Escaping Mediocrity

Sarah, your posts always resonate deeply with me. This particular post invokes my heartfelt love and passion for both native America and servant leadership. What many may not know is one is incomplete without the other. More on that later.

I love how you bring out the tribe’s unique deep-seated need for connection and levy much of that responsibility on the leader. As you so eloquently demonstrate time and time again with your blog, Sarah, the care and feeding of your tribe (folks like me) necessitates a willing and deliberate outreach to spark conversation and to nurture and engage connections on so many different levels. In so doing, you create a place of uncommon connectedness and community, free-flowing with a diversity of exchanges that attracts a variety of Hooligans to share time and place with you. As that occurs, “nurturing communities” bud and bloom. You can see it in your very own tribe. Generally speaking, everyone contributes, everyone does their part to enable others to grow, all of us discover ways to learn by teaching, we share ways to grow by giving, and we respect everyone’s needs, skills, and wisdom. In a very important sense, your tribe finds a home away from home when they are with you.

You know, I’d like to say, for the benefit of those pressed for time, I will keep this short. But it’s not nice to fib. And because there’s so much going on in your post, I find it difficult to focus on one piece of advice. But I will narrow it down to three or four key thoughts central to my way of thinking.

If I were trying to tell you how to build and maintain a tribe that I wanted to be a part of (you know all of this is academic, don't you!), the very first thing I would suggest is for you to lean heavily on the wisdom of the ages. In so doing, you are lifted on the shoulders of all who have gone before. You gain the benefit of their triumphs and the strength from their struggles. Teachers come in all shapes and sizes, and wisdom stands at the door knocking. We have but to open the door to receive it. And open the door we must. Senaca teaches, "It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult." Daring takes fortitude. Ralph Waldo Emerson posits, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." By relying on the wisdom of the ages to inform our decisions, we greatly improve our chances of seeing the forest around imposing trees; so much so, we learn to grow the forest. Deepak Chopra advocates, "In every seed, there is the promise of thousands of forests." You, Sarah, are that seed. Your tribe of Hooligans is your beloved forest. In turn, expect each of them to grow their own!

While we’re on this subject (forests, not Hooligans), let us consider the lessons of leadership and uncommon connection we can learn from an unlikely source: a stand of quaking aspen. Aspen are medium-sized deciduous trees, generally 60 to 80 feet tall and about 18 inches in diameter. Their bark is smooth, greenish-white, yellowish-white, yellowish-gray, or gray to almost white in color. Their leaves are thin, firm, and nearly round, maybe 3 inches in diameter. They are quite lovely, pointed at the apex and rounded at the base, with many small sharply pointed teeth along their margins. Aspen leaves are smooth, bright green to yellowish-green, dull underneath, until they turn brilliant yellow, gold, orange, or slightly red in the fall. The leave's small stem is flattened along its entire length, perpendicular to the leaf blade. The flattened stems allow the leaves to quake or tremble in the slightest breeze; hence, their name. Aspen trees usually do not live more than 150 years.What I have described leaves (sorry) a great many very important matters unlearned. And every leader, especially every tribal leader, should learn them.

There exists a colony of Aspen on the Fishlake National Forest in southern Utah. Some ask, “So, what?” My reply: Maybe, everything. You see, this colony survives a single male Quaking Aspen whose root system is claimed by some to be 80,000 years old, making it perhaps the oldest known living organism in existence. That’s great, but why is this important and what does it have to do with leadership and the uncommon connectedness of a tribe? In simplest terms, an aspen colony—a tribe, if you will—thrives not because of what goes on above ground but, instead, because of what happens just below the surface. Tribal leaders (e.g., moms!, CEOs, entrepreneurs, Eagle Scouts, Chiefs, and the like) must learn that everything happening on the surface will likely take care of itself if—and that’s a really big IF—the leader tends to matters of the heart—those things just under the surface that can raise the tribe to new heights or destroy it from within. Remember what Emerson said: Those things that go on around us are of little significance compared to what lies within us. Your tribe has many “aspens.” You can focus, as I described above, on each aspen in isolation. After all, it is your tribe. Or … you can look at the grove—the tribe—and realize all that goes on below the surface gives life to what we see and feel. For, just beneath the surface every Aspen tree is connected to every other by a common root system, often stretching across entire mountains. So it is, the true nature of your tribe is hidden from view—you see the individual, but you know it’s the heart and soul—the collective consciousness—of the tribe that is essential for you, the leader, to nurture and keep connected.

In this emerging reality, great leaders thrive and mediocre leadership is revealed. Look at “the best places to work.” They are the best places to work because the leadership recognizes the optimum enterprise no longer relies on autocratic, hierarchical behavior; instead, it listens intently to the collective consciousness that flows within it. The days of misguided well-positioned folks who know nothing of leadership believing, instead, in an arrogant, ego-centric self-serving way, people exist for their benefit instead of vice versa are fast fading. Great leaders respond to their awareness of this new reality. They do so by deliberately relying on the wisdom of the ages; they possess an innate understanding of life passed down by ancient traditions. And they understand one of our greatest collective mistakes is to ignore sage advice just because it is old.

One of the very best pieces of “old” advice I can share is to follow in the steps of servant leaders. Servant leadership is not something new. It derives its power from the people, and its traditions hail from the Middle East and the ancient Orient. According to the ancient Hebrew texts (about 900BC), Rehoboam was a king of ancient Israel and later king of the Kingdom of Judah after the ten northern tribes of Israel rebelled to form the independent Kingdom of Israel. Seeking advice from those who once stood before Solomon, King Rehoboam was encouraged “to be a servant unto his people, to serve them and answer them, and speak good words unto them; only then would they be thy servants forever.” Lao-Tzu, in the 6th century BC, said, “I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first is gentleness; the second is frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men.”

