I got halfway through writing a blog post about yet *another* over-the-top example of bad behavior that happened last night. I was going to link to a hideous blog post and even to a screen capture of it for you in case the blogger decided to take it down.
I just deleted it.
Why? Because a handful of the core members of my very wise tribe did something AMAZING (as you always do). You reminded me that the world is filled with beautiful, generous, sparkling people who go over the top in getting it right – or at least trying to get it right – every single day.
Which group would I rather give my focus, my time, my energy and my talent to today?
The answer was easy and automatic. YOU. 
See – you are the ones who restore my faith that it’s all going to be okay and that there really are people who value
conducting themselves and treating others with kindness and respect – no matter what the situation.
Just as a small example – in the comments of Monday’s post a polite debate happened with two people who had very different opinions and viewpoints. Each expressed themselves clearly and firmly but never once resorted to low blows or making the other person feel “less than”. A beautiful demonstration of strength and civility.
I want to give my best to THAT – not the mean, rude, crude, ill-mannered people.
So, here is the lesson for me today: there is a difference between saying something I HAVE to say and something I WANT to say. I don’t have to say everything I want to say. In fact, it is probably best if I don’t.
You complete me and I am so much better for it.
Popularity: 6% [?]
No related posts.
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
You know what's really funny? I totally stopped worrying about trolls on my blog or twitter. And now I don't really get any. We create our own reality.
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
You know what's really funny? I totally stopped worrying about trolls on my blog or twitter. And now I don't really get any. We create our own reality.
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Exquisite, you brilliant woman! Drama just produces mor dang drama! And I notice that you produce more excellence! Thank you!
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Exquisite, you brilliant woman! Drama just produces mor dang drama! And I notice that you produce more excellence! Thank you so much!
Elizabeth Crouch
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Even the calmest of us experience frustration. Especially when people behave in a way that disappoints us. We need friends we can “vent” to in a particularly vexing moment. In fact, you did that for me just the other day, didn't you?! Outing jerks publicly seems like a mediocre thing to do. Let them out themselves. Or not. It seems more civil to focus back on what matters. Thanks for being a great example of escaping mediocrity, Sarah.
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Even the calmest of us experience frustration. Especially when people behave in a way that disappoints us. We need friends we can “vent” to in a particularly vexing moment. In fact, you did that for me just the other day, didn't you?! Outing jerks publicly seems like a mediocre thing to do. Let them out themselves. Or not. It seems more civil to focus back on what matters. Thanks for being a great example of escaping mediocrity, Sarah.
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Sarah,
I am so grateful that I met you.
I am creating a seminar series about over-coming fear. I realized as I was writing it, that some of what I was saying was coming from things I learned from guests on my show. You are one of those guests who helped me walk the grid, and I am working to escape mediocrity. I started my radio show for business reasons, but the things I have learned from it are worth it even if nobody listens.
Your decision on this blog post to focus on the positive makes all of who read it better people.
Unless, of course, I can find someone to pick a fight over it….
May the horse be with you….
jay
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Sarah,
I am so grateful that I met you.
I am creating a seminar series about over-coming fear. I realized as I was writing it, that some of what I was saying was coming from things I learned from guests on my show. You are one of those guests who helped me walk the grid, and I am working to escape mediocrity. I started my radio show for business reasons, but the things I have learned from it are worth it even if nobody listens.
Your decision on this blog post to focus on the positive makes all of who read it better people.
Unless, of course, I can find someone to pick a fight over it….
May the horse be with you….
jay
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
That “Delete” button is powerful in so many ways. Bet that felt REALLY good to get rid of that “heavy” stuff and write this post instead.
Focusing your precious time, energy and SELF on the good in your success circle and putting yourself out there as an example of what you want to see more of in the world in a very un-mediocre thing to do.
This world is full of like-minded people who are open about fighting the good fight to a better life that supports their best self to shine. You will attract these amazing people by focusing on your common ideals of decency, kindness, respect, genuiness, and completion – not by focusing on what's lacking or wrong with the world. As you often acknowledge (your gratitude is powerful), you're off to an incredible start with this community! You complete us too
As an aside, I couldn't help but think of our recent Self Control chat when reading about how you're discovering that you don't HAVE to say everything you WANT to say. So very true – and especially challenging for the high spirited southern girl you are! Keep *growing* and holding up the light for others. ~Learn, Master, Model~
Mollie
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
That “Delete” button is powerful in so many ways. Bet that felt REALLY good to get rid of that “heavy” stuff and write this post instead.
