Apparently I have an intimate relationship with “Everybody”. I can read their minds. I scurry to please them. I hover over the publish button, worrying about how they will respond to whatever I am posting. I fear them.
“What will Everybody think?”
“What will Everybody say?”
“What if Everybody hates me?”
“What would make Everybody love me?”
“What if Nobody (just another word for Everybody) likes it or me?”
Yeah – I’m twisted like that.
Pretty powerful group, this “everybody” who resides in my head. If I allow them, they will control my every move.
Fortunately, I had a pretty amazing teacher who gave me some insights around Everybody. Her name is Martha Beck. (I was lucky enough to be personally trained by her a life coach – AMAZING experience. But I digress.) And I would like to share a few of her thoughts on managing Everybody.
So, let’s use my Burn The Ships post as an example. Writing and hovering over the Publish button brought out every fear I had about Everybody. What would they think? Would they still respect me in the morning? Would they laugh at me? All that mess.
So here are the questions Martha taught me to ask:
- Can you name five specific people who would agree with Everybody?
- If yes, do you even like these people?
- If yes, will the people who love really care about the opinion of these people?
- If yes, are these people actually people you want in your space anyway?
-If yes, are there an equal number of specific people who would disagree with everybody?
- In the end, and if there really are 5 people – and I usually struggle to come up with who they are – do I care about what they think enough to let them control me?
Now, I will confess that the fear does not magically and completely leave me once I run through answering all these questions. BUT, it does shrink the size of my fear – and of Everybody – considerably.
What about you? How do you deal with Everybody?
P.S. Don’t forget – the first Ustream Tribal Meeting is tonight (Tuesday) at 10p EST. http://www.ustream.tv/channel/escaping-mediocrity.
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May 25th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sheryl Sisk, Steven Kent Gray. Steven Kent Gray said: RT @sarahrobinson Who the Frak is Everybody | Escaping Mediocrity http://bit.ly/cylK6x [...]
May 25th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Oooh! Thank you for sharing the methods you use to help silence the fears. There are days in which I do fall victim to “everybody” but I try not to let “them” get the best of me.
Great post!!! (and title)
May 25th, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Martha Beck rocks! We sure do waste a lot of time worrying about what those 'everybody's' might say and what their expectations for us may be. Great questions to ask ourselves, and a great approach to an issue we all struggle with.
May 25th, 2010 at 4:44 pm
Great post, Sarah. I'm reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore and it deals with this exact issue. Besides the questions you posted I also remind myself that I only have to answer to God and that as long as I'm acting in integrity and authenticity I shouldn't worry about what “Everybody” thinks. Thanks!
May 25th, 2010 at 6:41 pm
That's a pretty darned good set of questions. I'm bookmarking these for later use. I am frequently visited by “Everybody”
May 26th, 2010 at 4:23 pm
Those are good questions… I don't know how I deal with Everybody – gonna have to think on that!
SO sorry I missed the uStream last night! I fell asleep on the couch..
May 26th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
I just remind myself that there will always be naysayers, detractors, sh*t-talkers–name your energy vampire of choice!
When I hear criticism, I ask is there validity–is there proof in reality? Can I learn from this? Is this productive?
If I don't feel the energy is well-intentioned, I remind myself 'there is no everyone.'