when all you are is a self-righteous, judgmental, hypocrite. Gossiper and very two-faced. But isn't that your phony southern hospitality MO? To use the vulnerability of others, so that you can extract information, and when it's not up to your standards, you go “dead-cold-silent”? Real evil you are.
http://twitter.com/JoyFull_deb Deb Bruser
Woe, Shelly…what gives with you?? Sarah is about as far from “real evil” as North to South !!! It appears you have a big resentment…that's a shame, because Sarah is ALL about helping others!!!! I do understand that one cannot please everyone…..which leads me to YOUR rant, which you could have kept to yourself, IMO. I believe Sarah to be comfortable enough in her own skin to let this roll off her back. Besides, I've “got her back,” as does her tribe. One last thingy, I'm from the South and quite proud of our hospitable nature.
Here's hoping that YOU have a better evening, now that you've got your “rant” out :=)
sarahrobinson
I am so sorry that happened to you. I cannot imagine anyone treating you as “less than” – you are such a delight. But, it takes all kinds to make the world go 'round so lets enjoy the tribe we've managed to build of people who love us and support us warts and all.
sarahrobinson
See – in the grand scheme of things we are all small fish – or all large fish – or just fish. And we all need each other and we all have a job to do and part of that job is helping all the other fish. (Okay I'm done with fish now!)
And I will continue to chuckle about “wise”.
sarahrobinson
You are so right Giuletta! And most of the time I do well ignoring all that posing. It's just such a crazy week for SO much of it that I found it hard to ignore. And I think it helps diffuse it's power by just saying it out loud.
In the end I think it's about being a) real and b) kind. If we can all manage to do that most of the time, we'll make a pretty great world dontcha think?
ShellyKramer
Yes, Sally. Butthead, douchebag, dickwad … all synonyms )
sarahrobinson
“too big for your britches” – love that young hooligan! My mother used to say that too me all the time. And I agree – people can be so amazingly helpful, gentle and kind and those are the people who fill my days. But you know me, at some point, I can't keep my mouth shut when the bs reaches a deafening level.
ShellyKramer
Wow, Shelly.
That was totally uncalled for. And as someone who knows Sarah pretty darn well, I have to stand up and say you are clearly smoking some bad crack. She is the last person on the planet I – or anyone who knows her – would ever describe as “self-righteous” “judgmental” or “hypocrite” nor is she a gossip or two-faced as you further, and erroneously claim.
Now slink back into the hole from whence you came and go pick on someone who deserves it. And while you're at it, why don't you go get yourself a Gravatar so that people can see your face.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Shelly Kramer
@shellykramer
http://sarahcaron.com/ Sarah Caron
Great post! That really is a wonderful reminder … Who wants to be *that* kind of person who narrows in on a tiny group and only helps those who can help them? It's like junior high to the nth … and that is a bad, bad thing.
sarahrobinson
Words fail me all the way around Shelly Kramer. Having you as a friend is AWESOME!!
http://abbyandizzysmom.blogspot.com Erin
First, this is a fabulous post and I'm taking notes. I use Twitter more for fun than anything else, but I also recognize the value of RTing, being courteous, give & take, etc….I'm also a very small fish in a large pond and I don't have a fancy degree and I'm stupid when it comes to social media. But I've made some amazing friends via Twitter and the Blogosphere. I hope this asshat Shelly crawls back under a rock. I'm sure sorry she was so rude. In the meantime, I'm going to RT this because it's valuable and awesome.
sarahrobinson
Isn't Asshat like the greatest word EVER?!
sarahrobinson
yeah … liking them and wanting to know them because you like them…now THERE's a strategy for ya!
http://www.theunexperiencedmom.com The (Un)Experienced Mom
Great post! I wrote some similar tips in my “Twitter Etiquette 101″ post a few months back. I agree! I think it was something like, you should tweet about yourself 20% of the time and about others/RT'ing/passing on posts & other info 80% of the time. In other words, it's good Twitter etiquette to be about others a good amount of the time on there!
First time at your blog, so just saying hi….
