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Because it rained up until mid-afternoon on Saturday, we watched a good bit of Halloween TV Friday and Saturday. And the shows we watched were full of the typical Halloween cast of characters: witches, mummies, vampires, etc. But I also noticed that many shows also had a variation on the “shape-shifter”. You know, the person (or monster) that can turn itself into anyone or anything, at least for a little while. 
I think the Shape-Shifter may be the scariest creature in the lot. Why? Because they actually exist.
Let me explain.
When I first entered the world of coaches, gurus and experts, I was naive and gullible. I believed people were who they said they were and that public persona would always match up with private personality. Boy was I wrong.
I remember the first time I dealt with the staff of a supposed “abundance” guru. Wow, there was nothing abundant about their attitude or willingness to engage with a relative newbie on the scene. I felt so duped and so mislead.
But, being one to believe the best about people, I figured it was a very rare exception. So I recovered and moved on.
Then it happened again. I was in a small group that included several well-known experts. Their public MO was all about generosity and positivity. As I attempted to engage them in conversation, however, I saw nary a trace of either. In fact, one of them point blank asked me “Well, who ARE you?” As if that played some part in whether I was worthy of conversation. I was dumbfounded – and again felt shame and embarrassment.
And again. This time I actually got close to an expert. We talked, we shared stories, we were becoming friends. During one of our conversations, I shared my plans for an upcoming product launch. You can see where this one is going, right? Imagine my surprise when this “expert” launched an almost identical product with an almost identical name. And stopped taking my phone calls.
Again, I felt shame and embarrassment. As if I were wrong somehow, or missed some clue to the expert’s true nature.
I’d like to say that as time passed, I’ve stopped being duped by shape shifters. But that simply isn’t true. I’ve gotten wiser for sure. And my ability to detect them has drastically improved. But at the core of my being, I am still a person who believes people are who they say they are.
Which means that, from time to time, I will be wrong about someone’s true nature. In fact I’ve been wrong – VERY wrong – at least twice this year. But here is what’s different: I no longer feel the shame and embarrassment of somehow misunderstanding. I didn’t misunderstand. I trusted. So the shame and embarrassment don’t belong to me. They belong to the other person.
Is it hard? Yes. Does it hurt? Yes. Would I rather be jaded and callous and guarded? Not on your life. But that’s just how I roll.
What about you? Have you had a run-in with a shape-shifter that knocked you and your business slightly off center? I’d love to hear about it. 
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November 3rd, 2009 at 7:39 am
Faaabulous Dahhhling!
A sign of the times… the shape-shifters are slowly being exposed. You can't hide behind a mask forever!
Love this!
As always, you are a rock star!
xoxoxo
Sandy
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:04 am
Sarah,
I would comment but I think you said it all so perfectly here I'm going to just say BRAVO and send you a huge virtual high five. Well done!
Melani
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:21 am
As someone who only yesterday felt it necessary to sack an “expert” that I had hired, your post made me feel a bit better. I am chosing to focus on what I have learnt by the experience to avoid make similar costly mistakes in the future. Really enjoyed your article.
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:42 am
This exact scenario happened to me about 18 mths ago when I shared an idea with a 'guru' asking if they thought it was a good idea, no reply – no further contact – then a product launch of an almost identical product – even down to the bonus I had suggested. Like lots of thing in life – you learn by your mistakes!
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:00 am
You know I was thinking about how much you would like this post while I was writing it.
xoxo
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:01 am
Thank you Melani!! I am always happy when the people I love and respect “get” my posts.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:08 am
Ali – first let me say I am so sorry that happened to you. And yes, it has happened to all of us. Give yourself a bit of time to grieve it (because I beleive it is a loss when you find out someone isn't who they say they are) and then focus on the lesson. SO glad you stopped by!
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:10 am
Yes, Sarah I have. The biggest disappointment for me recently was finally meeting people who I thought were one way online where I originally met them, but they were not those people-they were instead the things I try not be be. It was devastating. But this has been so true for a long time as you say. I recently met Audrey Hagen who helped me see a revelation – I often disassociate so extremely with those people and the way they do things that I actually hurt, over help my own carer. I do not want to play “their” way. Interesting. Dangerous. A tough world we live in.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:32 am
Gosh, I hear you share these things and it's like the seed of cynicism is brand new to you. I look in the mirror, (God only know why I do it AFTER I wash off the makeup!) and see a woman 42 years old, who became so disgusted in this industry over the DECADES that I am just NOW stepping back in a big way, realizing that my gifts and callings are not null and void just because of others who lost their way. There truly are many who are lovelier the closer you look. (all makeup aside!) Excellent post, for sure. Thanks for sharing it.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:49 am
But would you have it any other way?!
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:54 am
Oh – I have a cynical streak that runs VERY deep!! I just seemed to lay it aside in this more “highly evolved” (cough cough) world for some reason.
What I am learning though, is that there are LOTS of people who want to do it all so differently. They just need to be shown that a) they are not alone and b) there actually IS another way. 
November 3rd, 2009 at 10:32 am
Finding out someone isn't who they seem to be, sucks. It doesn't matter if they're friend, partner, employer, employee, or even someone you just met. We've all been there, some of us more publicly than others, of course – but it doesn't make it any less painful.