Some two hundred years later in India, Chanakya, writing in the Arthaśhāstra, explains the Indian way of life, expressing the general concept of servant leadership through the walk of the king: “the king [leader] shall consider as good not what pleases himself but what pleases his subjects [followers].” About 400 years later, Jesus urges his followers to be servants first: “You know that the rulers … lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave …” In a more contemporary time, Martin Luther King, Jr., a personal hero for me, taught, “If you want to be important—Wonderful! If you want to be recognized—Wonderful! If you want to be great—Wonderful! But recognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. That's a new definition of greatness … Everybody can be great because everybody can serve … you only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love and you can be that servant.” By extension, you can then be a leader.

And this brings me to my love, admiration, and deep appreciation for Native America. In the interest of keeping this short, you generally do not rise to a position of leadership unless you first demonstrate your capacity to love others through your willingness to serve them. At its height, there were over sixty distinct tribes of Indians on this continent. Some of the names ring familiar: Anasazi, Apache, Arapaho, Blackfoot, Cherokee, Cheyenne, Chinooks, Comanche, Creeks, Hopi, Iroquois, Kiowa, Lakota, Navajo, Nez Perce, Paiute, Pawnee, Pueblo, Shoshone, Sioux, Ute, and Wampanoag. Each tribe boasted its notable men: Red Cloud, Cochise, Squanto, Crazy Horse, Sacajawea, Pontiac, Geronimo, Tecumseh, Sitting Bull, Black Hawk, Sequoya, Pocahontas, Black Elk, Hiawatha, Chief Joseph, Standing Bear, Red Cloud, Spotted Tail, and Little Crow.

Do you see where this is going? Every Native American leader was/is a servant leader. It is, perhaps, for this reason alone the dominant culture through the centuries has so misunderstood Native Americans. Every tribe, every band, every Indian nation was/is governed by servant leaders. Indeed, the history of Native America is replete with servant leaders for one reason: no one could lead until they proved their willingness to serve. From the time they can walk, Native Americans were/are taught that service to others is the highest calling to which one can aspire. And as they grew up watching the adults serve, they were encouraged to actively seek their own ways to serve their community. Indeed, throughout their life, they were/are servants first – servants always. When you stop to consider the Native American culture, you cannot help but wonder (in amazement!) why they spend so much time helping others. The answer you will receive is simple: "This is what life is about: service to others.”

Sarah, your wonderful tribe of Hooligans is no different! As such, my advice, I suppose, is unnecessary. If you want to successfully nurture your very own tribe (and you are!), the people must first want you to lead them (they do!). With that bridge crossed, let me encourage you to seek the wisdom of the ages (seems to me you do!). From there you will want to tap into the collective consciousness—the ebb and flow—of your tribe (we see it every day!). You will best accomplish both of those tasks by first serving those you lead (my day is brighter because I know we share the same path!).

Thank you once again, Sarah, for a wonderful post, and thank you for putting up with my long-winded nature!

Sarah, your posts always resonate deeply with me. This particular post invokes my heartfelt love and passion for both native America and servant leadership. What many may not know is one is incomplete without the other. More on that later.


I love how you bring out the tribe’s unique deep-seated need for connection and levy much of that responsibility on the leader. As you so eloquently demonstrate time and time again with your blog, Sarah, the care and feeding of your tribe (folks like me) necessitates a willing and deliberate outreach to spark conversation and to nurture and engage connections on so many different levels. In so doing, you create a place of uncommon connectedness and community, free-flowing with a diversity of exchanges that attracts a variety of Hooligans to share time and place with you. As that occurs, “nurturing communities” bud and bloom. You can see it in your very own tribe. Generally speaking, everyone contributes, everyone does their part to enable others to grow, all of us discover ways to learn by teaching, we share ways to grow by giving, and we respect everyone’s needs, skills, and wisdom. In a very important sense, your tribe finds a home away from home when they are with you.



You know, I’d like to say, for the benefit of those pressed for time, I will keep this short. But it’s not nice to fib. And because there’s so much going on in your post, I find it difficult to focus on one piece of advice. But I will narrow it down to three or four key thoughts central to my way of thinking.



If I were trying to tell you how to build and maintain a tribe that I wanted to be a part of (you know all of this is academic, don't you!), the very first thing I would suggest is for you to lean heavily on the wisdom of the ages. In so doing, you are lifted on the shoulders of all who have gone before. You gain the benefit of their triumphs and the strength from their struggles. Teachers come in all shapes and sizes, and wisdom stands at the door knocking. We have but to open the door to receive it. And open the door we must. Senaca teaches, "It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult." Daring takes fortitude. Ralph Waldo Emerson posits, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." By relying on the wisdom of the ages to inform our decisions, we greatly improve our chances of seeing the forest around imposing trees; so much so, we learn to grow the forest. Deepak Chopra advocates, "In every seed, there is the promise of thousands of forests." You, Sarah, are that seed. Your tribe of Hooligans is your beloved forest. In turn, expect each of them to grow their own!



