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The Secret Formula for Irresistible Presence [Day 12 – 30 Days to CIP]

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This is Day 12 of 30 Days to Creating Irresistible Presence.Β  On Friday, Lou Bortone gave us some great ways to build an Irresistible Brand (what we all want, right?!) and some AWESOME action steps for maximizing online video branding. Today, the one and only Chris Guillebeau gives us THE formula (seriously!) for Creating Irresistible Presence. This post alone is worth the price of admission. πŸ™‚

Today’s Song is: Brass In Pocket by The Pretenders: http://tinysong.com/7bP9 (Chris let me pick – couldn’t help myself!)

The Secret Formula for Irresistible Presence

by Chris Guillebeau (@ChrisGuillebeau)

You’ve probably heard the secret to getting noticed: do something amazing! Do something remarkable! Then the world will be at your door.

Like a lot of general statements, there’s some truth in the be amazing theory. If you’re not doing something worth talking about, most people who don’t already know you won’t really care what you’re up to. The thing is, though, simply being noticed doesn’t take you very far. Celebrities and reality TV participants are noticeable, but we don’t always like them or want to emulate them.

To escape mediocrity and embrace excellence, you’ll want to pursue a higher goal: the goal of creating irresistible presence. To become irresistible, you have to be more than amazingβ€”you have to be generous as well.

Here’s the formula:

Amazing + Generous = Irresistible

Being generous is all about giving. It’s about combining an internal compass with an external focus. You need the internal compass to guide your work. No one else can tell you what you’re about and what you should do. But the internal compass joins with an external focus that has you continually looking around and asking, β€œHow can I make someone else look good? How can I create positive change?”

An external focus means you give more than you take; you reach out more than you bring in. β€œHow can I help you?” is a good starter question to ask people with your external focus, but β€œCan I help you do x, x, or x?” is even better.

You’ll Never Be Irresistible to Everyone

Welcoming new members of your tribeβ€”but also gently filtering, to make it clear who might be better served elsewhereβ€”will help you cultivate the irresistible presence over time. Hopefully you’ll also wake up excited every day, eager to begin working on meaningful relationships and the craft that you love.

Are you being amazing and generous today?

###

Chris Guillebeau travels the world and writes for a small army of remarkable people at chrisguillebeau.com. Follow his live updates from every country in the world at twitter.com/chrisguillebeau.


P.S. If you aren’t already signed up and don’t want to miss out onΒ  30 Days to Creating Irresistible Presence, please sign up here.

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  • Hey Sarah

    Thanks so much for having me on the great Escaping Mediocrity! I’m honored to be with you and your peeps.

  • Hmmm very interesting Chris. I’m wondering if you can let your “work” or your “art be the amazing part of yourself out in the world— creating an irresistible presence. Because honestly… I’m just an average, person… but I feel like my art is the really “gift” and really the special thing I have that I want to share with the world… Would love to know your thoughts on this perspective. Valerie

    • Valerie,

      Even though I don’t know you, I am certain that YOU are not an average person.

      There is something unique, extraordinary, powerful and AMAZING about YOU that manifests itself in the art you create. The gift of your art that you wish to share with the world is really you.

      What is it about what you express in your art that you want to share with us?

      • hi Lisa—you are just so sweet for saying that! OK, I’m going to try to see if I can articulate this… when I create art—I feel like I go to a place where I connect with God, the universe, spirit, source. And in that “place” is where I connect with LOVE. And it is this LOVE feeling that I try to bring into my paintings… Then—when you look at my art… hopefully you will feel this same LOVE that I am connecting to… does this make sense…? So I guess it is LOVE that I am trying to share with you… WOW—thank you Lisa.

        • I agree with Lisa Valerie, I love seeing the world the others eyes and artist have a special gift in that area. We are not average, we are not faceless masses, we are each beautiful and precious as individuals. Keep plugged into that love, being connected to that higher purpose, you will share that light with others through your art.

          • YESSSSSSS, Richard! I, too, love seeing the world through others eyes and art is a magnificent way to experience that. When I looked at Valerie’s paintings, I am taken to another world. Something she sees there that she is trying to convey to the rest of us. Her experience with Source looks different than mine as does yours.

            I think that is a big reason we are here. To give back the experience we have with Source to each other. (but that is not the point of this post! LOL)

          • But I think it is the point of the post Lisa. To be generous is to be connected to the source and confident with an abundance mentality and to be Amazing is to be all we can be, not a dulled, homogenized version of who we are. No? These are traits we admire in others and it is what makes them irresistible. ( too often we try to hide them from others in our own lives.) It is so funny we are talking about this because just this AM I watched and shared a video form HAIR “I got life” We are all precious in our individuality and so the same in our humanity.

          • I love this conversation you and Lisa & Valerie are having here. It’s having me get that giving is not necessarily something we DO – that it’s part of who we BE. Valerie gives of herself (and Source) through her art, for example. If Valerie “held back” some of her gift and just painted to “get it done”, her artwork would not nearly be as precious or appealing. When I’m being true to myself (as best I can based on who I know myself to be) and the best in me… and I express that in my biz, my actions, my words and my life – that can also be giving… especially when I’m focused on creating something valuable for others/contributing to others. Sometimes I forget that giving isn’t necessarily another thing I DO on top of what I’m already doing… that it can be the “place I come from” with what I’m already doing in my life.

            Don’t know if this is clear for the three of you – but it helped me get clear. πŸ™‚ So thanks!

          • Thank you Teresa and yes you are clear. It is a great a great conversation and I thank Sarah and Chris for providing the fuel.

          • I have often said, “the greatest gift you can give to me (or any other person) is the gift of YOU.”

            Thanks for the distinction, Teresa, that this “isn’t necessarily another thing I DO on top of what I’m already doing”. That is so true.

            And Richard, thank you for your definition of generosity. When we are connected to and coming from Source, we can’t help but generously share our truth with others. Cool.

            You guys rocked my world today. Mwah!

          • Love that Mwah, Lisa! So MWAH right back at you! Thanks to you and all!

          • Anonymous

            Teresa I would like to add another component to that. I have a motto on my email signature that goes “BE your best,DO what it takes, HAVE what you want” I adapted it a little from the hey day of The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution days of Dr Phil.

            Being your best means doing what it takes to have what you want in life. Don’t ever settle for being normal or average if you have a talent then use that talent. To add yet another facet to this if you have a talent or power using that talent or power comes with great responsibility. We all have a responsibility to nurture our talents to make them something Awesome.

          • You really nailed it here Richard! Thanks for this thoughtful follow-up, and special thanks to Valerie for getting this conversation going. Our connection to source is indeed what makes us irresistible! When we allow ourselves to connect with source, abundance, prosperity, giving, receiving – it all flows naturally. I think Chris’s equation of Amazing + Generous = Irresistible is brilliant, and if when we are truly connected, we ARE this by default.

