Escaping Mediocrity

My biggest fear that holds me back is that I won't be able to have what I really, really, really want. What's so insidious about this fear is that it blocks me from being able to see what I really want. It's a protective measure because as long as I don't want it, I can't get hurt by not having it. As an example, I told myself for years that I didn't really want a man who could take care of me because I would never be dependent on a man. So, guess what? I kept attracting men I had to take care of and told myself that's what I really wanted. Um, no. What I really, really, really, really wanted was a man who could take care of me.

A secondary fear that has held me back a lot is the belief that there will never be one thing that will hold my attention after I "get it" and therefore, I shouldn't pursue something I want really hard because I'm not going to want it once I have it. This has been a big limiter for me. I always want what I can't have and don't want what I can have. This has shown up in relationships, friendships and businesses.

These are great questions Sarah.

Alexis

Wow Alexis. SO SO powerful that you named your biggest scariest fears outloud righ there. I am honored my friend. And now I am cheering for you!!!

Simply put, FEAR is a form of self delusion. (False Experience Appearing Real) I will assure you, focusing on what you fear and don't want is the surest way to bring that energy into you life experience. The Spiritual and Scientific evidence of the self induced state of fear are indisputable.

For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. To consciously create the life of our dreams, we must take total responsibility for our thoughts. And as we take full responsibility for what happens to us we discover that we have been co-creating our lives by our very thoughts. Everything in our outside experience is a reflection of what is happening in our inner thought. That which I affirm, I Am. That which I Am, I affirm.

I hope the resources below assist you in learning to live a life FREE of FEAR. TRUTH given and receive in LOVE heals all. Namaste`

http://yourelevatedlife.com/blog/2009/11/05/fea...
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/yourelevatedlife/2...

Yes but until I specifically indentify my fears and name them out loud, they hold tremendous powere and cannot be eliminated. Ignoring them or pretending they don't exists simply isn't for me.

Hmmm. What will you do about it? What action will you take?

Check out today's post and you'll see! http://escaping-mediocrity.com/uncommon-busines...

I know exactly what stops me...I always have.

Jealousy.

I know where I should be, where I want to be. Right now i'm not. I see people around me less qualified, less experience, less sense, less anything that I've got, and they are where I should be...and it pisses me off. At least that's what I thought it did...but it's not anger, it's jealousy. I want what they have, and I deserve it, but they have it instead. Every time I encounter something like this, it's a struggle to keep quiet until I'm alone.

That's when stuff starts to circle in my mind and I can't figure it out. Then I usually realize that once again, it'll soon be time for good old loyal mark to come in and fix all the broken crap the other person made.

I realize this shouldn't be something that stops me, but it does. I'm sick of being undervalued, but with nowhere else to go, sometimes I just have to deal with it. It's only a short term stop, but a stop nonetheless.

This comment may be a bit philosophical...but I just realized that when I am working hard, focused on what I do well, and therefore am happy...I am fearless about what comes next.

Thing is...I have failed many times at stuff far less complicated than what I do now. So have you!

So, the "what stops you" question is one that I think is deeper than a simple, "fear of failing." We each overcome that fear every day. I mean, I drive my kids to school most mornings. Today the streets were icy. What if I failed to drive carefully and we got in an accident? What if...What if... ?

I think it is a deeper fear of suffering.

Many of the tenets and ideas in eastern thought, particularly Buddhism resonate with me. There is one that I think is in play here. And that is the first of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism that "Life Means Suffering." When I gave myself over to this idea, then I began to see that suffering and happiness are part of the same thing, sides of the same coin. One requires the other. We will always suffer pain, loss, fear in our life just as we will experience ease, happiness, joy.

So...to bring this back to my business. Many times I have been frozen, I have given in to fear and NOT done something...not acted.

The thing is, the origin of suffering is attachment (The Second Noble Truth). I am attached to success, to things, to wanting to achieve things, etc. It is only when I let go of things and focus on alleviating suffering, on just finding love and happiness, that good things happen in my life.

When I am doing this, then I feel fearless.

Embrace the stuff you are afraid of, and realize that on the other side of what is stopping you is the GOOD stuff.

Escaping Mediocrity, to me, means realizing that the Fear we all experience is necessary, it is ESSENTIAL. When I realize that my hesitation on something, when I make a mistake, when I don't act and then regret it is all IMPORTANT, then I am able to get up and try again.

Escape Mediocrity by persistent and fearless pursuit of ... of what you KNOW you need to do.

All the reasons you listed ring true plus one of my favorites which is "I'll be broke." They are all layered on top of the basic driver which is "I won't be able to handle what happens" which equates to a lack of trust in myself and a lack of faith in something bigger. The truth when exposed is I know I can handle it and my trust and faith is strong.

The question I forget to ask myself sometimes which your post has helped me remember is, "Who's driving the bus?" If the answer is fear it'spast time to shift.

Here are some of the reasons that hold people back that I see (or experience myself too)

1. Not knowing how. This probably goes hand in hand with fear of making a mistake or wasting time.
2. Fear of losing money. I made a HUGE mistake that cost me about $50k this year. And yes, I'm not a bit hestitant about taking a leap like that again. (How's that saying go...feel the fear and do it anyway. Yep, I'm working on that one.)
3. Fear of being hurt. If I care too much, love too big, trust you to take over my operations, etc and you leave, where will that leave me?
4. Fear of looking bad or dissapointing others. (Yep, working on this one big time. I've personally grown here to the point of "oh well, can't please everyone but it still stings.)

Great post Sarah (again).

Hi Sarah,

I've learned over the decades, that if I hesitate about doing something it's because I know I can do it and that sense of self-power can scare me. Most of us do not have a fear of failure as much as we have a fear of success masquerading as a fear of failure. When I'm in my power zone, I feel unstoppable! That fiery feeling takes some getting used to in a world that conditions us to be good little boys and girls who get their "highs" scurrying around for the lowest discount price.

Feel your power!

Fun post as usual ...

Giulietta, Inspirational Rebel

I am afraid of the good stuff. And power counts as good stuff doesn't it? I'm not ALWAYS afraid of the good stuff - just every so often. :-)

Fear of my own power. I am 46 years old and practically choke when I am complimented or have to admit that I am quite good at what I do. I would 1,000 times rather shine the light on another than claim a spot in it for myself. Humility is not a bad quality, but it is diminishing what I can be in the world and I know it stops me. "I'm Mimi Meredith, and I'm a humble-olic." Thanks, Sarah...I feel better already!

I so recognize this one too. :-) I am afraid I might really been seen (or at least that's my variation on it). Scary stuff indeed.

I don't want to fail .... I'm afraid of failing

Yes Karl. Me too.

What stops me in my tracks? So many things but most of them come down to these main ones
#1- Fear of not being good enough or enough in general
#2-Fear of being wrong
#3- I'm afraid pursuing my passion will negatively effect those I love
#4- Fear of being perceived as self centered for putting aside relationships that prevent me from achieving my dreams

Boy, looking at those statements reminds me that as much as I attempt to keep fear from running my life it obviously still is. What I am able to say is that I'm practicing letting my passions & purpose run my life. It's still a new concept and I wouldn't expect anyone to be able to something new perfectly the first time so I'm going to cut myself some slack and remember that new thought processes take practice. I'm going to commit to on-going practice!! I hope you can do the same for yourself!

Your posts this week have been fabulous, inspiring and thought provoking. Thank you for being so open, honest and authentic!

Amazing transparency Rachel - thank you for that. And yes, cutting myself lots of slack comes hot on the heels of recognizing what's going on. And thank. I've been in a very weird space this week and I guess it leaked into my posts this week!