While we’re on this subject (forests, not Hooligans), let us consider the lessons of leadership and uncommon connection we can learn from an unlikely source: a stand of quaking aspen. Aspen are medium-sized deciduous trees, generally 60 to 80 feet tall and about 18 inches in diameter. Their bark is smooth, greenish-white, yellowish-white, yellowish-gray, or gray to almost white in color. Their leaves are thin, firm, and nearly round, maybe 3 inches in diameter. They are quite lovely, pointed at the apex and rounded at the base, with many small sharply pointed teeth along their margins. Aspen leaves are smooth, bright green to yellowish-green, dull underneath, until they turn brilliant yellow, gold, orange, or slightly red in the fall. The leave's small stem is flattened along its entire length, perpendicular to the leaf blade. The flattened stems allow the leaves to quake or tremble in the slightest breeze; hence, their name. Aspen trees usually do not live more than 150 years.What I have described leaves (sorry) a great many very important matters unlearned. And every leader, especially every tribal leader, should learn them.



There exists a colony of Aspen on the Fishlake National Forest in southern Utah. Some ask, “So, what?” My reply: Maybe, everything. You see, this colony survives a single male Quaking Aspen whose root system is claimed by some to be 80,000 years old, making it perhaps the oldest known living organism in existence. That’s great, but why is this important and what does it have to do with leadership and the uncommon connectedness of a tribe? In simplest terms, an aspen colony—a tribe, if you will—thrives not because of what goes on above ground but, instead, because of what happens just below the surface. Tribal leaders (e.g., moms!, CEOs, entrepreneurs, Eagle Scouts, Chiefs, and the like) must learn that everything happening on the surface will likely take care of itself if—and that’s a really big IF—the leader tends to matters of the heart—those things just under the surface that can raise the tribe to new heights or destroy it from within. Remember what Emerson said: Those things that go on around us are of little significance compared to what lies within us. Your tribe has many “aspens.” You can focus, as I described above, on each aspen in isolation. After all, it is your tribe. Or … you can look at the grove—the tribe—and realize all that goes on below the surface gives life to what we see and feel. For, just beneath the surface every Aspen tree is connected to every other by a common root system, often stretching across entire mountains. So it is, the true nature of your tribe is hidden from view—you see the individual, but you know it’s the heart and soul—the collective consciousness—of the tribe that is essential for you, the leader, to nurture and keep connected.



In this emerging reality, great leaders thrive and mediocre leadership is revealed. Look at “the best places to work.” They are the best places to work because the leadership recognizes the optimum enterprise no longer relies on autocratic, hierarchical behavior; instead, it listens intently to the collective consciousness that flows within it. The days of misguided well-positioned folks who know nothing of leadership believing, instead, in an arrogant, ego-centric self-serving way, people exist for their benefit instead of vice versa are fast fading. Great leaders respond to their awareness of this new reality. They do so by deliberately relying on the wisdom of the ages; they possess an innate understanding of life passed down by ancient traditions. And they understand one of our greatest collective mistakes is to ignore sage advice just because it is old.



One of the very best pieces of “old” advice I can share is to follow in the steps of servant leaders. Servant leadership is not something new. It derives its power from the people, and its traditions hail from the Middle East and the ancient Orient. According to the ancient Hebrew texts (about 900BC), Rehoboam was a king of ancient Israel and later king of the Kingdom of Judah after the ten northern tribes of Israel rebelled to form the independent Kingdom of Israel. Seeking advice from those who once stood before Solomon, King Rehoboam was encouraged “to be a servant unto his people, to serve them and answer them, and speak good words unto them; only then would they be thy servants forever.” Lao-Tzu, in the 6th century BC, said, “I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first is gentleness; the second is frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men.”



Some two hundred years later in India, Chanakya, writing in the Arthaśhāstra, explains the Indian way of life, expressing the general concept of servant leadership through the walk of the king: “the king [leader] shall consider as good not what pleases himself but what pleases his subjects [followers].” About 400 years later, Jesus urges his followers to be servants first: “You know that the rulers … lord it over them, and their high offic
ials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave …” In a more contemporary time, Martin Luther King, Jr., a personal hero for me, taught, “If you want to be important—Wonderful! If you want to be recognized—Wonderful! If you want to be great—Wonderful! But recognize that he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. That's a new definition of greatness … Everybody can be great because everybody can serve … you only need a heart full of grace and a soul generated by love and you can be that servant.” By extension, you can then be a leader.



And this brings me to my love, admiration, and deep appreciation for Native America. In the interest of keeping this short, you generally do not rise to a position of leadership unless you first demonstrate your capacity to love others through your willingness to serve them. At its height, there were over sixty distinct tribes of Indians on this continent. Some of the names ring familiar: Anasazi, Apache, Arapaho, Blackfoot, Cherokee, Cheyenne, Chinooks, Comanche, Creeks, Hopi, Iroquois, Kiowa, Lakota, Navajo, Nez Perce, Paiute, Pawnee, Pueblo, Shoshone, Sioux, Ute, and Wampanoag. Each tribe boasted its notable men: Red Cloud, Cochise, Squanto, Crazy Horse, Sacajawea, Pontiac, Geronimo, Tecumseh, Sitting Bull, Black Hawk, Sequoya, Pocahontas, Black Elk, Hiawatha, Chief Joseph, Standing Bear, Red Cloud, Spotted Tail, and Little Crow.



Do you see where this is going? Every Native American leader was/is a servant leader. It is, perhaps, for this reason alone the dominant culture through the centuries has so misunderstood Native Americans. Every tribe, every band, every Indian nation was/is governed by servant leaders. Indeed, the history of Native America is replete with servant leaders for one reason: no one could lead until they proved their willingness to serve. From the time they can walk, Native Americans were/are taught that service to others is the highest calling to which one can aspire. And as they grew up watching the adults serve, they were encouraged to actively seek their own ways to serve their community. Indeed, throughout their life, they were/are servants first – servants always. When you stop to consider the Native American culture, you cannot help but wonder (in amazement!) why they spend so much time helping others. The answer you will receive is simple: "This is what life is about: service to others.”