            Amazing conversation – thanks to everyone participating, and very special thanks to Chris and Sarah for the platform to have this discussion! πŸ™‚

          • Thanks Brandon, I think it was really all of the people that contributed to the conversation who nailed it. Without each and every contribution, it would have not been as precious.

        • Anonymous

          That is why it is unique being an artist we can go to a different plane of existence when we are creating. I used to get so wrapped up in Paint Shop Pro because it took me to a place of peace and solitude. I still get the same feeling from blogging as it allows me to explore another side of my creative through writing.

    • You are your art. You are the conduit and the art is the manifestation of your awesomeness.

    • Anonymous

      I agree with Lisa on this one being an artist and a creative is something NOT average. As creatives we posses awesomeness. To be able to successfully take an idea and translate it into art is not an easy task. Be proud of who you are as an artist as that is some awesometastic stuff. Yes it is a word cause I said so πŸ™‚

    • @Valerie,

      Yes, I agree with the others that your work or art can be the amazing part. The only thing to consider is the answer to the all-important question: how does your art affect others? If it creates something positive for someone else, then you’re certainly on the track to amazing. πŸ™‚

      • Chris, Lisa, Richard, Teresa, Brandon101, mckraig, joecheray, Megan, & and so many in this lovely community — thank you for the clarity… “If it [my art] creates something positive for someone else, then you’re certainly on the track to amazing.” my H*E*A*R*T is soaring.

  • Anonymous

    Beautiful and succinct. I’m very aware of my ‘craft’. And I’m pretty aware of when ‘amazing’ is happening within me. I’m less sure of how to share it. That’s my road right now. This is getting copied and saved. Thank you so much.

    • Megan, you do share it. When you share your stories, your life, you allow others to connect to you. You touch their lives.

      • Anonymous

        Thank you so much Richard. Why do I feel like I’m cheating? (and why does writing this make me want to cry?)

        • I am not sure Megan, but I know in my case, it scares me silly to share the things I hold close to my heart. My fear that people wont love me or even like me. It is scary to put ourselves out there. But only then can others really know us and connect with us, and relate to us.

          • Anonymous

            Yes. Things close to my heart make me cry. And the fear that people will reject it. Let’s move forward fearlessly! (and thank you so much for your incred generosity Richard.)

          • I know that tear filled feeling in my own hear Megan. Yes, lets move forward fearlessly. ( I don’t feel like I am being generous, just being me. That feels good and I am smiling.)

          • That’s it! You nailed it. When we are truly being ourselves – open, honest, vulnerable, even showing our “warts” as well as our “amazingness” – that is a GIFT. And that makes us GIVING. πŸ™‚

          • Yes Teresa. Thank you! I am so very fortunate to have you all in my life. Thank you.

      • I agree with Richard Megan… I think you share it every day… with us, with your friends and family… I imagine you gave a lot of that to your children… and you probably aren’t even aware of how much! Just saying πŸ™‚

    • Anonymous

      Hey. Megan,I totally understand where you are coming from — being sure of the “craft” and the “amazing” but less sure of how to share it. Keep me posted when you figure it out! I tell my coaching clients all the time that I believe they DO know the answer to whatever it is they say they are unsure about. I think this is true for you and me as well. So, if you were absent of fear and doubt in your sharing and you knew your gift would be embraced and desired by your audience, how would you choose to share? I guess I need to be asking myself this same exact question — and really giving it some serious thought! Let me know if there is any way I can help you become more sure — or why not reach for absolutely sure — about how to share your gift! -)Have a great day and keep it real,Shannonhttp://www.girlsgetreal.com

      • Anonymous

        Ah! Lovely! Thank you Shannon! Well- I would keep creating little videos. I would dance in any way I can. I would blog and share the messages I get. I would have parties and dress up all the time. And I would LET in a fabulous lit agent to usher my book to the masses. πŸ™‚

        • Anonymous

          That sounds perfectly delectable, fun and FREEING! What’s the first step? πŸ™‚

          • Anonymous

            I live just about all of that. And it does feel extravagant! (guilty feelings for such extravagance ensues!) Well- I haven’t ‘let in’ the lit agent yet- but it’s my goal to get one before year’s end!

  • Always glad to run into you, Chris!

    Funny how this showed up the morning after contemplating my why. (I am still uncovering the what)

    I decided that I want to sponsor 100 women in the Congo into the Women for Women Int’l program with a portion of the profits of my yet-to-be-decided business. These are women who have been brutally raped and have essentially lost everything. But they have hope that they can rebuild their lives with the help of the W4W program.

    I think if I could get up everyday knowing that what I was doing was making that kind of difference, the “amazing and generous” will happen naturally.

    Thoughts?

    • @Lisa,

      I think if you help 100 Congolese women rebuild their lives in way that is empowering for them, you can write a much better post about “amazing and generous” than I could.

  • I think the end of your post is what resonated with me most.

    I understand that I am amazing (not being conceited, I have had a great group of people around me that have helped me realize this) and I really try and focus on the being generous part. My struggle is with the filtering and letting some people find their help elsewhere part.

    I can see how my skills can help all sorts of people. I can see how my experiences can help all sorts of people. I can see how my current business can help all sorts of people.

    But you know what? I can only help so many people.

    The entire reason I have gone into business is, yes to help people, but also for the selfish (and I personally don’t think selfish is a bad word, by being selfish I have the energy and desire to help others) reason of maximizing the time I spend having adventures with my wife and son.

    If I try to help too many people I will lose site of this goal. I will drain my energy. I will lose my desire. I will stop helping people.

    I know this in my head, but I still get stuck going after people with my heart. My business gets pulled in a certain direction and my brain goes “yes, this is perfect” and my heart goes “but what about all those people over there?”

    You are so right Chris, I need to remember that there are a lot of us out there trying to help people, and the people that I have to filter out will find their help elsewhere. I cannot be the solution for everyone I would like to be. I need to learn to fill up my heart with those I can help, and let others pick up those I cannot.

    Which means I need to keep meeting amazing people so that when I do filter out those I can help, I can point them in the direction of the right people to help them, instead of just sending them off with nothing.

    Wow, brand new realization from reflecting here: by not helping someone and sending them to someone better equipped to help them I am not failing them, I am actually being generous. My generosity is not limited to just the things I can do, but can be the gift of allowing them to find the right person to support them, or better yet, sending them to that person.

    I need to sit with this for a bit.

    Thanks Chris!

    Jeremie

    • I love being a fly on the wall in an “aha” moment. πŸ™‚

      YESSSSSSSSSSSSS, Jeremie. Love the reframe around generosity. And when you can serve that person by turning them on to someone else who may be a better fit, you are being pretty darn amazing as well.

      Can’t wait to hear what else bubbles up!

    • Anonymous

      “Which means I need to keep meeting amazing people so that when I do filter out those I can help, I can point them in the direction of the right people to help them, instead of just sending them off with nothing.”I LOVE this! I can’t put my finger on it but as I read it again now it creates a very real reaction in me — a peace and excitement, it seems. I’m defintely going to have to spend some more time with that to see why it resonates with me so strongly!Thanks, and I’m glad you arrived at a place where it all makes sense for you!Take care, and keep on keepin’ it real! Shannon

    • Hey Jeremie!