You've said so in the past, false authenticity ALWAYS reveals itself. You just have to hope that you've been smart enough that it doesn't blow up in your face when it comes out. But, sometimes it does, its unavoidable. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go kick the next project's arse. The falsehood you left with what you left behind will take care of itself.
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:57 am
I am the eternal optimist, so I know exactly how you feel. However I've seen the flip side be true – sometimes people shape-shift into something you weren't expecting, but it was a pleasant surprise.
November 4th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
It is SO funny you'd write about this now. We were JUST having a conversation about all of the people I've worked with in my career. You see, before I started my business, I worked at a huge PR firm doing food communications. I LOVED it! I mean, I got to work with celebrity chefs daily. I was doing food PR before celebrity chefs were celebrity chefs. Before the Food Network was around. Before people treated chefs like stars. And I was around during the transformation. When you saw seemingly talented people let it all go their heads and stop talking to the “little people.” Obviously I'm not going to name some of the worst culprits, but they are household names. People you think you'd LOVE to meet. They're the worst shape shifters. It's why I always remind myself that no matter how successful people think I am, I'm just a person and my mom can give me that sideways look and I know I'm in trouble. As she always says, “Remember who you are and what you stand for” and you'll never be a shape shifter.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Great piece and so true… Nothing worse then people whose public image is not their reality. It is so refreshing to meet people who are actually what they say they are. Thanks for being real. I love that you”roll” this way.
November 5th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I agree Mark. These experiences are part of the unavoidable learning that we all must do. I'm just hoping to get better at seeing the shape shifters before they see me.
November 5th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
TOTALLY agree with that – and those times are SUCH nice surprises. Thank for the reminder that shape shifting can go in more than one direction.
November 5th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I can ONLY imagine Gini. And it's so hard not to rat people out (at least for me it is). I want to whole world to know these people are not who they seem to be. But, that is not my job. They have to sleep with themselves at night not me. And yes, my mother gives me that look, too, making sure I never get too big for my britches.
November 5th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I've gotten to the point where I just don't have the time, energy or inclination to be otherwise. Glad you like it!
November 5th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
I think this topic is funny and timely. Like you, I've met many two-faced motivational gurus and business leaders. And it really gets me riled when their words and actions don't match up. Just recently, I've been approached by more than one online “fan” of my tweeting and blogging who “wanted to help” more people know about me… only to succeed in getting me to promote them and then walk away. And, Sarah, you have a couple of buddies who send me emails inviting me to participate in their programs — people I've cheered on and retweeted, but who have never once responded to a friendly tweet. (I don't hold you responsible. Just saying.) Am I going to get bitter? Heck no. We need to remember that “What you do says more about you than it does about me.” I also try to remember that we all have our good days and our bad days. None of us is a saint. Whether we walk our talk or not… that's always clear over time.
November 5th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Oh yes! We all know these ones. One of my best was a former boss who dissed my idea and then used it in his year end appraisal as an achievement!
November 6th, 2009 at 7:22 am
OH MY GOSH! I just became a shape shifter. Not out in public, not on stage, not even to my list. Nope. Right here in my house. I “lost it” with my teenage son – spewing all sorts of frustration about his lazy skinny ass – in front of his siblings. It was not pretty. I am not proud. But I am honest, and now I pray for the grace for this Performance Coach to let the Scholarshiped Baseball player for once feel loved just for BEING, and not for being a star. Maybe I should give up performance coaching. After all, aren't we Human BEINGS, before human performers?
November 6th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
I remember suggesting to a woman (from some major “network” that promoted loving everyone) that she shouldn't suggest that everyone print out the emails that she sent because it wasn't good for the environment. I got back the nastiest email. I couldn't help but laugh because all of her posts were about loving everyone, the world etc.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
I hate reading things like this. Although I understand it's a reality we all have to deal with.
I try to live by the rule, “Trust, but verify.” I always look for the good in people, but keep open the possibility that there's an ugly side I want nothing to do with. Until you prove to be something other than you say you are (via verification), I will trust you. It seems to work and since I'm naturally an optimist, it helps keep me grounded in reality.
December 1st, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Great post Sarah. I hear you re the shame and embarrassment. Been there, done that. And I've misjudged a few people for sure. I felt stupid when I did it. And, truthfully, I was pretty stupid. For me, the lesson is about how I want to be in the world. It was a great way for me to see that I always want to remain open, no matter how much of a difference I am making in the world and to how many people. It takes a tremendous amount of consciousness not to let the ego take over and begin to tell you that you should act a certain way. The best opportunity you have in these situations is to try and shine as much light on it as possible from a place of love.
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:10 am
Great post Sarah. I hear you re the shame and embarrassment. Been there, done that. And I've misjudged a few people for sure. I felt stupid when I did it. And, truthfully, I was pretty stupid. For me, the lesson is about how I want to be in the world. It was a great way for me to see that I always want to remain open, no matter how much of a difference I am making in the world and to how many people. It takes a tremendous amount of consciousness not to let the ego take over and begin to tell you that you should act a certain way. The best opportunity you have in these situations is to try and shine as much light on it as possible from a place of love.