Sarah, your wonderful tribe of Hooligans is no different! As such, my advice, I suppose, is unnecessary. If you want to successfully nurture your very own tribe (and you are!), the people must first want you to lead them (they do!). With that bridge crossed, let me encourage you to seek the wisdom of the ages (seems to me you do!). From there you will want to tap into the collective consciousness—the ebb and flow—of your tribe (we see it every day!). You will best accomplish both of those tasks by first serving those you lead (my day is brighter because I know we share the same path!).



Thank you once again, Sarah, for a wonderful post, and thank you for putting up with my long-winded nature!

Finding other people fascinating and giving the gift of attention - what a concept in this rush-a-day world we live in!!! And I totally agree. It actually is a gift for US because we become richer for it. :-)

And you do throw the most delicious BBQ's with the most delectable guests Melani. :-) For me, life is too short to live - or work - any other way. I like this part of your tribe description:
"[people] who want to hang with me, don't think they have to agree with me on everything and have no problem telling me the truth when it is because they have my best interest in mind."



Sounds like hanging with an amazing group of friends to me!!

Excellent point Karl. -) Yes - if we try to pose as someone we are not, we will eventually be found out - there is no way to escape it. And for me to live in intergrity with myself, I don' want to be the one I'm deluding.

I know, right? That's how so many so-called gurus make their fortunes - peddling so-called get-rich-quick formulas that appeal to our cravings (and I am in recovery from that particular craving myself!). and I wholehearetedly agree about first knowing to your very core the change you want to see and then firmly committing to build a tribe around that vision. Building a tribe is VERY hard work. And you've got have something deep, meaningful and bigger than yourself to pull you through the hard times. Well said!!

One of my favorite Escaping Mediocrity mantra's is Be Kind. Be Kind. And then, Be kind. The way I see it there can never be too much kindness in our world. One of the reasons I like you so much Reese is that even when you are "critiquing" someone's website - you always deliver your thoughts and suggestions wrapped in a blanket of kind gentleness. A magical gift you bestow everywhere you go. :-)

Enlightening post as always. How would I build a tribe? I would ask questions and then LISTEN, then listen some more. I love learning about people and hearing about their stories. If you really think about it... learning about other people makes for a more interesting, evolved person because now your heart, mind and spirit are flavored by others.

Finding other people fascinating and giving the gift of attention - what a concept in this rush-a-day world we live in!!! And I totally agree. It actually is a gift for US because we become richer for it. :-)

I'd say be a friend. When I am at a party and I want to meet some people I ask them questions. I get curious about their life. I try to build my tribe in the same way I build my relationships with friends. I don't hang out with people I think are jerks and I don't try to attract jerks into my life. I want people coming to my party who want to hang with me, don't think they have to agree with me on everything and have no problem telling me the truth when it is because they have my best interest in mind.

I don't work with clients I wouldn't want to hang at coffee with and I don't think it's much fun to hang with people who must have perfection. That's boring and I have no interest in trying to live up to something like that.

Basically the people I want in my tribe are the people I'd want showing up for a big old backyard bbq so I try to make the bbq as appealing as possible with good food, lots of frisbee, great conversation and cozy rafts in the pool.

Melani

And you do throw the most delicious BBQ's with the most delectable guests Melani. :-) For me, life is too short to live - or work - any other way. I like this part of your tribe description:
"[people] who want to hang with me, don't think they have to agree with me on everything and have no problem telling me the truth when it is because they have my best interest in mind."

Sounds like hanging with an amazing group of friends to me!!

Great blog post Sarah. I can't add to much to what you said already except:
Simply said, you have be authentic, engaging and honest with yourself. Otherwise you will end up not being the person that you thought you are/were.

Excellent point Karl. -) Yes - if we try to pose as someone we are not, we will eventually be found out - there is no way to escape it. And for me to live in intergrity with myself, I don' want to be the one I'm deluding.

Enlightening post as always. How would I build a tribe? I would ask questions and then LISTEN, then listen some more. I love learning about people and hearing about their stories. If you really think about it... learning about other people makes for a more interesting, evolved person because now your heart, mind and spirit are flavored by others.

I am definitely living your magic formula! Thanks for this lovely post- it does amaze me how much we all crave the magical formula (myself included, though I'm a recovering formula-seeker) that will unlock embarrassing riches in a 24 hour time period. No such luck.

My number one thing for all tribe builders out there is to know- in the deepest part of your heart- what change you want to see in the world, and only build a tribe that will help to make that change a reality. Tribe building is a lot of work. If your not 100% committed to the intention of your tribe, you'll get bored or burn out or both.

I know, right? That's how so many so-called gurus make their fortunes - peddling so-called get-rich-quick formulas that appeal to our cravings (and I am in recovery from that particular craving myself!). and I wholehearetedly agree about first knowing to your very core the change you want to see and then firmly committing to build a tribe around that vision. Building a tribe is VERY hard work. And you've got have something deep, meaningful and bigger than yourself to pull you through the hard times. Well said!!

There are so many great, thorough, intelligent responses here. And what I love best is how they make me feel that it's 'safe' to develop my own tribe more--that a lot of people are supportive, cool and encouraging.

Although many things go into the making of a tribe, for me this is #1 when I choose to be part of another person's tribe:
Be Kind.

This doesn't mean you always have to be Pollyanna, but kindness is an incredibly attractive trait.

When we think about this in relation to school, of all the 'popular' kids in high school, the two I remember the most were also the most kind, regardless of a person's rank or stature. For that I will always think their popularity and following was well deserved.