      Once again you are my mirror! I just might print your comment out and read it regularly… because you so expressed what I have done and what I”m trying to “undo” no. Trying to help everyone “just because I can” or because “I don’t want to let them down’ or even because “I want them to like me” HAS drained me and burnt me out… and then I resent them or my biz or [whatever]. So my “giving” turns into something not very generous at all.

      My biggest takeaway from your comment is this – it could become my new mantra: “Wow, brand new realization from reflecting here: by not helping someone and sending them to someone better equipped to help them I am not failing them, I am actually being generous. My generosity is not limited to just the things I can do, but can be the gift of allowing them to find the right person to support them, or better yet, sending them to that person.”

      Thanks a bunch Jeremie!

  • Chris is one of my favorite bloggers for many reasons, and one is definitely his amazing generosity! I am always impressed how someone so busy always has time to answer my emails so quickly. I feel like I can learn so much from Chris.

  • Great post Chris. I couldn’t agree more. I just finished writing a post about a young man who embodies this idea. His name is Teddy Herrera and he is riding 11,000 mile around the USA on a bicycle to raise awareness of childhood obesity in this country. He has a higher purpose and he is acting on it. Not only inspiring the youth that they can do great things one small step at a time, but inspiring others like us to reach higher and give back to others. If that is not both AMAZING and GENEROUS, I don’t know what is!

    • That is amazing and generous and such an awesome message to put out there!

      • Hi Shelly. I am sitting here in my office looking at the sun washing an orchid and thinking that we think a flower is beautiful and it is just being its’ natural self. And that is just a flower. How about each of us, how beautiful are we? We each are incredibly beautiful and powerful. We just need to be fully who we are, just like this orchid, and just like Teddy Herrera and just like Shelly and the Jewelry she makes to share with the world.

        • Anonymous

          WHOA! Richard, that is GOOD! We do give so many things credit for their amazingness just for being exactly what they were created to be. I love that image of treating myself and my amazingness with the same confidence.

          Thanks for sharing that!

        • What a beautiful image and analogy Richard! Thanks πŸ™‚

  • I’ve always been taught to live with the intent of giving everything away. I’m so grateful to know that this principle is appreciated in the business world as well [where quite often morals and standards are somehow tragically lost along the way.]

    Thank you for this refreshing article!

  • “Welcoming new members of your tribeβ€”but also gently filtering, to make it clear who might be better served elsewhere”

    This is a great statement, and something I’ve been working on. I’d love some input as I do not have a very good handle on the filtering part right now…

    • I think that is hard to do – but definitely needs to be done and helps so much! I started to type my advice for doing this – but I thought it sounded weird – so I deleted! πŸ™‚

    • I do a gut check when I meet someone. Do I have a skill they can use? Do they seem open? I hesitate to use buzzwords like synergy and authenticity, but if there is a positive vibe when I meet someone, the means by which we can help each other becomes apparent easily.

      If I have to really work at establishing a mutually beneficial relationship, I ask very specifically what they hope to accomplish and run through the Roledex in my head before offering a referral.

    • Anonymous

      I liked this part, too, Jackie. I immediately felt a gentle nudge to stay true to the audience I believe I was brought here to serve — college girls (or women, if you prefer. :-)) There are so many other women and girls (and men and boys) who would benefit from my message, but I need and want to honor myself and my tribe by staying true and being confident that we will find our way. Yikes! I meanYIKES!

      And this is all so interconnected b/c it takes me right back to that place where I have to trust my message and know that I already know how to share it. It is really about courage and trust — and LOVE!

      Thanks, all!

      Keeping it real,
      Shannon

      • Anonymous

        Crap! Then it occurs to me, am I looking to serve the wrong audience? Should I be focusing on the people who are attracted to my message even though it’s the college girls that need it the most? The problem is that most of them don’t know yet that they need the message I have to share. My heart keeps telling me to stick it out, to stay true to this direction, and that it will become clear and they will then see, learn and grow. Here in lies, my ongoing source of confusion. πŸ™‚

        Am I trying to put the external focus into too small a box? Ugh!

    • I’m with you on this one Jackie… and would welcome input and suggestions from Chris (or others in the Tribe) on this one as well….

    • I think if you have to bend and twist or shrink to fit, to serve someone, you begin to lose some of your ‘amazingness’ and in that way cease to serve them properly, making it a gift to let them go. A couple of years ago when my four children were spread out amongst three different schools, I felt overwhelmed by the requests for help from classroom parents, to field trip supervisors, to fund raisers, to organizational committees, etc. I struggled with who to say yes to and who to say no to, since all efforts were benefiting our family in some way and each request came with such passion for its cause. Then it occurred to me there were many people each with unique gifts to bring to the table and each time I half-heartedly volunteered because I thought I ‘should’, I robbed the opportunity for someone else more suited to share their gifts. That’s when I stopped saying ‘yes’ when I wanted to say ‘no’, and now when I say yes, they get all of me, my full attention, commitment and energy.

  • Chris, I love your phrase “combining an internal compass with an external focus”. For me this is a beautiful way to capture the essence of living resonantly and fully. Thank you…I’ll be verbally retweeting that phrase to others, I suspect.

    • Hi Kristy

      I think this could be Chris’ tag line for all that he does. Or maybe it is already and I just don’t know it yet lol. What an eloquent way to state something so easy to understand.

    • me too! I loved that line… really jumped out at me

  • Hi Chris! You’ve certainly come to the right place to highlight Amazing and Generous. I’ve just spent the better part of this morning reading through last week’s posts and comments (I’ve been out of town) ~ and those two qualities describe everyone in this community perfectly.

    I’ve experienced a much better flow when I’ve managed to ‘get out of my own way’. Removing myself from an equation, as in – it’s not about me right now, it’s about best serving the individual(s) I’m with – syncs me with energy that makes time travel faster, illuminates people from the inside out, leaves me feeling truly fulfilled and pleased with my output at the end of the day.

    Consciously deciding that “Today, I am here to serve and in so doing I will feel purposeful and significant” has led to memorably wonderful days. Thank you for this reminder – I’m now wondering why I don’t do this more often …

    • You definitely embody Amazing and Generous! πŸ™‚ xo

      • I agree with you Shelly… Sally (or sALLy) does indeed embody Amazing + Generous = Irresistible Presence. πŸ™‚

      • Thank you Shelly. I feel blessed to know you and quite like that our names look the same on first glance …

    • I love this Sally… may I borrow it?

      “Consciously deciding that “Today, I am here to serve and in so doing I will feel purposeful and significant” has led to memorably wonderful days.”

      And – you do it very well.

      • Thank you for the compliment! And yes – of course you may quote that …. my words are your words so long as they lift!!