Focusing your precious time, energy and SELF on the good in your success circle and putting yourself out there as an example of what you want to see more of in the world in a very un-mediocre thing to do.
This world is full of like-minded people who are open about fighting the good fight to a better life that supports their best self to shine. You will attract these amazing people by focusing on your common ideals of decency, kindness, respect, genuiness, and completion – not by focusing on what's lacking or wrong with the world. As you often acknowledge (your gratitude is powerful), you're off to an incredible start with this community! You complete us too
As an aside, I couldn't help but think of our recent Self Control chat when reading about how you're discovering that you don't HAVE to say everything you WANT to say. So very true – and especially challenging for the high spirited southern girl you are! Keep *growing* and holding up the light for others. ~Learn, Master, Model~
Mollie
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:12 pm
And that is the difference between Pollyana Positive Thinking (read:denial) and recognizing that we will always be surrounded by bad behavior but can only control our own! Well done.
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:12 pm
And that is the difference between Pollyana Positive Thinking (read:denial) and recognizing that we will always be surrounded by bad behavior but can only control our own! Well done.
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:42 pm
And I choose a reality that includes awesome friends like you.
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:42 pm
And I choose a reality that includes awesome friends like you.
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Ah Elizabeth – thank you.
I am surrounded by excellence in friends like you so it makes my job pretty easy.
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Ah Elizabeth – thank you.
I am surrounded by excellence in friends like you so it makes my job pretty easy.
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Yes Amy, that is what I decided. My energy does not need to be spent trying to make others “do right”. I have other things that are WAY more fun than that to do. And I think your idea of having someone to vent to- just to get it out – is key to being able to get back to things that really matter. Thank you for reminding me of that.
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Yes Amy, that is what I decided. My energy does not need to be spent trying to make others “do right”. I have other things that are WAY more fun than that to do. And I think your idea of having someone to vent to- just to get it out – is key to being able to get back to things that really matter. Thank you for reminding me of that.
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
re “Learn, Master, Model”:
Most of my horsemanship instructors trace their roots back to one guy who is the granddaddy of the “Natural Horsemanship” movement, Tom Dorrance. He taught,
“Observe, Remember, Compare.”
Once again, my horse stories relate to human stories.
September 23rd, 2009 at 9:34 pm
re “Learn, Master, Model”:
Most of my horsemanship instructors trace their roots back to one guy who is the granddaddy of the “Natural Horsemanship” movement, Tom Dorrance. He taught,
“Observe, Remember, Compare.”
Once again, my horse stories relate to human stories.
September 24th, 2009 at 3:26 am
Do you know how often I believe I HAVE to say something?! Really, really wanting to say it? I like your approach but I think I will need to post this reminder somewhere close. “I don't have to say everything I want to say”. I am sure I will need to remind myself of this often.
Thank you! Deb
September 24th, 2009 at 3:26 am
Do you know how often I believe I HAVE to say something?! Really, really wanting to say it? I like your approach but I think I will need to post this reminder somewhere close. “I don't have to say everything I want to say”. I am sure I will need to remind myself of this often.
Thank you! Deb
September 24th, 2009 at 6:44 am
Very nice post and great reminder! “I don’t have to say everything I want to say.” ~ I have to keep tellingmyself that one! Thanks!!
September 24th, 2009 at 6:44 am
Very nice post and great reminder! “I don’t have to say everything I want to say.” ~ I have to keep tellingmyself that one! Thanks!!
September 24th, 2009 at 6:47 am
Exactly. As Dr. W. Dyer says “you become what you think about, all day long” – what would I rather become? strident, rude, demeaning or as you put it kind and respectful….hmm…no contest!
September 24th, 2009 at 6:47 am
Exactly. As Dr. W. Dyer says “you become what you think about, all day long” – what would I rather become? strident, rude, demeaning or as you put it kind and respectful….hmm…no contest!