One of my favorite Escaping Mediocrity mantra's is Be Kind. Be Kind. And then, Be kind. The way I see it there can never be too much kindness in our world. One of the reasons I like you so much Reese is that even when you are "critiquing" someone's website - you always deliver your thoughts and suggestions wrapped in a blanket of kind gentleness. A magical gift you bestow everywhere you go. :-)

I'd say be a friend. When I am at a party and I want to meet some people I ask them questions. I get curious about their life. I try to build my tribe in the same way I build my relationships with friends. I don't hang out with people I think are jerks and I don't try to attract jerks into my life. I want people coming to my party who want to hang with me, don't think they have to agree with me on everything and have no problem telling me the truth when it is because they have my best interest in mind.


I don't work with clients I wouldn't want to hang at coffee with and I don't think it's much fun to hang with people who must have perfection. That's boring and I have no interest in trying to live up to something like that.



Basically the people I want in my tribe are the people I'd want showing up for a big old backyard bbq so I try to make the bbq as appealing as possible with good food, lots of frisbee, great conversation and cozy rafts in the pool.



Melani

Great blog post Sarah. I can't add to much to what you said already except:
Simply said, you have be authentic, engaging and honest with yourself. Otherwise you will end up not being the person that you thought you are/were.

Great blog post Sarah. I can't add to much to what you said already except:
Simply said, you have be authentic, engaging and honest with yourself. Otherwise you will end up not being the person that you thought you are/were.

I am definitely living your magic formula! Thanks for this lovely post- it does amaze me how much we all crave the magical formula (myself included, though I'm a recovering formula-seeker) that will unlock embarrassing riches in a 24 hour time period. No such luck.


My number one thing for all tribe builders out there is to know- in the deepest part of your heart- what change you want to see in the world, and only build a tribe that will help to make that change a reality. Tribe building is a lot of work. If your not 100% committed to the intention of your tribe, you'll get bored or burn out or both.

There are so many great, thorough, intelligent responses here. And what I love best is how they make me feel that it's 'safe' to develop my own tribe more--that a lot of people are supportive, cool and encouraging.


Although many things go into the making of a tribe, for me this is #1 when I choose to be part of another person's tribe:

Be Kind.



This doesn't mean you always have to be Pollyanna, but kindness is an incredibly attractive trait.



When we think about this in relation to school, of all the 'popular' kids in high school, the two I remember the most were also the most kind, regardless of a person's rank or stature. For that I will always think their popularity and following was well deserved.

Yes.
It is all about connections, our friends, our tribe, are how we find our way through this life.
We know this, in some way I think it is instinctual, but we live in a such a culture of individuality, of striving and isolation that to find one another's hand, or voice on-line, or in the playground or over the phone is a way to stay emotionally tethered even while living in a fractured society.
It is also, I think, a woman-thing. One which is amplified by the having of children. the raising of a family.
There is much to say and I don't want to get carried away, here, in this small comment box. I mostly wanted to say
yes.

So beautifully written. :-) And I agree - I think it is because our society is so fractured and individualistic that so many of us crave a tribe of our own. We need the connection, the understanding and the safety. Thank you for your elegantly simple "Yes."

So beautifully written. :-) And I agree - I think it is because our society is so fractured and individualistic that so many of us crave a tribe of our own. We need the connection, the understanding and the safety. Thank you for your elegantly simple "Yes."

Yes.
It is all about connections, our friends, our tribe, are how we find our way through this life.

We know this, in some way I think it is instinctual, but we live in a such a culture of individuality, of striving and isolation that to find one another's hand, or voice on-line, or in the playground or over the phone is a way to stay emotionally tethered even while living in a fractured society.

It is also, I think, a woman-thing. One which is amplified by the having of children. the raising of a family.

There is much to say and I don't want to get carried away, here, in this small comment box. I mostly wanted to say

yes.

Sarah - never hold back on your comments. Yours are as brilliant and erudite as all the rest and could only be written by you. :-) One of the best parts about this tribe that is taking shape here is the ability for everyone to voice their thoughts and to safely share opinions, ideas, successes and failures - all while being celebrated. It is an amazing thing to watch. Thank you for being a part of it.

As someone relatively new to the world of twitter and blogs I once again found your blog enlightening...I've found myself looking forward to it and it's become part of my weekly routine. In addition to your insights and transparent, self aware musings I, like you, enjoy the replies of those that you are connected with...(I'm finding it harder to comment this week as I'm farther down the list and so many wise words have already been said...still I shall be brave) The idea of connecting with like minded or indeed contrasting minds with no boundaries in terms of access, geography or resources is so incredibly powerful...and whenever I "meet" someone who stimulates my thoughts and therefore allows me to reasses, question and affirm where I'm at and what I'm thinking I am gladdened and appreciative...


Like you I seem to be changing direction in mid flow so to conclude... in my relatively inexperienced opinion a tribe should provide a safe environment for people to be able to use their voice openly and confidently and where debate, affirmation and challenge is in plentiful supply from all the other voices that make up the whole, that in turn become more than each of the intricate parts...where bravery is applauded and where honesty is the most valuable currency...



Pretty heartwarming really...