  • Chris

    I am very excited about your post. For me, it ties back to Day 2, The Sweet AND Sour by Andrea Lee. What is it that only I can do, which benefits others and also takes care of my needs-you know, those crazy things like house, food, clothing πŸ™‚ ?

    Your comment “Can I help you do x x x better?” hits home. I do this at work frequently, on a small scale, helping someone proofread and edit their writing or explaining something in Excel. I just recently helped the owner’s assistant w/an RFP that is very important to the business’ future. These are all things outside of my “job description” as Controller but I am lucky to have this creative outlet.

    I’ve got to go back to Day 2 and do my AND exercise again. Thanks Chris-this post hit the spot!

    • I need to work on finding those X’s in the Can I help equation too… more precise, more specific!

      • YESSS! I wonder if they start filling in when we start listening to our internal compass more?? I hope so.

        • I have a feeling they will!

  • Great formula.. This is the line that jumped out and slapped me the most… “It’s about combining an internal compass with an external focus. ” I think because too many times we try to externally focus on things that are not what we really want, but instead on things that we THINK we want… gotta get in tune with that internal compass! πŸ™‚

  • Jesse Michelsen

    An awesome post and definitely something I need to work on, especially that last paragraph. I try and help EVERYONE which usually doesn’t end up as good as I had hoped because I only have so much time in a day.

    Also, to those of you doubting yourselves, that is not what this series is about!! Do you need to go back and revisit Reese’s post from last week? πŸ™‚

  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)

    Thank you, Chris. This post has me thinking about a few things…

    “combining an internal compass with an external focus”. I’m thinking that the real sweet spot for me is where my internal compass (tuning in to my own passion, my own gifts, my own message) aligns with attracting the people who will benefit from that (the external focus).

    That the internal part is the “being amazing” and realizing and owning it, and the external part is “being generous,” and always finding new ways to be helpful to other people.

    That the two are really combined, intertwined, and inseparable. That maybe you can’t be amazing without being generous, and that you can’t really be generous without being amazing.

  • Greetings, everyone. First of all, I’m a big fan of Sarah and EM — this is truly an amazing (and generous!) community.

    Second of all, thanks for all your comments. I’ll do my best to reply to a few of them, but if you see some questions that aren’t answered, please do jump in. I just make it up as I go, so your ideas will probably be better anyway. πŸ™‚

  • Anonymous

    I just “jumped” in to this today! I’m very excited to read this post! I love, love helping people and realized at the end of 2009 that the reason I was so very frustrated at work and with life in general was because I wasn’t able to help people. I felt helpless. This is what finally, finally stirred me to stop whining about it and start doing something, anything to help who I can where I can.

    Suddenly, my creative juices were flowing like crazy and I came up with the idea for my new biz that I have been starting up with my bff! Suddenly, great things just started happening. The more I give, the more I get!

    Anyway, I could go on and on about how excited I am to be a part of this community and being able to reach out and DO something has completely changed my life! Thanks Chris and Susan! Now to get caught up on all the great stuff! πŸ˜‰

  • The part about filtering is key and under-represented IMO. Lots of folks believe that they must be helpful to everyone directly. Sometimes, the best “help” is knowing how to weed and redirect others.

    Where some might find me refreshing and direct, others may see me as abrasive and domineering. But if I have the skill to recognize that my best “help” is to refer them elsewhere? We both win and our work magnifies.

    Being irresistable can be knowing when you won’t be.

  • Hey Sarah

    Thanks so much for having me on the great Escaping Mediocrity! I'm honored to be with you and your peeps.

  • Hmmm very interesting Chris. I'm wondering if you can let your “work” or your “art be the amazing part of yourself out in the world— creating an irresistible presence. Because honestly… I'm just an average, person… but I feel like my art is the really “gift” and really the special thing I have that I want to share with the world… Would love to know your thoughts on this perspective. Valerie

  • It’s amazing when a post seems as though it’s reading your mind. I have recently decided to embrace my “give” after I discovered not only the joy I get from connecting artists who will benefit from each other but the nearly-immediate reciprocity and credibility that honest giving can generate. Thanks Chris for the inadvertent encouragement to continue this course of action.

  • meganmatthieson

    Beautiful and succinct. I'm very aware of my 'craft'. And I'm pretty aware of when 'amazing' is happening within me. I'm less sure of how to share it. That's my road right now. This is getting copied and saved. Thank you so much.

  • lisamilesbrady

    Valerie,

    Even though I don't know you, I am certain that YOU are not an average person.

    There is something unique, extraordinary, powerful and AMAZING about YOU that manifests itself in the art you create. The gift of your art that you wish to share with the world is really you.

    What is it about what you express in your art that you want to share with us?

  • lisamilesbrady

    Always glad to run into you, Chris!

    Funny how this showed up the morning after contemplating my why. (I am still uncovering the what)

    I decided that I want to sponsor 100 women in the Congo into the Women for Women Int'l program with a portion of the profits of my yet-to-be-decided business. These are women who have been brutally raped and have essentially lost everything. But they have hope that they can rebuild their lives with the help of the W4W program.

    I think if I could get up everyday knowing that what I was doing was making that kind of difference, the “amazing and generous” will happen naturally.

    Thoughts?

  • hi Lisa—you are just so sweet for saying that! OK, I'm going to try to see if I can articulate this… when I create art—I feel like I go to a place where I connect with God, the universe, spirit, source. And in that “place” is where I connect with LOVE. And it is this LOVE feeling that I try to bring into my paintings… Then—when you look at my art… hopefully you will feel this same LOVE that I am connecting to… does this make sense…? So I guess it is LOVE that I am trying to share with you… WOW—thank you Lisa.

  • I think the end of your post is what resonated with me most.

    I understand that I am amazing (not being conceited, I have had a great group of people around me that have helped me realize this) and I really try and focus on the being generous part. My struggle is with the filtering and letting some people find their help elsewhere part.

    I can see how my skills can help all sorts of people. I can see how my experiences can help all sorts of people. I can see how my current business can help all sorts of people.

    But you know what? I can only help so many people.

    The entire reason I have gone into business is, yes to help people, but also for the selfish (and I personally don't think selfish is a bad word, by being selfish I have the energy and desire to help others) reason of maximizing the time I spend having adventures with my wife and son.

    If I try to help too many people I will lose site of this goal. I will drain my energy. I will lose my desire. I will stop helping people.

    I know this in my head, but I still get stuck going after people with my heart. My business gets pulled in a certain direction and my brain goes “yes, this is perfect” and my heart goes “but what about all those people over there?”

    You are so right Chris, I need to remember that there are a lot of us out there trying to help people, and the people that I have to filter out will find their help elsewhere. I cannot be the solution for everyone I would like to be. I need to learn to fill up my heart with those I can help, and let others pick up those I cannot.

    Which means I need to keep meeting amazing people so that when I do filter out those I can help, I can point them in the direction of the right people to help them, instead of just sending them off with nothing.