Tamara
sarahrobinson
Do unto others….be the change you want to see….all of those sayings exist because they are TRUE. It is shocking at times how people can operate without courtesy and sense… But at least we've managed to circle up a group that operates courteously – at least MOST of the time, right?!
sarahrobinson
Thanks Jess. At least we all know we aren't loopy for thinking their behaviour is WHACKED!
http://twitter.com/netetiquette Net Etiquette
Manners Matter and Be Polite…I've been saying it for years.
http://www.ginaparris.com GinaParris
Oh my gosh. I'm still laughing over “asshat!” (Or I was till I read the other Shelly's comment.) Goodness. Can't we all just get along? I sometimes can't sleep because I'm afraid I missed a chance to thank someone who tweeted something dear to me. I can't believe how much the online world can feel like high school, but silly me – I often don't even know that certain “big names” are big names, and some of these folks calling themsevles “small fish” are the ones who make my day!
http://twitter.com/JoyFull_deb Deb Bruser
You ROCK, Shelly……and I am lovin' the new “word of the day”….#Asshat …LoL
xo
deb
Nazima Ali
Sarah,
Great post as always. I always try to pass along great info or answer questions etc. Just seems to be the classy thing to do. I think if I was in a room with these same people I wouldn't walk away when someone asked a question or needed help so why would I do that online.
Thanks for writing this awesome lady:)
Drew Feger
Best advice you can provide your children, please and thank you. I know that sometimes you have to be a little more aggresive, but please and thank you are usually going to get you much further in life. Great rant!
Anonymous
Sarah, this is TOTALLY on point. I think a lot of people simply don’t understand social media and how important it is to share the love. People want to just stand on the roof tops and spout off their own stuff because they don’t realize that if you want people to listen to you, you have to listen to them and help them succeed. What comes around, goes around!
And manners are HUGE in any social atmosphere, so thank you for pointing that out! I can’t tell you how many DMs I get on Twitter from people asking me to review their website or blog posts and to RT them and I have never even seen them in my Tweet stream or heard as much as a hello from them (and forget about please or thank you). I always try to point out that Twitter is like a cocktail party, it is give and take. You have to be a giver and not expect anything in return. This way, you will spread the love and it will be returned in kind. So, you are right on target with this post. Great job! THANK YOU!
Anonymous
Great article and I couldn’t agree more, thank you for the rant LOL!
http://www.tehjess.com/ Jess Webb
LOL – good point! It's always great to realize that there are other people who are thinking the same things and going through the same stuff!
http://www.tehjess.com/ Jess Webb
Wow…. Sarah, you are obviously doing something RIGHT here! Celebrate this ignorant, negative comment, because it means there are oodles more people who absolutely LOVE you! (Which makes the negative stand out so much more since it's surrounded by positivity and love!) LOL!
brittmichaelian
Sarah, this is TOTALLY on point. I think a lot of people simply don't understand social media and how important it is to share the love. People want to just stand on the roof tops and spout off their own stuff because they don't realize that if you want people to listen to you, you have to listen to them and help them succeed. What comes around, goes around!
And manners are HUGE in any social atmosphere, so thank you for pointing that out! I can't tell you how many DMs I get on Twitter from people asking me to review their website or blog posts and to RT them and I have never even seen them in my Tweet stream or heard as much as a hello from them (and forget about please or thank you). I always try to point out that Twitter is like a cocktail party, it is give and take. You have to be a giver and not expect anything in return. This way, you will spread the love and it will be returned in kind. So, you are right on target with this post. Great job! THANK YOU!
Shelly Larson
But how ever low my “hole” I'd still be looking down on you Shelly Kramer. You're nothing more than a foul mouthed hypocrite, and a tragic one at that. You speak of courteous as if you've actually given this term some serious thought or experience. Selfish, impatient, and arrogant are not the “neighbors” of courtesy. So, take your own advice and slink back to that vile illusion of originality that you're trying to sell out there, because your fifteen minutes of popularity are diminishing. Especially when your only survival tools have been treachery, and jealousy. And of course, you can eat your own malice too babekins. PS/Don't two-faces stick together to make four hideous multiple personalities?
semershon
Great article and I couldn't agree more, thank you for the rant LOL!
sarahrobinson
Shelly – I am letting oyour comments stand because I believe everyone entitled to their opinion. but unless you can back up your slanderous accusations with fact, I am going to ask you to refrain from posting any more here. In the interest of protecting my tribe I will ban you if you cannot abide by this request.