See - I think that is an essential part of the fabric of this tribe. We feel scared and panicky because we are all trying to do bigger things but we are willing to run the risk of appearing crazy anyway. And it helps to know that there are people just like us so we don't have to feel so alone in all this big risk-taking we are doing out in the world. I am always so happy when you stop by Richard. :-)

See, the more I read everyone's wisdom and think about how tribes develop, the more I realize we already learned everything we need to know about that when we were about 8 years old. Then we got all grownup-ified and forgot. It really is about who WANTS to join the game and making sure the game stays fun. Other thatn that, everything else is gravy. :-)

no - you always say MORE than the right thing - which leaves me speechless. :-)

Scott - these are great! I especially like "No Surprises". It's like the rule at my house - no one can talk or make noises loud enough to alarm the dog or small children. Life is alarming enough. A family - or in this case - a tribe - should be a place for rest, comfort and understanding as well as the occassional call to grow. Thank you for sharing these. :-)

Great post Sarah., I know all too well that scary feeling of revealing yourself to the world. That burning desire to be authentic,. to share your inner thoughts and the PANIC feeling when you worry, "what if they dont like me or think Im a little crazy" ( ok so maybe I am a little... )
so you feel
To answer your question on building and maintaining a tribe I would say, listen a little more, love a little more, know your strength so you are unafraid to reveal your vulnerability, be humble enough to admit when you are wrong and most important as you noted above, LAUGH. ( all things you seem to do with much grace.)

See - I think that is an essential part of the fabric of this tribe. We feel scared and panicky because we are all trying to do bigger things but we are willing to run the risk of appearing crazy anyway. And it helps to know that there are people just like us so we don't have to feel so alone in all this big risk-taking we are doing out in the world. I am always so happy when you stop by Richard. :-)

As someone relatively new to the world of twitter and blogs I once again found your blog enlightening...I've found myself looking forward to it and it's become part of my weekly routine. In addition to your insights and transparent, self aware musings I, like you, enjoy the replies of those that you are connected with...(I'm finding it harder to comment this week as I'm farther down the list and so many wise words have already been said...still I shall be brave) The idea of connecting with like minded or indeed contrasting minds with no boundaries in terms of access, geography or resources is so incredibly powerful...and whenever I "meet" someone who stimulates my thoughts and therefore allows me to reasses, question and affirm where I'm at and what I'm thinking I am gladdened and appreciative...

Like you I seem to be changing direction in mid flow so to conclude... in my relatively inexperienced opinion a tribe should provide a safe environment for people to be able to use their voice openly and confidently and where debate, affirmation and challenge is in plentiful supply from all the other voices that make up the whole, that in turn become more than each of the intricate parts...where bravery is applauded and where honesty is the most valuable currency...

Pretty heartwarming really...

Sarah - never hold back on your comments. Yours are as brilliant and erudite as all the rest and could only be written by you. :-) One of the best parts about this tribe that is taking shape here is the ability for everyone to voice their thoughts and to safely share opinions, ideas, successes and failures - all while being celebrated. It is an amazing thing to watch. Thank you for being a part of it.

When we got together to play "ditch" in the neighborhood as children, we never really planned it out. We just sort of walked outside and whoever was there joined in the game. We played often and we had fun, so kids just naturally wanted to show up. After a while, you knew who the regulars were.

I'm always glad to come wandering up your street and see you waving out the window at me, ready to plan our escape. I come here because it's fun, I learn something and I like you. If we can provide our tribes at least a couple of those things, I think we're doing ok.

See, the more I read everyone's wisdom and think about how tribes develop, the more I realize we already learned everything we need to know about that when we were about 8 years old. Then we got all grownup-ified and forgot. It really is about who WANTS to join the game and making sure the game stays fun. Other thatn that, everything else is gravy. :-)

Great post Sarah., I know all too well that scary feeling of revealing yourself to the world. That burning desire to be authentic,. to share your inner thoughts and the PANIC feeling when you worry, "what if they dont like me or think Im a little crazy" ( ok so maybe I am a little... )
so you feel

To answer your question on building and maintaining a tribe I would say, listen a little more, love a little more, know your strength so you are unafraid to reveal your vulnerability, be humble enough to admit when you are wrong and most important as you noted above, LAUGH. ( all things you seem to do with much grace.)

Sarah,

Great post as always. There are 5 things that I try to share with the collaborators in my tribe everyday:

1. Be Smart - Expose my ignorance of the world around me to gain insight from those who possess wisdom I can only imagine
2. Be Helpful - Try to end every human transaction with "What else you you require from me?", to let people know that I will give them what I have to provide.
3. Details Matter - Our work, Our Knowledge, Our Passion mean less if there is not an application for it. I seek to provide what I can for others to use and expand upon
4. No Surprises - Life is full of madness, the last thing the tribe needs is more of it. If we are "Fearless" and transparent in our communication, our tribe will grow and prosper.
5. Remember why you are here: Our tribe is here to provide sustenance in all things. How each of us contributes to the tribe may differ, but we are certain that: "Cogito ergo sum"

Thanks for all the inspiration you provide. Be well

Scott - these are great! I especially like "No Surprises". It's like the rule at my house - no one can talk or make noises loud enough to alarm the dog or small children. Life is alarming enough. A family - or in this case - a tribe - should be a place for rest, comfort and understanding as well as the occassional call to grow. Thank you for sharing these. :-)

When we got together to play "ditch" in the neighborhood as children, we never really planned it out. We just sort of walked outside and whoever was there joined in the game. We played often and we had fun, so kids just naturally wanted to show up. After a while, you knew who the regulars were.


I'm always glad to come wandering up your street and see you waving out the window at me, ready to plan our escape. I come here because it's fun, I learn something and I like you. If we can provide our tribes at least a couple of those things, I think we're doing ok.

What? Did I miss the point? State the obvious? What?

Sarah. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah...

What was I going to say again?

Oh ya... Your "secret formula" is much simpler than you imagine!

The #1 thing you share (so generously and courageously) is you. That's not attractive to everyone. But it *is* attractive to people who share your values. And I cannot imagine a stronger tribal glue than that.

XOJA

Oh Jon...... ~S.