    Wow, brand new realization from reflecting here: by not helping someone and sending them to someone better equipped to help them I am not failing them, I am actually being generous. My generosity is not limited to just the things I can do, but can be the gift of allowing them to find the right person to support them, or better yet, sending them to that person.

    I need to sit with this for a bit.

    Thanks Chris!

    Jeremie

  • MarcyCrandle

    Chris is one of my favorite bloggers for many reasons, and one is definitely his amazing generosity! I am always impressed how someone so busy always has time to answer my emails so quickly. I feel like I can learn so much from Chris.

  • Great post Chris. I couldn't agree more. I just finished writing a post about a young man who embodies this idea. His name is Teddy Herrera and he is riding 11,000 mile around the USA on a bicycle to raise awareness of childhood obesity in this country. He has a higher purpose and he is acting on it. Not only inspiring the youth that they can do great things one small step at a time, but inspiring others like us to reach higher and give back to others. If that is not both AMAZING and GENEROUS, I don't know what is!

  • Hey Chris! Love this: Amazing + Generous = Irresistible Presence. And I’d attribute more of it to the generosity than the amazing.

    I’ve not been the best in the past with the generous part… using Bob Burg’s analogy from The Go-Giver – I”ve been waiting for the fire in the fireplace to warm me before I put a log on it. So I’ve been practicing and reawakening that generous part of me that was present before I jumped into the entrepreneurial world and all my fears of “not enough” and needing to take care of me and needing to make money surfaced BIG TIME. (They were always there – but not in full-blown “cardiac arrest”.)

    One thing I’ve realized is that I need to plan some “giving time” or some “available time” into my calendar. I need to make giving as much a priority as creating a new program or designing a workshop or creating my new website. And the only way I can begin to do that is to carve out time in my schedule… unscheduled time as well as Social Media time. That reminds me of my commitment and helps me follow through on being generous and thoughtful AND still take care of me and my biz.

    You also s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d me when you wrote: “β€œHow can I help you?” is a good starter question to ask people with your external focus, but β€œCan I help you do x, x, or x?” is even better.” I realized that I can ask the first question and feel pretty confident that the person may not know of a way that I can help them. So I score points for coming across as generous but really don’t have to do anything. But your second question puts my butt on the line and has me take ACTION – to really BE generous. No “easy points” with that one. Which makes me see that sometimes I’m not really all that committed to BEING generous… just to having people THINK I’m generous. So – more work to do on this end! Thanks!

    • Hey Teresa

      I like your distinction between wanting to be generous, question #1, and putting your butt on the line with question #2. Almost a passive statement VS an active, get-your-hands-dirty statement.

      WooHoo!

      • Yep… that’s it. Looking the part of being generous or really getting in there an being generous!

    • Anonymous

      I love your comments about the difference between the two questions. You’re right – one is much more passive, the other much more active. The second question genuinely shows you care and are interested in doing something for someone else.

      I always enjoy your insights. You always make me look at things in a new and unique way!

  • I agree with Lisa Valerie, I love seeing the world the others eyes and artist have a special gift in that area. We are not average, we are not faceless masses, we are each beautiful and precious as individuals. Keep plugged into that love, being connected to that higher purpose, you will share that light with others through your art.

  • lisamilesbrady

    I love being a fly on the wall in an “aha” moment. πŸ™‚

    YESSSSSSSSSSSSS, Jeremie. Love the reframe around generosity. And when you can serve that person by turning them on to someone else who may be a better fit, you are being pretty darn amazing as well.

    Can't wait to hear what else bubbles up!

  • Megan, you do share it. When you share your stories, your life, you allow others to connect to you. You touch their lives.

  • I've always been taught to live with the intent of giving everything away. I'm so grateful to know that this principle is appreciated in the business world as well [where quite often morals and standards are somehow tragically lost along the way.]

    Thank you for this refreshing article!

  • meganmatthieson

    Thank you so much Richard. Why do I feel like I'm cheating? (and why does writing this make me want to cry?)

  • “Welcoming new members of your tribeβ€”but also gently filtering, to make it clear who might be better served elsewhere”

    This is a great statement, and something I've been working on. I'd love some input as I do not have a very good handle on the filtering part right now…

  • I am not sure Megan, but I know in my case, it scares me silly to share the things I hold close to my heart. My fear that people wont love me or even like me. It is scary to put ourselves out there. But only then can others really know us and connect with us, and relate to us.

  • Chris, I love your phrase “combining an internal compass with an external focus”. For me this is a beautiful way to capture the essence of living resonantly and fully. Thank you…I'll be verbally retweeting that phrase to others, I suspect.

  • meganmatthieson

    Yes. Things close to my heart make me cry. And the fear that people will reject it. Let's move forward fearlessly! (and thank you so much for your incred generosity Richard.)

  • lisamilesbrady

    YESSSSSSS, Richard! I, too, love seeing the world through others eyes and art is a magnificent way to experience that. When I looked at Valerie's paintings, I am taken to another world. Something she sees there that she is trying to convey to the rest of us. Her experience with Source looks different than mine as does yours.

    I think that is a big reason we are here. To give back the experience we have with Source to each other. (but that is not the point of this post! LOL)

  • Hi Chris! You've certainly come to the right place to highlight Amazing and Generous. I've just spent the better part of this morning reading through last week's posts and comments (I've been out of town) ~ and those two qualities describe everyone in this community perfectly.

    I've experienced a much better flow when I've managed to 'get out of my own way'. Removing myself from an equation, as in – it's not about me right now, it's about best serving the individual(s) I'm with – syncs me with energy that makes time travel faster, illuminates people from the inside out, leaves me feeling truly fulfilled and pleased with my output at the end of the day.

    Consciously deciding that “Today, I am here to serve and in so doing I will feel purposeful and significant” has led to memorably wonderful days. Thank you for this reminder – I'm now wondering why I don't do this more often …

  • Chris

    I am very excited about your post. For me, it ties back to Day 2, The Sweet AND Sour by Andrea Lee. What is it that only I can do, which benefits others and also takes care of my needs-you know, those crazy things like house, food, clothing πŸ™‚ ?

    Your comment “Can I help you do x x x better?” hits home. I do this at work frequently, on a small scale, helping someone proofread and edit their writing or explaining something in Excel. I just recently helped the owner's assistant w/an RFP that is very important to the business' future. These are all things outside of my “job description” as Controller but I am lucky to have this creative outlet.

    I've got to go back to Day 2 and do my AND exercise again. Thanks Chris-this post hit the spot!

  • Hi Kristy

    I think this could be Chris' tag line for all that he does. Or maybe it is already and I just don't know it yet lol. What an eloquent way to state something so easy to understand.

  • But I think it is the point of the post Lisa. To be generous is to be connected to the source and confident with an abundance mentality and to be Amazing is to be all we can be, not a dulled, homogenized version of who we are. No? These are traits we admire in others and it is what makes them irresistible. ( too often we try to hide them from others in our own lives.) It is so funny we are talking about this because just this AM I watched and shared a video form HAIR “I got life” We are all precious in our individuality and so the same in our humanity.