September 24th, 2009 at 6:49 am
Life takes on a whole new meaning when you stop looking at the negative things, Gandhi said it best “be the change you want to see in the world”
I use to see the negative, point it out and it would stay with me all day, or longer depending on how upset I got, and when you
pay attention you really do see how much more of it you see, and now that I dont' see it, don't allow it in my world, I am happy and constantly
finding more and more wonderful things around me and fabulous people like you come along
I wouldn't and couldn't walk away from a situation that required help but from someone just being unaware, like water off a ducks back, I'm out of there.
September 24th, 2009 at 6:49 am
Life takes on a whole new meaning when you stop looking at the negative things, Gandhi said it best “be the change you want to see in the world”
I use to see the negative, point it out and it would stay with me all day, or longer depending on how upset I got, and when you
pay attention you really do see how much more of it you see, and now that I dont' see it, don't allow it in my world, I am happy and constantly
finding more and more wonderful things around me and fabulous people like you come along
I wouldn't and couldn't walk away from a situation that required help but from someone just being unaware, like water off a ducks back, I'm out of there.
September 24th, 2009 at 6:57 am
Thanks Sarah for creating even more wonderful energy in the world! You are a role model and a women to watch. You are making a lasting impact that makes a difference. Not just creating headlines that attract and create drama for the sake of reaction. Reaction comes from our surface and destroys, truth comes from our depth and creates. You are creating for all of us.
Remember what you resist, persists, without resistance, it withers and dies. You chose not to resist but to grow elsewhere and it is lots more FUN!
September 24th, 2009 at 6:57 am
Thanks Sarah for creating even more wonderful energy in the world! You are a role model and a women to watch. You are making a lasting impact that makes a difference. Not just creating headlines that attract and create drama for the sake of reaction. Reaction comes from our surface and destroys, truth comes from our depth and creates. You are creating for all of us.
Remember what you resist, persists, without resistance, it withers and dies. You chose not to resist but to grow elsewhere and it is lots more FUN!
September 24th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Good for you Sarah for taking a step back and focusing on the positives. It really doesn't matter what you do or what industry you are in, you will with out fail, inevitably run into the troll/mud slinger. My experience is that the proportion of those who are respectful and reasonable far out weigh those who just want to get nasty. Our heads get filled with all kinds of stimuli everyday both positive and negative – better to focus on the positive.
September 24th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Good for you Sarah for taking a step back and focusing on the positives. It really doesn't matter what you do or what industry you are in, you will with out fail, inevitably run into the troll/mud slinger. My experience is that the proportion of those who are respectful and reasonable far out weigh those who just want to get nasty. Our heads get filled with all kinds of stimuli everyday both positive and negative – better to focus on the positive.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Ha ha!! I love “Pollyana Positive Thinking”! I amy have to coorw that.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Ha ha!! I love “Pollyana Positive Thinking”! I amy have to coorw that.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:25 am
I made a sticky note yesterday as soon as hit publish on this post.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:25 am
I made a sticky note yesterday as soon as hit publish on this post.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Thanks for stopping by! Maybe we should make t-shirts that say that.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Thanks for stopping by! Maybe we should make t-shirts that say that.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Yes – what is that saying – You get what you focus on”. And I need my tribe tohelp me remember that!
September 24th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Yes – what is that saying – You get what you focus on”. And I need my tribe tohelp me remember that!
September 24th, 2009 at 8:31 am
You are so right! We build our own filters for life and we see whatever we are filtering for. Isn't it nice the we can choose to change our filters anytime we want to?!
September 24th, 2009 at 8:31 am
You are so right! We build our own filters for life and we see whatever we are filtering for. Isn't it nice the we can choose to change our filters anytime we want to?!
September 24th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Oh Edie.
I am only able to do what I do because I am inspired by the members of my tribe – wonderfully amazing people like YOU!
September 24th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Oh Edie.
I am only able to do what I do because I am inspired by the members of my tribe – wonderfully amazing people like YOU!
September 24th, 2009 at 8:38 am
And you Ed, help me stay focused on just that. Thank You.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:38 am
And you Ed, help me stay focused on just that. Thank You.