What? Did I miss the point? State the obvious? What?

no - you always say MORE than the right thing - which leaves me speechless. :-)

Sarah,


Great post as always. There are 5 things that I try to share with the collaborators in my tribe everyday:



1. Be Smart - Expose my ignorance of the world around me to gain insight from those who possess wisdom I can only imagine

2. Be Helpful - Try to end every human transaction with "What else you you require from me?", to let people know that I will give them what I have to provide.

3. Details Matter - Our work, Our Knowledge, Our Passion mean less if there is not an application for it. I seek to provide what I can for others to use and expand upon

4. No Surprises - Life is full of madness, the last thing the tribe needs is more of it. If we are "Fearless" and transparent in our communication, our tribe will grow and prosper.

5. Remember why you are here: Our tribe is here to provide sustenance in all things. How each of us contributes to the tribe may differ, but we are certain that: "Cogito ergo sum"



Thanks for all the inspiration you provide. Be well

Oh Jon...... ~S.

Sarah. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah...


What was I going to say again?



Oh ya... Your "secret formula" is much simpler than you imagine!



The #1 thing you share (so generously and courageously) is you. That's not attractive to everyone. But it *is* attractive to people who share your values. And I cannot imagine a stronger tribal glue than that.

Begin by sharing YOU... as you've modeled so wonderfully...! :)

Thank you Ben. :-)

Be yourself, scared bits and all. And maybe also I think it helps to try to make friends like you would as a little kid, with people you really, really like and who just get you. I love this post and I think maybe the reason you found a tribe you love is that you didn't have an ulterior motive, i.e. formula. Which is awesome and oh so classy.

you know - the more I hang out in the social web, the more I think it really is like the kindergarten play ground. Make friends, play nice - hand out with the people who like the same things you do. We never outgrow our need for those things, really. And thank you for the compliment. I kinda had an ulterior motive cuz I really really really REALLY hoped there were friends out there who "got me". Lucky me - there ARE!!

It's like that saying "You can't force fun". Well you can't "force a tribe" either. Like some have already indicated, I would say find your voice is key and don't try to pretend you are something you are not. Your followers will see right trough that in a heartbeat. I think another thing that is key that you demonstrate very well Sarah is to show your vulnerability. Shoot, we are all trying to create remarkable/non-mediocre lives for ourselves and we all have fears. Being able to relate to those fears and get through them with someone else is what strengthens the fabric of a tribe. Great post!

What a great analogy Ed (and i am glad you got it in before jack!!). Because it's true - the minute we TRY to have fun - the fun leeches out. But isn't it funny that some people think you actually can force a tirbe - by doinng this, or talking like that or taking this action a tribe will magically form. And I guees one may for a while - but it isn't sustainable. And some point we all get "found out" - and honestly, I'd rather you hear it from me. :-)

Thank you Ben. :-)

Begin by sharing YOU... as you've modeled so wonderfully...! :)

Colin, I love that poem, it's one of my favorites. So much meaning in a small package.


Sarah, another great post :-), and wonderful comments. I agree that your sort of tribe is built around commanalities that cannot be reduced to a formula. How wonderful when it does happen, though - such a blessing!

you know - the more I hang out in the social web, the more I think it really is like the kindergarten play ground. Make friends, play nice - hand out with the people who like the same things you do. We never outgrow our need for those things, really. And thank you for the compliment. I kinda had an ulterior motive cuz I really really really REALLY hoped there were friends out there who "got me". Luck me - there ARE!!

What a great analogy Ed (and i am glad you got it in before jack!!). Because it's true - the minute we TRY to have fun - the fun leeches out. But isn't it funny that some people think you actually can force a tirbe - by doinng this, or talking like that or taking this action a tribe will magically form. And I guees one may for a while - but it isn't sustainable. And some point we all get "found out" - and honestly, I'd rather you hear it from me. :-)

Be yourself, scared bits and all. And maybe also I think it helps to try to make friends like you would as a little kid, with people you really, really like and who just get you. I love this post and I think maybe the reason you found a tribe you love is that you didn't have an ulterior motive, i.e. formula. Which is awesome and oh so classy.

This is a wonderful post! What would I share with them?

1) Be fully, completely, unabashedly who you are and share it.
2) Engage with people you resonate with (paying attention to #1). Give to others whenever you can.
3) Let it happen--don't try to make it happen
4) Do it all with purpose and joy

@feistywoman

GREAT four points to remember. Just imagine what it would be like if the world built IRL communities like that? THAT would be amazing!

Totally agree Ava. I really think being present with someone also really helps with #2.

I also think the best tribes are always growing through two degrees of seperation. I always envision tribes of my closest friends as overlapping circles--much like followers on twitter. By fully connecting with those in my circle, my tribe naturally begins to expand into their circles as well. And so it grows as I now have yet another concentric circle that is touching my tribe...

Well Srah you have raised a great question and to help you with the answer....I would like to quote a poem called "Autobiography in Five Chapters."

1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault
It takes forever to find a way out
2) I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out
3) I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.

You see Sarah, we all walk down those streets looking for an answer and you help us on our journey....yep its said in the proverbs "A fool makes the same mistake twice" and we are all fools, but by sharing your experiences you help us think before we make those mistakes the 3rd and 4th times. By doing that we start to follow a better path....

So not a pure answer to zour question but a reflection on what you provide.

Much love

Colin

Colin, I love that poem, it's one of my favorites. So much meaning in a small package.

Sarah, another great post :-), and wonderful comments. I agree that your sort of tribe is built around commanalities that cannot be reduced to a formula. How wonderful when it does happen, though - such a blessing!