  • I know that tear filled feeling in my own hear Megan. Yes, lets move forward fearlessly. ( I don't feel like I am being generous, just being me. That feels good and I am smiling.)

  • Great formula.. This is the line that jumped out and slapped me the most… “It’s about combining an internal compass with an external focus. ” I think because too many times we try to externally focus on things that are not what we really want, but instead on things that we THINK we want… gotta get in tune with that internal compass! πŸ™‚

  • That is amazing and generous and such an awesome message to put out there!

  • You definitely embody Amazing and Generous! πŸ™‚ xo

  • I need to work on finding those X's in the Can I help equation too… more precise, more specific!

  • me too! I loved that line… really jumped out at me

  • I think that is hard to do – but definitely needs to be done and helps so much! I started to type my advice for doing this – but I thought it sounded weird – so I deleted! πŸ™‚

  • YESSS! I wonder if they start filling in when we start listening to our internal compass more?? I hope so.

  • Hi Shelly. I am sitting here in my office looking at the sun washing an orchid and thinking that we think a flower is beautiful and it is just being its' natural self. And that is just a flower. How about each of us, how beautiful are we? We each are incredibly beautiful and powerful. We just need to be fully who we are, just like this orchid, and just like Teddy Herrera and just like Shelly and the Jewelry she makes to share with the world.

  • I agree with Richard Megan… I think you share it every day… with us, with your friends and family… I imagine you gave a lot of that to your children… and you probably aren't even aware of how much! Just saying πŸ™‚

  • Jesse Michelsen

    An awesome post and definitely something I need to work on, especially that last paragraph. I try and help EVERYONE which usually doesn't end up as good as I had hoped because I only have so much time in a day.

    Also, to those of you doubting yourselves, that is not what this series is about!! Do you need to go back and revisit Reese's post from last week? πŸ™‚

  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)

    Thank you, Chris. This post has me thinking about a few things…

    “combining an internal compass with an external focus”. I'm thinking that the real sweet spot for me is where my internal compass (tuning in to my own passion, my own gifts, my own message) aligns with attracting the people who will benefit from that (the external focus).

    That the internal part is the “being amazing” and realizing and owning it, and the external part is “being generous,” and always finding new ways to be helpful to other people.

    That the two are really combined, intertwined, and inseparable. That maybe you can't be amazing without being generous, and that you can't really be generous without being amazing.

  • Anonymous

    Wow. This post has generated some amazing conversation. What a great group of people this is! As for me personally, I think I have a good handle on the Generous part. In the past it’s been too much…trying to help everyone. I’ve learned the hard way that it simply is not possible, but it’s been a difficult lesson to learn. I have a harder time with the Amazing part. Hopefully series like this will help me really discover that part.

  • Guest

    I now I am generous…I would help out anybody in a heartbeat if they needed anything. I just hope that people think I am amazing too…otherwise, I am doing something seriously wrong! This is a great formula and we all need to live by it πŸ™‚

  • Greetings, everyone. First of all, I'm a big fan of Sarah and EM — this is truly an amazing (and generous!) community.

    Second of all, thanks for all your comments. I'll do my best to reply to a few of them, but if you see some questions that aren't answered, please do jump in. I just make it up as I go, so your ideas will probably be better anyway. πŸ™‚

  • shawnacevraini

    I just “jumped” in to this today! I'm very excited to read this post! I love, love helping people and realized at the end of 2009 that the reason I was so very frustrated at work and with life in general was because I wasn't able to help people. I felt helpless. This is what finally, finally stirred me to stop whining about it and start doing something, anything to help who I can where I can.

    Suddenly, my creative juices were flowing like crazy and I came up with the idea for my new biz that I have been starting up with my bff! Suddenly, great things just started happening. The more I give, the more I get!

    Anyway, I could go on and on about how excited I am to be a part of this community and being able to reach out and DO something has completely changed my life! Thanks Chris and Susan! Now to get caught up on all the great stuff! πŸ˜‰

  • The part about filtering is key and under-represented IMO. Lots of folks believe that they must be helpful to everyone directly. Sometimes, the best “help” is knowing how to weed and redirect others.

    Where some might find me refreshing and direct, others may see me as abrasive and domineering. But if I have the skill to recognize that my best “help” is to refer them elsewhere? We both win and our work magnifies.

    Being irresistable can be knowing when you won't be.

  • You are your art. You are the conduit and the art is the manifestation of your awesomeness.

  • I do a gut check when I meet someone. Do I have a skill they can use? Do they seem open? I hesitate to use buzzwords like synergy and authenticity, but if there is a positive vibe when I meet someone, the means by which we can help each other becomes apparent easily.

    If I have to really work at establishing a mutually beneficial relationship, I ask very specifically what they hope to accomplish and run through the Roledex in my head before offering a referral.

  • It's amazing when a post seems as though it's reading your mind. I have recently decided to embrace my “give” after I discovered not only the joy I get from connecting artists who will benefit from each other but the nearly-immediate reciprocity and credibility that honest giving can generate. Thanks Chris for the inadvertent encouragement to continue this course of action.

  • shannonshort

    Hey. Megan,

    I totally understand where you are coming from — being sure of the “craft” and the “amazing” but less sure of how to share it. Keep me posted when you figure it out!

    I tell my coaching clients all the time that I believe they DO know the answer to whatever it is they say they are unsure about. I think this is true for you and me as well. So, if you were absent of fear and doubt in your sharing and you knew your gift would be embraced and desired by your audience, how would you choose to share?

    I guess I need to be asking myself this same exact question — and really giving it some serious thought! Let me know if there is any way I can help you become more sure — or why not reach for absolutely sure — about how to share your gift! -)

    Have a great day and keep it real,

    Shannon
    http://www.girlsgetreal.com

  • Hey Chris! Love this: Amazing + Generous = Irresistible Presence. And I'd attribute more of it to the generosity than the amazing.

    I've not been the best in the past with the generous part… using Bob Burg's analogy from The Go-Giver – I''ve been waiting for the fire in the fireplace to warm me before I put a log on it. So I've been practicing and reawakening that generous part of me that was present before I jumped into the entrepreneurial world and all my fears of “not enough” and needing to take care of me and needing to make money surfaced BIG TIME. (They were always there – but not in full-blown “cardiac arrest”.)

    One thing I've realized is that I need to plan some “giving time” or some “available time” into my calendar. I need to make giving as much a priority as creating a new program or designing a workshop or creating my new website. And the only way I can begin to do that is to carve out time in my schedule… unscheduled time as well as Social Media time. That reminds me of my commitment and helps me follow through on being generous and thoughtful AND still take care of me and my biz.