http://themarketingmark.blogspot.com MarkSherrick
Does anyone else smell that? Jealousy has a distinct odor, and I think it's in the air.
http://twitter.com/JoyFull_deb Deb Bruser
Oh yeh……I smell “it”….but it's odor is just much more FOUL today….must have had a busy night “fermenting”. It's a darn shame that s/he is SO FULL of ANGER. Life is just a bit too short….and, you know what else??….It's SOOooooo easy to “hide behind” a veil of anonymity and “spout off”….Anger, jealousy & resentment are BIG pieces of the pie that YOU need to work on in your life. I am assuming that you have a lot of hurt inside of you. Prayers going up to help you heal, whoever you are!
http://twitter.com/JoyFull_deb Deb Bruser
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~ Plato >>I'm thinking that this quote may describe “where you are” in life today, in this moment. ……So, Shelly (?), I'll leave you with one more quote that's been a favorite of mine for quite some time:
“You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.” Leo Aikman
Sarah & Shelly K…….I've still got your back!!
http://katjaibur.posterous.com/ Kat Jaibur
I can’t believe you wrote this post. I’ve been writing one just like it in my head. Especially points #1 and #3. #3 amazes me, because there are some people who NEVER reply, even when you’re saying nice things to them. Or says thank you.
The less evolved part of me thinks, “What? Raised by Wolves?” I feel like sending the link to your blog to them — but waiting for that urge to pass. Because I don’t want to be that “asshat” (to borrow from Shelly Kramer and @Redheadwriting) that publicly chastises others. Thank God the majority of people on social media know how to do #7. The good news? Everyone reaps what they sow. It’s inevitable. Thanks for sowing the good stuff, Miss Sarah.
Anonymous
This is great Sarah. One thing I also don’t really like (or understand) is someone who has a ton of followers but is following less than 200 people. How can they actually engage with them? Furthermore, their followers are in a way supporting them.
Many times I’ll notice these people also only tweet about themselves (usually in some sort of rant) and have 20K plus tweets. Still, Twitter is about engaging and appreciating others – not just a place to talk with a few select people.
Great post!
http://twitter.com/JasonVerhoosky Jason Verhoosky
This is great!
I cant agree more about the importance of sharing, and being nice & polite!
We all started somewhere, and without the help, and kind words/links/and passing along of others, nobody would get anywhere!
Remember folks, be social, be helpful, and play well with others.
You may not agree with everyone, but share what works for you.
http://playitforward.posterous.com/ Kat Jaibur
Excellent way to handle it, Sarah. To give attention is to say, “Yes, I'd like more of this.” So bye, bye. And nice setting of boundaries. Chris Penn (@cspenn) wrote a great blog post on dealing with haters/critics on Friday. http://bit.ly/c47m2y
http://playitforward.posterous.com/ Kat Jaibur
I can't believe you wrote this post. I've been writing one just like it in my head. Especially points #1 and #3. #3 amazes me, because there are some people who NEVER reply, even when you're saying nice things to them. Or says thank you.
The less evolved part of me thinks, “What? Raised by Wolves?” I feel like sending the link to your blog to them — but waiting for that urge to pass. Because I don't want to be that “asshat” (to borrow from Shelly Kramer and @Redheadwriting) that publicly chastises others. Thank God the majority of people on social media know how to do #7. The good news? Everyone reaps what they sow. It's inevitable. Thanks for sowing the good stuff, Miss Sarah.
billymacdonald
This is great Sarah. One thing I also don't really like (or understand) is someone who has a ton of followers but is following less than 200 people. How can they actually engage with them? Furthermore, their followers are in a way supporting them.
Many times I'll notice these people also only tweet about themselves (usually in some sort of rant) and have 20K plus tweets. Still, Twitter is about engaging and appreciating others – not just a place to talk with a few select people.
Great post!
http://twitter.com/JasonVerhoosky Jason Verhoosky
This is great!
I cant agree more about the importance of sharing, and being nice & polite!
We all started somewhere, and without the help, and kind words/links/and passing along of others, nobody would get anywhere!
Remember folks, be social, be helpful, and play well with others.
You may not agree with everyone, but share what works for you.
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Escaping Mediocrity