Oh Colin. If I come close to doing that for you, my job on this earth is perfection. That is one of my very favorite poems btw - and I think of it often as we all teach each other how to step AROUND the hole and walk down the street. I am so glad you are a part of this Tribe. :-)

It's like that saying "You can't force fun". Well you can't "force a tribe" either. Like some have already indicated, I would say find your voice is key and don't try to pretend you are something you are not. Your followers will see right trough that in a heartbeat. I think another thing that is key that you demonstrate very well Sarah is to show your vulnerability. Shoot, we are all trying to create remarkable/non-mediocre lives for ourselves and we all have fears. Being able to relate to those fears and get through them with someone else is what strengthens the fabric of a tribe. Great post!

(1) Speak your voice. Every day. Even if you don't know what they heck your voice is (cause we don't know either) -- you find your voice by speaking it. I recommend daily speaking your voice on twitter, and weekly speaking your voice on a blog (or video blog, or whatever).
(2) Talk to people who seem to resonate w/ your voice.
(3) Speak your voice more.
(4) Talk to people ... etc. etc. etc.
(5) Keep doing that for some odd months & months and eventually you will realize you have a tribe and your blog/tweetstream is actually about something.

;) ~ ElizabethPW

And can I just say that you inspire me to do that every single day - no matter how scared I get? Thank you for being in my tribe my friend. :-)

GREAT four points to remember. Just imagine what it would be like if the world built IRL communities like that? THAT would be amazing!

Oh Colin. If I come close to doing that for you, my job on this earth is perfection. That is one of my very favorite poems btw - and I think of it often as we all teach each other how to step AROUND the hole and walk down the street. I am so glad you are a part of this Tribe. :-)

And can I just say that you inspire me to do that every single day - no matter how scared I get? Thank you for being in my tribe my friend. :-)

Yes - you can use the word "authentic" and not get banned from the tribe. :-) When I read over your comment, it reminds of what I tell the young turk when we talk about how to make friends and how to be a friend. It can't be faked and it certainly can't be jammed into some formula. And, at the end of the day, you either are a friend or you aren't - there is no middle ground. Same with a tibe - you either are genuine or you aren't, you are either investing in the relationship or you're not - no middle ground. Thanks for that reminder. :-)

Totally agree Ava. I really think being present with someone also really helps with #2.


I also think the best tribes are always growing through two degrees of seperation. I always envision tribes of my closest friends as overlapping circles--much like followers on twitter. By fully connecting with those in my circle, my tribe naturally begins to expand into their circles as well. And so it grows as I now have yet another concentric circle that is touching my tribe...

You're right-- there is no formula! "Formula" entails plug and play... entails If A, then B... Tribes (and social media, by definition) are SOCIAL. This is a relational exercise, not a mathematical one. Certainly there are certain principles at work, but they are social and relational principles, not scientific. The "key" (not "formula") I think is to be real (can we still say "authentic"?) and enter into real interactions and conversations without trying to jam your "agenda" down someone's throat. This means relationship, and investment in others (ahem, "adding value"), and a kind of servant leadership... and then people may want to engage with you and "follow" you and your "vision." Cool... Way to go Sarah! (And feel better!!)

Yes - you can use the word "authentic" and not get banned from the tribe. :-) When I read over your comment, it reminds of what I tell the young turk when we talk about how to make friends and how to be a friend. It can't be faked and it certainly can't be jammed into some formula. And, at the end of the day, you either are a friend or you aren't - there is no middle ground. Same with a tibe - you either are genuine or you aren't, you are either investing in the relationship or you're not - no middle ground. Thanks for that reminder. :-)

This is a wonderful post! What would I share with them?


1) Be fully, completely, unabashedly who you are and share it.

2) Engage with people you resonate with (paying attention to #1). Give to others whenever you can.

3) Let it happen--don't try to make it happen

4) Do it all with purpose and joy



@feistywoman

Well Srah you have raised a great question and to help you with the answer....I would like to quote a poem called "Autobiography in Five Chapters."


1) I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I fall in.

I am lost... I am hopeless.

It isn't my fault

It takes forever to find a way out

2) I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I'm in the same place.

But it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out

3) I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I see it is there.

I still fall in ... it's a habit

My eyes are open

I know where I am

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.



You see Sarah, we all walk down those streets looking for an answer and you help us on our journey....yep its said in the proverbs "A fool makes the same mistake twice" and we are all fools, but by sharing your experiences you help us think before we make those mistakes the 3rd and 4th times. By doing that we start to follow a better path....



So not a pure answer to zour question but a reflection on what you provide.



Much love



Colin

(1) Speak your voice. Every day. Even if you don't know what they heck your voice is (cause we don't know either) -- you find your voice by speaking it. I recommend daily speaking your voice on twitter, and weekly speaking your voice on a blog (or video blog, or whatever).
(2) Talk to people who seem to resonate w/ your voice.

(3) Speak your voice more.

(4) Talk to people ... etc. etc. etc.

(5) Keep doing that for some odd months & months and eventually you will realize you have a tribe and your blog/tweetstream is actually about something.



;) ~ ElizabethPW

You're right-- there is no formula! "Formula" entails plug and play... entails If A, then B... Tribes (and social media, by definition) are SOCIAL. This is a relational exercise, not a mathematical one. Certainly there are certain principles at work, but they are social and relational principles, not scientific. The "key" (not "formula") I think is to be real (can we still say "authentic"?) and enter into real interactions and conversations without trying to jam your "agenda" down someone's throat. This means relationship, and investment in others (ahem, "adding value"), and a kind of servant leadership... and then people may want to engage with you and "follow" you and your "vision." Cool... Way to go Sarah! (And feel better!!)