    You also s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d me when you wrote: “β€œHow can I help you?” is a good starter question to ask people with your external focus, but β€œCan I help you do x, x, or x?” is even better.” I realized that I can ask the first question and feel pretty confident that the person may not know of a way that I can help them. So I score points for coming across as generous but really don't have to do anything. But your second question puts my butt on the line and has me take ACTION – to really BE generous. No “easy points” with that one. Which makes me see that sometimes I'm not really all that committed to BEING generous… just to having people THINK I'm generous. So – more work to do on this end! Thanks!

  • shannonshort

    “Which means I need to keep meeting amazing people so that when I do filter out those I can help, I can point them in the direction of the right people to help them, instead of just sending them off with nothing.”

    I LOVE this! I can't put my finger on it but as I read it again now it creates a very real reaction in me — a peace and excitement, it seems. I'm defintely going to have to spend some more time with that to see why it resonates with me so strongly!

    Thanks, and I'm glad you arrived at a place where it all makes sense for you!

    Take care, and keep on keepin' it real!
    Shannon

  • shannonshort

    WHOA! Richard, that is GOOD! We do give so many things credit for their amazingness just for being exactly what they were created to be. I love that image of treating myself and my amazingness with the same confidence.

    Thanks for sharing that!

  • shannonshort

    I liked this part, too, Jackie. I immediately felt a gentle nudge to stay true to the audience I believe I was brought here to serve — college girls (or women, if you prefer. :-)) There are so many other women and girls (and men and boys) who would benefit from my message, but I need and want to honor myself and my tribe by staying true and being confident that we will find our way. Yikes! I meanYIKES!

    And this is all so interconnected b/c it takes me right back to that place where I have to trust my message and know that I already know how to share it. It is really about courage and trust — and LOVE!

    Thanks, all!

    Keeping it real,
    Shannon

  • I love this conversation you and Lisa & Valerie are having here. It's having me get that giving is not necessarily something we DO – that it's part of who we BE. Valerie gives of herself (and Source) through her art, for example. If Valerie “held back” some of her gift and just painted to “get it done”, her artwork would not nearly be as precious or appealing. When I'm being true to myself (as best I can based on who I know myself to be) and the best in me… and I express that in my biz, my actions, my words and my life – that can also be giving… especially when I'm focused on creating something valuable for others/contributing to others. Sometimes I forget that giving isn't necessarily another thing I DO on top of what I'm already doing… that it can be the “place I come from” with what I'm already doing in my life.

    Don't know if this is clear for the three of you – but it helped me get clear. πŸ™‚ So thanks!

  • meganmatthieson

    Ah! Lovely! Thank you Shannon! Well- I would keep creating little videos. I would dance in any way I can. I would blog and share the messages I get. I would have parties and dress up all the time. And I would LET in a fabulous lit agent to usher my book to the masses. πŸ™‚

  • That's it! You nailed it. When we are truly being ourselves – open, honest, vulnerable, even showing our “warts” as well as our “amazingness” – that is a GIFT. And that makes us GIVING. πŸ™‚

  • shannonshort

    Crap! Then it occurs to me, am I looking to serve the wrong audience? Should I be focusing on the people who are attracted to my message even though it's the college girls that need it the most? The problem is that most of them don't know yet that they need the message I have to share. My heart keeps telling me to stick it out, to stay true to this direction, and that it will become clear and they will then see, learn and grow. Here in lies, my ongoing source of confusion. πŸ™‚

    Am I trying to put the external focus into too small a box? Ugh!

  • shannonshort

    That sounds perfectly extravagant! What's the first step? πŸ™‚

  • meganmatthieson

    I live just about all of that. And it does feel extravagant! (guilty feelings for such extravagance ensues!) Well- I haven't 'let in' the lit agent yet- but it's my goal to get one before year's end!

  • Hey Jeremie!

    Once again you are my mirror! I just might print your comment out and read it regularly… because you so expressed what I have done and what I”m trying to “undo” no. Trying to help everyone “just because I can” or because “I don't want to let them down' or even because “I want them to like me” HAS drained me and burnt me out… and then I resent them or my biz or [whatever]. So my “giving” turns into something not very generous at all.

    My biggest takeaway from your comment is this – it could become my new mantra: “Wow, brand new realization from reflecting here: by not helping someone and sending them to someone better equipped to help them I am not failing them, I am actually being generous. My generosity is not limited to just the things I can do, but can be the gift of allowing them to find the right person to support them, or better yet, sending them to that person.”

    Thanks a bunch Jeremie!

  • I'm with you on this one Jackie… and would welcome input and suggestions from Chris (or others in the Tribe) on this one as well….

  • I agree with you Shelly… Sally (or sALLy) does indeed embody Amazing + Generous = Irresistible Presence. πŸ™‚

  • I love this Sally… may I borrow it?

    “Consciously deciding that “Today, I am here to serve and in so doing I will feel purposeful and significant” has led to memorably wonderful days.”

    And – you do it very well.

  • Thank you Teresa and yes you are clear. It is a great a great conversation and I thank Sarah and Chris for providing the fuel.

  • Tami Morello

    I love how this formula is simple, but not easy. If you concentrate too much on becoming amazing, but are not generous enough you do not become irresistible. But if you spend most of your time helping people, but neglect developing your amazing message and self, you will certainly be “nice,” but again, not “irresistible.” The common denominator seems to be to remember that we are supposedly trying to become “amazing” so that we can, in fact, help people. “Can I help you do X, X, or X?” shows that we care enough to understand what their real needs may be and how we might be of value.

    • Tami, I agree with you.

      “Can I help you do X, X, or X?” shows that we care enough to understand what their real needs may be and how we might be of value.”

      It also shows that we are listening, tuned in and paying attention which allows us to be generous enough to let a member of the tribe go, if they will be better served elsewhere.

    • I like your take on this Tami. I think it’s very easy to get caught focusing on one side or the other when the real value of this equation shows up in the mixture of the two, getting clear first about who you are, in order to use that to help. I have definitely spent a lot of time doing this backwards, offering to help with x,y or z and having that appreciated enough for me to keep offering and becoming in some ways dependent on people needing. But somehow being ‘nice’ in this way, left me feeling hollow. When I have worked the equation from the other direction though, the difference in how I felt and how I was able to add value, was like the difference between night and day. I know from personal experience it is definitely worth taking the time to fine tune your internal compass and set your course first, and then set out on to find the people you can help.

      Great post Chris and great comments here from everyone. Thanks for sharing!

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  • StephanieCorum

    Wow. This post has generated some amazing conversation. What a great group of people this is! As for me personally, I think I have a good handle on the Generous part. In the past it's been too much…trying to help everyone. I've learned the hard way that it simply is not possible, but it's been a difficult lesson to learn. I have a harder time with the Amazing part. Hopefully series like this will help me really discover that part.

  • lisamilesbrady

    I have often said, “the greatest gift you can give to me (or any other person) is the gift of YOU.”

    Thanks for the distinction, Teresa, that this “isn't necessarily another thing I DO on top of what I'm already doing”. That is so true.