September 24th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Sarah: Hooray! You took the high road… and you know it because it literally lifts your spirits. It lifted mine, too. It has that ripple effect. I like to say, “The reason my nose is between my brain and my mouth is so I'll stop and take a deep breath before I speak.” Rarely have I regretted using restraint of tongue and pen (or keyboard). The more we focus our attention on what we want & appreciate, the more of it we get. For me, that means more positive, fun, sassy, gutsy, real — not Pollyanna-ish — people who are living life full out. Like you!
September 24th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Sarah: Hooray! You took the high road… and you know it because it literally lifts your spirits. It lifted mine, too. It has that ripple effect. I like to say, “The reason my nose is between my brain and my mouth is so I'll stop and take a deep breath before I speak.” Rarely have I regretted using restraint of tongue and pen (or keyboard). The more we focus our attention on what we want & appreciate, the more of it we get. For me, that means more positive, fun, sassy, gutsy, real — not Pollyanna-ish — people who are living life full out. Like you!
September 25th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Sarah – thanks for this. A great reminder that the more we focus on the positive in others, the more those aspects blossom within us. And it feels great. The Buddha said when you bow to the Buddha nature in another person, that person's Buddha nature bows in return to you – as if they are your own reflection in a mirror.
September 25th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Sarah – thanks for this. A great reminder that the more we focus on the positive in others, the more those aspects blossom within us. And it feels great. The Buddha said when you bow to the Buddha nature in another person, that person's Buddha nature bows in return to you – as if they are your own reflection in a mirror.
September 30th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Great lesson Sarah. I too pondered writing a post based on one of those recent examples I witnessed. Then as I read the continuing stream of commentary I realized whatever I had to say was pretty irrelevant – the community had held the offending party accountable in spades. In the end I had nothing left to add that I believed could make a difference worth my time in writing or anyone else's in reading. There were certainly a multitude of lessons to be learned from the exchange. But for me the thing that is most notable is how this person's tribe took a stand. Now that I am saying it here, THAT would be worth writing about!
September 30th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Great lesson Sarah. I too pondered writing a post based on one of those recent examples I witnessed. Then as I read the continuing stream of commentary I realized whatever I had to say was pretty irrelevant – the community had held the offending party accountable in spades. In the end I had nothing left to add that I believed could make a difference worth my time in writing or anyone else's in reading. There were certainly a multitude of lessons to be learned from the exchange. But for me the thing that is most notable is how this person's tribe took a stand. Now that I am saying it here, THAT would be worth writing about!
September 30th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Thoughtful, uplifting post that lends perspective to a sometimes over-rushed world that often crushes down on us when we don't need it! Thanks for reminding me, too, that I don't HAVE to say everything I think or feel. Sometimes, it's best to let sleeping dogs lie!
September 30th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Thoughtful, uplifting post that lends perspective to a sometimes over-rushed world that often crushes down on us when we don't need it! Thanks for reminding me, too, that I don't HAVE to say everything I think or feel. Sometimes, it's best to let sleeping dogs lie!
September 30th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
I agree. If we all focused on the negative nothing positive would ever surface. Maintaining a positive attitude and highlighting the positives helps to improve us all. Just think what that one person could learn if you point out a positive example instead of commenting on their faults?
September 30th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
I agree. If we all focused on the negative nothing positive would ever surface. Maintaining a positive attitude and highlighting the positives helps to improve us all. Just think what that one person could learn if you point out a positive example instead of commenting on their faults?
September 30th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
A good reminder. I'm been there TOO.
September 30th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
A good reminder. I'm been there TOO.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Here is also a thought Sarah – I believe that 99% of the people do the best job they can possibility do with the information they currently have. Until they get new information, new insight, new connection, will they ever get better? Probably not.
October 7th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Here is also a thought Sarah – I believe that 99% of the people do the best job they can possibility do with the information they currently have. Until they get new information, new insight, new connection, will they ever get better? Probably not.
October 7th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Here is also a thought Sarah – I believe that 99% of the people do the best job they can possibility do with the information they currently have. Until they get new information, new insight, new connection, will they ever get better? Probably not.
October 7th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Here is also a thought Sarah – I believe that 99% of the people do the best job they can possibility do with the information they currently have. Until they get new information, new insight, new connection, will they ever get better? Probably not.