    And Richard, thank you for your definition of generosity. When we are connected to and coming from Source, we can't help but generously share our truth with others. Cool.

    You guys rocked my world today. Mwah!

  • I now I am generous…I would help out anybody in a heartbeat if they needed anything. I just hope that people think I am amazing too…otherwise, I am doing something seriously wrong! This is a great formula and we all need to live by it πŸ™‚

  • Hey Teresa

    I like your distinction between wanting to be generous, question #1, and putting your butt on the line with question #2. Almost a passive statement VS an active, get-your-hands-dirty statement.

    WooHoo!

  • You really nailed it here Richard! Thanks for this thoughtful follow-up, and special thanks to Valerie for getting this conversation going. Our connection to source is indeed what makes us irresistible! When we allow ourselves to connect with source, abundance, prosperity, giving, receiving – it all flows naturally. I think Chris's equation of Amazing + Generous = Irresistible is brilliant, and if when we are truly connected, we ARE this by default.

    Amazing conversation – thanks to everyone participating, and very special thanks to Chris and Sarah for the platform to have this discussion! πŸ™‚

  • Tami Morello

    I love how this formula is simple, but not easy. If you concentrate too much on becoming amazing, but are not generous enough you do not become irresistible. But if you spend most of your time helping people, but neglect developing your amazing message and self, you will certainly be “nice,” but again, not “irresistible.” The common denominator seems to be to remember that we are supposedly trying to become “amazing” so that we can, in fact, help people. “Can I help you do X, X, or X?” shows that we care enough to understand what their real needs may be and how we might be of value.

  • Love that Mwah, Lisa! So MWAH right back at you! Thanks to you and all!

  • Yep… that's it. Looking the part of being generous or really getting in there an being generous!

  • Yes Teresa. Thank you! I am so very fortunate to have you all in my life. Thank you.

  • Thanks Brandon, I think it was really all of the people that contributed to the conversation who nailed it. Without each and every contribution, it would have not been as precious.

  • I have a feeling they will!

  • What a beautiful image and analogy Richard! Thanks πŸ™‚

  • joecheray

    I agree with Lisa on this one being an artist and a creative is something NOT average. As creatives we posses awesomeness. To be able to successfully take an idea and translate it into art is not an easy task. Be proud of who you are as an artist as that is some awesometastic stuff. Yes it is a word cause I said so πŸ™‚

  • joecheray

    That is why it is unique being an artist we can go to a different plane of existence when we are creating. I used to get so wrapped up in Paint Shop Pro because it took me to a place of peace and solitude. I still get the same feeling from blogging as it allows me to explore another side of my creative through writing.

  • joecheray

    Teresa I would like to add another component to that. I have a motto on my email signature that goes “BE your best,DO what it takes, HAVE what you want” I adapted it a little from the hey day of The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution days of Dr Phil.

    Being your best means doing what it takes to have what you want in life. Don't ever settle for being normal or average if you have a talent then use that talent. To add yet another facet to this if you have a talent or power using that talent or power comes with great responsibility. We all have a responsibility to nurture our talents to make them something Awesome.

  • @Valerie,

    Yes, I agree with the others that your work or art can be the amazing part. The only thing to consider is the answer to the all-important question: how does your art affect others? If it creates something positive for someone else, then you're certainly on the track to amazing. πŸ™‚

  • @Lisa,

    I think if you help 100 Congolese women rebuild their lives in way that is empowering for them, you can write a much better post about “amazing and generous” than I could.

  • Thank you Shelly!

  • Tami, I agree with you.

    “Can I help you do X, X, or X?” shows that we care enough to understand what their real needs may be and how we might be of value.”

    It also shows that we are listening, tuned in and paying attention which allows us to be generous enough to let a member of the tribe go, if they will be better served elsewhere.

  • Besa

    Gosh, I think this one hits it right on the mark for me. Anytime I come from a place of TRUE generosity and giving, I have this clean, open, free energy with it. And often, if not all of the time, some wonderful things comes back to me. And Valerie, I too am certain that you are definitely NOT average. God/spirit/source created us, and I believe that as children of God we are truly and undeniably AMAZING. That would make you AMAZING, and that is not average.
    Thank you for spurring that and reminding me that I too and AMAZING!

  • Thank you for the compliment! And yes – of course you may quote that …. my words are your words so long as they lift!!

  • Thank you Shelly. I feel blessed to know you and quite like that our names look the same on first glance …

  • I think if you have to bend and twist or shrink to fit, to serve someone, you begin to lose some of your 'amazingness' and in that way cease to serve them properly, making it a gift to let them go. A couple of years ago when my four children were spread out amongst three different schools, I felt overwhelmed by the requests for help from classroom parents, to field trip supervisors, to fund raisers, to organizational committees, etc. I struggled with who to say yes to and who to say no to, since all efforts were benefiting our family in some way and each request came with such passion for its cause. Then it occurred to me there were many people each with unique gifts to bring to the table and each time I half-heartedly volunteered because I thought I 'should', I robbed the opportunity for someone else more suited to share their gifts. That's when I stopped saying 'yes' when I wanted to say 'no', and now when I say yes, they get all of me, my full attention, commitment and energy.

  • I like your take on this Tami. I think it's very easy to get caught focusing on one side or the other when the real value of this equation shows up in the mixture of the two, getting clear first about who you are, in order to use that to help. I have definitely spent a lot of time doing this backwards, offering to help with x,y or z and having that appreciated enough for me to keep offering and becoming in some ways dependent on people needing. But somehow being 'nice' in this way, left me feeling hollow. When I have worked the equation from the other direction though, the difference in how I felt and how I was able to add value, was like the difference between night and day. I know from personal experience it is definitely worth taking the time to fine tune your internal compass and set your course first, and then set out on to find the people you can help.

    Great post Chris and great comments here from everyone. Thanks for sharing!

  • Besa

    Gosh, I think this one hits it right on the mark for me. Anytime I come from a place of TRUE generosity and giving, I have this clean, open, free energy with it. And often, if not all of the time, some wonderful things comes back to me. And Valerie, I too am certain that you are definitely NOT average. God/spirit/source created us, and I believe that as children of God we are truly and undeniably AMAZING. That would make you AMAZING, and that is not average.
    Thank you for spurring that and reminding me that I too and AMAZING!

  • Chris, Lisa, Richard, Teresa, Brandon101, mckraig, joecheray, Megan, & and so many in this lovely community — thank you for the clarity… “If it [my art] creates something positive for someone else, then you're certainly on the track to amazing.” my H*E*A*R*T is soaring.

  • lorilatimer

    I love your comments about the difference between the two questions. You're right – one is much more passive, the other much more active. The second question genuinely shows you care and are interested in doing something for someone else.

    I always enjoy your insights. You always make me look at things in a new and unique way!

  • Filtering. Something so many people struggle with. Sort out the weeds and let your business garden grow!

  • Filtering. Something so many people struggle with. Sort out the weeds and let your business garden grow!